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(Slate)   "My husband and I have been discussing saving money; I suggested getting on the same phone plan, but he's resistant to the idea and says his own phone bill is part of his identity. But we could save $50 a month. Is there a reason for his refusal?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, poor husband, important thing, phone call, different type of relationship, Letter Writer, strength of a single meeting, 3-year-old daughter, abuse victim  
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338 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 12 May 2021 at 8:35 AM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



35 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-05-12 7:11:42 AM  
"His identity" = "All the butts he is stuffing"
 
2021-05-12 7:15:49 AM  
Yeah, that's a lie and you should probably run.

If it isn't a lie, you should also probably run, or at least suggest some sort of mental counseling
 
2021-05-12 7:17:38 AM  
He's already on a group plan with his mistress.
 
2021-05-12 7:18:32 AM  
Him, Her, His, Hers, Verizon, AT&T when will it stop!
 
2021-05-12 7:25:39 AM  
i.gifer.comView Full Size
 
2021-05-12 7:26:08 AM  
His "identity"?
Does he have phone sex but in a totally different way than one typically imagines?
 
2021-05-12 7:32:05 AM  
He does not want you to know some of the numbers he's calling.
 
2021-05-12 7:32:11 AM  
The phone numbers call/received don't typically show up on the bill.

Dump his ass if he isn't smart enough to get a burner phone.
 
2021-05-12 7:35:09 AM  

EvilEgg: The phone numbers call/received don't typically show up on the bill.

Dump his ass if he isn't smart enough to get a burner phone.


I don't know what service you have but I have AT&T and I can see every incoming and outgoing call.

I also have home service through cable and there is a detailed record I can see of all the activity.
 
2021-05-12 8:52:04 AM  

The Googles Do Nothing: "His identity" = "All the butts he is stuffing"


The answer, as always...
 
2021-05-12 8:55:27 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-05-12 8:57:58 AM  
I believe everyone has a right to completely private communications, and I have NO interesting in snooping on my significant other's texts, emails or phone records.

With that said, he is hiding something from you.  Ask yourself if you really trust this person.
 
2021-05-12 9:04:34 AM  
Just so you know, any future kids we have CAN be on his plan. I just don't get it.

No. Just no. Stay married if you want, but no future kids in this relationship please. We don't need you clogging up Prudie and C&F with that bullshiat.
 
2021-05-12 9:06:26 AM  
1. He's cheating on you (or doing something equally as wrong) and using his own phone plan to hide it from you.
2. Anyone whose phone is part of their identity is mentally ill and should seek professional care.
 
2021-05-12 9:11:13 AM  
1. Check out Mint Mobile or other low cost phone options for singles.
2. Prepare yourself for divorce.
 
2021-05-12 9:16:30 AM  
My Father-In-Law Abuses My Kids: _Stop seeing your father-in-law.

My Husband Wants a Separate Phone Line: _That will be appropriate when you get your divorce.

My Boyfriend Wants the D: _That's one more thing you have in common.

Should I Keep Dating this Hot but Dopey Younger Man? _Depends on how much money you have.

I Don't Want to Live in Phoenix: _Then leave Phoenix.

My Parents Get Standoffish When They Aren't Invited: _Sounds like the problem fixed itself.

I Get Recognized for a Thing I Did Poorly:_ That's ok.  Just go with it.

This Lady Has Three Dogs, and They Aren't Bothering Anybody, and it's Not Fair! _I don't like dogs.  They don't belong indoors. These are my opinions on dogs and even Ithink you're a dick.  Get over yourself, you terrible, terrible person.
 
2021-05-12 9:30:48 AM  
his own phone bill is part of his identity

I feel like I'd rather be married to someone cheating on me than be married to someone who partially identifies as a phone bill.
 
2021-05-12 9:37:57 AM  
I wasn't thrilled when we merged our plans, because I had a grandfathered unlimited data plan with Verizon. And, Sprint sucks.  But I needed a new phone at the time and they gave us a deal.  I got over it.
 
2021-05-12 9:40:03 AM  
"we don't really have any of our finances combined and have no assets together"

I would guess he thinks the relationship wont last and he just wants to have his stuff separate in the event that things fall apart. Most everybody has seen family, friends, or even parents go through a divorce and seen the hassles it can cause, and more often than not guys get the short end of the stick when that happens. Starting over from scratch is a huge pain in the ass.
 
2021-05-12 9:44:02 AM  
If they, or he, is at least smart enough to know you can prevent listing crap or tracking or whatever in a phone statement then the likely scenario is that homer isn't fully committed to the marriage, doesn't give a shiat about what she sees on his phone, and the entire reason is that not having joint anything is a security blanket for him.

I know married couples who have seemingly fine and long-term marriages who do not have joint accounts or bills or whatever.  The two primary reasons are either because one (or both) of them is/are fiercely independent or one of them brings in a shiat-load of money and their wife/husbands account(s) is separate.
 
2021-05-12 10:13:16 AM  
What is he, 12?
 
2021-05-12 10:34:40 AM  
The reason is he is too stupid to buy a disposable phone.
 
2021-05-12 10:38:07 AM  
I would like to think this is the same husband from the other thread, the who gave his wife permission to fool around with another woman, and he gave said permission out of guilt over whatever he's hiding from her in this letter.
 
2021-05-12 11:46:54 AM  

EvilEgg: The phone numbers call/received don't typically show up on the bill.

Dump his ass if he isn't smart enough to get a burner phone.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-05-12 12:45:26 PM  
Maybe the phone number is his identity and he just doesn't know that it is now easy to transfer your number to any provider.

My cell phone number dates back to 1998 or so and has a desirable area code.  It is old enough that there are people in this world that actually know my cell phone number off the top of their head because memorizing phone numbers was a thing you did back then.
 
2021-05-12 1:44:05 PM  
Are we going to do  Slate Elizabeth Spiers column?

I like the question about the woman wanting to leave her husband because she is tired of financially supporting him.

Then the one where a guy is managing his brother's estate and he uses words like greedy whore for his sister in law

That seems a little more feisty than this column
 
2021-05-12 2:10:20 PM  

The Fireman: I believe everyone has a right to completely private communications, and I have NO interesting in snooping on my significant other's texts, emails or phone records.

With that said, he is hiding something from you.  Ask yourself if you really trust this person.


This, verbatim. I've had two girlfriend snoop through my e-mail, one who went through my phone, and another who made me read aloud any text messages I received while we were hanging out. Evidently, I give off a "hiding something from you" vibe.
 
2021-05-12 2:25:06 PM  

Heamer: The Fireman: I believe everyone has a right to completely private communications, and I have NO interesting in snooping on my significant other's texts, emails or phone records.

With that said, he is hiding something from you.  Ask yourself if you really trust this person.

This, verbatim. I've had two girlfriend snoop through my e-mail, one who went through my phone, and another who made me read aloud any text messages I received while we were hanging out. Evidently, I give off a "hiding something from you" vibe.


feels like there's more to this than you are telling us.

/couldn't' resist
 
2021-05-12 2:37:09 PM  

Isitoveryet: feels like there's more to this than you are telling us.

/couldn't' resist


I'm attracted to suspicious women.
 
2021-05-12 2:52:57 PM  
I mean, I wouldn't move my phone plan, but that's because it's subsidized by work, and I have to give them the bill every month to confirm I'm not abusing it, so I wouldn't want to merge phone plans, because then work would see my partner's calls and message destinations.

But that's the only example I can come up with.  Run away lady, run like hell
 
2021-05-12 3:20:51 PM  
I have Mint Mobile. $15/month.  4gb/month of 4g, unlimited 3g after that.  Works on any unlocked phone.

I laughed the other day when I saw a competitor advertising $30/month (but only as part of a 4 person family plan, and that was the per line price). as if that were a deal.

Also DTMFA.  At best he's being shady, at worse he's banging 10 other people regularly.

/People frequently make dumb financial decisions
//film at 11
 
2021-05-12 4:54:38 PM  
Best case scenario, he doesn't want you to know how much he's dropping on his Candy Crush addiction every month.
 
2021-05-12 8:04:47 PM  

The Crepes of Wrath: 1. He's cheating on you (or doing something equally as wrong) and using his own phone plan to hide it from you.
2. Anyone whose phone is part of their identity is mentally ill and should seek professional care.


Nope. Ex and I had a rocky 8 years, and there was no way in hell I was gonna go through the hassle of getting a new plan every couple years & porting the number over over and over.

No cheating involved, but my phone was MY phone, and my car was MY car. These two have already been to counseling, so the dude is just keeping it simple by planning ahead for the next inevitable blow-out.
 
2021-05-12 8:25:26 PM  
$50 a month is not worth arguing about, it is not worth this level of anxiety and suspicion, and it is not worth your relationship. He doesn't want to change his phone plan, for whatever reason - and I doubt the reason he said is the real reason. Just let it go.
 
2021-05-12 8:45:59 PM  
Butt stuff. If you'd listened to his helpful suggestions, you wouldn't be in this situation, but now he's got to seek out his pegging somewhere else.
 
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