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(Slate)   "Did I overstep my bounds when I called my roommate's family to state that she was missing, left her purse, and didn't have her cell phone on when it turned out that it was just a booty call that turned into a long weekend?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, The First 48, Friendship, Interpersonal relationship, friend of a friend of a friend, booty call, Q. Lonely, capital letters, Q. Do  
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323 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 04 May 2021 at 2:55 AM (4 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



39 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
4 days ago  
No
 
4 days ago  
Should have formed a search party...

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
4 days ago  
Yeah!
That's F*cking creepy!
Roommates are roommates for convenience. They didn't join the f*cking  mickey mouse club!
Just because you binge watched fifty episodes of special victims unit, that doesn't make you a detective. It makes you a paranoiac.

The golden rule between roommates is pretty f*cking clear: If they say they're going out. That's it.
Worry about them when rent comes due!
Anyone who spends their time tracking down family members in order to find their roommate; has serious mental health issues.

And before someone in this thread says...
 
4 days ago  
This is f'ing hilarious. Consequences of a terrorized public. This is what happens when you don't let your kids out of your sight for eighteen years.
 
4 days ago  
C*ntinued...
That someone caring about your well being should be considered a good thing.
Go f*ck yourselves!
You're all nosy Nancy's...
 
4 days ago  

Sub Human: This is f'ing hilarious. Consequences of a terrorized public. This is what happens when you don't let your kids out of your sight for eighteen years.


No, that has nothing to do with it you twat. If someone leaves behind everything they normally take when they go out and are dumb enough to turn their phone completely off this is what LITERALLY EVERYONE would do
 
4 days ago  

Redh8t: C*ntinued...
That someone caring about your well being should be considered a good thing.
Go f*ck yourselves!
You're all nosy Nancy's...


I thought friendship was magic. Should you not be friends with your roommates, and care about them?
 
4 days ago  
Now you've learnt your lesson. Next time it happens, assume she's off getting farked. If she turns up dead, well you were still right.
 
4 days ago  

AppleOptionEsc: Redh8t: C*ntinued...
That someone caring about your well being should be considered a good thing.
Go f*ck yourselves!
You're all nosy Nancy's...

I thought friendship was magic. Should you not be friends with your roommates, and care about them?


Ctrl f5, ctrl f5, ctrl f5, ctrl f5...
 
4 days ago  
Yeah no. Roommate did nothing wrong, same as if you stop going to work out of the blue and your boss/hr sends the police or calls your emergency contact for a welfare check there's nothing wrong with that either. When you live and exist with other people you have to set reasonable expectations of your behavior. You don't owe them an explanation but "they just stopped showing up, they disappeared and we decided it wasn't our business" is not how things work or should work.

This entire thing could have been avoided if the person said "might get laid. Might not. See you tomorrow or Monday."
 
4 days ago  

Kat09tails: Yeah no. Roommate did nothing wrong, same as if you stop going to work out of the blue and your boss/hr sends the police or calls your emergency contact for a welfare check there's nothing wrong with that either. When you live and exist with other people you have to set reasonable expectations of your behavior. You don't owe them an explanation but "they just stopped showing up, they disappeared and we decided it wasn't our business" is not how things work or should work.

This entire thing could have been avoided if the person said "might get laid. Might not. See you tomorrow or Monday."


The real world isn't TFD..

When you pay for a room, you don't expect a f*cking sidekick!
As long as the bills are covered, roomies got nothing to say.
Period

Any attempts to insert themselves into ones private life is a red flag. Find alternative lodging immediately!
 
4 days ago  
Csb
One time the police came to my workplace looking for a colleague of mine. His housemates hadn't seen or heard from him in a week. Turned out he'd gone to visit his family in Jamaica and didn't tell anyone. He had booked time off work so we weren't expecting him.

Ssb (sad story Bro)
Another colleague didn't turn up to work one day and wasn't answering her phone. Someone from the office who was friendly with her went to her flat during the lunch break to see if she was ok. She'd died in her sleep.

People not caring about others is how bodies turn up after laying undiscovered for several years.
 
4 days ago  
Eh, calling a state of emergency the next afternoon is a bit early. If you started the call chain on sunday I'd be more on the LW's side. But showing some concern for someone who seemingly leaves without taking anything significant with them, and is not reachable by phone, is not unreasonable.

Getting angry because "I had to explain to my family why I was gone for a day and a half" is no more than "I went and stayed at a friend for a weekend and forgot to charge my phone". If they ask "what were you doing and with who?" she could have put on her big girl pants and say "that is none of your business".

Both overreacted.
 
4 days ago  

Redh8t: Kat09tails: Yeah no. Roommate did nothing wrong, same as if you stop going to work out of the blue and your boss/hr sends the police or calls your emergency contact for a welfare check there's nothing wrong with that either. When you live and exist with other people you have to set reasonable expectations of your behavior. You don't owe them an explanation but "they just stopped showing up, they disappeared and we decided it wasn't our business" is not how things work or should work.

This entire thing could have been avoided if the person said "might get laid. Might not. See you tomorrow or Monday."

The real world isn't TFD..

When you pay for a room, you don't expect a f*cking sidekick!
As long as the bills are covered, roomies got nothing to say.
Period

Any attempts to insert themselves into ones private life is a red flag. Find alternative lodging immediately!


Dude, chill out. I'm sure you're capable of communicating your "stay the fark out of my life" message very successfully. However, everybody else isn't you. The posed question can't be answered in the naked abstract. Irrespective of your bias, each pair of roommates will establish their own relationship and that will guide expectations. If you want a lot of privacy, you'll have had a chance to establish that. If you lean more towards looking out for each other, you can establish that too. But it's really up to each of us to figure out how to communicate where we want to set the limits. So the answer is, "what expectations did you roommate set?"
 
4 days ago  

Redh8t: Kat09tails: Yeah no. Roommate did nothing wrong, same as if you stop going to work out of the blue and your boss/hr sends the police or calls your emergency contact for a welfare check there's nothing wrong with that either. When you live and exist with other people you have to set reasonable expectations of your behavior. You don't owe them an explanation but "they just stopped showing up, they disappeared and we decided it wasn't our business" is not how things work or should work.

This entire thing could have been avoided if the person said "might get laid. Might not. See you tomorrow or Monday."

The real world isn't TFD..

When you pay for a room, you don't expect a f*cking sidekick!
As long as the bills are covered, roomies got nothing to say.
Period

Any attempts to insert themselves into ones private life is a red flag. Find alternative lodging immediately!


When you literally hand someone a key to the place you sleep and keep all your shiat that is part of your private life. Again, it's about setting reasonable expectations.

If the pre screen for roommates includes "we come and go as we please, any and all hours, as long as the check clears we don't give a fark what you do just stay out of my room, don't burn the house down, and mind your business" then you're golden. I've literally never seen that as a precursor for living anywhere with another person but in this case if they had that agreement going in, this entire mess could have been avoided.
 
4 days ago  

lifeslammer: Sub Human: This is f'ing hilarious. Consequences of a terrorized public. This is what happens when you don't let your kids out of your sight for eighteen years.

No, that has nothing to do with it you twat. If someone leaves behind everything they normally take when they go out and are dumb enough to turn their phone completely off this is what LITERALLY EVERYONE would do


Yeah I would have done the same. It seems to be more common if that happens, things are amiss.
 
4 days ago  

Swiss Colony: Csb
One time the police came to my workplace looking for a colleague of mine. His housemates hadn't seen or heard from him in a week. Turned out he'd gone to visit his family in Jamaica and didn't tell anyone. He had booked time off work so we weren't expecting him.

Ssb (sad story Bro)
Another colleague didn't turn up to work one day and wasn't answering her phone. Someone from the office who was friendly with her went to her flat during the lunch break to see if she was ok. She'd died in her sleep.

People not caring about others is how bodies turn up after laying undiscovered for several years.



And if something had happened and the roommate hadn't jumped on it immediately, everyone from the cops to the family to Bill Kurtis, would be assuming the roommate had a nefarious reason for not calling the authorities immediately.

And about your sad story, we had a preschool teacher that lived around the corner for the school.  She had an adult son with special needs that was the custodian at the school and they both would go home for lunch.  One day, she left ahead of him, because he was finishing up the dumpster run and then he followed on along.  Neither of them returned and the school called 911.  The guy was standing outside and the door was blocked.  She had gone in, had died in the house from natural causes and blocked the door, so that his key would turn, but he couldn't push the door open.  The police ended up getting him McDonald's to calm him and brought him back to school.  Devastating all around.
 
4 days ago  

wademh: Redh8t: Kat09tails: Yeah no. Roommate did nothing wrong, same as if you stop going to work out of the blue and your boss/hr sends the police or calls your emergency contact for a welfare check there's nothing wrong with that either. When you live and exist with other people you have to set reasonable expectations of your behavior. You don't owe them an explanation but "they just stopped showing up, they disappeared and we decided it wasn't our business" is not how things work or should work.

This entire thing could have been avoided if the person said "might get laid. Might not. See you tomorrow or Monday."

The real world isn't TFD..

When you pay for a room, you don't expect a f*cking sidekick!
As long as the bills are covered, roomies got nothing to say.
Period

Any attempts to insert themselves into ones private life is a red flag. Find alternative lodging immediately!

Dude, chill out. I'm sure you're capable of communicating your "stay the fark out of my life" message very successfully. However, everybody else isn't you. The posed question can't be answered in the naked abstract. Irrespective of your bias, each pair of roommates will establish their own relationship and that will guide expectations. If you want a lot of privacy, you'll have had a chance to establish that. If you lean more towards looking out for each other, you can establish that too. But it's really up to each of us to figure out how to communicate where we want to set the limits. So the answer is, "what expectations did you roommate set?"


Fair point. I'm calm...

Why didn't you show up sooner wademh? Could've used your soft, supple advice hours ago..
Have you been busy?  I missed you!
Funny that you show up after the fact. Typical wademh fashion...
Were you busy fooling around with that reddit whore again?
...

If you'd made an effort to read the article, its quite apparent the woman was significantly disturbed that a basic stranger stuck their nose into her private life. Looking up their family on FB doesn't raise any red flags for you?
It was two f*cking days! And the psycho decided to contact her family.
The roommate obviously wasn't given numbers to contact in case of an emergency. So what was this b*tch doing?
Being a nosy busy body. That's what!
 
4 days ago  

Kat09tails: Redh8t: Kat09tails: Yeah no. Roommate did nothing wrong, same as if you stop going to work out of the blue and your boss/hr sends the police or calls your emergency contact for a welfare check there's nothing wrong with that either. When you live and exist with other people you have to set reasonable expectations of your behavior. You don't owe them an explanation but "they just stopped showing up, they disappeared and we decided it wasn't our business" is not how things work or should work.

This entire thing could have been avoided if the person said "might get laid. Might not. See you tomorrow or Monday."

The real world isn't TFD..

When you pay for a room, you don't expect a f*cking sidekick!
As long as the bills are covered, roomies got nothing to say.
Period

Any attempts to insert themselves into ones private life is a red flag. Find alternative lodging immediately!

When you literally hand someone a key to the place you sleep and keep all your shiat that is part of your private life. Again, it's about setting reasonable expectations.

If the pre screen for roommates includes "we come and go as we please, any and all hours, as long as the check clears we don't give a fark what you do just stay out of my room, don't burn the house down, and mind your business" then you're golden. I've literally never seen that as a precursor for living anywhere with another person but in this case if they had that agreement going in, this entire mess could have been avoided.


Actually, that's exactly how it works. It doesn't need to be said.
You write like someone who still answers to their parents.
 
4 days ago  

Redh8t: If you'd made an effort to read the article, i


Hold on. That's taking things too far. And a Slate article at that.
 
4 days ago  

AppleOptionEsc: I thought friendship was magic.


That's friendship with benefits.
 
4 days ago  
See?  This is why I don't have friends.

(Or maybe it's because I'm abrasive)
 
4 days ago  
Had sex
Didnt care
Oblig
Butt stuff
 
4 days ago  
She have valid reasons to believe that the roommate was in serious danger. When the person's motivated by making sure you aren't locked in a basement somewhere or dead in a ditch, I think that warrants some forgiveness.
 
4 days ago  
Tell that biatch to leave a note or something.  How damn horny do you have to be to ditch your purse and your phone to go get farked?
 
4 days ago  

wademh: Redh8t: If you'd made an effort to read the article, i

Hold on. That's taking things too far. And a Slate article at that.


Trust me. You'll know when I take things, "Too far..."
 
4 days ago  
Not-so-cool-story
About a year ago, I woke up with a terrible tummy ache and a bad case of the runs. Spent about an hour in the bathroom. It was still dark outside so my neighbor could see the bathroom light was on for a long time and he realized that I had not let the dogs out for their potty break.

He called the police for a welfare check.

I was finally out of the bathroom when I heard a soft knock at the door. I opened it and there stood 2 police men. They wanted to know if I was okay. Yes, I have some tummy trouble this morning, why are you here?  "Welfare check"  Then they said that they knew I hadn't let the dogs out. Were the dogs okay? Can we see the dogs, ma'am?  So I let them come in and see the dogs.

I don't live alone, I live with another adult so if I was in any sort of trouble, I'd just wake my daughter. I asked the neighbor what possessed him to call and he said that he was worried I wasn't following my normal routine. Holy hell.
 
4 days ago  

lifeslammer: Sub Human: This is f'ing hilarious. Consequences of a terrorized public. This is what happens when you don't let your kids out of your sight for eighteen years.

No, that has nothing to do with it you twat. If someone leaves behind everything they normally take when they go out and are dumb enough to turn their phone completely off this is what LITERALLY EVERYONE would do


Literally anyone who has the best interests of the other party.  Some people are terrible.
 
4 days ago  

Gramma: Not-so-cool-story
About a year ago, I woke up with a terrible tummy ache and a bad case of the runs. Spent about an hour in the bathroom. It was still dark outside so my neighbor could see the bathroom light was on for a long time and he realized that I had not let the dogs out for their potty break.

He called the police for a welfare check.

I was finally out of the bathroom when I heard a soft knock at the door. I opened it and there stood 2 police men. They wanted to know if I was okay. Yes, I have some tummy trouble this morning, why are you here?  "Welfare check"  Then they said that they knew I hadn't let the dogs out. Were the dogs okay? Can we see the dogs, ma'am?  So I let them come in and see the dogs.

I don't live alone, I live with another adult so if I was in any sort of trouble, I'd just wake my daughter. I asked the neighbor what possessed him to call and he said that he was worried I wasn't following my normal routine. Holy hell.


See. That's creepy and going too far. When your roommate has been gone for an entire weekend and their wallet and ID are still in the apartment, then the responsible thing to do is to check to make sure they are ok.
 
4 days ago  
One of our adult students was cooking, but stepped out briefly and didn't come back. His wallet and phone were both at home. His roommates went to the police, but apparently in Germany, if you're an adult it's very hard to be declared a missing person. The roommates printed some flyers with his picture and sent them to several hospitals in the area. It turns out, the missing student had a stroke and collapsed on the lawn. A passerby called an ambulance, which took him to a hospital in another city for some reason. I'm also not quite sure why his roommates didn't notice the ambulance with flashing lights outside their door. Since he was unconscious for a while and couldn't speak on waking up, if his roommates hadn't stepped in, it may have taken much more than a week to find him.

Anyway, my point is that I never leave the flat without some id, and you shouldn't either.
 
4 days ago  
1) I Toke Over The Line, Sweet Jesus: Ah, the joy of being right and wrong at the same time.  We can spend time assigning blame, but it's not gonna help.  You shouldn't apologize for being concerned.  Once things have cooled, then talk about what sort of check in process you want for however long you're tied to that lease.  Then GTFO.

2) Anthony Works In The Grocery Store, Saving His Pennies For Someday: If your parents do the slightest bit of comparison, tell them to STFU and MYOB.

3) Yes, I'm Lonely.  Wanna Die: Find a local group related to some interest of yours and join it.

4) We Are Family: STFU and MYOB.

5) She Never Begs, She Knows How To Choose Them: You'll know if the dress code changes.

6) I Hate My Sister, She's Such A Biatch: She's dumb and racist?  Why do you want to have a relationship with this person?  Just to keep the family peace?  Fark that.  Tell her to FRO.

7) We Care A Lot: Some people like to construct a box to put themselves into as opposed to the box society shoves them into.  So basically, if you don't care, they will do what's comfortable.  So congratulations on not having a problem.  Now STFU.

8 & 9) One Toke Over The Line II & III: As I said, the original letter writer was both right and wrong which can happen.  So set some ground rules for the future and GTFO as soon as possible.

10) I Might Like You Better If We Slept Together (Classic): STFU and nobody else needs to know.
 
4 days ago  
Anyway, in honor of it being Danny's penultimate week as Prudie...


Why Michelangelo Didn't Paint the Last Supper
Youtube l9Aj7W3g1qo


As a note, going to have limited access to the Internet the early part of next week, so for the final Danny as Prudie columns, I likely will be posting late and depending on when they go live, I may even miss the comment window.
 
4 days ago  

Copperbelly watersnake: Gramma: Not-so-cool-story
About a year ago, I woke up with a terrible tummy ache and a bad case of the runs. Spent about an hour in the bathroom. It was still dark outside so my neighbor could see the bathroom light was on for a long time and he realized that I had not let the dogs out for their potty break.

He called the police for a welfare check.

I was finally out of the bathroom when I heard a soft knock at the door. I opened it and there stood 2 police men. They wanted to know if I was okay. Yes, I have some tummy trouble this morning, why are you here?  "Welfare check"  Then they said that they knew I hadn't let the dogs out. Were the dogs okay? Can we see the dogs, ma'am?  So I let them come in and see the dogs.

I don't live alone, I live with another adult so if I was in any sort of trouble, I'd just wake my daughter. I asked the neighbor what possessed him to call and he said that he was worried I wasn't following my normal routine. Holy hell.

See. That's creepy and going too far. When your roommate has been gone for an entire weekend and their wallet and ID are still in the apartment, then the responsible thing to do is to check to make sure they are ok.


I've never had a roommate, but I think I would call someone under those circumstances too. Heaven knows I'd lose it if my daughter went on a date and didn't come home for a couple days.
 
4 days ago  

Copperbelly watersnake: See. That's creepy and going too far. When your roommate has been gone for an entire weekend and their wallet and ID are still in the apartment, then the responsible thing to do is to check to make sure they are ok.


Depends.  How flaky is the roommate?  How close are you?

I had somebody do that to me once, when some things got really farked up and I had to make other arrangements.  Called the farking state police--I wasnt even in the state, and they knew that.  No, I don't call anyone.  What are they going to do?
"I'm stuck at a bus station, airport, my car broke down, 500 miles away.  Just calling to let you know!"

I don't like people tracking me.  If I die, I die.  If you're not my significant other, it's none of your business where I am.

/I had a stalker...
 
4 days ago  

Redh8t: Yeah!
That's F*cking creepy!
Roommates are roommates for convenience. They didn't join the f*cking  mickey mouse club!
Just because you binge watched fifty episodes of special victims unit, that doesn't make you a detective. It makes you a paranoiac.

The golden rule between roommates is pretty f*cking clear: If they say they're going out. That's it.
Worry about them when rent comes due!
Anyone who spends their time tracking down family members in order to find their roommate; has serious mental health issues.

And before someone in this thread says...


Yyyyyeah, I had a roommate who went to visit his parents "for the weekend" in what turned into a three-week stay, with no word and no way to call him.

He was unemployed at the time, and I'm sure he felt all groovy and footloose and unattached just taking off like that. Meanwhile, partway through the second week, I start wondering if I'm ever going to see him again, and begin saving money so that I can cover his half of the rent and bills for the foreseeable future. After all, he went home. His mother would feed him three square meals a day, he had a room he didn't have to pay $600 a month for, and it's not like had a job to return to.

A few days before the rent came due, I got home from work to find him sitting on the sofa with canary feathers all over his face like he was the coolest kid in college. (We were both in our thirties.) The grin faded pretty quickly when I pointed out that, having no idea whether he was going to be home in time to pay rent, I was seriously considering finding buyers for his stuff. (Property abandonment rules are kind of hinky for renters in our state, so there might have been a wait.)

There are reasons you tell your roommate where you're going and how long you'll be gone that have nothing to do with worrying about whether you're dead in a ditch. I ain't your mum; you don't have to fill me in on every little detail, just indicate whether or not you plan to continue living here. Conversely, if you have a history of taking off for the weekend, that works too. I mean, I doubt I would ever worry if a roommate just lit off for a few days; that's not my business. But there will eventually be a point, when days turn into weeks, when suddenly it is my business again, because being a roommate is a business relationship.
 
3 days ago  
When I lived in Flagstaff, I had a job down in Phx that I went down for. Supposed to be 2 days, but the Jeep broke down, and it took a week to fix. No worries, I hung out with a buddy of mine, stayed at his place, and drank a lot of beer. I come back one day, and his roommate (another friend of mine) told me the cops had just called. I had been reported as a missing person. I'd told my boss what was up, they were actually helping me pay for the repairs, but I'd never told my roommates, who had been calling all over town to see if anyone knew where I was. Sure, some people might think it's overstepping bounds, and others might think that you shouldn't "bond" with your roommates, but I actually appreciated that someone cared. I didn't have any family to look out for me.

Next day, the Jeep is done, I'm driving thru Tempe and recognize my friend/supervisor from my side gig at a TV station. He flags me down anc I pull over. He's been going crazy trying to find me too. Turns out that in their panic, my roommates called him, too. It was kind of nice to have people give a shiat about me.
 
3 days ago  

cryinoutloud: Copperbelly watersnake: See. That's creepy and going too far. When your roommate has been gone for an entire weekend and their wallet and ID are still in the apartment, then the responsible thing to do is to check to make sure they are ok.

Depends.  How flaky is the roommate?  How close are you?

I had somebody do that to me once, when some things got really farked up and I had to make other arrangements.  Called the farking state police--I wasnt even in the state, and they knew that.  No, I don't call anyone.  What are they going to do?
"I'm stuck at a bus station, airport, my car broke down, 500 miles away.  Just calling to let you know!"

I don't like people tracking me.  If I die, I die.  If you're not my significant other, it's none of your business where I am.

/I had a stalker...


It's my farking business if you owe half of the farking rent every month. Don't want people to care where you are? Then don't get roommates.
 
3 days ago  

lifeslammer: Sub Human: This is f'ing hilarious. Consequences of a terrorized public. This is what happens when you don't let your kids out of your sight for eighteen years.

No, that has nothing to do with it you twat. If someone leaves behind everything they normally take when they go out and are dumb enough to turn their phone completely off this is what LITERALLY EVERYONE would do


American-Irish eyes: lifeslammer: Sub Human: This is f'ing hilarious. Consequences of a terrorized public. This is what happens when you don't let your kids out of your sight for eighteen years.

No, that has nothing to do with it you twat. If someone leaves behind everything they normally take when they go out and are dumb enough to turn their phone completely off this is what LITERALLY EVERYONE would do

Literally anyone who has the best interests of the other party.  Some people are terrible.


I disagree. If my partner or my child were to "disappear" like this I would agree with you because there is an established relationship of mutual concern and care but in this case there really wasn't.

When I was in college in 1985-6, my roomie would "disappear" for weeks. It would never cross my mind to put out an APB with the kids parents by looking up their info (no Facebook) or calling the university to see class attendance or some such. It's ludicrous. I firmly believe people today are conditioned to expect that every deviation from the conforming paradigm is due to something malign. We just didn't think that way then, and most of us still don't. That doesn't make me terrible.  Being out of touch for a week wasn't weird or worrisome, it meant we were doing our own thing.  I'd be gone sometimes for a week with the Outing Club, hiking or rock-climbing or rafting etc. We didn't keep tabs on each other.

That roommate is a snoop and a worry-wort, a product of 35 years of fear-mongering and constant TV "news" which is basically "killin's and car crashes" 24/7

People today are so quick to assume something sinister is going on. "Oh gee, that guy looks like a drug dealer, don't go in that neighborhood at night"  What a bunch of pantywaists this nation has become. Your grandparents kicked Hitler's ass once upon a time and today if you see a pair of shoes dangling from a telephone wire you piss yourselves.
 
3 days ago  

Sub Human: lifeslammer: Sub Human: This is f'ing hilarious. Consequences of a terrorized public. This is what happens when you don't let your kids out of your sight for eighteen years.

No, that has nothing to do with it you twat. If someone leaves behind everything they normally take when they go out and are dumb enough to turn their phone completely off this is what LITERALLY EVERYONE would do

American-Irish eyes: lifeslammer: Sub Human: This is f'ing hilarious. Consequences of a terrorized public. This is what happens when you don't let your kids out of your sight for eighteen years.

No, that has nothing to do with it you twat. If someone leaves behind everything they normally take when they go out and are dumb enough to turn their phone completely off this is what LITERALLY EVERYONE would do

Literally anyone who has the best interests of the other party.  Some people are terrible.

I disagree. If my partner or my child were to "disappear" like this I would agree with you because there is an established relationship of mutual concern and care but in this case there really wasn't.

When I was in college in 1985-6, my roomie would "disappear" for weeks. It would never cross my mind to put out an APB with the kids parents by looking up their info (no Facebook) or calling the university to see class attendance or some such. It's ludicrous. I firmly believe people today are conditioned to expect that every deviation from the conforming paradigm is due to something malign. We just didn't think that way then, and most of us still don't. That doesn't make me terrible.  Being out of touch for a week wasn't weird or worrisome, it meant we were doing our own thing.  I'd be gone sometimes for a week with the Outing Club, hiking or rock-climbing or rafting etc. We didn't keep tabs on each other.

That roommate is a snoop and a worry-wort, a product of 35 years of fear-mongering and constant TV "news" which is basically "killin's and car crashes" 24/7

People today are so quick to assume something sinister is going on. "Oh gee, that guy looks like a drug dealer, don't go in that neighborhood at night"  What a bunch of pantywaists this nation has become. Your grandparents kicked Hitler's ass once upon a time and today if you see a pair of shoes dangling from a telephone wire you piss yourselves.


This. The letter writer even made it all about them by talking about stories she heard about. One on her dorm floor sure, but multiple disappearance/murders at her college? Sure, Jan.
 
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