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(The New York Times)   The pandemic has shrunk our social circles and made us realize that it's the quality, not the quantity, of friends that matters. To the right, discussion on the people you've cut out   (nytimes.com) divider line
    More: Interesting, Interpersonal relationship, Sociology, Mathematical sociology, social ties, regular contact, pandemic continue, Dr. Cohen, social network  
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434 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Apr 2021 at 12:08 PM (3 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2021-04-23 11:20:38 AM  
1) The sweet touch of a woman
2) The rest of humanity
3) Hope
 
2021-04-23 12:11:03 PM  
Every single person for whom not wearing a mask was their political statement.
 
2021-04-23 12:12:07 PM  
1. The guy who was the best man at my wedding- Shoulda cut him out a long time ago.
2. my mother
3. dairy
 
2021-04-23 12:13:23 PM  
I've cut out anyone I know that still supports the Republican party, which wasn't a lot of people. The others I just haven't seen in the usual places for a year or more. Some I may never see again because they've moved on and out of town...
 
2021-04-23 12:14:33 PM  
Mine weirdly enough stayed mostly the same, I talk mainly online with them anyway.  Then again I didn't have a massive circle to begin with.
 
2021-04-23 12:16:10 PM  
"While some are predicting a period of promiscuity and partying akin to the Roaring Twenties after the 1918 influenza pandemic"


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-04-23 12:17:04 PM  
One of my hobbies/sports always seemed to have "drama" involved, with a lot of adults acting like middle schoolers. From stupid gossip and negative social media posts to openly accusing innocent people (including some of my close friends) of being sexists, rapists, or worse.

I certainly haven't missed any of that during the last year or so when all of the events have been cancelled, and now I really have no desire to go back.
 
2021-04-23 12:17:43 PM  
In-laws, father, stepfather. Very sad.
 
2021-04-23 12:19:13 PM  

donutjim: One of my hobbies/sports always seemed to have "drama" involved, with a lot of adults acting like middle schoolers. From stupid gossip and negative social media posts to openly accusing innocent people (including some of my close friends) of being sexists, rapists, or worse.

I certainly haven't missed any of that during the last year or so when all of the events have been cancelled, and now I really have no desire to go back.


Ultimate frisbee, disc golf, or kickball?

At least from what I've seen, any beer league of those implodes within 5 years or less.
 
2021-04-23 12:20:06 PM  
i don't think i've cut out anyone. of course i haven't seen anyone socially since September, so who knows if i've been cut out. i've just been sitting home with my wife, except for trips to the store and the occasional repair person at the house.
 
2021-04-23 12:20:08 PM  
Well I've been the one who's been cut out.

Of the people I used to play volleyball with on a weekly basis, not one has contacted me a single time.
 
2021-04-23 12:21:09 PM  
Mine stayed the same small group of people

We bubbled.

The most toxic person bailed on me in July though. Divorce was final in March.
 
2021-04-23 12:21:42 PM  
It isn't that I've deliberately cut anyone out. It's that I've always had a super small friends group, but distance and not being able to see each other has made it more apparent which friendships I value most and which value me in return. There comes a time when I get tired of being the one to always reach out and decide to leave the ball in their court. This has happened more often during Covid than it did before.

And this is okay. Because I don't take it personally when friends are on different paths than I am. I'll be there to answer if and when they decide to make contact again.

Except Jessica. She's gotten even more clusterf*cky and I don't miss that friendship anymore.
 
2021-04-23 12:21:58 PM  
It's more who I kept in: spouse, sister, mom. Mom has passed.

Of course, we live far aways from many I'm close to. We keep up though.

I didn't cut anybody out over COVID. It's been a more gradual process over the last five years. If we can't get together for five minutes without you bringing up politics or saying something racist, we aren't going to be spending time together. Living in a red state, I can tell you very few people can meet those two criteria.
 
2021-04-23 12:24:32 PM  
I started purging my social circle in early to mid-2015.

There wasn't that much left to reduce by 2020.

The portion of society who thought it would be fun and entertaining to spread the plague however, has left me with no desire to ever allow the aforementioned radius to expand.  Not that I was ever in doubt that our species was anything other than cataclysmically farked, now I have a very specific reference year to site when some farker says "oooh you're so edgy."

Humans suck, we destroy everything we touch and make it all worse, full stop.
 
2021-04-23 12:25:42 PM  
About 1/3 of the US population.
 
2021-04-23 12:27:12 PM  
Have to have friends to get rid of them
 
2021-04-23 12:28:32 PM  
I haven't cut anyone out since the pandemic started.  I just stopped making any effort to keep in touch with all but my closest friends and family.

I've always found any kind of social interaction with anyone outside of a very small circle to be draining, and I've shamelessly taken advantage of the pandemic to drastically cut down such interactions.
 
2021-04-23 12:32:22 PM  
Anyone with even the slightest political difference of course, if someone says even one thing I disagree with politically I totally cut them out of my life.
 
2021-04-23 12:34:24 PM  
This has been a trying time, sexually.

Fortunately, ive recently met an absolutely filthy woman who is even more disgusting in bed than I could have hoped for.
 
2021-04-23 12:35:48 PM  

Headso: Anyone with even the slightest political difference of course, if someone says even one thing I disagree with politically I totally cut them out of my life.


Me too!  'Cause one thing they say is, "If it ain't white it ain't human."  So fark them.
 
2021-04-23 12:37:59 PM  
Had a friend who was a vet with PTSD. And about twice a month every month someone would have to go to him to keep him from killing himself because he'd drink two thirty racks by himself and spiral. There were nights where I literally had to take a gun out of his hands and hide it from him. He refused to get help and would always bounce back like nothing had happened (and demand to know where we had hidden his guns like we were thieves) just to do it all again a couple weeks later. Obviously, he's sick and it's not his fault. Except for refusing professional help. But eventually I just couldn't handle being on constant suicide watch and the pandemic gave me an excuse to quietly bow out of the babysitting even though I hadn't yet entirely cut him off because I felt bad just leaving the poor guy.

Later he got belligerently drunk in the middle of the day and shot at my brother who showed up to talk him down, my brother who was standing in front of a goddamn playground at the time just for extra icing on the shiat cake. He missed everyone thankfully, and went to prison.

My brother still talks to him. But I called it a day and haven't spoken to him since that incident. I feel for the guy, I really do. But I can't do anything for someone who doesn't want help and he tried to kill my goddamn brother. I'm just not good enough of a person to let that go.
 
2021-04-23 12:38:34 PM  

bthom37: donutjim: One of my hobbies/sports always seemed to have "drama" involved, with a lot of adults acting like middle schoolers. From stupid gossip and negative social media posts to openly accusing innocent people (including some of my close friends) of being sexists, rapists, or worse.

I certainly haven't missed any of that during the last year or so when all of the events have been cancelled, and now I really have no desire to go back.


Ultimate frisbee, disc golf, or kickball?

At least from what I've seen, any beer league of those implodes within 5 years or less.


But hockey beer league is forever
 
2021-04-23 12:38:56 PM  

Kid Lester: Every single person for whom not wearing a mask was their political statement.


No one virtue-signals harder than a GOP cultist. From the lack of masks to the gigantic TRUMP signs all over their property, to rolling coal, to Facebook brags.  It's something they learn from their white suburban Prosperity 'Christian' backgrounds: it's all about being 'more conservative than thou'.
 
2021-04-23 12:39:43 PM  

dothemath: This has been a trying time, sexually.

Fortunately, ive recently met an absolutely filthy woman who is even more disgusting in bed than I could have hoped for.


Go on...
 
2021-04-23 12:46:45 PM  

argylez: dothemath: This has been a trying time, sexually.

Fortunately, ive recently met an absolutely filthy woman who is even more disgusting in bed than I could have hoped for.

Go on...


Direct quote, "My pussy is out of order due to that time of the month. So mouth or ass...?"

Bless her. Every hair on her head.
 
2021-04-23 12:51:17 PM  
One of my long-time friends completed his transition to full Born Again, which means we just don't talk anymore. I've had friends do this before so I was prepared. It takes a year or so but eventually they cut off all contact with anyone not involved with the church. It's better than the alternative, a Conversion Warrior. Those are insufferable.
 
2021-04-23 12:51:36 PM  
I partied with all my friends the whole year. Nobody caught anything. People even shared straws or rolled bills on occasion. No need to cut anyone out.
 
2021-04-23 12:53:03 PM  
Girls.

Once the stay-at-home orders happened and it was zoom or social media, the self promoting bs and catty gossip frenemies just got to be too much. Really easy to see through passive aggressive compliment seeking behaviour when not in person.

Haven't felt this good about myself in years.
 
2021-04-23 12:54:51 PM  
We're old so COVID shrank our social circle the old fashioned way: by killing our friends. People we have dinner with regularly. People we vacation with.
 
2021-04-23 12:55:12 PM  
Way too many of you still had way too many Republican friends, I'm learning.
 
2021-04-23 12:55:28 PM  

argylez: bthom37: donutjim: One of my hobbies/sports always seemed to have "drama" involved, with a lot of adults acting like middle schoolers. From stupid gossip and negative social media posts to openly accusing innocent people (including some of my close friends) of being sexists, rapists, or worse.

I certainly haven't missed any of that during the last year or so when all of the events have been cancelled, and now I really have no desire to go back.


Ultimate frisbee, disc golf, or kickball?

At least from what I've seen, any beer league of those implodes within 5 years or less.

But hockey beer league is forever


I think hockey beer leagues skew older, at least from the outside looking in.  That seems to help avoid some of the implosions.

I've got some younger friends who do ultimate & kickball leagues, and they've restarted both at least twice to exclude certain folks who caused blowups in their last iteration.
 
2021-04-23 12:56:32 PM  

cleek: i don't think i've cut out anyone. of course i haven't seen anyone socially since September, so who knows if i've been cut out. i've just been sitting home with my wife, except for trips to the store and the occasional repair person at the house.


I find it interesting that people are having full on meltdowns because they can't "hang out" or whatever. My wife and kids are little changed from before the pandemic. We spend time together, and then read books, play video games, or build jigsaw puzzles alone. Plus, I'm finishing my degree next week.
 
2021-04-23 12:59:02 PM  
We were also on the family matriarch's sh*tlist when she and my grandfather passed earlier this year, so aside from one or two cousins, we'll probably never see anyone on that side of the extended family again.

No, I don't know why. The lady was a narcissist and enjoyed creating strife.
 
2021-04-23 1:00:49 PM  
My mother and her entire family. Trump worshipping, racist, anti-vax COVID deniers, the lot of them.

My life is less stressful for it.
 
2021-04-23 1:02:28 PM  
i made friends with a couple the next block over.  he waved me down as i was passing in my VW Vanagon.  we hang out a few nights a week at their place and talk smack over IPA's and a fire pit.
 
2021-04-23 1:03:20 PM  
My friends circle was already small because I'm not that social but we've kept in touch with occasional meetups and weekly video calls. When I had to quarantine in October due to possible exposure a couple of them did my grocery shopping for me. Not a huge thing sure, but volunteering to go buy produce for someone that lives 12 miles away without being asked was really touching. They are all lovely people.
 
2021-04-23 1:05:03 PM  

WillJM8528: cleek: i don't think i've cut out anyone. of course i haven't seen anyone socially since September, so who knows if i've been cut out. i've just been sitting home with my wife, except for trips to the store and the occasional repair person at the house.

I find it interesting that people are having full on meltdowns because they can't "hang out" or whatever. My wife and kids are little changed from before the pandemic. We spend time together, and then read books, play video games, or build jigsaw puzzles alone. Plus, I'm finishing my degree next week.


On my situation, I went from a toxic roommate situation to living alone. Loving alone is less stressful, but it's more lonely. Having a family certainly makes it easier, because your life is built around your family. The rest of us don't have that.
 
2021-04-23 1:07:36 PM  
I have no one to cut out
 
2021-04-23 1:07:46 PM  

Sodom and Gorgonzola: My mother and her entire family. Trump worshipping, racist, anti-vax COVID deniers, the lot of them.

My life is less stressful for it.


My mother's younger sister, her only sibling, dramatically cut all ties with her (and all of us) a few years back. She didn't even tell her about her uncle and aunt dying, and she went so far as to claim she was an only child at their mother's funeral (which almost got my mother blocked from sitting in the family section).

To this day, no one knows why, including her husband and her children.
 
2021-04-23 1:16:30 PM  
EVERYONE

I'm the super hermit.
 
2021-04-23 1:18:25 PM  

dothemath: argylez: dothemath: This has been a trying time, sexually.

Fortunately, ive recently met an absolutely filthy woman who is even more disgusting in bed than I could have hoped for.

Go on...

Direct quote, "My pussy is out of order due to that time of the month. So mouth or ass...?"

Bless her. Every hair on her head.


[whynotboth.jpg]
 
2021-04-23 1:20:07 PM  
Not a large circle and I'm OK with that. Parents already dead pre 'rona. Sister moved away (not 'rona related), so that bums me out. Brother died (also not 'rona related). I'm not particularly chatty at work (esp. now) so that hasn't really changed. I do miss some of the other people, a little. I generally avoided rightwing assholes before the 'rona, so it hasn't changed my policy there.

So ... yeah, my "circle" got smaller, but lots of people lost way more, so I'm trying to be cool about it.
 
2021-04-23 1:28:06 PM  
ih1.redbubble.netView Full Size
 
2021-04-23 1:29:44 PM  
80% of people I know becoming neo-fascist Trumpers shrunk my social circle long before Covid. Just before Trump became President I quit the pool league I had been a part of for 15 years.
The league consisted of 90% private club teams.
American legions, VFW's, Knights of Columbus, Firehalls, Republican Club etc. I had had enough, their shiat got louder and uglier.  These were not the people I wanted to associate with on a weekly basis.  I miss the competitive pool but not any of them.
 
2021-04-23 1:31:43 PM  
I've been struggling to cut ties with my mother (which ends up including what's left of my entire family) for some time, and just want to thank those of you who posted here about doing the same with family and/or people who were once very close. It helps.
 
2021-04-23 1:36:57 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-04-23 1:56:50 PM  

austerity101: Sodom and Gorgonzola: My mother and her entire family. Trump worshipping, racist, anti-vax COVID deniers, the lot of them.

My life is less stressful for it.

My mother's younger sister, her only sibling, dramatically cut all ties with her (and all of us) a few years back. She didn't even tell her about her uncle and aunt dying, and she went so far as to claim she was an only child at their mother's funeral (which almost got my mother blocked from sitting in the family section).

To this day, no one knows why, including her husband and her children.


It wasn't an easy decision, but I just can't be a part of that.
 
2021-04-23 2:14:32 PM  
austerity101:

On my situation, I went from a toxic roommate situation to living alone. Loving alone is less stressful, but it's more lonely. Having a family certainly makes it easier, because your life is built around your family. The rest of us don't have that.

It's true that loving alone can be less stressful, but as a Farker you are probably used to it.
 
2021-04-23 2:34:08 PM  
none actually, i always kept the "inner circle" pretty tight, not open to just any fly by night randos that came along. I put effort into friendships so i also put some effort in which ones i bother to curate in the first place.


Maintain high standards, but have low exceptions.


As in me and my inner circle get the feet held to the fire for higher expectations of behavior.
But who the fook am I/are you to set the bar for anyone else arbitrarily?

So inner circle smaller and close enough to apply the minimum bar expeditions to.
But random strangers / people not well know to me, are out past a reasonable line of me setting the minimum exceptions for them. I don't know them and i'd assume a fook ton of wrong to assume they could even meet the minimum i demand from me.
I don't set the bar for anyone but me, and then that bar is the bar to entry to the inner circle of friends, but cannot reasonably be demanded of wider field arbitrary people around me.

And so the actual friend circle remains smaller but tighter knit with stronger bonds for it.
 
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