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(Guardian)   Arizona Republicans hire Florida Cyber Ninjas to triple audit Maricopa county by knocking on doors and intimidating voters into tearfully confessing that they illegally stole 200k votes. It's not news, it's GOP.com   (theguardian.com) divider line
    More: Dumbass, Arizona, Phoenix, Arizona, own audit, Voting, Democracy, state Republicans, election results, Arizona Senate  
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2112 clicks; posted to Politics » on 22 Apr 2021 at 3:27 PM (2 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



35 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-04-22 11:19:40 AM  
There goes the secret ballot.
 
2021-04-22 11:32:14 AM  
Oh, I hope they knock on my door.
 
2021-04-22 11:50:47 AM  
"You're bringing in this firm that's on a treasure hunt," Hobbs said. "They are not qualified, they don't even know what they're doing."

The results will show this and our garbage state legislature will dutifully accept the findings and pass laws to address the lack of treasure.
 
2021-04-22 1:21:24 PM  
I hope they have accurate traceability on also boxes. I would fully expect that they will try to "lose" or "find" votes.
 
2021-04-22 3:17:38 PM  
Is it Sektor, Cyrax, or Smoke?

Or are they going reboot with Cyber-Sub-Zero?
 
2021-04-22 3:33:03 PM  
The inevitable civil rights lawsuits involving this nonsense will be delightful.
 
2021-04-22 3:34:14 PM  
We need Voting Rights II, Electronic Boogaloo, with paper trail.
 
2021-04-22 3:37:04 PM  

CheetahOlivetti: Oh, I hope they knock on my door.


knock knock
who is it
a ninja
bang bang - dead ninja

officer, he said he was a ninja and I feared for my life

sounds good to me
 
2021-04-22 3:38:07 PM  
Sounds like voter caging. Send teams of white people to knock on doors in brown neighborhoods where no one's gonna answer a knock when it's some white dudes no one's seen before. No response to the knock, on a list the whole household goes.

Couple days before an important election, remove every one of those names from the list of registered voters.
 
2021-04-22 3:40:26 PM  
"...solely focused on Maricopa county"

No doubt. Racist POS
 
2021-04-22 3:41:29 PM  

phaseolus: Sounds like voter caging. Send teams of white people to knock on doors in brown neighborhoods where no one's gonna answer a knock when it's some white dudes no one's seen before. No response to the knock, on a list the whole household goes.

Couple days before an important election, remove every one of those names from the list of registered voters.


Two birds one stone.

Company "donates" 100k to governors reelection campaign, campaign buys 100k worth of the governors book, governor gives company multi million contract for useless task.

But hey, it's bad to cover lunches for poor kids because that's a waste of taxpayer money.
 
2021-04-22 3:43:59 PM  
Alarm over the audit has escalated in recent weeks after Republicans announced the firms that would be leading the effort. The company that will lead the audit, a Florida-based company called Cyber Ninjas, is led by Doug Logan, who supported several baseless conspiracy theories about the election.

Seems Fair and Balanced to me!
 
2021-04-22 3:45:29 PM  

OhioUGrad: CheetahOlivetti: Oh, I hope they knock on my door.

knock knock
who is it
a ninja
bang bang - dead ninja

officer, he said he was a ninja and I feared for my life

sounds good to me


I mean, you think you're joking, but given the amount of guns in red states, I wouldn't be surprised if someone pulled one when this voter intimidation trick got tried.

/I have to admit, if I had a gun, I'd be tempted in that situation
//Reason #45665233 I do not own, need, or have access to a gun...
 
2021-04-22 3:53:42 PM  
fark every single republican in the face
 
2021-04-22 3:53:43 PM  

OhioUGrad: CheetahOlivetti: Oh, I hope they knock on my door.

knock knock
who is it
a ninja
bang bang - dead ninja

officer, he said he was a ninja and I feared for my life

sounds good to me


Castle doctrine, fark yeah!
 
2021-04-22 3:56:22 PM  

OhioUGrad: CheetahOlivetti: Oh, I hope they knock on my door.

knock knock
who is it
a ninja
bang bang - dead ninja

officer, he said he was a ninja and I feared for my life

sounds good to me


This logic is impeccable.
 
2021-04-22 4:02:41 PM  
Anti-American evil pieces of shiat. Every last one of them.
 
2021-04-22 4:02:48 PM  
Here's hoping the GOP refuses to pay them when thier "audit" doesn't find any witches..
 
2021-04-22 4:03:51 PM  

It'sMorphin'Time: OhioUGrad: CheetahOlivetti: Oh, I hope they knock on my door.

knock knock
who is it
a ninja
bang bang - dead ninja

officer, he said he was a ninja and I feared for my life

sounds good to me

I mean, you think you're joking, but given the amount of guns in red states, I wouldn't be surprised if someone pulled one when this voter intimidation trick got tried.

/I have to admit, if I had a gun, I'd be tempted in that situation
//Reason #45665233 I do not own, need, or have access to a gun...


i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2021-04-22 4:16:24 PM  
Unlike its American counterparts, The Guardian doesn't fark around:

Audit will include a hand recount of all 2.1m ballots cast in Maricopa county in alarming consequence of Trump's baseless lies

Goddamn. Is that so farking hard, New York Times, Washington Post, ABC, NBC, CBS and CNN?
 
2021-04-22 4:19:31 PM  

Smelly Pirate Hooker: Unlike its American counterparts, The Guardian doesn't fark around:

Audit will include a hand recount of all 2.1m ballots cast in Maricopa county in alarming consequence of Trump's baseless lies

Goddamn. Is that so farking hard, New York Times, Washington Post, ABC, NBC, CBS and CNN?


Yes.  It might make the GOP and Trump think reporters don't like or believe them, which is bad when their job is to be official stenographers for the kakistocracy/kleptocracy in which we live.
 
2021-04-22 4:30:50 PM  
Make sure they're not the same people who determined the attendance at Ex-President Useless farkwad's inauguration.
 
2021-04-22 4:31:52 PM  
My prediction, roughly in order of likelihood, as to what will happen with that "audit":

1. Nothing significant is found, but some "irregularities" will be blown up to Jupiter-size proportions and used to justify everything
2. The non-Trumpy companies involved pull out citing crazy and/or illegal behavior from the Trumpy outfit. Mass confusion, Trumpy report used to justify everything
3. Two reports, one sane from the non-Trump auditors, one citing all kinds of nutty stuff from the pro-trump ones. Confusion and derp follows.
4.  The while thing sort of quietly evaporates due to lack of funding or lack of spinnable results
...
10. The report acknowledges Biden won fair and square, no funny business, and is not made public until after a multi-year FOIA battle in the courts
11. The report acknowledges Biden won fair and square, no funny business, and is made public
...
9999. Actual evidence of real wrongdoing to a degree that would have swung the election
 
2021-04-22 5:09:38 PM  
It would be fun to keep a stopwatch by the door and see how long they stand there while you unleash a torrent of obscenities at them.
 
2021-04-22 5:20:25 PM  
L Lin Wood, an attorney who promoted some of the most inflammatory lies about the 2020 election, told Talking Points Memohe had donated $50,000 to a fundraiser to support the effort.

I wonder where he got that money from? Oh right, from the Kyle Rittenhouse fundraiser.
 
2021-04-22 5:36:57 PM  

CheetahOlivetti: Oh, I hope they knock on my door.


Me too. Bonus points if the canvasser leaves crying.
 
2021-04-22 6:12:22 PM  
Little late for a recount, isn't it?
 
2021-04-22 6:32:44 PM  
i.imgflip.comView Full Size
 
2021-04-22 6:46:16 PM  
We found 5,237 instances of voter fraud.  5,235 were votes for Trump. Now what?  Tell them, "We found two illegal votes for Biden and those are two votes too many.  Fraud is fraud.  We need to restrict early voting, no-excuse mail-in voting, ballot drop boxes, Sunday voting, and require voter IDs."
 
2021-04-22 7:00:30 PM  
AZ also elected two Democrats to the Senate and the GOP here finds it absolutely incredible that Biden got more votes.

Now that pot is legal here it should be mandatory for our politicians.
 
2021-04-22 8:13:28 PM  
Serious question: what standing does a private group have to "audit" the actual physical ballots?
 
2021-04-22 9:35:23 PM  

qorkfiend: Serious question: what standing does a private group have to "audit" the actual physical ballots?


Disclaimer first: IANAL, not even armchair, nor Fark GED, etc

As far as I know zero standing. FTA, the Arizona GOP-controlled state senate ordered the audit, so these are just the contractors. Like contracting out to Billy-Bob's Paving for the roadwork authorized by the state.
 
2021-04-22 9:47:42 PM  
Well, I mean, if it keeps the morans busy and from farking up anything else, let them.
 
2021-04-22 11:02:18 PM  

JammerJim: My prediction, roughly in order of likelihood, as to what will happen with that "audit":

1. Nothing significant is found, but some "irregularities" will be blown up to Jupiter-size proportions and used to justify everything
2. The non-Trumpy companies involved pull out citing crazy and/or illegal behavior from the Trumpy outfit. Mass confusion, Trumpy report used to justify everything


1.) I don't think so. That would be what a company who wanted to convince people of voter fraud would do. Cyber Ninjas seem too pilled. I think they will try to convince people that their theory is right, & that Bill Gates put nanomachines in the paper which they can prove because of their patented method & that means this was all orchestrated by Hugo Chávez.

2.) That's an interesting observation. I would not be surprised if that happened.
 
2021-04-23 9:47:37 AM  

Smelly Pirate Hooker: Unlike its American counterparts, The Guardian doesn't fark around:

Audit will include a hand recount of all 2.1m ballots cast in Maricopa county in alarming consequence of Trump's baseless lies

Goddamn. Is that so farking hard, New York Times, Washington Post, ABC, NBC, CBS and CNN?


The only think Maricopa County makes me think of:

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
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