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(Guardian)   Apparently being caked-up for three days is the secret to Tom Cruise   (theguardian.com) divider line
    More: Followup, Cake, 2007 singles, Graham Norton, Bundt cake, Cakes, much chocolate cake, Marzipan, T om Cruise  
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2000 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 22 Apr 2021 at 10:35 AM (3 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



29 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-04-22 10:08:26 AM  
Subby, you're glib. You don't know the history of baked goods. I do.
 
2021-04-22 10:20:09 AM  
Cake addiction is a serious matter, subby. OMG I want cake so bad now.
 
2021-04-22 10:32:29 AM  
Tom Cruise is arguably the most intimidating movie star in existence

If you put him in lifts and get the camera angle right, sure, maybe.  But there's a reason they never cast him next to Tim Robbins.
 
2021-04-22 10:35:31 AM  

Marcus Aurelius: Tom Cruise is arguably the most intimidating movie star in existence

If you put him in lifts and get the camera angle right, sure, maybe.  But there's a reason they never cast him next to Tim Robbins.


OK, stop me if you've heard this one: Tim Robbins and Ben Affleck walk into a bar. Tom Cruise doesn't even have to duck.
 
2021-04-22 10:38:35 AM  

Marcus Aurelius: Tom Cruise is arguably the most intimidating movie star in existence


Danny Trejo would like a word or three...

/the words are probably, "Marcia Marcia Marcia!" but still
 
2021-04-22 10:40:04 AM  
Article written by a budding scientologist looking to suck up.
 
2021-04-22 10:51:13 AM  
He's going the distance?
 
2021-04-22 10:52:32 AM  
Pat, I'd like to buy a vowel.

/O
//BZZT!!!!
 
2021-04-22 10:55:37 AM  
I'd like one of those coconut cakes the writer mentioned. Sounds delish!
 
2021-04-22 10:56:40 AM  
"then vomit your lungs up into a wire waste-paper basket."

This sounds like a farking mess if it doesn't have a bag in it,still sounds like a mess even with one.
 
2021-04-22 11:17:01 AM  
What uhhhhh kinda cake ya got there Tom?
Hmm?
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-04-22 11:17:29 AM  
Tom Cruise is arguably the most intimidating movie star in existence. He's less a human being and more a physical manifestation of human willpower. He does his own stunts. He flies his own planes.

He ghostwrites his own press coverage.
 
2021-04-22 11:22:25 AM  

Marcus Aurelius: Tom Cruise is arguably the most intimidating movie star in existence

If you put him in lifts and get the camera angle right, sure, maybe.  But there's a reason they never cast him next to Tim Robbins.


There is a reason they never cast him next to such luminaries as  Bobcat Goldthwaite or Danny Devito.
 
2021-04-22 11:32:14 AM  

FrancoFile: He's going the distance?


He's going for speed.
 
XSV
2021-04-22 11:32:19 AM  

Ambivalence: Cake addiction is a serious batter, subby. OMG I want cake so bad now.


FTFM

/oh no, do I have it too?
 
2021-04-22 11:34:34 AM  

buckybear: Marcus Aurelius: Tom Cruise is arguably the most intimidating movie star in existence

If you put him in lifts and get the camera angle right, sure, maybe.  But there's a reason they never cast him next to Tim Robbins.

There is a reason they never cast him next to such luminaries as  Bobcat Goldthwaite or Danny Devito.


I can almost see what Danny DeVito would do to Tom Cruise's head.  That would be a lot of fun to watch.
 
2021-04-22 11:40:57 AM  
Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise Crazy.
 
2021-04-22 11:42:43 AM  
TFA talks about what an act of will it was for Cruise to eat that much cake over three days.

For me it was just Tuesday.
 
2021-04-22 11:58:25 AM  
Well, he is a cake boy.

/allegedly
 
2021-04-22 12:46:45 PM  
Tom Cruise is arguably the most intimidating movie star in existence. He's less a human being and more a physical manifestation of human willpower.

Is this guy serious? Tom Cruise isn't the most intimidating person in a room full of toddlers.
 
2021-04-22 12:47:23 PM  

Ambivalence: Cake addiction is a serious matter, subby. OMG I want cake so bad now.


Cake - Never There
Youtube FRZzUh9hcTo
 
2021-04-22 12:51:09 PM  

Tchernobog: Tom Cruise is arguably the most intimidating movie star in existence. He's less a human being and more a physical manifestation of human willpower.

Is this guy serious?


No. This guy just happens to write for The Guardian so his jokey piss-takes on pop culture are more nuanced and....British...than a similar piece written on something like Gawker that would be full of curse words and have an unsavory Scientology reference right in the first paragraph.
 
2021-04-22 1:59:37 PM  

JJRRutgers: Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise Crazy.


*shakes tiny fist

For the unaware:
Jonathan Coulton - Tom Cruise Crazy MUSIC VIDEO
Youtube 6rwcNv3dhTM
 
2021-04-22 5:00:15 PM  
"Tom Cruise is arguably the most intimidating movie star in existence. He's less a human being and more a physical manifestation of human willpower. He does his own stunts. He flies his own planes."

i.gifer.comView Full Size


/JFC slob a little harder there, Guardian
 
2021-04-22 8:13:36 PM  

Ambivalence: Cake addiction is a serious matter, subby. OMG I want cake so bad now.



I didn't even know I wanted cake until now.  fark.  I don't think I have all of the ingredients.
 
2021-04-22 9:13:12 PM  

SoundOfOneHandWanking: Ambivalence: Cake addiction is a serious matter, subby. OMG I want cake so bad now.


I didn't even know I wanted cake until now.  fark.  I don't think I have all of the ingredients.


Eggs, water and vegetable oil?

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-04-22 11:12:08 PM  
Is he all caked up with fruit cakes?
 
2021-04-23 1:23:07 AM  
Only Tom Cruise would give himself cake poisoning.

Have you ever heard of someone else doing this? Of course not.

Just wacky Tom Cruise!
 
2021-04-23 9:42:11 AM  

TeddyRooseveltsMustache: Only Tom Cruise would give himself cake poisoning.

Have you ever heard of someone else doing this? Of course not.

Just wacky Tom Cruise!


i.pinimg.comView Full Size

"You're right, no human being would eat too much cake."

/stupid article is stupid
 
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