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(Slate)   "I'm a PhD in a three-year relationship with the love of my life. When he gives me advice he is usually correct about how it plays out, predicting others' behavior accurately. It's like he's psychic; but I feel inadequate with him. What do I do?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Marriage, three-year relationship, behavior of other people, Q. Dating Mr., outcome of a situation, own child's name, one zero-sum game, Q. Name  
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363 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 21 Apr 2021 at 10:21 AM (3 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



43 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-04-21 6:44:12 AM  
Hes probably just an INFJ. It ain't magic.
 
2021-04-21 6:49:25 AM  
A lot of PHDs I've come across aren't exactly people persons, they certain have their strengths, but putting themselves in other people's shoes isn't one of them.
 
2021-04-21 7:05:40 AM  
Stop writing letters pretending to be your Canadian wife for a start.
 
2021-04-21 7:07:07 AM  
Partnerships are not necessarily about equality...it's about balance. He gets people, you get books. Perfect match. Dominate the world.
 
2021-04-21 7:14:10 AM  
Start wearing tin foil caps. It's how I got my significant other to stop reading my mind before she left me.
 
2021-04-21 8:01:50 AM  
Having a PhD just means (usually) that you have a 'very' deep knowledge base in a very specific field.  Contrary to what you & many others with a PhD think, it does not, not give you a deep knowledge base across a wide array of subjects.  He apparently does, or at least knows you well enough to give decent advice (plus, being a guy myself, I can confirm that we're always right...).  Be glad you found him & listen to him when needed (you don't have to accept the advice all the time, but you should at least listen to & think about it).

/Is having a PhD like going to Harvard in that you're going to work that fact into 'any' conversation within the first 20 seconds?
//DRTFA, just going off the headline
 
2021-04-21 8:08:44 AM  
He predicted butt stuff...it is like he's psychic.
 
2021-04-21 8:20:37 AM  
I am usually way ahead of some of my friends in calling out toxic assholes and divorcing them from my life. I do have a bit of a blind spot for messy drama-lamas so nobody is perfect.
 
2021-04-21 8:21:33 AM  

moos: Hes probably just an INFJ. It ain't magic.


Meyers Briggs is codswallop of the first order.

/fight me
 
2021-04-21 8:24:38 AM  

Recoil Therapy: Having a PhD just means (usually) that you have a 'very' deep knowledge base in a very specific field.  Contrary to what you & many others with a PhD think, it does not, not give you a deep knowledge base across a wide array of subjects.  He apparently does, or at least knows you well enough to give decent advice (plus, being a guy myself, I can confirm that we're always right...).  Be glad you found him & listen to him when needed (you don't have to accept the advice all the time, but you should at least listen to & think about it).

/Is having a PhD like going to Harvard in that you're going to work that fact into 'any' conversation within the first 20 seconds?
//DRTFA, just going off the headline


There's an old joke about how experts learn more and more and less and less until they know everything about nothing.

I have worked with a lot of PhDs in my career and she fits a "type". The type that thinks PhD = "Smart Person" instead of "Person who put in the effort to become and expert at something".

See also Ben Carsonworld famous Egyptologist
 
2021-04-21 9:08:20 AM  

SpectroBoy: moos: Hes probably just an INFJ. It ain't magic.

Meyers Briggs is codswallop of the first order.

/fight me


Actually, I agree. But Big 5 isn't as widely known nor does it lend itself to easily labeled concepts to communicate to people that know very little about personality. I find MBTI as an easy way to lazily communicate the concepts.

Industrial Psychology is far worse, imo.
 
2021-04-21 9:09:49 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-04-21 9:28:41 AM  

moos: SpectroBoy: moos: Hes probably just an INFJ. It ain't magic.

Meyers Briggs is codswallop of the first order.

/fight me

Actually, I agree. But Big 5 isn't as widely known nor does it lend itself to easily labeled concepts to communicate to people that know very little about personality. I find MBTI as an easy way to lazily communicate the concepts.

Industrial Psychology is far worse, imo.


I prefer astrology sign and tarot cards.
Crystal balls (good ones) are too expensive.
Reading entrails was getting too messy and HR was getting complaints
 
2021-04-21 9:34:21 AM  
Maybe check your ego at the door and be grateful you've found a guy who isn't a raging asshole??
 
2021-04-21 9:55:34 AM  
Solution:  Get married.

Then you'll never think he's right again.
 
2021-04-21 10:27:27 AM  
A PhD eh? I'll tell you what you need to do:

Don't mess up my latte!!
 
2021-04-21 10:31:39 AM  
Her ability to jump to "is this gaslighting?" in her letter an impressive level of insecurity.

Some individual therapy focusing on self-worth and communication would probably help immensely.
 
2021-04-21 10:37:37 AM  

Recoil Therapy: Having a PhD just means (usually) that you have a 'very' deep knowledge base in a very specific field.  Contrary to what you & many others with a PhD think, it does not, not give you a deep knowledge base across a wide array of subjects.  He apparently does, or at least knows you well enough to give decent advice (plus, being a guy myself, I can confirm that we're always right...).  Be glad you found him & listen to him when needed (you don't have to accept the advice all the time, but you should at least listen to & think about it).

/Is having a PhD like going to Harvard in that you're going to work that fact into 'any' conversation within the first 20 seconds?
//DRTFA, just going off the headline


Nonsense - people with PhDs are usually very humble and down to earth about it, not at all like vegans. When I got my PhD I definitely decided not to rub it in anyone's face.
 
2021-04-21 10:44:46 AM  
A Ph.D doesn't mean you know everything. It means you've studied a very specific topic and you've added to its scholarly body of knowledge. It certainly doesn't mean you can read social cues better than others. In fact the dedication required to get most doctorates (I'm obviously excluding the non-accredited doctorate programs that "people" like David Duke get) often attracts people who are by nature socially awkward (or "bookish" as they used to be called).

I was in grad school with someone who was absolutely brilliant with respect to bioinformatics, but who repeatedly contaminated our entire floor with phenol because she could never remember to take off her contaminated gloves. Another guy I know has a dozen papers published in Nature (a highly regarded journal) yet is unable to drive a car because he can't handle the sensory input.
 
2021-04-21 10:49:28 AM  

HighZoolander: Recoil Therapy: Having a PhD just means (usually) that you have a 'very' deep knowledge base in a very specific field.  Contrary to what you & many others with a PhD think, it does not, not give you a deep knowledge base across a wide array of subjects.  He apparently does, or at least knows you well enough to give decent advice (plus, being a guy myself, I can confirm that we're always right...).  Be glad you found him & listen to him when needed (you don't have to accept the advice all the time, but you should at least listen to & think about it).

/Is having a PhD like going to Harvard in that you're going to work that fact into 'any' conversation within the first 20 seconds?
//DRTFA, just going off the headline

Nonsense - people with PhDs are usually very humble and down to earth about it, not at all like vegans. When I got my PhD I definitely decided not to rub it in anyone's face.


I've worked with a lot of PhD's in various fields, and my brother is a PhD - I've taken to referring to them as Fuds (as in Elmer). Most all of them get that it's an attempt at pronouncing PhD as a word as well as a a maybe funny characterization. The ones who don't find it amusing are usually the ones you would expect - and the ones who you can most easily envision saying "Be vewy vewy quite..." to comedic effect. Win - win
 
2021-04-21 11:22:22 AM  
1) And I Never Get A Minute Of Peace And I Gotta Wonder What It Means: Thing is, I have this ability with other people, just not myself.  People hate it when I tell them a thing they are going to do is a bad idea and will fail in a specific way and then when it does fail exactly as I anticipate they blame me for putting the thought in their head.  And no, I don't rub their face in it either.  But this is not your problem.  Your problem is you want to do things on your own terms and hate being wrong.  That's on you.  But if you want to be pig-headed about it, then DTMFA.  Otherwise STFU and GTHOI.

2) Baby We Can Talk All Night, But That Ain't Getting Us Nowhere: OK, so I'm a bit unsure of the love geometry in play here.  But in one place it sounds like your ex had the affair Val, but that didn't last and remarried yet a different person.  But having to see your mutual child at his parents would implicate that Val and he are still connected in some way.  Someone needs to KHITBASH Val, but I wouldn't volunteer.  But I will say Val will never apologize or admit in any way she was wrong.  You can swear with whatever gods you want as witness, but Val ain't coming around.  So you do you and tell others to GTHOI.

3) We're Living In A Powder Keg And Giving Off Sparks: You can't unfark-up this situation.  But you can STFU and MYOB going forward.

4) What About Your Family?  It's Defective!: Your sister doesn't actually trust her boyfriend and this is controlling behavior she has over him.  You should not enable it.  Approach from that angle.

5) So Now I'm Praying For The End Of Time To Hurry Up And Arrive: DTMFA.

6) All Revved Up And No Place To Go: Your call.  Talk if you so choose, if you don't want to and others do, tell them to STFU and MYOB.

7) I Would Do Anything For Love, But I Won't Move Back: Tell your kids to STFU and MYOB.  You're living the dream.

8) It Just Won't Quit II: OK, let me tell you about how farking tedious it is to see someone make the same farking mistakes over and over and over when it's avoidable.  Honestly, I'm surprised the original LWs BF hasn't just exploded or decided to DTMFA.  I get being in a relationship with a living Cassandra is its own trial, but maybe, just maybe, the letter writer should try not going against rational advice because their ego demands it.

/R.I.P  Jim Steinman
 
2021-04-21 11:27:14 AM  
Just tell him you feel like an inadequate lowly worm in his presence and that you're a very bad girl who needs direction, tutelage, and corrective punishment. Your relationship will flower.
 
2021-04-21 11:32:25 AM  
PhDs can't hold a candle to fighter pilots.  "I can herd metal through the sky so that skill set applies to everything in life."
 
2021-04-21 11:34:10 AM  
Whatever it is, the Scanner you're dating already knows.
 
2021-04-21 11:36:59 AM  
The letter writer should have asked the boyfriend for advice on this issue instead of Prudie.
 
2021-04-21 11:38:09 AM  
The answer is always....
 
2021-04-21 11:38:45 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-04-21 11:49:24 AM  
1.  "Man writes letter impersonating his SO to Purdie to show her how even she thinks he's right all the time!"

2. "Woman names female child the most popular female baby name for the last few years; another woman who used the same overused name and had tragedy befall her takes umbrage."

3. "Jilted lover outs serial cheater, feels remorse."

Didn't bother reading farther.
 
2021-04-21 12:04:39 PM  
If he's so smart, ask him.
 
2021-04-21 12:06:17 PM  

MBFGeek: HighZoolander: Recoil Therapy: Having a PhD just means (usually) that you have a 'very' deep knowledge base in a very specific field.  Contrary to what you & many others with a PhD think, it does not, not give you a deep knowledge base across a wide array of subjects.  He apparently does, or at least knows you well enough to give decent advice (plus, being a guy myself, I can confirm that we're always right...).  Be glad you found him & listen to him when needed (you don't have to accept the advice all the time, but you should at least listen to & think about it).

/Is having a PhD like going to Harvard in that you're going to work that fact into 'any' conversation within the first 20 seconds?
//DRTFA, just going off the headline

Nonsense - people with PhDs are usually very humble and down to earth about it, not at all like vegans. When I got my PhD I definitely decided not to rub it in anyone's face.

I've worked with a lot of PhD's in various fields, and my brother is a PhD - I've taken to referring to them as Fuds (as in Elmer). Most all of them get that it's an attempt at pronouncing PhD as a word as well as a a maybe funny characterization. The ones who don't find it amusing are usually the ones you would expect - and the ones who you can most easily envision saying "Be vewy vewy quite..." to comedic effect. Win - win


My PhD is in crossfit - it's really a pickle sometimes. How long should I wait to mention it?
 
2021-04-21 12:24:38 PM  

Recoil Therapy: Having a PhD just means (usually) that you have a 'very' deep knowledge base in a very specific field.


"Specific field" is a bit of an overstatement. It's more like a shred of a subfield of a specific field that you might have taken a course or two about.
 
2021-04-21 12:49:55 PM  

HighZoolander: MBFGeek: HighZoolander: Recoil Therapy: Having a PhD just means (usually) that you have a 'very' deep knowledge base in a very specific field.  Contrary to what you & many others with a PhD think, it does not, not give you a deep knowledge base across a wide array of subjects.  He apparently does, or at least knows you well enough to give decent advice (plus, being a guy myself, I can confirm that we're always right...).  Be glad you found him & listen to him when needed (you don't have to accept the advice all the time, but you should at least listen to & think about it).

/Is having a PhD like going to Harvard in that you're going to work that fact into 'any' conversation within the first 20 seconds?
//DRTFA, just going off the headline

Nonsense - people with PhDs are usually very humble and down to earth about it, not at all like vegans. When I got my PhD I definitely decided not to rub it in anyone's face.

I've worked with a lot of PhD's in various fields, and my brother is a PhD - I've taken to referring to them as Fuds (as in Elmer). Most all of them get that it's an attempt at pronouncing PhD as a word as well as a a maybe funny characterization. The ones who don't find it amusing are usually the ones you would expect - and the ones who you can most easily envision saying "Be vewy vewy quite..." to comedic effect. Win - win

My PhD is in crossfit - it's really a pickle sometimes. How long should I wait to mention it?


I'm sorry but I just don't believe you - a real PhD would've worked the fact that they had a PhD at least twice more into the conversation.
e.g. "Nonsense - people with PhDs are usually very humble and down to earth about it, not at all like vegans. When I got my PhD I definitely decided not to rub it in anyone's face - but of course my PhD was easy"

or
"My PhD is in crossfit - it's really a pickle sometimes - I find that people treat me differently when they find out I have a PhD. How long should I wait to mention it?"

/Cross-fit guy, 12 oz curls count as cross training, right?
 
2021-04-21 1:55:12 PM  
Get the smartie to sign up for Jeopardy - either the cash comes home and/or your envy vanishes.   Win-Win.
 
2021-04-21 3:28:32 PM  

SpectroBoy: Meyers Briggs is codswallop of the first order.

/fight me


I'm always floored when somebody earnestly, unironically mentions their Meyers Briggs alignment.
 
2021-04-21 3:59:38 PM  

Heamer: SpectroBoy: Meyers Briggs is codswallop of the first order.

/fight me

I'm always floored when somebody earnestly, unironically mentions their Meyers Briggs alignment.


That just because you are an ENTJ


/not sorry
 
2021-04-21 4:04:43 PM  
*head asplode*
 
2021-04-21 4:23:08 PM  
I'm a Ph.D. who owns her own home and pays her own bills, so I can't be all that incompetent.

Wanna bet?
 
2021-04-21 4:48:19 PM  
Darling!! No one is smarter than you, you precious little flower
 
2021-04-21 5:31:56 PM  
I'll ask my wife how she handles it and get back to you all.
 
2021-04-21 8:10:23 PM  

maxis_mydog: I'll ask my wife how she handles it and get back to you all.


And now in future news, maxis_mydog is dead.
 
2021-04-22 12:41:51 AM  
Get a hobby
 
2021-04-22 2:07:02 PM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2021-04-22 8:56:54 PM  
Unlike some of you farkers I can 100 percent believe that was written by a woman.

I've never seen those particular insecurities played that way by a guy in my life. But I've seen in multiple times in women.

Good guys faced with an always right will accept he's better at it than they and find something where they are the better man to maintain some semblance of balance. Rotten guys will steal/break his stuff or try to fark his girl.

I've yet to meet a woman who can respect a guy who's right more often than her. They get really annoyed. I'm realizing as I type this that it's probably a commentary on the women I know.

I'm not an always right, but I am an often right, and I usually get a "I knew it was wrong but it was my mistake to make."

In my younger days I used to contest such thinking. No I just shaddup and let them proceed.

While it is gratifying on some level it hasn't helped me much. The one person I've always been able to read like a book barely has anything to do with me anymore (not because of that). I saw that relationship change coming a mile away and was still powerless to stop it.

My advice to the dude in that relationship is either get the letter writer into some real therapy to get her past it, or end the relationship and find someone who has a real backbone.
 
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