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(The Takeout)   THIS is how you troll a food tab   (thetakeout.com) divider line
    More: Obvious, Cakes, Ice cream, Baking, Cake, Supermarket, Grocery store, Safeway Inc., Wal-Mart  
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1200 clicks; posted to Food » on 20 Apr 2021 at 7:33 PM (2 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



60 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2021-04-20 7:37:47 PM  
LOL. I'll allow it!
 
2021-04-20 7:38:30 PM  
Pass.
 
2021-04-20 7:45:32 PM  
Author must also think Olive Garden the epitome of Italian cuisine
 
2021-04-20 7:47:43 PM  
FTFA: "...these cakes are relics from childhood that I get to revisit."

Cakes from my childhood were baked in a local bakery, if not by my mother. We didn't have these chain megamarts when I was a kid, but we did have some lovely local bakeries. Guisti's (sounds like "juicety's"), Lydia's, New Bedford Baking Co. (which was a single small bakery in the south end).

Ahh, Guisti's... Sometimes when we had the windows open during the warm weather and the wind was just right, we would occasionally have the intoxicating scent of freshly baking bread and donuts to wake up to. Sadly, they went out of business sometime in the 80s.
 
2021-04-20 7:48:21 PM  
For the price, it can't be beat. Yeah you can get a better cake from an independent bakery but you are going to pay much more. Is it worth the extra cost? Not on flavor. If you want an elaborately decorated cake, you pay the premium. Just a sheet cake for Leslie in a accounting's birthday? Nothing beats the grocery store.
 
2021-04-20 7:51:24 PM  
Excuse me, subby, but I love you madly for going the distance on this headline. Usually you're never there, and I was just going to walk on by and not click, but where would I be if you didn't have me in the palm of your hand. Just let me go, and I will survive. Don't make it tougher than it is.
 
2021-04-20 7:55:19 PM  
But if you don't make it yourself, how can you be certain there is enough lemon zest in the cake, much less the frosting*?

*My wife insists I buy lemon butter cream frosting in cans, but I add zest to it.
 
2021-04-20 7:58:32 PM  
Grocery store cake is good, Grocery store fried chicken is better!
 
2021-04-20 7:59:32 PM  
"I love the artificial, chemically sweet frosting"

Wait until she hears how good antifreeze tastes...
 
2021-04-20 8:06:49 PM  
All condiments are acceptable for hot dogs.

NY pizza and Chicago pizza are equally good.

Its really not that hard too troll food tabs, their worse then grammar Nazis.
 
2021-04-20 8:11:05 PM  
I can't even recall the last time I've eaten cake. 2, 3 5, 8 years? *shrug*
But no, the article is a pile of schitt covered in frosting.


max_pooper: Yeah you can get a better cake from an independent bakery but you are going to pay much more. Is it worth the extra cost? Not on flavor.


I feel bad for you, you ignorant fool.
Apparently you have never had a cherry/chocolate black forest cake made by a trained/skilled pastry chef, complete with the hand shaved chocolate curls.
It is worth every penny, now go to the nearest white castle to get yourself premium hamburger.
 
2021-04-20 8:11:05 PM  
My favorite toppings on Chicago style pizza are pineapple and hot dogs (with ketchup).
 
2021-04-20 8:21:08 PM  
A regional grocery chain here in E. WA/N. ID has generally good bakeries.  Their standard buttercream frosting is just too cloying though.  OTOH, you can order their sheet cakes with a whipped cream frosting and those are amazing!
 
2021-04-20 8:31:20 PM  
is it Fudgie The Whale? Subs, please tell me it is Fudgie The Whale.

but still:

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-04-20 8:36:17 PM  

Brandi Morgan: My favorite toppings on Chicago style pizza are pineapple and hot dogs (with ketchup).


You are a monster!
 
2021-04-20 8:39:12 PM  
MIL bought a layer carrot cake for my recent birfday. it was... really no complaints here. walnuts, raisins, cream-cheese frosting. I enjoyed it.

my own scratch carrot cake? is farking phenomenal. but the severe-time-cost and the money-cost, and then people often not even eat a slice (pffft, philistines) - but a grocery store cake? is always guaranteed to disappear.

sorries/not-sorries attempted-Subtroller, I'm ok with this.
 
2021-04-20 8:45:22 PM  

grumpfuff: All condiments are acceptable for hot dogs.

NY pizza and Chicago pizza are equally good.

Its really not that hard too troll food tabs, their worse then grammar Nazis.


Thats a whole nother matter, and there going to find you.
 
2021-04-20 8:46:42 PM  

Brandi Morgan: My favorite toppings on Chicago style pizza are pineapple and hot dogs (with ketchup).


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-04-20 9:01:12 PM  

PunkTiger: FTFA: "...these cakes are relics from childhood that I get to revisit."

Cakes from my childhood were baked in a local bakery, if not by my mother. We didn't have these chain megamarts when I was a kid, but we did have some lovely local bakeries. Guisti's (sounds like "juicety's"), Lydia's, New Bedford Baking Co. (which was a single small bakery in the south end).

Ahh, Guisti's... Sometimes when we had the windows open during the warm weather and the wind was just right, we would occasionally have the intoxicating scent of freshly baking bread and donuts to wake up to. Sadly, they went out of business sometime in the 80s.


me and my siblings mostly got betty crocker cake mix & canned frosting way back when, grandma was an entenmann's fan

mrs petec was a professional baker in her younger days, does everything from scratch

/i got lucky in i guess
//i just thought she was hot
///ma belle pâtissière
 
2021-04-20 9:04:38 PM  
i2.wp.comView Full Size

Who am I to disagree?
 
2021-04-20 9:05:27 PM  
64.media.tumblr.comView Full Size
 
2021-04-20 9:07:37 PM  
I do have some fondness, probably from being a fat kid, for that grainy, fake-vanilla, fake-buttercream frosting they put on those cakes. I can make objectively much better cakes myself, but I don't know how they made that shiat.
 
2021-04-20 9:11:34 PM  
I can make a pasta dish, do up a steak, or broil a stuffed pork chop among many other things. I've made a standing rib roast while blind drunk.

All that can be eyeballed. I respect bakers because I don't have the wherewithal to measure things precisely or time cooking accurately.  I'll take a store bought cake in a hot minute.
 
2021-04-20 9:24:15 PM  
(I mean, it's still no on-fire demon-voice cake, but what're ya gonna do)

Holiday Baking Championship - SNL
Youtube tebBj42fC3k
 
2021-04-20 9:30:32 PM  
I don't eat a lot of sweets, but I had a craving and got a small tiramisu cake at the grocery store bakery the other day.  It was pretty good.
 
2021-04-20 9:40:04 PM  
Sign outside bakery:
Cakes like Mom used to make: $5.00
Cakes like Mom tried to make but couldn't: $10.00
 
2021-04-20 9:41:59 PM  

tintar: (I mean, it's still no on-fire demon-voice cake, but what're ya gonna do)

[YouTube video: Holiday Baking Championship - SNL]


Are those human teeth?
 
151 [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2021-04-20 9:52:09 PM  
Cake is farking disgusting.

No. I'm not trolling. I farking hate cake.
 
2021-04-20 10:09:07 PM  

Telephone Sanitizer Second Class: Excuse me, subby, but I love you madly for going the distance on this headline. Usually you're never there, and I was just going to walk on by and not click, but where would I be if you didn't have me in the palm of your hand. Just let me go, and I will survive. Don't make it tougher than it is.


I'd like to give you a dime, so that you can buy a short skirt and long jacket to wear should you decide to bomb Korea with Jolene, Daria, and Frank Sinatra. Y'all could form a team, maybe call them the Race Car Ya-Yas.  You could lounge around after on your Italian leather sofas singing sad songs and waltzes.  But I'm getting sick of you at the moment, and perhaps, perhaps, perhaps I should get back to feeding this opera singer from the palm of my hand.
 
2021-04-20 10:10:39 PM  

151: Cake is farking disgusting.

No. I'm not trolling. I farking hate cake.


I'm one of 9 people on my team at work. They were always buying cake & cupcakes that were piles and piles of frosting for birthdays from someplace that everyone raves about locally... We're all adults but i'm the only one that just can't stomach all the sweetness from that frosting; its much too much.

Brownies though? Brownies always are where its at. I think every birthday as a kid my choice was brownies or those big circular cookies you could get at the cookie place in the mall.   mom would put crushed hunks of dark chocolate in the brownies which would make them just that much more amazing.
 
151 [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2021-04-20 10:20:54 PM  

phedex: 151: Cake is farking disgusting.

No. I'm not trolling. I farking hate cake.

I'm one of 9 people on my team at work. They were always buying cake & cupcakes that were piles and piles of frosting for birthdays from someplace that everyone raves about locally... We're all adults but i'm the only one that just can't stomach all the sweetness from that frosting; its much too much.

Brownies though? Brownies always are where its at. I think every birthday as a kid my choice was brownies or those big circular cookies you could get at the cookie place in the mall.   mom would put crushed hunks of dark chocolate in the brownies which would make them just that much more amazing.


Thank you!!! I much prefer salty/savory stuff, I just don't have much of a sweet tooth at all. But you put a cheesecake or really moist chewy brownie in front of me? Woops it fell into the garbage oh well make another one...😁

So many people at my job look at me crazy when they ask me to taste sweet shiat and I just refuse. "it's your job" "fark you pretend I'm vegan, cuz no matter how good it is, I'm gonna farking throw it up"
 
2021-04-20 10:39:50 PM  

45cal: Grocery store cake is good, Grocery store fried chicken is better!


*greasy fistbump*
 
2021-04-20 10:52:47 PM  

tintar: MIL bought a layer carrot cake for my recent birfday. it was... really no complaints here. walnuts, raisins, cream-cheese frosting. I enjoyed it.

my own scratch carrot cake? is farking phenomenal. but the severe-time-cost and the money-cost, and then people often not even eat a slice (pffft, philistines) - but a grocery store cake? is always guaranteed to disappear.


The only way to be sure a carrot cake isn't going to have any damned raisins in it (or buttercream frosting instead of cream cheese - yes, I've encountered such an abomination) is to make it yourself. Well worth the endeavour. Raisins are hardly more than chewy little bits of sadness... although I'm willing to admit that I might just be bitter from having been fooled a few too many times in my youth by their seductive resemblance to chocolate chips when they appear in cookies. That's a disappointment that just never dies, apparently.

/carrot and lava are the only cakes worth their calories IMO
 
2021-04-20 11:10:53 PM  

rat_creature: The only way to be sure a carrot cake isn't going to have any damned raisins in it (or buttercream frosting instead of cream cheese - yes, I've encountered such an abomination) is to make it yourself. Well worth the endeavour. Raisins are hardly more than chewy little bits of sadness... although I'm willing to admit that I might just be bitter from having been fooled a few too many times in my youth by their seductive resemblance to chocolate chips when they appear in cookies. That's a disappointment that just never dies, apparently.

/carrot and lava are the only cakes worth their calories IMO


I actually enjoy oatmeal cookies, and I sometimes like raisins as a separate snack (well, not for years now, apparently: we just get fresh grapes now) - and sure the two are expected together (but, like you, I was fooled a few too many times before I truly realized) - it has to be chocolate chips, or nothing. I absolutely do not mind oatmeal cookies with nothing. or maybe pecans are ok.

my own carrot cake contains neither raisins nor walnuts (those, I don't particularly mind, but not my favorite) - and, agreed, I have been cruelly tricked more than once by non-cheese frosting on carrot cake. crime against nature, that is.

never made lava cake myself, but again agreed, if I see it on a menu it is 100% going to get ordered!

/at my recent birthday, the wife was meticulously picking all the raisins out of her piece of cake, while I was simply eating mine
//elle-a-dit, "I thought you didn't like raisins in baked goods"
///me: "sure, but I'm also not 3 years old"
 
2021-04-20 11:16:51 PM  

Ragin' Asian: I can make a pasta dish, do up a steak, or broil a stuffed pork chop among many other things. I've made a standing rib roast while blind drunk.

All that can be eyeballed. I respect bakers because I don't have the wherewithal to measure things precisely or time cooking accurately.  I'll take a store bought cake in a hot minute.


This guy gets it.
 
2021-04-20 11:26:01 PM  

Ragin' Asian: I can make a pasta dish, do up a steak, or broil a stuffed pork chop among many other things. I've made a standing rib roast while blind drunk.

All that can be eyeballed. I respect bakers because I don't have the wherewithal to measure things precisely or time cooking accurately.  I'll take a store bought cake in a hot minute.


Amen. That said, if you live near Torrance, you've probably gotten one of these for somebody's birthday at least once, and it is absolutely sublime. Yes, it costs more, but it's way better than any nonsense you'll get at a megamart.

popmenucloud.comView Full Size
 
2021-04-20 11:51:14 PM  
Oatmeal cookies with raisins are better than oatmeal cookies with chocolate chips.

And I love sweets, but I can do without cake. It's the worst of desserts. I agree with above that brownies are a hell of a lot harder to pass on than cake. They're more portable. Easier to eat. Denser. More fulfilling. They are everything cake wishes it could be.

That said the best cakes don't require frosting - either on the light end (Angel food) or heavy end (pound cakes).

And again, I LOVE fake flavors and sugar! I'll eat a pound of Skittles at a time.
 
2021-04-21 12:02:13 AM  
From the linked website I learned that the English put lemon juice on their pancakes. Who knew?
 
2021-04-21 12:03:13 AM  

IAmRight: Oatmeal cookies with raisins are better than oatmeal cookies with chocolate chips.

And I love sweets, but I can do without cake. It's the worst of desserts. I agree with above that brownies are a hell of a lot harder to pass on than cake. They're more portable. Easier to eat. Denser. More fulfilling. They are everything cake wishes it could be.

That said the best cakes don't require frosting - either on the light end (Angel food) or heavy end (pound cakes).

And again, I LOVE fake flavors and sugar! I'll eat a pound of Skittles at a time.


Not sure if user name check out.
 
2021-04-21 2:03:58 AM  
hmm, not sure I ever tried making these...
https://twitter.com/altonbrown/status​/​1380644356353359872

Fark user imageView Full Size


/damson thassa lotta chawklit
 
2021-04-21 4:40:04 AM  

45cal: Grocery store cake is good, Grocery store fried chicken is better!


Oddly enough, our local grocery chain has better fried chicken than the local famous chicken chain with an old sailor.
 
2021-04-21 6:09:29 AM  

grumpfuff: All condiments are acceptable for hot dogs.

NY pizza and Chicago pizza are equally good.

Its really not that hard too troll food tabs, their worse then grammar Nazis.


O.o

/tugs braid
//grinds teeth
 
2021-04-21 7:35:25 AM  

IAmRight: Oatmeal cookies with raisins are better than oatmeal cookies with chocolate chips.

...

And again, I LOVE fake flavors and sugar! I'll eat a pound of Skittles at a time.


Are you a serial killer?
 
2021-04-21 7:39:32 AM  
The author of TFA has the saddest life I could possibly imagine. Peaked at her 12th birthday party, failed out of driver's ed (she surely knows you can just go back to the DMV when you turn 18 and take the test anyway, right?), quits everything she's not instantly good at, spends all day longing for the moment when she can sit in bed with cheap red wine and a mashed up pile of store bought cake and frosting. Good God, girl. Never has someone's deep depression screamed out so loudly through a "quirky" food article.
 
2021-04-21 9:17:11 AM  

Trocadero: Ragin' Asian: I can make a pasta dish, do up a steak, or broil a stuffed pork chop among many other things. I've made a standing rib roast while blind drunk.

All that can be eyeballed. I respect bakers because I don't have the wherewithal to measure things precisely or time cooking accurately.  I'll take a store bought cake in a hot minute.

Amen. That said, if you live near Torrance, you've probably gotten one of these for somebody's birthday at least once, and it is absolutely sublime. Yes, it costs more, but it's way better than any nonsense you'll get at a megamart.

[popmenucloud.com image 750x500]


We'll be visiting the area for a family member's birthday...I need more details.
 
2021-04-21 9:49:48 AM  

Gough: Trocadero: Ragin' Asian: I can make a pasta dish, do up a steak, or broil a stuffed pork chop among many other things. I've made a standing rib roast while blind drunk.

All that can be eyeballed. I respect bakers because I don't have the wherewithal to measure things precisely or time cooking accurately.  I'll take a store bought cake in a hot minute.

Amen. That said, if you live near Torrance, you've probably gotten one of these for somebody's birthday at least once, and it is absolutely sublime. Yes, it costs more, but it's way better than any nonsense you'll get at a megamart.

[popmenucloud.com image 750x500]

We'll be visiting the area for a family member's birthday...I need more details.


discovertorrance.comView Full Size

Yes, the same people who make bread commercials w/ Guy Fieri. However, the cakes and the food are absolutely spot on. The only caveat; they have potato salad, not macaroni salad, and it's not quite as good as a few other Hawaiian joints around town, but the rest of the food is far superior to those other places. The bakery cakes are unbelievable.
 
2021-04-21 9:56:21 AM  
I'm not much of a dessert guy, I go years w/o pie and/or cake; not because I don't enjoy them, (although they tend to be overly sweet to my taste), my health isn't great and stuff like that doesn't help.

Bread otoh... I all but quit eating that too and I freaking dream about it... it calls my name.

Anyway, the last piece of store bought cake I had was something called a 'Sock it to me' cake at Walmart; and damned if I didn't think it was quite good.  Wife and kid inhaled it and got a second the following week.

/Now they go around that part of the store..
//Wife swears Wegman's chocolate chip cookies are evilicious us as well.
 
2021-04-21 10:00:51 AM  

Ragin' Asian: IAmRight: Oatmeal cookies with raisins are better than oatmeal cookies with chocolate chips.

...

And again, I LOVE fake flavors and sugar! I'll eat a pound of Skittles at a time.

Are you a serial killer?


Regular chocolate chip cookies are better than both.

But if I want an oatmeal cookie, I'm in for a hearty chew. Raisins provide that. Chocolate chips just melt, and that's what I'm looking for in a regular cookie.
 
2021-04-21 10:03:59 AM  
Skittles obviously stand alone. I would never put them in a cookie. THAT is some serial killer sh*t.

/Although I'm kinda making myself curious...
 
2021-04-21 10:12:17 AM  

IAmRight: Skittles obviously stand alone. I would never put them in a cookie. THAT is some serial killer sh*t.

/Although I'm kinda making myself curious...


https://foodbyayaka.com/soft-and-chew​y​-skittles-sugar-cookies-vegan/
I have no idea whether this is a good idea or not. I'll let you report back to us.
 
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