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(Slate)   "My girlfriend evaluated our sex life and informed me I wasn't as good as her ex, and I feel this has utterly ruined sex with her for me. What are my options here?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Sexual intercourse, Human sexual behavior, Human sexuality, Sexual arousal, Slate's sex advice column, sex life, Karen Richter, purity culture  
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629 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 20 Apr 2021 at 8:19 AM (2 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



72 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2021-04-19 10:47:30 PM  
Threesome with the ex and take notes?
 
2021-04-19 10:54:03 PM  
Whatever you do, don't knock her up. You can't be a co-parent with someone looking for every reason to put you down. At least not a very good one.
 
2021-04-19 10:54:11 PM  
Was it the enemas?  I bet it was the enemas.
 
2021-04-19 10:54:44 PM  
People often like being indirect, so this could be a case of "I'll say damning thing even if it's not true" to get rid of you. 

Or it's true and you guys are not sexually compatible, which can happen. 

At that point I'd move on. Sounds like either the beginnings of an idiotic powerplay, headgames, or someone maliciously enjoying your pain. 

Or, again, you guys aren't compatible, which is fine. Chin up, head out into the smorgasbord, try to move on.
 
2021-04-19 10:56:41 PM  
i thought butt stuff was always the answer to these things.
 
2021-04-19 10:56:53 PM  
Utterly or udderly ruined?
 
2021-04-19 11:08:01 PM  
Don't argue with her.  Just say "I didn't think your mom and my side chick would both be right about you.  I'm going to have to think about what we do now." and walk away.
 
2021-04-19 11:11:36 PM  
Well, marry her, obviously.

Who wouldn't want to spend the rest of their lives with such a catch?
 
2021-04-19 11:12:50 PM  
Geez, you guys are all so reasonable.

I was gonna go with an Angry Dragon.
 
2021-04-19 11:13:18 PM  
Umm, ask her what isn't doing it for her, what worked with here ex, and see if you can improve?  Just spitballin' here.  Unless she brings up something that is just physically impossible ("His cock was the length and girth of a roll of Bounty"), learn.
 
2021-04-19 11:13:28 PM  
^^^Sorry...meant to mention that the above link is NSFW
 
2021-04-19 11:14:57 PM  
Get out.  She'll 'evaluate' everything you do for the rest of your life otherwise.
 
2021-04-19 11:19:39 PM  

phalamir: Umm, ask her what isn't doing it for her, what worked with here ex, and see if you can improve?


That shows weakness and fear, they can detect weakness and fear and will not respect you.
 
2021-04-19 11:24:37 PM  
get out now
 
2021-04-19 11:50:45 PM  
Beat it
 
2021-04-19 11:55:15 PM  
"Your sister/best friend thought I was great..."

/"Sexual rodeo" - you bend over & whisper that in her ear while doing her doggystyle
//then try to hang on for eight seconds as she tries to buck you off/out
 
2021-04-20 12:07:35 AM  
Watch 2 girls one cup with her and tell her you love that shiat.

She will leave you real fast and it aint gonna cost ya anything.
 
2021-04-20 12:40:31 AM  
'I've been reading books on the outside just to keep up.'

Remember, we want to excel at the '3 G's':

Good
Giving
and Game.
 
2021-04-20 1:07:00 AM  
Have sex with her dad and say he was better at giving head.

/ NTTAWWT

// also, I'm gay so I'm allowed to do that joke.
 
2021-04-20 4:10:15 AM  
Get better at farking, man.
 
2021-04-20 4:58:27 AM  
Git gud, scrub?
 
2021-04-20 5:28:24 AM  

Recoil Therapy: "Your sister/best friend thought I was great..."

/"Sexual rodeo" - you bend over & whisper that in her ear while doing her doggystyle
//then try to hang on for eight seconds as she tries to buck you off/out


With that game, I thought your friends had to hide out in the closet, and then they come out and yell "Rodeo!".
 
2021-04-20 7:29:35 AM  
She's just not that into you, if she could say that. Or she's a biatch who will spend the rest of your time together criticizing you and comparing you to others and finding you lacking.

Run. Far and fast. You will be miserable if you stay.
 
2021-04-20 7:49:08 AM  
I would have been out of there before she even got finished with that statement.
 
2021-04-20 7:58:22 AM  
Take off the jean shorts.
 
2021-04-20 8:14:29 AM  
No one answering your ads anymore, Mr. Stone?
 
2021-04-20 8:27:32 AM  
"I recently asked my girlfriend how our sex life is compared with her ex,..."

Step 1: Don't ask questions you don't want an honest answer to, dummy.
 
2021-04-20 8:27:42 AM  
F*ck her dad
 
2021-04-20 8:35:24 AM  
you wanted a reassuring lie, but you got the truth.  you only have yourself to blame
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2021-04-20 8:42:06 AM  
They make pills for that.
 
2021-04-20 8:43:14 AM  
First things first:

Get a second opinion.  And a third, just to be safe.

Maybe they'll all rate you as "needs improvement."  No shame in that, everybody starts somewhere.

Of course, it's complicated.  Maybe you have the bad luck of attracting only partners who like to date redheads but only climax with blonds.  People are weird, and what's "good" can be subjective.  If the problem is something you can't realistically improve, just find another partner.   Or find another partner anyway, maybe you'll find one who's thrilled with the way you are right now.

Or, maybe you're good, but the ex was off-the-charts exciting.  That happens, get over it.  There's probably a reason why your partner is with you rather than farking their ex right now.  It's a virtual certainty that their ex was off-the-charts unstable.

So, that's a key distinction: is the situation "I wish you'd improve" or is it "the ex was better"?

But you know, if the situation is is already "thinking about this has utterly ruined sex for me", there's not much point in talking about it like reasonable people.  I don't know if your problem is jealousy, insecurity, or both, but you've got issues, man.  Try reading Rich & Stoya's answer aloud to yourself in a calming voice, have some chamomile tea, take a nap, talk to your mom on the phone.  You may be one of those lucky people who just needs a little reassurance that the world still loves you, and can then get back to your life.  coontil next week when something else will set you off, but, whatever.)   If that doesn't work, well, start drawing up a budget and schedule with room for weekly therapy for the next twenty years.
 
2021-04-20 8:43:47 AM  
The guy asked her if he was as good as her ex. She didn't bring it up.
So he's an insecure idiot and she's sick of boosting his ego.

Time to call it quits.
 
2021-04-20 8:45:49 AM  
Well don't ask dipshiat.  Just because her ex was better in the sack doesn't mean it's over.  My wife isn't as good in bed as my ex, but she is significantly more compatible in every other way.  It's taken over a decade, but she's gotten much better and it's not like the sex was awful just less exciting.
 
2021-04-20 8:47:42 AM  
Never ask
 
2021-04-20 8:52:09 AM  
Dump or get over it.
 
2021-04-20 9:01:54 AM  
F*ck her dad bad.
 
2021-04-20 9:02:33 AM  

hubiestubert: Git gud, scrub?


Came here for this, leaving very satisfied. Thanks, Hubie!
 
2021-04-20 9:05:06 AM  
The only thing you can do now is tell her that her vag stinks.
 
2021-04-20 9:09:51 AM  
Tell the mattress queen to be a little more adventurous than doggie, missionary, and the annual birthday oral, then break out the data.
 
2021-04-20 9:12:48 AM  
Sheesh just show her the shallow grave in the back yard.
 
2021-04-20 9:18:53 AM  
Tell her she's not as good as her ex either.
 
2021-04-20 9:19:34 AM  
Git gud.
 
2021-04-20 9:32:03 AM  
johnrieber.files.wordpress.comView Full Size
 
2021-04-20 9:40:00 AM  
Why are you treating sex as a job?
 
2021-04-20 9:40:16 AM  
Little Village - She Runs Hot (Video)
Youtube amGkjEZMdsE
 
2021-04-20 9:40:31 AM  

namegoeshere: She's just not that into you, if she could say that. Or she's a biatch who will spend the rest of your time together criticizing you and comparing you to others and finding you lacking.

Run. Far and fast. You will be miserable if you stay.


THIS (well, most likely).

I had a similar situation happen to me a long time ago. Pretty much killed everything for me.
 
2021-04-20 9:41:09 AM  
My wife is not as good or adventurous as my ex that was immediately previous to her. She's never directly asked and I've never directly told, but I'm pretty sure it's a known thing. And actually, it's no big deal, because she also knows my ex was good in bed but really bad in most other relationship aspects. So, on the whole, a lower score in the sexytime stat is more than offset by much higher scores in the dependability, responsibility, logic, and not-being-a-farking-psycho stats. As long as the sex is still mutually satisfying you're good.
 
2021-04-20 9:44:25 AM  
geeze.. everybody missed the obvious answer..
Have sex with the ex.  Find out if shes right.
 
2021-04-20 10:00:28 AM  
Since you asked her about former lovers you're too stupid to do anything correct in the first place.

At this point you're her biatch. Get ready for happy international women's day.
 
2021-04-20 10:15:21 AM  
shiat, I thought being good in bed was a personality trait!
 
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