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(Slate)   "My twin sister decided the best way to stand out and look different at my wedding was to dye her hair a bright orange. I'm worried everyone will notice her and not me. What can I do?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Marriage, Family, 2007 singles, Mother, heart of hearts, son's school, Q. Left, kind of a fight  
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354 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 13 Apr 2021 at 3:40 AM (4 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



56 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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TWX [TotalFark]
2021-04-12 10:40:45 PM  
Yeah, that's awkward.

Put jet-black dye in her shampoo.
 
2021-04-12 10:42:27 PM  
You have to be one epic loser to write to the press about that. FFS.
 
2021-04-12 10:42:34 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-04-12 10:46:11 PM  
Bring a can of spray paint.
 
2021-04-12 10:47:10 PM  
Fark the best man in the cloak room and live stream it.
 
2021-04-12 10:49:03 PM  
Fist fight!
 
2021-04-12 10:52:02 PM  
This is your sister's damage on display. Couching it as your problem makes you the crazy person. Let it go.
 
2021-04-12 10:54:24 PM  

TWX: Yeah, that's awkward.

Put jet-black dye in her shampoo.


Nair in her conditioner.
 
TWX [TotalFark]
2021-04-12 11:12:56 PM  

Redh8t: TWX: Yeah, that's awkward.

Put jet-black dye in her shampoo.

Nair in her conditioner.


An English teacher in high school, who it sounds like had got around quite a bit in her younger years, told us a story of going on vacation to some place like Cabo San Lucas with a paramour.  Apparently she didn't know just how hairy he was, and halfway through their trip, instead of helping him apply suntan oil she rubbed him over with nair, and after he started feeling itchy and left the sand to go swim, his hair sort of slipped off and floated away.
 
2021-04-12 11:40:37 PM  
For once, "the butt" is not the answer
 
2021-04-12 11:45:25 PM  
Maybe it is so your husband bangs the right one on the big night. He needs to be able to tell the difference.
 
2021-04-13 12:20:39 AM  

TWX: Redh8t: TWX: Yeah, that's awkward.

Put jet-black dye in her shampoo.

Nair in her conditioner.

An English teacher in high school, who it sounds like had got around quite a bit in her younger years, told us a story of going on vacation to some place like Cabo San Lucas with a paramour.  Apparently she didn't know just how hairy he was, and halfway through their trip, instead of helping him apply suntan oil she rubbed him over with nair, and after he started feeling itchy and left the sand to go swim, his hair sort of slipped off and floated away.


Interesting. He probably thought the chemical burns were just a sunburn.
I've only used Nair once. It's unpleasant. Only afterwards I learned it wasn't meant for my cock n ballz, nor my gals labia majora... :-/
 
2021-04-13 3:29:28 AM  
Redh8t:
Interesting. He probably thought the chemical burns were just a sunburn.
I've only used Nair once. It's unpleasant. Only afterwards I learned it wasn't meant for my cock n ballz, nor my gals labia majora... :-/


Amateur.  I wipe my ass with it.  It's the only way I can feel anything anymore.
 
2021-04-13 3:45:10 AM  
Pffft!
Are you new?
Fark user imageView Full Size


Take it like a champ, or f*ck off!

/kids these days......
 
2021-04-13 3:50:34 AM  
You know how a lot of the times the bride maids are forced to wear ugly dresses? She wants to be the center of attention so much, have them go nekkid.
 
2021-04-13 4:08:04 AM  
Does her carpet match the curtains?
 
2021-04-13 4:12:04 AM  

Mr_Vimes: Does her carpet match the curtains?


Yes.

Fark user imageView Full Size


Why?
 
2021-04-13 4:35:56 AM  

Redh8t: Mr_Vimes: Does her carpet match the curtains?

Yes.

[Fark user image 425x311]

Why?


This Unicorn Changed the Way I Poop - #SquattyPotty
Youtube YbYWhdLO43Q
 
2021-04-13 4:52:58 AM  
Man you can really tell when siblings decide to make a lifelong contest out of being the biggest attention whore in the room
 
2021-04-13 5:01:36 AM  
Boards of Canada | Aquarius
Youtube t-FDW-dEBKQ
 
2021-04-13 5:06:40 AM  
Dye your hair glowing green. Illuminate your hair from within, preferably with a seizure-inducing strobelight. Add some random laser beams.

But most importantly, this:
nypost.comView Full Size
 
2021-04-13 5:32:45 AM  

Redh8t: Mr_Vimes: Does her carpet match the curtains?

Yes.

[Fark user image image 425x311]

Why?


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-04-13 5:38:53 AM  

turbocucumber: Dye your hair glowing green. Illuminate your hair from within, preferably with a seizure-inducing strobelight. Add some random laser beams.

But most importantly, this:
[nypost.com image 850x566]


Dude, I so want a bustier that makes my boobs glow!
 
2021-04-13 6:37:52 AM  

fataldragonfly: turbocucumber: Dye your hair glowing green. Illuminate your hair from within, preferably with a seizure-inducing strobelight. Add some random laser beams.

But most importantly, this:
[nypost.com image 850x566]

Dude, I so want a bustier that makes my boobs glow!


It's, uh, underglow for her implants.
 
2021-04-13 6:41:43 AM  
I'm pretty sure that most people have fluorescent hair now.  I haven't been paying much attention, with the masks and all, but those don't look like natural hair colors.

Besides, no one will outshine you in your wedding dress of glitter.
 
2021-04-13 6:45:41 AM  

mrparks: fataldragonfly: turbocucumber: Dye your hair glowing green. Illuminate your hair from within, preferably with a seizure-inducing strobelight. Add some random laser beams.

But most importantly, this:
[nypost.com image 850x566]

Dude, I so want a bustier that makes my boobs glow!

It's, uh, underglow for her implants.


Oh...oops how embarrassing.

/Wanders off sheepishly
 
2021-04-13 6:45:57 AM  

fataldragonfly: turbocucumber: Dye your hair glowing green. Illuminate your hair from within, preferably with a seizure-inducing strobelight. Add some random laser beams.

But most importantly, this:
[nypost.com image 850x566]

Dude, I so want a bustier that makes my boobs glow!


That's not a bustier, that's a bustiest.
 
2021-04-13 7:03:53 AM  
"(S)he wanted to make sure she stood out in photos..."

Protip: don't get entangled with women who want to "stand out" at other people's weddings.

/Yet another subset of Rule #1 ("Don't go to bed with crazy.")
 
2021-04-13 7:47:57 AM  
The whole concept of marriage and pledging undying devotion to one person is stupid to begin with.  Weddings and receptions are even stupider.  Throw an overly expensive party where you dress up in costume to make a super duper, I really mean it, I am so very sincere about this lifetime mutual property oath.  That sounds like something a hormone riddled pubescent teen would do, or maybe an authoritarian old jerk would insist on.

Your sister with the dyed hair is the sensible one, treating the occasion with the solemnity that it deserves.  None.  She's keeping it playful and fun, as it should be.  After the inevitable divorce, you'll look back on the pictures that you paid way the hell too much for, and realize, "yeah, orange hair sister had it right."

/I should be an advice columnist.
 
2021-04-13 7:48:03 AM  
Welp, off to Pornhub to search for "glow in the dark tits".

/rule 34
 
2021-04-13 7:54:37 AM  
I'm sure this is a very important matter.
 
2021-04-13 8:04:03 AM  

GardenWeasel: For once, "the butt" is not the answer


Tell everyone how you're going to do butt stuff with your husband and her partner on the big night. The attention will be all yours.

/butt stuff is ALWAYS the answer.
 
2021-04-13 8:04:55 AM  
What you do: stop investing so much of everything on the bridezilla industry. No one really gives a shiat about your vanity party if you're not 18.
 
2021-04-13 8:15:33 AM  
I've seen this anime.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-04-13 8:56:16 AM  
Future Breeze - Why Don't You Dance With Me (Official Video)
Youtube yvSJoOKvako
 
2021-04-13 8:58:06 AM  

foo monkey: Redh8t:
Interesting. He probably thought the chemical burns were just a sunburn.
I've only used Nair once. It's unpleasant. Only afterwards I learned it wasn't meant for my cock n ballz, nor my gals labia majora... :-/

Amateur.  I wipe my ass with it.  It's the only way I can feel anything anymore.


Trent...?
 
2021-04-13 9:12:32 AM  

turbocucumber: Dye your hair glowing green. Illuminate your hair from within, preferably with a seizure-inducing strobelight. Add some random laser beams.

But most importantly, this:
[nypost.com image 850x566]


She's cute, but the odd crease in the bolt-ons doesn't do any favors.

/Still hit it?
 
2021-04-13 9:20:55 AM  
article: 'Orange' admits that she dyed it specifically to attention-whore.
Not cool.
They'll end up asking the photographer to pshop out that hair.
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-04-13 9:30:29 AM  
im2.ezgif.comView Full Size
 
2021-04-13 9:39:43 AM  
Take lots of photos. I mean a farking shiatload of photos. Don't forget to make copies. Drag them out regularly to mock her.
 
2021-04-13 9:44:50 AM  
Cut the cloth covering your tits out of your dress.  That will get the attention back on you, where it belongs on your special day.
 
2021-04-13 9:44:59 AM  
at her wedding wear white and dye your hair purple.  and fark her fiance.
 
2021-04-13 10:08:41 AM  

debug: Cut the cloth covering your tits out of your dress.  That will get the attention back on you, where it belongs on your special day.


Just one.
One boobie on display is classy (Google "Agnes Sorel").

allthatsinteresting.comView Full Size
 
2021-04-13 11:03:10 AM  

Nick Nostril: Welp, off to Pornhub to search for "glow in the dark tits".

/rule 34


I thought porn was the only place where all the giggity happened in good lighting. Though I don't watch a lot of it.

/That's my story, and I'm sticking to it like a BBW MILF doing DP PIV on a vinyl mattress cover
 
2021-04-13 12:36:11 PM  

nanim: They'll end up asking the photographer to pshop out that hair.


Then, in no time, we will get another Slate piece on "My twin sister only has two photos of me in of all her wedding photos, should I be angry?"
 
2021-04-13 12:44:39 PM  
The second question was much more interesting.

Finding out right after your wedding that your new spouse is now asexual and that you have a lifetime of being berated for your desire to be sexually active with her is the stuff of nightmares.

I would skip the counseling and go straight for an annulment. I hope her family paid for the wedding.
 
2021-04-13 1:01:56 PM  
1) No One Notices, I Think I'll Dye My Hair Blue: STFU and GTHOI are probably the best options.  And you'll have embarrassing photos to use against her for the rest of her life.

2) And With You Is Where I Belong.  That's Why I Sing This Honeymoon Song: DTMFA.  That's classic bait and switch.  You've been decieved.  GTFO.

3) Omar And The Daycares: Are you sure it's unlicensed?  Or is it licensed and not obeying public health rules?  Neither is good.  You do have to ask yourself, if some tragedy happened there which reporting it could have prevented, could you live with it?  Let that guide you.

4) I'd Like To Introduce Myself.  I'm The Other Woman: STFU and MYOB.

5) Mother's Little Helper: The response at the time about how your spouse seems to shoulder more responsibility should have been "all the more reason to take the time to get to know you better."  But you didn't do that so keep your plans and do what you set out to do in the first place.

6) I Just Wish I Could Have Told Him In The Living Years: WTF is wrong with you? Yes, tell you son his dad died.  No, there isn't going to be a good time.  GTHOY and do it.

7) Photographs And Memories.  All The Love You Gave To Me: One could write a few scholarly papers about American hangups on nudity and sex, misogyny and so forth as it relates to revenge porn and why it works as a way to hurt someone.  Your spouse is likely never gonna get it.  Feel free to try, but if "it's against the law" isn't enough....

8) What Are Words For II: No no no. All color.  For the leverage.

9) Omar And The Daycares II: As I said, if the letter writer can live with potentially tragic consequences that could have been prevented by reporting, then there's your answer.  I couldn't.

10) Last Will In Temperament (Classic): Let me get this straight...you feel your estranged sibling should now step up to help care for your mother who abused him but even if he does, he shouldn't get anything for it?  GFY.  You want to punish him for your choices?  You didn't have to sacrifice what you did.  FRO.
 
2021-04-13 1:16:59 PM  

TWX: Redh8t: TWX: Yeah, that's awkward.

Put jet-black dye in her shampoo.

Nair in her conditioner.

An English teacher in high school, who it sounds like had got around quite a bit in her younger years, told us a story of going on vacation to some place like Cabo San Lucas with a paramour.  Apparently she didn't know just how hairy he was, and halfway through their trip, instead of helping him apply suntan oil she rubbed him over with nair, and after he started feeling itchy and left the sand to go swim, his hair sort of slipped off and floated away.


I hope he took it in good humor, but medicating someone without their consent (especially when substituting for another medication whose medical properties was guiding the person's decisions) is seriously bad shiat.
 
TWX [TotalFark]
2021-04-13 1:32:19 PM  

Enigmamf: TWX: Redh8t: TWX: Yeah, that's awkward.

Put jet-black dye in her shampoo.

Nair in her conditioner.

An English teacher in high school, who it sounds like had got around quite a bit in her younger years, told us a story of going on vacation to some place like Cabo San Lucas with a paramour.  Apparently she didn't know just how hairy he was, and halfway through their trip, instead of helping him apply suntan oil she rubbed him over with nair, and after he started feeling itchy and left the sand to go swim, his hair sort of slipped off and floated away.

I hope he took it in good humor, but medicating someone without their consent (especially when substituting for another medication whose medical properties was guiding the person's decisions) is seriously bad shiat.


This was the seventies and undoubtedly there were certain implications if you catch my drift.

The teacher fashioned herself after Mary Tyler Moore from her self-titled sitcom.  The seventies seems to have been when she peaked.  Her look was anchronistic twenty years later.
 
2021-04-13 5:00:03 PM  
Change the places
 
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