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(We Are Central PA)   Poor lady had to fill out a police report for $700 in cash, various bank cards, and sex toys valued at around $160. I mean they caught the guy, but still, I don't think she's getting it all back   (wearecentralpa.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Burglary, Trespass, Money, Michael Holden, Robbery, burglary charges, Crime, Pittsburgh Pirates  
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2233 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Apr 2021 at 6:30 AM (3 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



32 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-04-12 9:20:00 PM  
She did the right thing, no shame.
 
2021-04-12 9:30:06 PM  
What about the Credence?
 
2021-04-12 9:50:44 PM  
The last time I had an apartment if the rent wasn't paid up in full by the end of business hours on the 5th there was a huge penalty and the landlord was within their rights to start eviction proceedings. Maybe she and her sex toys had a special arrangement with the super?
 
2021-04-13 6:41:27 AM  
I turned out to be right when I had a hunch she knew the thief. I'm thinking he was a former lover, that the money was a debt, and there's legitimate dispute on whether the toys were his or gifted to her. Taking the bank cards was just spiteful.
 
2021-04-13 7:00:03 AM  
$160? So, just the one vibe then?
 
2021-04-13 7:00:21 AM  
Wanted for questioning.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-04-13 7:00:28 AM  
Sounds like a classic smash, cash, gash and dash crime.
 
2021-04-13 7:01:51 AM  
Have police recovered the $50 worth of sex toys?
 
2021-04-13 7:14:47 AM  

Omnis_evil_twin: $160? So, just the one vibe then?


Shoot, there's toys these days that go for $300 or better. 56 functions, rechargeable, silicone, app control etc. Or so I've heard.


/no we don't have any like that
//but I was doing research for a Valentines gift
 
2021-04-13 7:18:02 AM  
I always wanted to be some lady's sex toy. But, all I've  ever got was "Hey you, come here".
 
2021-04-13 7:27:11 AM  

Point02GPA: I always wanted to be some lady's sex toy. But, all I've  ever got was "Hey you, come here".


Well?
Did you come there?
 
2021-04-13 7:28:54 AM  
Black Market Sex Toys would make a pretty good name for a band.
 
2021-04-13 7:30:48 AM  
What would cops do with confiscated sex toys? Explain it to me. Slowly.

Wait. Central Pennsylvania. Forget I said anything.
 
2021-04-13 7:31:12 AM  

Nick Nostril: Black Market Sex Toys would make a pretty good name for a band.


Buzzcocks tribute band
 
2021-04-13 7:38:30 AM  

Point02GPA: I always wanted to be some lady's sex toy. But, all I've  ever got was "Hey you, come here".


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-04-13 7:39:07 AM  

vudukungfu: Point02GPA: I always wanted to be some lady's sex toy. But, all I've  ever got was "Hey you, come here".

Well?
Did you come there?


Just a grown or two.
 
2021-04-13 7:43:38 AM  
. . . I don't think she's getting it all back

Is she going to want it all back? I mean, considering the lack of provenance and all.
 
2021-04-13 7:49:35 AM  

steklo: Point02GPA: I always wanted to be some lady's sex toy. But, all I've  ever got was "Hey you, come here".

[Fark user image 640x541]


Nice knees...I'd hit it...or, at least grown a couple of times
 
2021-04-13 8:11:02 AM  

steklo: Point02GPA: I always wanted to be some lady's sex toy. But, all I've  ever got was "Hey you, come here".

[Fark user image image 640x541]


Mom???
 
2021-04-13 8:16:04 AM  

Point02GPA: Nice knees...I'd hit it..


The way I imagine it is that she was at the local bar the night before, spotted a man, had him buy her a few drinks and then later, wound up back at her trailer. The following morning, the man decides to get up before she woke up but she did and now she's standing at the door trying to get him back.

Or...

The paper boy dropped off the newspaper and she wants him to come in.

ThatGuyFromTheInternet: Mom???


If that was my mom, I would ask dad what the hell was he thinking....
 
2021-04-13 8:52:01 AM  
Dear Penthouse letter, you won't believe what happened.
 
2021-04-13 8:52:08 AM  

Gleeman: Omnis_evil_twin: $160? So, just the one vibe then?

Shoot, there's toys these days that go for $300 or better. 56 functions, rechargeable, silicone, app control etc. Or so I've heard.



I have no shame in admitting that this was $500 well spent:

https://www.hismith.co.uk/
 
2021-04-13 9:31:52 AM  

See My Az Go: Gleeman: Omnis_evil_twin: $160? So, just the one vibe then?

Shoot, there's toys these days that go for $300 or better. 56 functions, rechargeable, silicone, app control etc. Or so I've heard.


I have no shame in admitting that this was $500 well spent:

https://www.hismith.co.uk/


You didn't try to MacGyver one out of a saw saw?
 
2021-04-13 9:48:13 AM  

jimjays: I turned out to be right when I had a hunch she knew the thief. I'm thinking he was a former lover, that the money was a debt, and there's legitimate dispute on whether the toys were his or gifted to her. Taking the bank cards was just spiteful.


Yes to former lover, probably jilted.

Because sex toys...

Because no guy wants to come home from work, day after day, at 6pm to the sound of a 5000 watt generator powering a 10 lb peener pounder with foam padded side grip handles and a 3 gallon top mount lube reservoir red-lining in the back bedroom for an hour just so he can make his own TV dinner and sleep on the couch again because his wife says she is "too tired for sex"

From what I've read, anyway. In Popular Mechanics.
 
2021-04-13 9:52:01 AM  

dr_iacovone: You didn't try to MacGyver one out of a saw saw?


If I wanted to work that hard, I wouldn't have needed the machine in the first place!

/ I have tiny hands
// sometimes the manual toys hurt my wrists
/// slashies
 
2021-04-13 9:54:34 AM  

Ragin' Asian: What would cops do with confiscated sex toys? Explain it to me. Slowly.

Wait. Central Pennsylvania. Forget I said anything.


Haha
Central Pennsylvania Sex Toys.

Good name for a Bruce Springsteen cover band.

/ more likely the hand tool section in the garden shop at Walmart
// big Pennsylvania women use plastic wrap and little Pennsylvania men as sex toys
/// police won't even respond until the screaming stops
 
2021-04-13 12:41:01 PM  
Some things you just don't want back.
 
2021-04-13 2:18:50 PM  

dr_iacovone: See My Az Go: Gleeman: Omnis_evil_twin: $160? So, just the one vibe then?

Shoot, there's toys these days that go for $300 or better. 56 functions, rechargeable, silicone, app control etc. Or so I've heard.


I have no shame in admitting that this was $500 well spent:

https://www.hismith.co.uk/

You didn't try to MacGyver one out of a saw saw?


Wouldn't one saw be enough?
 
2021-04-13 3:37:12 PM  

Bslim: What about the Credence?



Police report that Fogerty has an airtight alibi.
 
2021-04-13 3:54:22 PM  

1funguy: Ragin' Asian: What would cops do with confiscated sex toys? Explain it to me. Slowly.

Wait. Central Pennsylvania. Forget I said anything.

Haha
Central Pennsylvania Sex Toys.

Good name for a Bruce Springsteen cover band.

/ more likely the hand tool section in the garden shop at Walmart
// big Pennsylvania women use plastic wrap and little Pennsylvania men as sex toys
/// police won't even respond until the screaming stops


the screaming never stops
 
2021-04-13 4:12:36 PM  

ThatGuyFromTheInternet: steklo: Point02GPA: I always wanted to be some lady's sex toy. But, all I've  ever got was "Hey you, come here".

[Fark user image image 640x541]

Mom???


I gotta remember not to get reddit jokes mixed into my Fark jokes.
 
2021-04-14 12:16:14 PM  
media.giphy.comView Full Size
 
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