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(Wired)   Lay down your pessimism doomdayers, here's how to survive a killer asteroid. Better luck with your next apocalypse   (wired.com) divider line
    More: Interesting, Impact event, Earth, Asteroid, Planet, Atmosphere, Moon, Chicxulub asteroid, Cretaceous  
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923 clicks; posted to STEM » on 11 Apr 2021 at 11:50 AM (4 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



38 Comments     (+0 »)
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2021-04-11 9:13:21 AM  
Why would I want to?

The only reasonable way to survive a killer asteroid is with a robust planetary defense already positioned throughout the solar system.

The first step is detection and we've already farked that up because Constellation satellite based cheap internet was somehow more important for someone's bank account.

So tired of mouth breather silver spoon assholes getting to risk our lives because freedums.
 
2021-04-11 11:18:09 AM  
How to survive an asteroid:

1. Don't be on a planet that gets hit by an asteroid.

2. Don't let your planet get hit. Theoretically, you can use a rocket attached to the asteroid to nudge it off course....if you have enough time.
 
2021-04-11 11:48:50 AM  
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2021-04-11 12:12:31 PM  
I bought an umbrella.
 
2021-04-11 12:33:42 PM  
I'm not worried about dying, I'm worried about surviving.
 
2021-04-11 12:35:34 PM  
iheartscotch:

2. Don't let your planet get hit. Theoretically, you can use a rocket attached to the asteroid to nudge it off course....if you have enough time.

Doesn't have to be attached, depending on how much time you have to change course. An object with relatively low mass can be orbited and minor changes in the orbit of the orbiting object can force trajectory changes the orbited object. In this case, the asteroid would be orbited then you'd apply slight changes to your orbiter's orbit. This interaction will slightly alter the course of the asteroid because while your orbiter is interacted on by the gravity of asteroid, the asteroid is also affected, however slightly, by the gravity of the orbiter.
 
2021-04-11 12:46:50 PM  
I'll just stand under the thing with a baseball bat and give it a good smack. That ought to fix things good.
 
2021-04-11 12:49:49 PM  
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2021-04-11 12:50:32 PM  

Sanguine Dawn: iheartscotch:

2. Don't let your planet get hit. Theoretically, you can use a rocket attached to the asteroid to nudge it off course....if you have enough time.

Doesn't have to be attached, depending on how much time you have to change course. An object with relatively low mass can be orbited and minor changes in the orbit of the orbiting object can force trajectory changes the orbited object. In this case, the asteroid would be orbited then you'd apply slight changes to your orbiter's orbit. This interaction will slightly alter the course of the asteroid because while your orbiter is interacted on by the gravity of asteroid, the asteroid is also affected, however slightly, by the gravity of the orbiter.


If we weren't such a bunch of failures at having a decent, pleasant, non-suicidal global society, such a maneuver could be used to insert an asteroid into a Lagrange point and become a well spring of metals and manufacturing, making our species unfathomably rich.

But instead we have a Tesla around Mars.
 
2021-04-11 1:29:15 PM  

Nimbull: I'll just stand under the thing with a baseball bat and give it a good smack. That ought to fix things good.


I think you meant guitar.

FLCL - Swing your bat
Youtube Q1X7K0NL5VU
 
2021-04-11 1:40:12 PM  
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2021-04-11 1:43:23 PM  
Get to the point!
 
2021-04-11 1:52:27 PM  
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2021-04-11 2:05:27 PM  

yohohogreengiant: The first step is detection and we've already farked that up because Constellation satellite based cheap internet was somehow more important for someone's bank account.


We should have some unmanned (but set up for short term visits) outposts on the Moon and at also at the L4 and L5 Earth-Sun Lagrange points with various types of telescopes for as much information-gathering as we can manage.  Because science, but it'd also be a good opportunity for mapping NEOs.
 
2021-04-11 2:17:15 PM  
I'll just hide in a refrigerator.
 
2021-04-11 2:23:07 PM  

Unsung_Hero: yohohogreengiant: The first step is detection and we've already farked that up because Constellation satellite based cheap internet was somehow more important for someone's bank account.

We should have some unmanned (but set up for short term visits) outposts on the Moon and at also at the L4 and L5 Earth-Sun Lagrange points with various types of telescopes for as much information-gathering as we can manage.  Because science, but it'd also be a good opportunity for mapping NEOs.


Oh. You also sound like you're interested in a future worth living for our species! Wow. We should start a farking club. Or a farking-club. Idk.

This issue frustrates me.
 
2021-04-11 2:27:01 PM  
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2021-04-11 2:37:48 PM  

falkone32: I'm not worried about dying, I'm worried about surviving.


I would want to be so close to the impact that I'd be killed by the rock hitting me on the head.  Instant vaporization seems preferable to boiling, broiling, suffocating, freezing, crushing or starving to death.
 
2021-04-11 2:39:16 PM  

WordsnCollision: [Fark user image image 620x1015]


I regret every minute I wasted reading that book.
 
2021-04-11 2:41:09 PM  

Raoul Eaton: I would want to be so close to the impact that I'd be killed by the rock hitting me on the head.


I find it disappointing that this is actually impossible.  You'd be vaporised by the leading shock wave an instant before anything solid got to you.

The only way to actually get hit by the rock is to get in its way in space... and even if you manage to get a boost to orbit and exit your spaceship perfectly lined up, presumably there's still a space suit between you and the asteroid so you don't have to experience direct vacuum exposure while you wait.
 
2021-04-11 3:14:39 PM  

Unsung_Hero: Raoul Eaton: I would want to be so close to the impact that I'd be killed by the rock hitting me on the head.

I find it disappointing that this is actually impossible.  You'd be vaporised by the leading shock wave an instant before anything solid got to you.

The only way to actually get hit by the rock is to get in its way in space... and even if you manage to get a boost to orbit and exit your spaceship perfectly lined up, presumably there's still a space suit between you and the asteroid so you don't have to experience direct vacuum exposure while you wait.


Ok fine.  I want to be on the backside of the asteroid, in a spacesuit with enough O2 that I can ride that bad boy in Slim Pickens style.
 
2021-04-11 3:16:31 PM  
Also this is a good argument for coed submarine crews.
 
2021-04-11 3:17:29 PM  

Unsung_Hero: Raoul Eaton: I would want to be so close to the impact that I'd be killed by the rock hitting me on the head.

I find it disappointing that this is actually impossible.  You'd be vaporised by the leading shock wave an instant before anything solid got to you.

The only way to actually get hit by the rock is to get in its way in space... and even if you manage to get a boost to orbit and exit your spaceship perfectly lined up, presumably there's still a space suit between you and the asteroid so you don't have to experience direct vacuum exposure while you wait.


I was speaking metaphorically. I know it's not like getting hit on the head with a rock.
 
2021-04-11 3:31:28 PM  

Raoul Eaton: I know it's not like getting hit on the head with a rock.


I was NOT speaking metaphorically; even knowing there's no practical way to arrange being at the right place and time anyway, I still find it somehow disappointing that it's actually impossible to get personally squished by a massive asteroid.
 
2021-04-11 3:56:19 PM  
Why would i want to?
 
2021-04-11 4:10:32 PM  
Hard pass. I take gamma ray burst for complete sterilization.
 
2021-04-11 4:24:34 PM  

iheartscotch: Theoretically, you can use a rocket attached to the asteroid to nudge it off course....if you have enough time.


Enh, for some asteroids, sure. For a lot of them, they'd just sorta break up and then reform because they're just loosely held together by gravity and aren't really "solid" in the conventional sense.

Sanguine

Dawn:
This interaction will slightly alter the course of the asteroid because while your orbiter is interacted on by the gravity of asteroid, the asteroid is also affected, however slightly, by the gravity of the orbiter.


The gravity tractor is a great option. So is  "splash white paint on one side of the asteroid" because that'll let radiation pressure from the sun apply energy into changing its course.

All in all, dealing with an incoming asteroid is pretty easy, if you have lead time. A small force applied over a long period of time will do the job.

(Also, any plausibly sized asteroid that strikes the Earth would still leave the planet more habitable than Mars, so that's something to think about when picking interplanetary vacation destinations)
 
2021-04-11 5:07:17 PM  
If you like impact data then you will like this.

Chicxlub in real time for the 1st hour.

You ded
 
2021-04-11 5:07:39 PM  

White_Scarf_Syndrome: If you like impact data then you will like this.

Chicxlub in real time for the 1st hour.

You ded


https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ya3w1bv​a​xaQ
 
2021-04-11 6:19:41 PM  
Reads article....

High capacity SSD of the best of Angela White? Missing.

55 gallon drum of lube? Missing.

I think I'll pass on whatever it is that article calls "survival"
 
2021-04-11 6:50:30 PM  

yohohogreengiant: Why would I want to?

The only reasonable way to survive a killer asteroid is with a robust planetary defense already positioned throughout the solar system.

The first step is detection and we've already farked that up because Constellation satellite based cheap internet was somehow more important for someone's bank account.

So tired of mouth breather silver spoon assholes getting to risk our lives because freedums.


Yeah yeah, we know. Your infinitesimally tiny odds of a world-ending event in our lifetime is vastly more important than rural broadband internet worldwide. Fark those poors, right?
 
2021-04-11 7:48:15 PM  

BolloxReader: yohohogreengiant: Why would I want to?

The only reasonable way to survive a killer asteroid is with a robust planetary defense already positioned throughout the solar system.

The first step is detection and we've already farked that up because Constellation satellite based cheap internet was somehow more important for someone's bank account.

So tired of mouth breather silver spoon assholes getting to risk our lives because freedums.

Yeah yeah, we know. Your infinitesimally tiny odds of a world-ending event in our lifetime is vastly more important than rural broadband internet worldwide. Fark those poors, right?


It's fun and games until it's your ass.

There are many ways to provide rural broadband.

Satellite constellations are just dumb.
 
2021-04-11 7:55:11 PM  

yohohogreengiant: BolloxReader: yohohogreengiant: Why would I want to?

The only reasonable way to survive a killer asteroid is with a robust planetary defense already positioned throughout the solar system.

The first step is detection and we've already farked that up because Constellation satellite based cheap internet was somehow more important for someone's bank account.

So tired of mouth breather silver spoon assholes getting to risk our lives because freedums.

Yeah yeah, we know. Your infinitesimally tiny odds of a world-ending event in our lifetime is vastly more important than rural broadband internet worldwide. Fark those poors, right?

It's fun and games until it's your ass.

There are many ways to provide rural broadband.

Satellite constellations are just dumb.


Nobody else is doing anything to provide it, and just its existence is going to transform the cultural landscape, if it allows people to work remotely from anywhere in the country. Then we may get enough population redistribution in this country to deal with real, pressing problems that definitely do lead to people needlessly dying.
 
2021-04-11 8:41:55 PM  

t3knomanser: so that's something to think about when picking interplanetary vacation destinations)


Hahahahahaa FOOLS how could you miss the answer to this trick question?

I choose to vacation ON THE ASTEROID. booyah i win
 
2021-04-11 9:05:12 PM  

BolloxReader: yohohogreengiant: BolloxReader: yohohogreengiant: Why would I want to?

The only reasonable way to survive a killer asteroid is with a robust planetary defense already positioned throughout the solar system.

The first step is detection and we've already farked that up because Constellation satellite based cheap internet was somehow more important for someone's bank account.

So tired of mouth breather silver spoon assholes getting to risk our lives because freedums.

Yeah yeah, we know. Your infinitesimally tiny odds of a world-ending event in our lifetime is vastly more important than rural broadband internet worldwide. Fark those poors, right?

It's fun and games until it's your ass.

There are many ways to provide rural broadband.

Satellite constellations are just dumb.

Nobody else is doing anything to provide it, and just its existence is going to transform the cultural landscape, if it allows people to work remotely from anywhere in the country. Then we may get enough population redistribution in this country to deal with real, pressing problems that definitely do lead to people needlessly dying.


Redistribution of population?

Are you serious?

Environmentally and economically supporting small rural populations with all the conveniences of urban areas is the problem.  It's cheaper and more efficient to live in cities.

Politically, red, rural USA is destroying the country. They're the Trumpers and Confederates. They require welfare from the very cities they harm politically.

It's the cities who inevitably have to subsidize rural areas at great cost, pain, and political marginalizing.

Talk to me about providing broadband in poor inner cities where it is actually affordable to do in actual dollars and well reach far, far more people.

Or is there something about all those city folk that are somehow different than the comparitively small number of rural dwellers? That they have to suffer to subsidize? Let us know

Don't create an environmental problem to ameliorate an artificially induced social one.

And yeah, if you want a planetary defense, you'll need to look at the farking night sky duh.

It's math.
 
2021-04-11 9:49:48 PM  

Bennie Crabtree: I choose to vacation ON THE ASTEROID. booyah i win


Asteroid habitats actually make way more sense than Mars habitats, so yes, I think you're right!
 
2021-04-11 9:56:51 PM  

Autoerotic Defenestration: [Fark user image image 500x753]


I'm sure Kermit would prefer we all use the Oxford comma.
 
2021-04-12 9:51:46 AM  

yohohogreengiant: Environmentally and economically supporting small rural populations with all the conveniences of urban areas is the problem.  It's cheaper and more efficient to live in cities.


Yeah, how's that been working out for people lately?
 
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