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(Slate)   "My husband enjoys playing pranks. Constantly. I hate them. With a passion. I've asked and begged him to stop, but he won't listen. What are my options here?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, 2007 singles, 2009 singles, 2008 singles, husband's pranks, Friendship, All That You Can't Leave Behind, Billboard Hot Country Songs number-one singles, Q. Lack of contrition  
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371 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 09 Mar 2021 at 5:43 AM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



58 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2021-03-08 10:55:39 PM  
Kick him square in the nuts, then laugh and laugh. "What a funny prank that was!"  Kick him in the nuts again and again until he stops 'playing pranks'.
 
2021-03-08 10:57:51 PM  
article: 'When we started dating, the pranks were small, like hiding my keys or startling me. But over the years they've grown meaner and scarier.'

Yes, this full grown adult has a mean teen brain, doing escalation.
 
2021-03-08 11:21:27 PM  
Sleep with his brother.
 
2021-03-08 11:23:47 PM  
Shoot him in the face.
 
2021-03-08 11:27:19 PM  
Divorce.
 
2021-03-08 11:35:28 PM  
Replace all the astroglide with superglue, leave porn around and complain loudly about having a UTI and that all these pranks have turned your vagina into a sand trap, please go masturbate dear husband.
 
2021-03-08 11:49:33 PM  
Burn the house down
 
2021-03-08 11:59:28 PM  

no1curr: Burn the house down


No, the house has value.  Just set the husband on fire.
 
jbc [TotalFark]
2021-03-09 12:03:18 AM  
When you hand him the divorce papers, wear a joy buzzer.
 
2021-03-09 12:15:56 AM  
This sort of shiate isn't a prank, it's just cruelty:
He pretended to run over our cat

Run. Run as fast as you can.
 
2021-03-09 1:30:37 AM  
That's abuse, not pranks. If you asked him to stop and he won't, that is akin to rape.
 
2021-03-09 1:35:37 AM  

sithon: That's abuse, not pranks. If you asked him to stop and he won't, that is akin to rape.


So prank him with a surprise pegging?
 
2021-03-09 2:48:28 AM  
And that, Your Honor, is why I had to shoot him.
 
2021-03-09 2:55:56 AM  
Do like my ex-wife and shoot down his every attempt at humor, to the point where he can't even make a pun without getting shiat for it.  That'll show him.
 
2021-03-09 3:00:02 AM  

foo monkey: Do like my ex-wife and shoot down his every attempt at humor, to the point where he can't even make a pun without getting shiat for it.  That'll show him.


Ooh, somebody's got a sore spot. Divorce sucks, no one wins.
 
2021-03-09 3:10:16 AM  
David just laughs when I (often in tears) beg him to stop.

I love a good prank, but if the other person is crying over it you done farked up.
 
2021-03-09 3:21:25 AM  
Atomic balm in his boxers?
 
2021-03-09 5:48:35 AM  
Prank him with a stun gun while he's sleeping. I bet he will find it hilarious.

This woman is describing abuse. She should give her husband an ultimatum, that the pranks stop or the relationship is over.
 
2021-03-09 6:18:42 AM  
Wow, somebody married my ex-husband.
 
2021-03-09 6:52:10 AM  
Pretending to run over the cat?  Pretending to seriously hurt himself?  Someone is doing a little gaslighting.

Run away.
 
2021-03-09 7:02:19 AM  

phalamir: no1curr: Burn the house down

No, the house has value.  Just set the husband on fire.


Are you suggesting the husband has more value than a worthless house?  Check the homeowners and life insurance policies and then decide.

If either of them are still current and paid for.
 
2021-03-09 7:05:10 AM  

My Sober Alt: phalamir: no1curr: Burn the house down

No, the house has value.  Just set the husband on fire.

Are you suggesting the husband has more value than a worthless house?  Check the homeowners and life insurance policies and then decide.

If either of them are still current and paid for.


never mind - i misread the post i replied to
 
2021-03-09 7:05:44 AM  
Best case - it is extremely disrespectful. As if he thinks she's an idiot and is proving it to her.

Worst case - it is abusive. As if he enjoys tormenting her for kicks.

Either way, he's an asshole and not worth it. Time for a side piece and a long, painful divorce.
 
2021-03-09 7:37:10 AM  

no1curr: sithon: That's abuse, not pranks. If you asked him to stop and he won't, that is akin to rape.

So prank him with a surprise pegging?


Yesterday *was* International Women's Day, so............
 
2021-03-09 7:37:59 AM  

Befuddled: Prank him with a stun gun while he's sleeping. I bet he will find it hilarious.

This woman is describing abuse. She should give her husband an ultimatum, that the pranks stop or the relationship is over.


F*ck the ultimatum.  Just bail.  I've seen shiat like this before.  She needs to bail.  Now.
 
2021-03-09 7:42:24 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
jbc [TotalFark]
2021-03-09 7:51:32 AM  

xanadian: Befuddled: Prank him with a stun gun while he's sleeping. I bet he will find it hilarious.

This woman is describing abuse. She should give her husband an ultimatum, that the pranks stop or the relationship is over.

F*ck the ultimatum.  Just bail.  I've seen shiat like this before.  She needs to bail.  Now.


It's early. I read that as "F*ck the mailman." Which is a better answer.
 
2021-03-09 8:28:46 AM  
Have him served with divorce papers.  When he laughs at the funny prank, look him square in the eyes and say "Ha!  The joke is that the papers are real.  Start packing your shiat!"
 
2021-03-09 8:28:49 AM  
He's not being funny. He's being cruel on purpose repeatedly.

Divorce him.
Hire the most aggressive lawyer you can find.
Crush his will to live.
Tell ALL of his friends and family what a cruel asshole he is.
Then, when the divorce is final and you have all his money say "Great prank huh?!?!?" and laugh and laugh....
 
2021-03-09 8:34:38 AM  
Show him this.

Hiding In Leaf Pile Scaring Wife Gone Wrong | Jason Asselin
Youtube PuKqEcEtKAA
 
2021-03-09 8:42:49 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-03-09 9:06:24 AM  

sithon: foo monkey: Do like my ex-wife and shoot down his every attempt at humor, to the point where he can't even make a pun without getting shiat for it.  That'll show him.

Ooh, somebody's got a sore spot. Divorce sucks, no one wins.


i.imgur.comView Full Size


Seriously.
Struggling to make things better when your partner has quit? Divorce makes things much better once you're past the shock of it.

This poor woman is trying to do the right thing with an immature and cruel guy.
Lady, suggest couples counseling. If he says no, lawyer up.
 
2021-03-09 9:07:06 AM  
People who pull pranks want you to know that you should never, ever trust them.
 
2021-03-09 9:09:50 AM  

phenn: Best case - it is extremely disrespectful. As if he thinks she's an idiot and is proving it to her.

Worst case - it is abusive. As if he enjoys tormenting her for kicks.

Either way, he's an asshole and not worth it. Time for a side piece and a long, painful divorce.


Um, NO!
Divorce his ass, yes.  A side piece is a terrible idea.
If you are serious about divorce, don't give the other lawyer anything to work with.
Just invest in a first rate vibrator with his credit card.
 
2021-03-09 9:12:07 AM  

no1curr: sithon: That's abuse, not pranks. If you asked him to stop and he won't, that is akin to rape.

So prank him with a surprise pegging?


"It's just a prank, Bro!"
--jackhammering intensifies--
 
2021-03-09 9:19:05 AM  

LL316: People who pull pranks want you to know that you should never, ever trust them.


Every time my husband "tricks" me or some shiat like that (which is rarely), I deadpan at him "Damn, you sure got me. It's almost like I love and trust you implicitly. How stupid of me."
 
2021-03-09 9:46:21 AM  

wage0048: Have him served with divorce papers. When he laughs at the funny prank, look him square in the eyes and say "Ha! The joke is that the papers are real. Start packing your shiat!"


I remember when Fark used to run those "check out these hilarious prank videos" articles sometimes. It was the meanest stuff I could think of, in fact I would never think of treating someone else that way, even if I hated them. Guys setting up their girlfriends with some really mean joke, or pretending to lose control of the car, or be having an affair, or he says he's breaking up with her, and then--SURPRISE!--he'd break out the ring.

I was in an abusive marriage and those videos are complete horrorshows.
 
2021-03-09 9:50:24 AM  

dj_bigbird: This sort of shiate isn't a prank, it's just cruelty:
He pretended to run over our cat

Run. Run as fast as you can.


Yeah, the escalation has "addict needing a bigger fix" written all over it. Big "abuse" red flag there. Someone likes hurting other people for funsies.

Really hope they don't have kids.
 
2021-03-09 9:52:09 AM  

cryinoutloud: wage0048: Have him served with divorce papers. When he laughs at the funny prank, look him square in the eyes and say "Ha! The joke is that the papers are real. Start packing your shiat!"

I remember when Fark used to run those "check out these hilarious prank videos" articles sometimes. It was the meanest stuff I could think of, in fact I would never think of treating someone else that way, even if I hated them. Guys setting up their girlfriends with some really mean joke, or pretending to lose control of the car, or be having an affair, or he says he's breaking up with her, and then--SURPRISE!--he'd break out the ring.

I was in an abusive marriage and those videos are complete horrorshows.


I remember seeing one where a guy dressed an appropriately sized doll in the same clothes as their toddler and tricked his wife into thinking it was the kid that fell over the bannister from the 2nd story onto the hard floor below.  She came completely unglued, as would any normal person. The video was supposed to be funny. Had that been my husband and my child, well, hubby would have been the next one over the bannister.
 
2021-03-09 10:22:12 AM  
stop being such a
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-03-09 11:07:11 AM  
Call 911 and say he's having a mental breakdown.
 
2021-03-09 11:16:02 AM  
1) With Those Tender Words I Spoke, I Was Only Kidding. Now Can't You Take A Joke?: DTMFA.  Boundary issues like that you don't fark around with.  GTFO.

2) Come On Baby Finish What You Started: I know someone like your sister.  There comes a point where you just have to decide not to be of any further assistance.  At least financially.  In general, I'd just STFU and MYOB regarding her business.

3) Let's Nuke The Bridge We Torched Two Thousand Times Before: I can criticize my family for a lot, but anyone who would have let those kids enter The System would have been excommunicated and rightly so.  But to get him to accept your choice?  Aw hell nah, he ain't gonna do it.  DTMFA and GTHOI.

4) Oh, The Only Question Is "Do I Creep You Out?": DTMFA

5) I Fought The Law And The Law Won: Tell him to FRO.

6) She Had A Need To Feel The Thunder: Not having friends locally does not preclude contacting other friends for advice and I would do so.  Obviously there are several online ways to meet and screen people.  My immediate concern is that of you learning safe protocols so I'd get to internalizing that while the pandemic is still ongoing.  Otherwise:

Fark user imageView Full Size


7) There's Always Something There To Remind Me: I used an eager picture of my last dog for my avatar in our chat support for ages but I changed it when she passed because folks commented a lot.  I, personally, would suggest changing pictures there but use this photo you like on your phone or somewhere else you can enjoy it without questions.

8) I Was Only Kidding II: Yeah, it's not harmless, it's controlling.  We all stand by DTMFA.  Even Prudie saw that.

9) All I Got Is Your Photograph (Classic): So your question is "how can I make this person do what I want?"  You can FRO with that controlling, manipulative BS.
 
2021-03-09 11:23:40 AM  
Husband With Hilarious Pranks -Leave him.

I Work Hard for My Money and my Sister Doesn't -You worry waaaaay too much about what your sister thinks.

My Husband Left me When I took in my Nieces -No big loss there.

I Don't Want to Talk to this Guy on the Internet -Stop talking to this guy on the internet.

My Friend Admits He Made Mistakes, but He's not Whipping Himself or Wearing a Hair Shirt or Something, and that Makes me Sad -Get over yourself, princess.

I'm a Lady Who Wants to Date a Man -Just show up where a lot of men hang out.  Contrary to what this column would have you believe, most men would like to be with a lady.  Just be aware that most of them are awful, and few of them wash their hands.

I Don't Want People to Ask About the Zoom Picture I Chose -Sadly, there is absolutely nothing you can do about this.

Those, Aren't Pranks, That's Abuse! (Insert Charles Robinson Meme Here) - Yep.

Read This Book if Your Husband is a Gaslighting Jerk -Sounds like a good plan.

My Boyfriend Has a Picture of his Dead-Ass Sister-in-Law in his Wallet -Maybe this is something you should have addressed before you let him impregnate you.
 
2021-03-09 11:28:34 AM  

Merltech: Show him this.

[Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/PuKqEcEt​KAA]


I watched that video in the hopes that the guy would actually be in the leaf pile when the car blew through it.  I was disappointed.
 
2021-03-09 11:32:41 AM  
I'm a prankster by nature (especially April Fool's Day).  In fact, my girlfriend and I swapped pranks over the last 24 hours.  But my biggest rule is that I never do a prank that's hurtful, insulting or abusive because that's way over the line.  She needs to leave this bastard.
 
2021-03-09 11:44:07 AM  

buckeyebrain: I'm a prankster by nature (especially April Fool's Day).  In fact, my girlfriend and I swapped pranks over the last 24 hours.  But my biggest rule is that I never do a prank that's hurtful, insulting or abusive because that's way over the line.  She needs to leave this bastard.


if it is only funny to you, it is not a prank.
 
2021-03-09 11:49:39 AM  

tom baker's scarf: buckeyebrain: I'm a prankster by nature (especially April Fool's Day).  In fact, my girlfriend and I swapped pranks over the last 24 hours.  But my biggest rule is that I never do a prank that's hurtful, insulting or abusive because that's way over the line.  She needs to leave this bastard.

if it is only funny to you, it is not a prank.


I'd amend that to - If it's not funny to everyone involved, then it's not a prank.
 
2021-03-09 11:56:20 AM  
Sedate him, cut off his penis, feed it to the neighbor's dog, revive him, and tell him it's hidden somewhere in the house...

Hilarity and hi-jinks! Just see how red his face gets!
 
2021-03-09 12:53:30 PM  

jbc: When you hand him the divorce papers, wear a joy buzzer.


you I like.
 
2021-03-09 12:58:56 PM  

frogmyte: LL316: People who pull pranks want you to know that you should never, ever trust them.

Every time my husband "tricks" me or some shiat like that (which is rarely), I deadpan at him "Damn, you sure got me. It's almost like I love and trust you implicitly. How stupid of me."


a hit, a hit, a palpable hit. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
 
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