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(Slate)   "I am a single parent of a grown son I raised on my own. There was a custody battle that ended with me being awarded primary custody of our son when he was 3. He misrembers his childhood and thinks his mom was more involved. Do I set him straight?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Sleep, Mother, Family, single parent of a grown son, son's mother, children's reports, Dear Care, hard time  
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355 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 08 Mar 2021 at 8:35 AM (4 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



11 Comments     (+0 »)
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2021-03-08 9:11:21 AM  
He what?
 
2021-03-08 9:33:03 AM  
I think she was absolutely involved for at least 9 months. Unless there was a stork, in which case remove her entirely from the picture.
 
2021-03-08 9:36:56 AM  
If the child asks.
 
2021-03-08 9:44:26 AM  

Mr_Vimes: I think she was absolutely involved for at least 9 months. Unless there was a stork, in which case remove her entirely from the picture.


Reginald Stork III, MD, OB/GYN
 
2021-03-08 10:07:27 AM  
If we're going to answer this one seriously, there's a couple things.

Yes, he probably elevates his mother's role in his memories. This is going to be particularly true if she's terminally ill, as you suggest.

Be aware that you probably elevate your own role in your memories. Humans tend to do that, particularly if the alternative is the elevation of someone else (whom you obviously don't particularly like).

The question that matters is: If he's elevating her status in his mind, is there any negative impact (other than your own hurt feelings)? In other words, if you were to correct him on any given instance, would there be any benefit to anyone other than yourself? If the answer is no, then keep your damn mouth shut. If you can't do that, start seeing a therapist to whom you can vent and get some neutral feedback.

If you do insist on trying to drive a wedge between your son and his mother for only your own benefit, the only solution is for you to go fark his dad.
 
2021-03-08 10:18:05 AM  
I've always said, there's no reason to badmouth the other parent in front of the kids.  The kids will know bad parenting when they have a frame of reference.  Provide that frame of reference for them.  Be a good parent.  Not in a competitive way, trying to outspend, or out-fun, or out-whatever them, just take the actions that you think will give them the most opportunities to thrive in life.

Maybe this mother, for all her flaws (as you perceive them) did something right on those weekends, that wasn't apparent to you.

My ex lost interest in the kids once her alimony/child support situation was set up.  She pretended to care about them for a few years, and then eventually gave up that pretense.  I was a single dad from ages 5/7 onwards.

They kind of get along with their mother these days, but they'll shut her down hard when she tries to re-write history and talk about what a loving and caring mother she was.
 
2021-03-08 10:30:36 AM  

LaChanz: He what?


He doesn't remember. Real thought processes don't kick in until you're around four or five. He thinks that he remembers Mommy, and there's nothing wrong with that.
You got your son and got away? Count your farking lucky stars. And I bet you only did it because you had more money. Funny how nobody ever mentions that when they talk about their evil ex-wives--I bet she was hiring lawyers on less money that what you had.
 
2021-03-08 11:19:28 AM  
I would just leave that alone as it is.
 
2021-03-08 1:23:14 PM  
i understand wanting all the credit but don't sweat it.  sooner or later kiddo will find out the truth.
 
2021-03-08 2:46:51 PM  

cryinoutloud: He doesn't rember.


ftfy
 
2021-03-08 9:50:39 PM  
He's an adult and has it all wrong? Nothing wrong with stating facts as long as you don't get your opinions mixed in there.
 
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