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(Utne Reader)   How to write a sex scene. For starters, less is more   (utne.com) divider line
    More: Interesting, Writing, famous author, Writer, Twelve-step program, Question, Literature, The New York Times, Woman  
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1092 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 08 Mar 2021 at 12:20 AM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



45 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-03-07 11:10:55 PM  
That's what I keep telling her.
 
2021-03-07 11:16:47 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-03-07 11:43:06 PM  
Honestly? I prefer the tasteful kiss with the fade to black and, then, on with the story.
 
2021-03-07 11:53:55 PM  
Sometimes, a ten foot pole is just a ten foot pole.
 
2021-03-08 12:36:45 AM  
You can go a surprisingly long way with a well-timed "Scene missing".
 
2021-03-08 12:40:27 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-03-08 12:48:03 AM  

Ivo Shandor: [Fark user image 479x351]


Right, like none of you would watch that movie too
 
2021-03-08 12:48:37 AM  
Brought this to mind:

Children Exposed To Porn May Expect Sex To Be Enjoyable
Youtube Y4kwk5jV2nU
 
2021-03-08 12:56:43 AM  

anfrind: You can go a surprisingly long way with a well-timed "Scene missing".


I always wondered what Quentin Tarantino's Fark handle was. I figured it would have something to do with feet.
 
2021-03-08 12:57:40 AM  

Ivo Shandor: [Fark user image 479x351]


I want to make boobily a gender neutral term. That's a great verb.
 
2021-03-08 1:06:37 AM  
Now that I am an internationally famous author celebrated for my graphic portrayals of amour (see "A Pervert Among Us," New York Times Book Review, April 2002, and "How Low Will He Go?" US Magazine, Jan. 2003), I am frequently asked how I manage to write such incredibly hot sex scenes.

I can't find either of these articles.  Also, they're from 2002 & 2003 and he says *now* that I am, as if he's responding to something recent.  I guess my only point:  is anyone familiar with this schmoe?  He seems to think that we should be.

Also, regarding not using the word penis, every penis should have a name, and that's how you talk about it.  As in: "brace yourself, girl, here comes President Wilson!"
 
2021-03-08 2:03:16 AM  

Ivo Shandor: [Fark user image image 479x351]


I laughed way more than I should have at that.
 
2021-03-08 2:05:51 AM  
Start out with "Dear Penthouse, I never thought it could happen to me"

The rest pretty much writes itself.
 
2021-03-08 2:26:08 AM  

iheartscotch: Honestly? I prefer the tasteful kiss with the fade to black and, then, on with the story.


I'm with you, I have no idea why any author feels the need to include sex scenes in a serious piece of writing.
 
2021-03-08 2:56:20 AM  
Think about everything you want to write, then ejaculate it onto the page.
 
2021-03-08 3:24:24 AM  
Make sure you include enough detail so that people reading it don't think you're a virgin.
 
2021-03-08 3:44:45 AM  
I've not thought about the Utne Reader in a very long time.

Reading TFA, I was reminded of the awful names for genitalia in Penthouse Forum, or similar smut, used in apparent earnestness. Love muffin, cock nest, hair-hole, moist cave. Love pump, fark hammer, jizz machine. Or the names for semen: baby batter, man-cream, dick juice. And it always came out in ropes. Say what you want about the times we live in, but porn has improved immensely in my lifetime.
 
2021-03-08 3:52:38 AM  

swahnhennessy: I've not thought about the Utne Reader in a very long time.

Reading TFA, I was reminded of the awful names for genitalia in Penthouse Forum, or similar smut, used in apparent earnestness. Love muffin, cock nest, hair-hole, moist cave. Love pump, fark hammer, jizz machine. Or the names for semen: baby batter, man-cream, dick juice. And it always came out in ropes. Say what you want about the times we live in, but porn has improved immensely in my lifetime.


Used to be some slightly better written stuff on alt.sex.stories back in the day.. or at least around 2002 or so when I used to look there.
 
2021-03-08 3:58:48 AM  

swahnhennessy: I've not thought about the Utne Reader in a very long time.

Reading TFA, I was reminded of the awful names for genitalia in Penthouse Forum, or similar smut, used in apparent earnestness. Love muffin, cock nest, hair-hole, moist cave. Love pump, fark hammer, jizz machine. Or the names for semen: baby batter, man-cream, dick juice. And it always came out in ropes. Say what you want about the times we live in, but porn has improved immensely in my lifetime.


Sure, but think about the loss of literary talent.  The next generation was supposed to be coming up with the next iteration of cock nest and hair hole.  Now they just whack it to pictures.  And I bet that everything that actually happens to them is entirely believable.  It's a shame.
 
2021-03-08 4:06:33 AM  
EXTERIOR, VAGINA
 
2021-03-08 4:07:42 AM  

swahnhennessy: I've not thought about the Utne Reader in a very long time.

Reading TFA, I was reminded of the awful names for genitalia in Penthouse Forum, or similar smut, used in apparent earnestness. Love muffin, cock nest, hair-hole, moist cave. Love pump, fark hammer, jizz machine. Or the names for semen: baby batter, man-cream, dick juice. And it always came out in ropes. Say what you want about the times we live in, but porn has improved immensely in my lifetime.


Yeah except letters about farking their stepmom were pretty close to zero
 
2021-03-08 4:26:58 AM  

El Rich-o: iheartscotch: Honestly? I prefer the tasteful kiss with the fade to black and, then, on with the story.

I'm with you, I have no idea why any author feels the need to include sex scenes in a serious piece of writing.


I can't remember which, but one of Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan novels went into detail about how ol' Jackie had a case of the droops. About as awkward to read as it sounds.
 
2021-03-08 4:50:07 AM  
... his throbbing manhood erupted her insides filled with his love elixir. She screamed!... but his nectar gushed out of her every office. A profound silence followed... broken only by the approaching footsteps... of the third brigade.
 
2021-03-08 5:06:32 AM  
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace - Horrificata Illuminata
Youtube yYM1BjRvtvg
 
2021-03-08 5:23:02 AM  
Thanks for nothing, subby -- why didn't you post this yesterday BEFORE I sent off my latest piece to Highlights Magazine?
 
2021-03-08 7:24:30 AM  
The trick is remembering it's 'Verb article adjective noun.'
 
2021-03-08 7:26:34 AM  
While we're on the subject, could Hollywood stop with the waking up first thing in the morning but pretending morning breath doesn't exist makeout scenes?
 
2021-03-08 7:48:55 AM  

Nurglitch: The trick is remembering it's 'Verb article adjective noun.'


Reported.
 
2021-03-08 8:05:22 AM  
The director of Die Another Day patted himself on the back to anyone that would listen that he was the first to show James Bond have sex AND orgasm.

In a movie full of bad choices, this was one of the hugest!!

Every James Bond film before it was sexier with just a hint of sex, and it never needed to be seen.

Plus Pierce Brosnan does this weird shoulder bite thing in every movie that he has sex which makes it clear it is a Pierce Brosnan thing and not a character thing, which to me makes it weirder.
 
2021-03-08 8:10:33 AM  

NINEv2: El Rich-o: iheartscotch: Honestly? I prefer the tasteful kiss with the fade to black and, then, on with the story.

I'm with you, I have no idea why any author feels the need to include sex scenes in a serious piece of writing.

I can't remember which, but one of Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan novels went into detail about how ol' Jackie had a case of the droops. About as awkward to read as it sounds.


Tom Clancy books are just conservative pron.
 
2021-03-08 8:11:46 AM  

buntz: The director of Die Another Day patted himself on the back to anyone that would listen that he was the first to show James Bond have sex AND orgasm.

In a movie full of bad choices, this was one of the hugest!!

Every James Bond film before it was sexier with just a hint of sex, and it never needed to be seen.

Plus Pierce Brosnan does this weird shoulder bite thing in every movie that he has sex which makes it clear it is a Pierce Brosnan thing and not a character thing, which to me makes it weirder.


Well he has to get blood somehow, c'mon.  You want him to starve and devolve into into a hissing, slavering Steven Seagal!?
 
2021-03-08 8:13:03 AM  

iheartscotch: NINEv2: El Rich-o: iheartscotch: Honestly? I prefer the tasteful kiss with the fade to black and, then, on with the story.

I'm with you, I have no idea why any author feels the need to include sex scenes in a serious piece of writing.

I can't remember which, but one of Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan novels went into detail about how ol' Jackie had a case of the droops. About as awkward to read as it sounds.

Tom Clancy books are just conservative pron.


They started out as pretty enjoyable stories as the genre goes if you like thriller/military shiat.  Nothing amazing, not terrible either - pretty decent stories.  That didn't last long...
 
2021-03-08 8:23:32 AM  
"Gonzo the guitar player put his mutated member in her slithering slit."
 
2021-03-08 8:26:04 AM  

El Rich-o: iheartscotch: Honestly? I prefer the tasteful kiss with the fade to black and, then, on with the story.

I'm with you, I have no idea why any author feels the need to include sex scenes in a serious piece of writing.


The same reason the include any other scene. Why should they kowtow to anti-sex perverts?
 
2021-03-08 9:27:57 AM  
Probably not good for writing but I've had woman make the pencil eraser comparison proudly when talking about themselves.
 
2021-03-08 9:29:10 AM  
Or one could always go the maximalist, Henry Miller-style route, where a simple sex scene turns into a 100-page meditation on the foundations of reality.
 
2021-03-08 10:02:52 AM  

Tyrone Slothrop: "Gonzo the guitar player put his mutated member in her slithering slit."


Is that GWAR porn?
 
2021-03-08 10:22:17 AM  

iheartscotch: Honestly? I prefer the tasteful kiss with the fade to black and, then, on with the story.


Me too. As it turns out if I wanted to Whack off I'd just watch a porn.

And man oh man, the bullshiat we used to put up with in the 70s 80s and 90s just to get some nudity or simulated dry humping.
 
2021-03-08 10:29:42 AM  
So straight to the money shot?
 
2021-03-08 10:30:50 AM  

Fano: And man oh man, the bullshiat we used to put up with in the 70s 80s and 90s just to get some nudity or simulated dry humping.


The ol' pitchfork-through-the-chest routine.
 
2021-03-08 12:05:00 PM  
The author is right about the Song if Songs, especially the first 1/3 of it. The imagery is intensely visceral.
 
2021-03-08 1:07:32 PM  

iheartscotch: Honestly? I prefer the tasteful kiss with the fade to black and, then, on with the story.


Yeah, seriously. If you can't imagine passionate love, then, then.......go read some porn or something.

A man asked me about this once. I think he wrote some kind of genre novels. I told him that, and he said that women had told him that they wanted raw, full detail kind of love scenes. Apparently there is market for it, since the romance novels now come (ha) in all flavors, from Harlequin sweet to soft porn.

Yuk. Give me Rhett Butler carrying Scarlett O'Hara up the stairs any day. Yeah, it's stupid and corny, but when she woke up with a big smile in the next scene, you understood it fine.
 
2021-03-08 1:29:16 PM  

Tyrone Slothrop: "Gonzo the guitar player put his mutated member in her slithering slit."


img1.pnghut.comView Full Size
 
2021-03-08 3:01:02 PM  
"Your flesh is so cold!  I will warm it with my man-blood!"
-- Conan the Barbarian, "The Frost Giant's Daughter"

/that story didn't age well
 
2021-03-08 5:53:44 PM  

El Rich-o: iheartscotch: Honestly? I prefer the tasteful kiss with the fade to black and, then, on with the story.

I'm with you, I have no idea why any author feels the need to include sex scenes in a serious piece of writing.


I don't know. Stephen Hawking included a pretty steamy sex scene in the middle of The Large Scale Structure of Space-Time.
 
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