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(Komo)   "Sir, on a scale of one to ten, how drunk are you?" "Twelve"   (komonews.com) divider line
    More: Interesting, DUI driver rates impairment, Remove Intoxicated Drivers, cops, scale, KOMO  
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2806 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Mar 2021 at 7:26 PM (6 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



52 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2021-03-05 7:28:45 PM  
Well, at least he was honest.
 
2021-03-05 7:33:01 PM  
I don't know.  At twelve I'm usually more slurry.  He's probably nine max but at nine you are braggy.
 
2021-03-05 7:37:15 PM  
That's one more than 11.
 
2021-03-05 7:37:37 PM  
<puts on sunglasses, not having thought of a first part of the joke>
An 8.5.....

YEEAAAAAHHHHHH
 
2021-03-05 7:38:06 PM  
Can he be charged with DUI if he was too drunk to consent to driving, even though when sober he had no intention of driving?

*grabs the popcorn*
 
2021-03-05 7:38:41 PM  

Grumpy Cat: That's one more than 11.


Spinal Tap would've felt inadequate.
 
2021-03-05 7:38:48 PM  
Lightweight

/at least for Fark
 
2021-03-05 7:38:50 PM  

Harry Freakstorm: I don't know.  At twelve I'm usually more slurry.  He's probably nine max but at nine you are braggy.


Courtesy of an instructor I had when studying for the bar (IIRC, the topic was intoxication and mens rea):

"At one drink, you're the most attractive person in the room,
at two drinks, you're the smartest person in the room,
<I can't remember all of them, it's been 6 years.>
at nine drinks, you're invisible,
and at ten drinks, you're bulletproof!"
 
2021-03-05 7:38:56 PM  
I'm curious what his bac was.
 
2021-03-05 7:39:13 PM  
Ten out of ten for honesty  Minus several million for good thinking.
 
2021-03-05 7:39:39 PM  
12? Nigel Tufnel will not tolerate being one-upped by this fellow. He will no doubt be hearing from his solicitor.
 
2021-03-05 7:40:34 PM  
"No, Officer, it's hi, how are you?"
 
2021-03-05 7:44:51 PM  
"Sir, how many drinks have you had tonight?"

Everyone else: "Two"

This guy: "Two... for the road."
 
2021-03-05 7:57:30 PM  
Subby, Imma need a followup when the blood test comes back, he obviously sounds like an amateur

/pics or it didn't happen
 
2021-03-05 7:59:06 PM  
Damn....and I thought I was a hardcore Seahawks fan.

/"What sheems to be the officer, problem?"
 
2021-03-05 8:00:14 PM  

Last Man on Earth: Harry Freakstorm: I don't know.  At twelve I'm usually more slurry.  He's probably nine max but at nine you are braggy.

Courtesy of an instructor I had when studying for the bar (IIRC, the topic was intoxication and mens rea):

"At one drink, you're the most attractive person in the room,
at two drinks, you're the smartest person in the room,
<I can't remember all of them, it's been 6 years.>
at nine drinks, you're invisible,
and at ten drinks, you're bulletproof!"


I studied at the bar too, learned to leave after 8, so I'm good
 
2021-03-05 8:02:25 PM  
Just the two...
...bottles
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-03-05 8:02:29 PM  
oops, I read that wrong
 
2021-03-05 8:06:01 PM  

jokerscrowbar: Just the two...
...bottles
[Fark user image 425x566]


Were they fifths, quarts, half-gallons, or gallons?
 
2021-03-05 8:08:35 PM  

petec: Last Man on Earth: Harry Freakstorm: I don't know.  At twelve I'm usually more slurry.  He's probably nine max but at nine you are braggy.

Courtesy of an instructor I had when studying for the bar (IIRC, the topic was intoxication and mens rea):

"At one drink, you're the most attractive person in the room,
at two drinks, you're the smartest person in the room,
<I can't remember all of them, it's been 6 years.>
at nine drinks, you're invisible,
and at ten drinks, you're bulletproof!"

I studied at the bar too, learned to leave after 8, so I'm good


8 drinks or 8:00 pm?
 
2021-03-05 8:19:12 PM  
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.comView Full Size
 
2021-03-05 8:22:41 PM  
-Dude, you're too drunk to walk!
-'S ok, I'm driving home!
 
2021-03-05 8:39:35 PM  

ClavellBCMI: jokerscrowbar: Just the two...
...bottles
[Fark user image 425x566]

Were they fifths, quarts, half-gallons, or gallons?


Yes..*hic

The old coal miners used to say about their beer that 'the first gallon was to wash away the dust, second was for the taste, third was to be sociable' but would only ever admit to 3 half pints when they wobbled home.
 
2021-03-05 8:42:48 PM  
"You're still breathing sir, you're not a 12."
 
2021-03-05 8:59:02 PM  
42 doesn't fit there.
 
2021-03-05 8:59:44 PM  

Harry Freakstorm: I don't know.  At twelve I'm usually more slurry.  He's probably nine max but at nine you are braggy.


Disagree.  At twelve I'm talkative and want to tell everyone my brilliant ideas.  I don't get braggy until fourteen or so, but by then you can't understand anything I'm saying.

/Fifteen is right out
 
2021-03-05 9:03:01 PM  
i.pinimg.comView Full Size

1.2
 
2021-03-05 9:16:37 PM  
What's his FARK handle?
 
2021-03-05 9:27:30 PM  
I AGREE DRUNK DRIVING IS BAD BUT WE DONT NEED GOVERNMENT TELLING US HOW TO LIVE OUR LIVES

I WILL CONSIDER NOT DRUNK DRIVING ONLY WHEN I HAVE THE FREEDOM TO DECIDE,

WHICH IS AFTER YOU REMOVE THESE OPPRESSIVE LAWS THAT TRAMPLE MY RATS
 
2021-03-05 9:35:58 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-03-05 9:45:11 PM  
I'm drunk right now
 
2021-03-05 9:57:20 PM  
I once drove home, years ago, after 6 martinis.

Never again, but I did make it on the first try,
 
2021-03-05 10:07:10 PM  
How about half a pint of cheap vodak, half an edible for dessert and a healthy sip of single malt Irish to prime my sweet dreams for the evening?
 
2021-03-05 10:09:33 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-03-05 10:13:40 PM  
Larry Miller "The Five Levels Of Drinking"
Youtube eceSHKqwUPY
 
2021-03-05 10:29:28 PM  

Denjiro: [iFrame https://www.youtube.com/embed/eceSHKqw​UPY?autoplay=1&widget_referrer=https%3​A%2F%2Fwww.fark.com&start=0&enablejsap​i=1&origin=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.fark.com&​widgetid=1]


Thanks for that.  Larry Miller's one of my favorite "hey it's that guy" character actors, but I've never seen any of his stand-up before.
 
2021-03-05 10:30:58 PM  

Declassify Issue: Grumpy Cat: That's one more than 11.

Spinal Tap would've felt inadequate.


I have an electric scooter and it's great. The panel on the front started peeling "my grandsons helped in  with the  destruction. I decided to make a new one. For the speed nob I put one on the slow side. On the high side I just had to do it, I put 11. Every once in a while I hear someone say that it is so cool, that cart goes to11.
 
2021-03-05 10:51:22 PM  
1/2 a Lahey.
 
2021-03-05 11:18:36 PM  

The_Sponge: Damn....and I thought I was a hardcore Seahawks fan.



/"What sheems to be the officer, problem?"


Fark user imageView Full Size

/subby

 
2021-03-05 11:18:55 PM  

Porous Horace: 1/2 a Lahey.


The scale should go from zero to "Blue Lahey".

0.25 doesn't even get you in the trailer park.
 
2021-03-06 12:09:01 AM  

The Smails Kid: Porous Horace: 1/2 a Lahey.

The scale should go from zero to "Blue Lahey".

0.25 doesn't even get you in the trailer park.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-03-06 12:16:35 AM  
Excellent! Almost all are classic Lahey moments.

"I'm mowin' the air, Ran!"
 
2021-03-06 12:28:36 AM  

Miss Stein: The_Sponge: Damn....and I thought I was a hardcore Seahawks fan./"What sheems to be the officer, problem?"
[Fark user image image 425x199]/subby


*Fist Bump*

/Go Hawks.
 
2021-03-06 2:20:54 AM  

Robinfro: Can he be charged with DUI if he was too drunk to consent to driving, even though when sober he had no intention of driving?

*grabs the popcorn*


I've heard Feminazis say that "A woman can't consent to sex after drinking ANYTHING because her inhibitions are lowered, she's not responsible." When you reply "So if a man has a few drinks and then decides to drive recklessly and hits someone, he's not responsible because his inhibitions are lowered?" The result is a mishmash of "WHARGRBLLPATRIARCHYRAPEENABLERWEDESER​VEMORERIGHTSTHANMENBURNINGTIMES"
...only not that comprehensible.
 
2021-03-06 2:31:48 AM  

cynicalbastard: Robinfro: Can he be charged with DUI if he was too drunk to consent to driving, even though when sober he had no intention of driving?

*grabs the popcorn*

I've heard Feminazis say that "A woman can't consent to sex after drinking ANYTHING because her inhibitions are lowered, she's not responsible." When you reply "So if a man has a few drinks and then decides to drive recklessly and hits someone, he's not responsible because his inhibitions are lowered?" The result is a mishmash of "WHARGRBLLPATRIARCHYRAPEENABLERWEDESER​VEMORERIGHTSTHANMENBURNINGTIMES"
...only not that comprehensible.


Yeah...I know you're being sarcastic and making a move on a woman who's is passed out is 100% wrong.  But what if the guy is passed out and the woman makes a love on him?
 
2021-03-06 6:35:10 AM  

The_Sponge: cynicalbastard: Robinfro: Can he be charged with DUI if he was too drunk to consent to driving, even though when sober he had no intention of driving?

*grabs the popcorn*

I've heard Feminazis say that "A woman can't consent to sex after drinking ANYTHING because her inhibitions are lowered, she's not responsible." When you reply "So if a man has a few drinks and then decides to drive recklessly and hits someone, he's not responsible because his inhibitions are lowered?" The result is a mishmash of "WHARGRBLLPATRIARCHYRAPEENABLERWEDESER​VEMORERIGHTSTHANMENBURNINGTIMES"
...only not that comprehensible.

Yeah...I know you're being sarcastic and making a move on a woman who's is passed out is 100% wrong.  But what if the guy is passed out and the woman makes a love on him?


Most guys in that stage couldn't get it up for Christina Hendricks wearing a Merry Widow and carrying a plate of BBQ ribs.
 
2021-03-06 7:13:47 AM  

AintNoAmoeba: The Smails Kid: Porous Horace: 1/2 a Lahey.

The scale should go from zero to "Blue Lahey".

0.25 doesn't even get you in the trailer park.

[Fark user image image 425x550]


You're a goddamned national treasure is what you are.
 
2021-03-06 8:39:49 AM  

hobnail: -Dude, you're too drunk to walk!
-'S ok, I'm driving home!


I have had to deal with "that guy". I had to fight him twice over the car keys. He outweighed me by a hundred pounds, so it worked out that he was too drunk to walk. We had to resort to hiding ALL car keys. And then liquor stores started deliveries. I guess that has to be considered a public safety action.
 
2021-03-06 9:24:13 AM  

The_Sponge: cynicalbastard: Robinfro: Can he be charged with DUI if he was too drunk to consent to driving, even though when sober he had no intention of driving?

*grabs the popcorn*

I've heard Feminazis say that "A woman can't consent to sex after drinking ANYTHING because her inhibitions are lowered, she's not responsible." When you reply "So if a man has a few drinks and then decides to drive recklessly and hits someone, he's not responsible because his inhibitions are lowered?" The result is a mishmash of "WHARGRBLLPATRIARCHYRAPEENABLERWEDESER​VEMORERIGHTSTHANMENBURNINGTIMES"
...only not that comprehensible.

Yeah...I know you're being sarcastic and making a move on a woman who's is passed out is 100% wrong.  But what if the guy is passed out and the woman makes a love on him?


There's a huge difference between having a couple of drinks with dinner and a couple over the next two hours. Hell, when I was a young fella back in the Reagan years that's how I lost my virginity with a lady ten years older in the same state. Damn, I'm glad I was taken advantage of, I was ready to start trying to bang knotholes in 2 by 4's.
 
2021-03-06 9:27:22 AM  

cynicalbastard: The_Sponge: cynicalbastard: Robinfro: Can he be charged with DUI if he was too drunk to consent to driving, even though when sober he had no intention of driving?

*grabs the popcorn*

I've heard Feminazis say that "A woman can't consent to sex after drinking ANYTHING because her inhibitions are lowered, she's not responsible." When you reply "So if a man has a few drinks and then decides to drive recklessly and hits someone, he's not responsible because his inhibitions are lowered?" The result is a mishmash of "WHARGRBLLPATRIARCHYRAPEENABLERWEDESER​VEMORERIGHTSTHANMENBURNINGTIMES"
...only not that comprehensible.

Yeah...I know you're being sarcastic and making a move on a woman who's is passed out is 100% wrong.  But what if the guy is passed out and the woman makes a love on him?

There's a huge difference between having a couple of drinks with dinner and a couple over the next two hours. Hell, when I was a young fella back in the Reagan years that's how I lost my virginity with a lady ten years older in the same state. Damn, I'm glad I was taken advantage of, I was ready to start trying to bang knotholes in 2 by 4's.


Edit- meant "between being passed out and having a couple of drinks".
 
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