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(CTV News)   Ontario announces $500M in new funding for municipa- OH SH*T IT'S A CANADA GOOSE GET IN THE CAR   (toronto.ctvnews.ca) divider line
    More: Spiffy, Finance, Federal government of the United States, Municipality, Million, additional funding, Ford government, Mayor, Bob Runciman  
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3137 clicks; posted to Main » and Politics » on 04 Mar 2021 at 10:30 PM (10 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



46 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-03-04 10:33:57 PM  
 Want to lose a finger?  Feed a Canadian goose. They are vicious.
 
2021-03-04 10:34:39 PM  
I pass these rude assholes everyday while walking.

They're super aggressive.

Also, they crap everywhere.

fark them.
 
2021-03-04 10:37:29 PM  
Has anyone checked Tiger's car?
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2021-03-04 10:39:01 PM  
Canadian Geese winter where I live, they'll even fall asleep in the middle of the street on a nice day.

Anyway, headline is accurate

Geese = lots of shiat, green geese shiat.
 
2021-03-04 10:39:30 PM  

NathanAllen: I pass these rude assholes everyday while walking.

They're super aggressive.

Also, they crap everywhere.

fark them.


Government officials are mean but necessary.

Just keep eye contact and ask loud questions about tax increases or funding if approached.
 
2021-03-04 10:41:55 PM  
I was racing in the Pittsburgh triathlon. The transition area (where my bike was racked) was in a field right next to Heinz Field. This field was a 1/2 acre patch of grass that geese like to call home.

Running out of the water and into this patch of grass, in my bare feet, resulted in a brown sludge between my toes that I can only assume was goose shiat. For the next hour, my feet slimed my cycling shoes during the ride and the stains were so bad that I had to buy new shoes. Thinking about it now makes me gag.

Fark geese.
 
2021-03-04 10:41:59 PM  
'Terrible Tom' the wild turkey causes reporter to lose her head
Youtube ItKrnhvALc4
 
2021-03-04 10:52:56 PM  
Canada Goose = grass-eating shiat-machines.
 
2021-03-04 10:53:33 PM  
Canadian geese: Watch your head, watch your junk, and watch your shoes.
 
2021-03-04 10:55:32 PM  
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2021-03-04 10:58:06 PM  
Canadian geese are worse than Québécoise (I kid!). But seriously, they are invasive here in the Midwest and mean!
 
2021-03-04 11:02:08 PM  
Are these the Cobra Chickens that the internet keeps telling me about?
 
2021-03-04 11:03:59 PM  
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2021-03-04 11:06:05 PM  
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2021-03-04 11:07:21 PM  
You got a problem with Canada Gooses, then you got a problem with me - and I suggest you let that one marinate!
 
2021-03-04 11:19:25 PM  
I love watching them fly overhead in V formation.

I do not like trying to visit a beach they've 'occupied', they lay a carpet of shiat wherever they stay for more than a minute.
 
2021-03-04 11:31:52 PM  
There's a large forested park in my town with a big pond that really attracts these assholes.

The access road hugs the side of the water, so there are always flocks and flocks of them hanging around. Running one over will earn you a fine, and the geese have come to understand this. They literally will not get the fark out of the way. Honking at them doesn't make them move faster, it makes them turn around and stare at you, as if they're daring you to do something about it.

Last summer some dude in a pick-up truck got sick of their shiat and plowed through a group of like 8 of them that were just hanging out on the road. It was gruesome, and people in the vicinity were appalled, but goddamn I bet that was cathartic.

/no one reported him, even though there were at least 20-30 witnesses, because fark geese
//yeah I know - not so cool story, bro
 
2021-03-04 11:41:34 PM  

NathanAllen: I pass these rude assholes everyday while walking.

They're super aggressive.

Also, they crap everywhere.

fark them.


This.

Bottle rockets are my best defense against the viking hoards swimming up to poop all along my shoreline that I really like to walk barefoot in while im fishing.That is what they look like from a distance swimming up - an armada of stereotypical 'trying to look like a sea serpent' viking ships. And the bay is large enough to host multiple armada.

I don't fire bottle rockets at them. Jeeze Im not a monster.

At least not directly.
 
2021-03-04 11:47:17 PM  
a.k.a. Sky Carp
 
2021-03-04 11:55:19 PM  
Geese fertilize a good portion of the world.

But lets kill them off because that's icky and inconvenient.
 
2021-03-05 12:03:41 AM  
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2021-03-05 12:15:28 AM  

Trik: [YouTube video: 'Terrible Tom' the wild turkey causes reporter to lose her head]


Gees lady! Turkeys aren't all that bright. It probably was wondering what you're doing.

Go grab it by the neck, break it, take it home. Then dress it and when its done bleeding and given it a good wash, you then stick in the freezer then boom! You got your self a free, organic, free range wild caught Thanksgiving turkey!
 
2021-03-05 12:21:33 AM  

Richard Freckle: Are these the Cobra Chickens that the internet keeps telling me about?


Yes
 
2021-03-05 12:21:38 AM  
Came for Letterkenny, leaving satisfied.

/ pitter patter
 
2021-03-05 12:26:41 AM  
dude, they can fracture the leg of an adult human with a whack of a wing, fueled by a running start (STRAIGHT AT YOU) on the ground.

they also plop out about one hot, fresh, grass-green-goose-poop, every 7 minutes or so, onto any surface they happen to be lurking upon.

they are dirty. and really mean when they're breeding.

if swans felt the need to hire goons to attack people on their behalf, even more viciously than they like to be publicly seen doing themselves, they'd hire canada geese goons....
 
2021-03-05 12:32:32 AM  
The Ottawa river floods regularly, shutting down the pathways along the shore for the spring. This allows the geese to reproduce unmolested. By the time the waters recede and the paths are reopened, the geese have decided it's their world and will hiss at you if you're foolish enough to try to go for a bike ride.
 
2021-03-05 12:37:01 AM  
Considering the municipalities are legally required to balance their budgets, and the catastrophic losses they've been taking, this is no surprise. Not sure that's even going to cover it - I would have expected Toronto to need 500 alone. I hope folks have budgeted for a lot of fare increases, tax hikes and new levies.
 
2021-03-05 12:43:19 AM  
Ah, there it is:
"....but was able to significantly reduce that through more than $570 million in savings and efficiencies"

"Savings and efficiencies" - government speak for "we found a bunch of jobs we're going to cut".
 
2021-03-05 12:44:47 AM  

alice_600: Trik: [YouTube video: 'Terrible Tom' the wild turkey causes reporter to lose her head]

Gees lady! Turkeys aren't all that bright. It probably was wondering what you're doing.

Go grab it by the neck, break it, take it home. Then dress it and when its done bleeding and given it a good wash, you then stick in the freezer then boom! You got your self a free, organic, free range wild caught Thanksgiving turkey!


Grab 'em by the head and snap 'em like a whip.
 
2021-03-05 12:54:13 AM  
It's smiling at me.
Youtube klC6nm9PMpI
 
2021-03-05 1:24:51 AM  
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2021-03-05 2:00:37 AM  
Canadians are so polite because they've managed to gather all of their natural rudeness, aggression, and hatred, and transform it into a large migratory waterfowl.
 
2021-03-05 2:18:09 AM  
farking flying cobras.
 
2021-03-05 4:09:51 AM  
Shamelessly stolen from another thread above:
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2021-03-05 5:17:22 AM  

luna1580: dude, they can fracture the leg of an adult human with a whack of a wing, fueled by a running start (STRAIGHT AT YOU) on the ground.

they also plop out about one hot, fresh, grass-green-goose-poop, every 7 minutes or so, onto any surface they happen to be lurking upon.

they are dirty. and really mean when they're breeding.

if swans felt the need to hire goons to attack people on their behalf, even more viciously than they like to be publicly seen doing themselves, they'd hire canada geese goons....


A goose wing cannot break an adult's leg, that's a myth. Bird bones are hollow.
 
2021-03-05 7:10:28 AM  

Pert: luna1580:

if swans felt the need to hire goons to attack people on their behalf, even more viciously than they like to be publicly seen doing themselves, they'd hire canada geese goons....

A goose wing cannot break an adult's leg, that's a myth. Bird bones are hollow.


The myth probably comes from people tripping and breaking a bone while backing the fark off when the goose charges at ya hissing.

Swans have been known to murder by drowning though.

https://www.fieldandstream.com/blogs/​f​ield-notes/2012/04/mute-swan-attacks-a​nd-kills-man-chicago-pond/

/Canadian Geese are better at covering up their frequent murders.
 
2021-03-05 7:34:18 AM  
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2021-03-05 8:42:53 AM  
Is it legal to shoot them if they become a nuisance? You think the DNR would shoot and remove to keep the population in check and away from people.
 
2021-03-05 8:52:18 AM  
I have a modest suggestion for a solution to the goose problem:
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2021-03-05 8:55:34 AM  

YabbaDabbaDouchebag: Came for Letterkenny, leaving satisfied.

/ pitter patter


I am OBSESSED with that show.  It took a few episodes but I think it might be my favorite sitcom ever (admittedly a low bar).  Almost done with S8 and rationing episodes now.
 
2021-03-05 9:06:36 AM  
Do y'all call it Texan toast too?
 
2021-03-05 9:44:06 AM  
Step out of line or break the two metre rule and that's a goosing. Why do geese only attack Americans. I've never had a problem and my house is a block from the lake; you have to wade through gaggles of the bastards, though.
 
2021-03-05 10:58:16 AM  
ITT: No one talks about the municipality funding the article was actually about.  Literally EVERYONE complains about how horrible Canadian Geese are.

I mean, they are essentially little feathery velociraptors.  I just found the focus on what really matters to farkers funny.
 
2021-03-05 12:04:46 PM  
Well, did the goose have the 'rona or not? Apparently, migratory birds are a common vector of these types of illnesses.
 
2021-03-05 1:22:46 PM  

Pert: luna1580: dude, they can fracture the leg of an adult human with a whack of a wing, fueled by a running start (STRAIGHT AT YOU) on the ground.

they also plop out about one hot, fresh, grass-green-goose-poop, every 7 minutes or so, onto any surface they happen to be lurking upon.

they are dirty. and really mean when they're breeding.

if swans felt the need to hire goons to attack people on their behalf, even more viciously than they like to be publicly seen doing themselves, they'd hire canada geese goons....

A goose wing cannot break an adult's leg, that's a myth. Bird bones are hollow.


yup, totes just a myth.....no one has EVER been hurt during a goose wing-whack-attack.......

and i shall totally let you, not ME, be the IRL snopes tester on this myth......

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-in all seriousness, when they would nest on my backyard pond i would just go on walks with a broom in hand, they'd hiss and rush me, and i'd wave it, and we'd all be unharmed. but it certainly killed any lingering ideas of a peaceful zen walk for a few months every year-
 
2021-03-05 8:24:14 PM  

The Dynamite Monkey: YabbaDabbaDouchebag: Came for Letterkenny, leaving satisfied.

/ pitter patter

I am OBSESSED with that show.  It took a few episodes but I think it might be my favorite sitcom ever (admittedly a low bar).  Almost done with S8 and rationing episodes now.


LK was my pandemic find. Hulu kept suggesting it and I finally tried it out.

I am actually spending time away from it  so I can marathon it again; six- or seven-episode seasons are easy to watch in one sitting.
 
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