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(Slate)   "My mom is dying of cancer, but she still finds time to criticize me about my weight. What can I do to stop her criticism?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Internet, Julia Turshen, Julia Child, Web feed, ailing mom, Podcast, Prudie's podcasts, Recipe  
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258 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 04 Mar 2021 at 8:18 AM (10 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

 
2021-03-03 11:25:48 PM  
7 votes:
A pillow and a strong set of arms

//aisle seat, please.
 
2021-03-04 1:18:41 AM  
5 votes:
Look, I'm not going to listen to that but . . . really?  She's your mom.  Guess what?  Being of average weight is better for your health than being overweight!   I used to be really thin.  Nothing wrong, I was very busy and had quite a metabolism.  My mother just stopped sending me boxes of food about 3 weeks ago!  They're moms they worry.  No matter how I feel about another person's weight (and I simply don't feel about it, unless it has come to present a concrete health risk for someone that I love), studies tell us that both our social *and* professional options are improved if we're of average weight.  Your mom's not a social critic at Slate, she's your mom!

And she's dying, not "early" at some point in the distant future when her diet comes home to roost, but right now!  Count your blessings that she's not suffering from dementia and grabbing your genitals!  Tell her bye, and stuff, and such like as.
 
2021-03-04 2:59:44 AM  
4 votes:
F*ck her dad?
 
2021-03-03 11:55:48 PM  
4 votes:
thumbs.gfycat.comView Full Size
 
2021-03-03 11:49:05 PM  
4 votes:
Read her the Silmarillion.
 
2021-03-04 6:28:00 AM  
3 votes:
Eat a carrot, you fat fark.
 
2021-03-04 3:46:41 AM  
3 votes:
"my mom is dying, how can I make it about me instead?"
 
2021-03-04 12:18:07 AM  
3 votes:
jumping jacks?
 
2021-03-03 11:13:27 PM  
3 votes:
Don't worry, cancer will take care of things.
 
2021-03-04 3:00:44 PM  
2 votes:

cryinoutloud: This is a farking audio clip? I'm supposed to stop and listen to some article about stupid personal problems, along with an ad? GTFO, subby.


Click "View Transcript".
Only don't click "View Transcript" because then you'll see the transcript and I don't hate you.
 
2021-03-04 11:19:12 AM  
2 votes:
Just remind her that every time she's a dick, you're going to hire another homeless person to poop in her coffin before they close the lid.
 
2021-03-04 9:30:13 AM  
2 votes:

dittybopper: syrynxx: Read her the Silmarillion.

Impossible.  That book is unreadable.


You fool!  Read it backwards and it's a fun, hilarious, literalic frolic.  Just remember to do it while very stoned.
 
2021-03-04 9:11:58 AM  
2 votes:

Mugato: Eat a carrot, you fat fark.


Yep.

I kind of wish I had listened more.  Then I wouldn't have an uphill battle.   I see young people way more obese than I've ever been and I think to myself "Oh, you're going to really regret that in just a few short years, which is probably all you have left".

So, today:  Cup of coffee on my way into work, then a brisk 3.4 mile walk with a 40 lb MOLLE pack, then a plain Greek yogurt and an orange for breakfast.  For lunch, a foil pack of tuna along with some no salt added canned green beans, followed by a brisk 3 mile walk with the pack.  Then for dinner, probably a salad with some Swiss cheese.  Olive oil and vinegar dressing, no croutons.  And maybe a handful of mixed nuts for a snack.

No potatoes, no rice, no bread, no sugar.

On the plus side, though, I've already had to put a new hole in the belt I got for Christmas to replace the larger belt I used to have to wear.

But if I hadn't been a moron for all those years, I wouldn't have to be doing things so hard core right now.
 
2021-03-04 8:36:59 AM  
2 votes:
Tombstone catalog. Go shopping with her. Reject all the ideas she likes.
 
2021-03-04 8:22:48 AM  
2 votes:
Stop visiting her, stop calling her, refuse to answer if she calls. Cut her off completely.

If anyone complains about it, tell them that she knows what she did.
 
2021-03-04 4:09:48 PM  
1 vote:

Almea Tarrant: Myk-House of El: The Prudie Podcast -- fark it.

/also quit submitting it

Click "View Transcript".
I'm not so sure about you...

/ I keed
// don't click it
/// 3 cuz I'm a scamp


The first time I tried it, it looked like they were using the worst speech to text system ever invented.  Looks like they've improved, but it's literal and, like, um, has all the filler from, you know, speech.
 
2021-03-04 10:28:52 AM  
1 vote:
Curb Your Enthusiasm - Too Much Mayo
Youtube -uGWcgHoxoQ
 
2021-03-04 9:38:55 AM  
1 vote:
1. Get her on hospice now
2. Make sure that the nurse has orders for lorazepam and morphine that are alternating every hour PRN

Or just put your mom in the lowest rated nursing home on the Medicare scale.
 
2021-03-04 9:22:44 AM  
1 vote:

syrynxx: Read her the Silmarillion.


Impossible.  That book is unreadable.
 
2021-03-04 9:05:43 AM  
1 vote:
Taking care of her? Bring her nothing but McDonalds and Taco Bell to eat until she learns to STFU.

/ unless you have to change her diaper
 
2021-03-04 7:12:21 AM  
1 vote:
Cancer patients get a lot better once they start the morphine. So, you have that to look forward to.
 
433 [TotalFark]
2021-03-04 4:36:15 AM  
1 vote:
If your mother's dying wish is that you lose some weight, honor her memory.  And buy a plunger before you need a plunger.
 
2021-03-04 12:44:17 AM  
1 vote:
Patience, grasshopper
 
2021-03-03 11:29:19 PM  
1 vote:
Have her intubated.

//I'll take a window seat, please.
 
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