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(Twitter)   Defendant is a flight risk because: a) his wife kept an old boyfriend's passport that happened to look similar to the defendant, b) wife kept the passport as a keepsake, c) wife kept the passport with her own   (twitter.com) divider line
    More: Unlikely, shot  
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3386 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Mar 2021 at 10:35 PM (6 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2021-03-01 7:34:07 PM  
Original Tweet:

 
2021-03-01 10:37:31 PM  
Million to one shot, DOJ!  Million to one.
 
2021-03-01 10:37:38 PM  
Whatever gets you off, lady.
 
2021-03-01 10:39:19 PM  
Hmmmm. This sounds awful cucky to me.

Cuck-a-doodle-doo
 
2021-03-01 10:41:32 PM  
What exactly are these boys proud about again?
 
2021-03-01 10:43:48 PM  
Yeah, that sounds about right...who among us hasn't kept a current legal form of identification from an ex, next to our bed, in the nightstand for two years?
 
2021-03-01 10:44:21 PM  

Zombies ate my neighbors: What exactly are these boys proud about again?


Their tiny 🍄 s.  It's called leaning in.
They learned it from the people that changed the face of being a fat 🦆.
And Black is beautiful.
 
2021-03-01 10:44:21 PM  

Zombies ate my neighbors: What exactly are these boys proud about again?


Their enormous brains
 
2021-03-01 10:44:41 PM  

Judge Judy and Executioner: Whatever gets you off, lady.


Well, the Proud Boy ain't exactly doin the job.
 
2021-03-01 10:45:27 PM  

Windmill Cancer Survivor: Yeah, that sounds about right...who among us hasn't kept a current legal form of identification from an ex, next to our bed, in the nightstand for two years?


I actually have sex tapes on my cell from my exes.
Difficulty:
From old flip phones and VHS.
 
2021-03-01 10:49:50 PM  

waxbeans: Windmill Cancer Survivor: Yeah, that sounds about right...who among us hasn't kept a current legal form of identification from an ex, next to our bed, in the nightstand for two years?

I actually have sex tapes on my cell from my exes.
Difficulty:
From old flip phones and VHS.


You would.
 
2021-03-01 10:50:43 PM  

waxbeans: Windmill Cancer Survivor: Yeah, that sounds about right...who among us hasn't kept a current legal form of identification from an ex, next to our bed, in the nightstand for two years?

I actually have sex tapes on my cell from my exes.
Difficulty:
From old flip phones and VHS.


Also pics or it didn't happen
 
2021-03-01 10:51:02 PM  
Proudly admitting to be a cuck boy.
 
2021-03-01 10:51:37 PM  

Zombies ate my neighbors: What exactly are these boys proud about again?


Everything they shouldn't be.
 
2021-03-01 10:52:04 PM  

Zombies ate my neighbors: What exactly are these boys proud about again?


Nobody really knows. It's not like they'd be dumb enough to advertise it if they were breaking any laws.
 
2021-03-01 10:52:59 PM  

Doctor Poop: waxbeans: Windmill Cancer Survivor: Yeah, that sounds about right...who among us hasn't kept a current legal form of identification from an ex, next to our bed, in the nightstand for two years?

I actually have sex tapes on my cell from my exes.
Difficulty:
From old flip phones and VHS.

Also pics or it didn't happen


Link
 
2021-03-01 10:59:08 PM  
Wait?  She willingly dated two men with that face?
 
2021-03-01 10:59:44 PM  
Tell me about the quality of a person's character who goes to great lengths to deceive the government of his intentions.
 
2021-03-01 11:01:37 PM  
If proud boy types want to flee the country, I say let 'em
 
2021-03-01 11:06:44 PM  
I kind of love the idea that somewhere out there is a guy reading this and jumping out of his chair like, "I knew it! I f*cking KNEW it! Hey Darlene, remember when we had to cancel that trip to Cancun and I said my crazy ex must've stole my passport? You gotta come see this."


/someone else's current, valid passport sitting on top of your dresser, and "keepsake" is the best you can come up with? these are not smart people
 
2021-03-01 11:08:31 PM  

Judge Judy and Executioner: Doctor Poop: waxbeans: Windmill Cancer Survivor: Yeah, that sounds about right...who among us hasn't kept a current legal form of identification from an ex, next to our bed, in the nightstand for two years?

I actually have sex tapes on my cell from my exes.
Difficulty:
From old flip phones and VHS.

Also pics or it didn't happen

Link


Not falling for THAT one!


/ Clicks
 
2021-03-01 11:12:24 PM  

Doctor Poop: Judge Judy and Executioner: Doctor Poop: waxbeans: Windmill Cancer Survivor: Yeah, that sounds about right...who among us hasn't kept a current legal form of identification from an ex, next to our bed, in the nightstand for two years?

I actually have sex tapes on my cell from my exes.
Difficulty:
From old flip phones and VHS.

Also pics or it didn't happen

Link

Not falling for THAT one!

/ Clicks


It probably just degraded a bit after the format shift from VHS

/Maybe he still has the original of that?
 
2021-03-01 11:12:39 PM  

Zombies ate my neighbors: What exactly are these boys proud about again?


csb (sorta): I was going to google a pic of that punchable little douche leader of theirs for an oh so humorous reply to this. Couldn't come up with his name, so I searched "Proud boys douchebag". First two results included his name. /csb
 
2021-03-01 11:14:14 PM  

Monkeyfark Ridiculous: I kind of love the idea that somewhere out there is a guy reading this and jumping out of his chair like, "I knew it! I f*cking KNEW it! Hey Darlene, remember when we had to cancel that trip to Cancun and I said my crazy ex must've stole my passport? You gotta come see this."


/someone else's current, valid passport sitting on top of your dresser, and "keepsake" is the best you can come up with? these are not smart people


I can't stand these people but it's possibly true
 
2021-03-01 11:14:16 PM  
So she has a type
 
2021-03-01 11:15:03 PM  

gunsmack: Zombies ate my neighbors: What exactly are these boys proud about again?

csb (sorta): I was going to google a pic of that punchable little douche leader of theirs for an oh so humorous reply to this. Couldn't come up with his name, so I searched "Proud boys douchebag". First two results included his name. /csb


Google never works like that for me
 
2021-03-01 11:17:50 PM  

gunsmack: Zombies ate my neighbors: What exactly are these boys proud about again?

csb (sorta): I was going to google a pic of that punchable little douche leader of theirs for an oh so humorous reply to this. Couldn't come up with his name, so I searched "Proud boys douchebag". First two results included his name. /csb


I got Henry "Enrique" Tarrioafter doing that GS. His wiki is at the very top. Wow. He should sue. wow. That shouldn't happen. Considering Google stopped acting like that 20 years ago.
 
2021-03-01 11:17:51 PM  

waxbeans: gunsmack: Zombies ate my neighbors: What exactly are these boys proud about again?

csb (sorta): I was going to google a pic of that punchable little douche leader of theirs for an oh so humorous reply to this. Couldn't come up with his name, so I searched "Proud boys douchebag". First two results included his name. /csb

Google never works like that for me


your google-fu must be weak then.... did you evar practice bing-jutsu and are tainted in the eyes of the Fu-Dog?
 
2021-03-01 11:19:19 PM  

waxbeans: Windmill Cancer Survivor: Yeah, that sounds about right...who among us hasn't kept a current legal form of identification from an ex, next to our bed, in the nightstand for two years?

I actually have sex tapes on my cell from my exes.
Difficulty:
From old flip phones and VHS.


OMG buy a VCR, cheapskate.
 
2021-03-01 11:20:15 PM  

waxbeans: gunsmack: Zombies ate my neighbors: What exactly are these boys proud about again?

csb (sorta): I was going to google a pic of that punchable little douche leader of theirs for an oh so humorous reply to this. Couldn't come up with his name, so I searched "Proud boys douchebag". First two results included his name. /csb

I got Henry "Enrique" Tarrioafter doing that GS. His wiki is at the very top. Wow. He should sue. wow. That shouldn't happen. Considering Google stopped acting like that 20 years ago.


No, Google got it right.
 
2021-03-01 11:21:24 PM  

Bennie Crabtree: waxbeans: Windmill Cancer Survivor: Yeah, that sounds about right...who among us hasn't kept a current legal form of identification from an ex, next to our bed, in the nightstand for two years?

I actually have sex tapes on my cell from my exes.
Difficulty:
From old flip phones and VHS.

OMG buy a VCR, cheapskate.


Or make new "tapes?"
 
2021-03-01 11:22:26 PM  

DORMAMU: waxbeans: gunsmack: Zombies ate my neighbors: What exactly are these boys proud about again?

csb (sorta): I was going to google a pic of that punchable little douche leader of theirs for an oh so humorous reply to this. Couldn't come up with his name, so I searched "Proud boys douchebag". First two results included his name. /csb

Google never works like that for me

your google-fu must be weak then.... did you evar practice bing-jutsu and are tainted in the eyes of the Fu-Dog?


Try Duckduckgo
 
2021-03-01 11:23:02 PM  

Someone Else's Alt: waxbeans: gunsmack: Zombies ate my neighbors: What exactly are these boys proud about again?

csb (sorta): I was going to google a pic of that punchable little douche leader of theirs for an oh so humorous reply to this. Couldn't come up with his name, so I searched "Proud boys douchebag". First two results included his name. /csb

I got Henry "Enrique" Tarrioafter doing that GS. His wiki is at the very top. Wow. He should sue. wow. That shouldn't happen. Considering Google stopped acting like that 20 years ago.

No, Google got it right.


My point was, I used to love Google because 3 words could actually pull up exactly who /what you was looking for. Even if you misspelled all three words.
Google would ask you did you mean........
But it actually hasn't done that for me in ages.
And I really wonder why no one discusses this reality.
I don't even understand why people talk about having Google skills 20 years ago punching in random stuff immediately pulled up what you were looking for.
 
2021-03-01 11:25:56 PM  

Monkeyfark Ridiculous: I kind of love the idea that somewhere out there is a guy reading this and jumping out of his chair like, "I knew it! I f*cking KNEW it! Hey Darlene, remember when we had to cancel that trip to Cancun and I said my crazy ex must've stole my passport? You gotta come see this."


/someone else's current, valid passport sitting on top of your dresser, and "keepsake" is the best you can come up with? these are not smart people


The wife had best hope Mr. Ex isn't feeling spiteful, vengeful or is the kind of good(ish) citizen who reports a missing passport.

Because that shiat is taken with utter seriousness. I had one go on walkabout once and have never forgotten the days of hateful nonsense I endured from the consular officials, up to and including direct allegations of having sold the thing (expiring within about 6 months from that time) and a stern lecture from the consul's wife, passing through the back offices on some sandalwood-scented errand or other, about the necessity of keeping US Government property more secure.

A first offense with a stolen US passport and no frilly enhancements like drug, terror or impersonating charges will net you 10 years and a quarter-million-dollar fine. They gotta be shiatting dusty fear over there.
 
2021-03-01 11:38:33 PM  

My Klezmer Metal Cover Band: A first offense with a stolen US passport and no frilly enhancements like drug, terror or impersonating charges will net you 10 years and a quarter-million-dollar fine. They gotta be shiatting dusty fear over there.


Came here to say this. Also, I hope the ex does report it as stolen.
 
2021-03-01 11:41:42 PM  
I got three passports, a couple of visas, you don't even know my real name.
 
2021-03-01 11:44:24 PM  
don't they take a retina scan at airports these days ?
 
2021-03-01 11:46:00 PM  

maxwellton: I got three passports, a couple of visas, you don't even know my real name.

I

don't even know my real name. It's for security purposes.
 
2021-03-01 11:46:04 PM  

bluewave69: don't they take a retina scan at airports these days ?


What this isn't the future, man

Hell it's barely 1992 and some parts of this country
 
2021-03-01 11:59:50 PM  

70Ford: My Klezmer Metal Cover Band: A first offense with a stolen US passport and no frilly enhancements like drug, terror or impersonating charges will net you 10 years and a quarter-million-dollar fine. They gotta be shiatting dusty fear over there.

Came here to say this. Also, I hope the ex does report it as stolen.


Yep, seems to me that any remotely plausible version of their story would imply additional charges for one or more of the people involved.

/for that matter, the most likely explanations also tend to imply criming
 
2021-03-02 12:04:32 AM  

GranoblasticMan: maxwellton: I got three passports, a couple of visas, you don't even know my real name.

I don't even know my real name. It's for security purposes.


I have to watch my step with ID checks because if the officer says my true name out loud while I happen to be standing inside a circle, I'm obligated to perform one major or three minor requests for them before returning to my home realm.
 
2021-03-02 12:23:29 AM  

bluewave69: don't they take a retina scan at airports these days ?


Do you fly on planes? Before COVID I used to do a lot of international travel. They usually take your thumb prints and a picture-no one's doing retinal scans. Not even Singapore or Qatar (always made me the most nervous for some reason).
 
2021-03-02 12:25:01 AM  
It's almost as if the Proud Boys are aware of all of their wrongdoing and terrified of the consequences because they're cowardly or something. (scratches chin)
 
2021-03-02 1:46:02 AM  
sure_jan.gif
 
2021-03-02 5:26:27 AM  
They're the master race.
 
2021-03-02 5:58:57 AM  

anuran: Zombies ate my neighbors: What exactly are these boys proud about again?

Their enormous brains


I believe the term might be "swollen".
 
2021-03-02 6:25:13 AM  
Come on, really. Who here can honestly say they don't engage in a little light Customs and Immigration role play in the bedroom from time to time?
 
2021-03-02 6:33:53 AM  

anuran: Zombies ate my neighbors: What exactly are these boys proud about again?

Their enormous brains


That's called encephalitis.
 
2021-03-02 6:56:51 AM  

GranoblasticMan: maxwellton: I got three passports, a couple of visas, you don't even know my real name.

I don't even know my real name. It's for security purposes.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-03-02 6:58:16 AM  
Having any sort of "alternative" ID on hand is usually taken as positive evidence of willingness & ability to flee from prosecution. So no bail.
 
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