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(NYPost)   Ok, which one of you Farkers is this?   (nypost.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, Drug paraphernalia, Bong, Seattle dad Rudy Willingham, beer bongs, 8-month-old daughter, Gotta keep things, doctors, beer bong  
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6058 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Mar 2021 at 3:20 PM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



45 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-03-01 2:18:34 PM  
Since beer bongs help undergrads gain weight, he figured, maybe they'd work for his baby, too.

I have never before heard described this sort of direct causal relationship between the so-called "freshman 15" and beer bongs. Beer bongs aren't a tool for weight gain, they're a tool for quick inebriation. I suppose the empty calories of beer are a factor in the weight gain, but they're the same calories whether they rush into your body all at once or you put them in one sip at a time. I thought freshmen gained weight because they're eating a lot more crappy, cheap food, like pizza, then they generally did while living at home (and, typically, not having to fend for themselves at every meal).
 
2021-03-01 2:23:35 PM  
You only gain weight if it's administered rectally.  Not many people know that.
 
2021-03-01 3:22:40 PM  
Yeah. Sure.

Meanwhile any doc worth their degree will tell anyone who has any form of long term liquid diet that they need to eat peanut butter to gain the weight back because of how energy dense the stuff is
 
2021-03-01 3:23:04 PM  
Wasn't me. I put pot in my bongs.
 
2021-03-01 3:25:51 PM  
This looks more like a force-feeding device than anything beer related.
 
2021-03-01 3:26:41 PM  
The baby beer bong is kind of funny and clever. It couldn't have been a Farker.
 
2021-03-01 3:26:49 PM  
I remember when my son came home from the hospital and he was a premie. My wife and I would have to do gavage feeding. Running a nasogastric tube and then attaching a bottle and let gravity do the rest. The first couple of times was nerve wracking...but then you get use to do, although it was a huge relief when he could just take the bottle.
 
2021-03-01 3:27:56 PM  
It works for geese, as well.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-03-01 3:29:38 PM  

lifeslammer: Meanwhile any doc worth their degree will tell anyone who has any form of long term liquid diet that they need to eat peanut butter to gain the weight back because of how energy dense the stuff is


That works until you have a child whose oral motor control isn't yet developed enough to swallow peanut butter and instead chokes on it.  Peanut butter is great, but it's also tricky to get down.  Tricky and sticky.
 
2021-03-01 3:29:52 PM  
Day care could make the multi-hose beer bong and feed a whole bunch of kids. Last one I did was in the parking lot of the Bills stadium
 
2021-03-01 3:31:14 PM  

Kraftwerk Orange: It works for geese, as well.

[Fark user image 600x400]


Absolutely fowl.
 
2021-03-01 3:31:26 PM  

clawsoon: lifeslammer: Meanwhile any doc worth their degree will tell anyone who has any form of long term liquid diet that they need to eat peanut butter to gain the weight back because of how energy dense the stuff is

That works until you have a child whose oral motor control isn't yet developed enough to swallow peanut butter and instead chokes on it.  Peanut butter is great, but it's also tricky to get down.  Tricky and sticky.


Couldnt you thin it out with formula?
 
2021-03-01 3:31:47 PM  

Marcus Aurelius: You only gain weight if it's administered rectally.  Not many people know that.


Judging by the weight gain on my campus, it's more well-known than you think!
 
2021-03-01 3:32:16 PM  
This link took  me to Cuomo next to a blonde lady a few minutes ago.
 
2021-03-01 3:32:17 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-03-01 3:32:40 PM  

Kraftwerk Orange: It works for geese, as well.

[Fark user image 600x400]


We were obviously on close but not quite same wavelengths.

I saw this
nypost.comView Full Size


and thought,
baby foie gras, sure why not, seems more acceptable when we do it to our own. ;)
 
2021-03-01 3:33:20 PM  
Who would have thought that all those wasted years in college would pay off s well.
 
2021-03-01 3:33:42 PM  

clawsoon: Tricky and sticky.


I see you've met my ex.
 
2021-03-01 3:38:00 PM  
Isn't this technically a formula bong?
 
2021-03-01 3:41:53 PM  
Well, at least he didn't make her butt chug it.
 
2021-03-01 3:42:09 PM  

Kraftwerk Orange: It works for geese, as well.

[Fark user image 600x400]


How did someone figure this out?  I mean, (a) that goose liver is good to eat and (b) how to fatten it up...I guess same goes with a lot of the foods (oysters, etc)
 
2021-03-01 3:44:04 PM  

Pocket Ninja: Since beer bongs help undergrads gain weight, he figured, maybe they'd work for his baby, too.

I have never before heard described this sort of direct causal relationship between the so-called "freshman 15" and beer bongs. Beer bongs aren't a tool for weight gain, they're a tool for quick inebriation. I suppose the empty calories of beer are a factor in the weight gain, but they're the same calories whether they rush into your body all at once or you put them in one sip at a time. I thought freshmen gained weight because they're eating a lot more crappy, cheap food, like pizza, then they generally did while living at home (and, typically, not having to fend for themselves at every meal).


Granted, I haven't drank formula for a long time now, but it was my understanding that the beer bong's primary function was to eliminate or reduce the amount of carbonation in the beer (or sugared-soft drink for our teetotaling friends) by "drinking it from the bottom" so to speak, and avoiding the gassy bubbles.  In fact, some of my fellow collegians became so adept at it that they were able to down quart bottles of Burgie! beer, the most cost effective brand at the time.  Four of them would pool their money for a 12-pack of quarts and have their drinking done and out of the way so they could 'focus' on the use of their regular bong.
 
2021-03-01 3:48:44 PM  
Kid will grow up to be a scholar.
 
2021-03-01 4:05:29 PM  

radiovox: Kraftwerk Orange: It works for geese, as well.

[Fark user image 600x400]

How did someone figure this out?  I mean, (a) that goose liver is good to eat and (b) how to fatten it up...I guess same goes with a lot of the foods (oysters, etc)


I love raw oysters, but whomever was the first brave soul to slurp a bit of snot off a half shell was a brave soul.
 
2021-03-01 4:06:57 PM  

libranoelrose: This link took  me to Cuomo next to a blonde lady a few minutes ago.


The whole sausage lady one or the Clinton cigar box lady one?
 
2021-03-01 4:06:59 PM  
Kid is going to be butt chugging formula in a week or two while swearing they dont have a drinking problem and trying to convince others they didn't care about the grade in that early morning class anyway.
 
2021-03-01 4:18:34 PM  
In about a year she'll be good for baby's first keg stand.
 
2021-03-01 4:36:12 PM  
None of us.

The average Farker ejaculates a wheezing little cloud of dust. If that.
 
2021-03-01 4:44:14 PM  
I bet that kid spit up crazy amounts.
 
2021-03-01 4:57:40 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-03-01 5:04:07 PM  
That does neither healthy nor safe to me. Then again I raised 0 kids. I'm only here to judge.
 
2021-03-01 5:21:15 PM  
As Keenu Reeves said in Parenthood
"you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father."
 
2021-03-01 5:24:13 PM  

Circusdog320: I remember when my son came home from the hospital and he was a premie. My wife and I would have to do gavage feeding. Running a nasogastric tube and then attaching a bottle and let gravity do the rest. The first couple of times was nerve wracking...but then you get use to do, although it was a huge relief when he could just take the bottle.


Jesus, I bet. Hopefully the silver lining is that you were quicker to realize, "fark, this kid is damn near indestructible."
 
2021-03-01 5:46:04 PM  
Future mod in training.
 
2021-03-01 5:54:13 PM  

Marcus Aurelius: You only gain weight if it's administered rectally.  Not many people know that.


baby diapers get nasty enough. That would be a whole new level
 
2021-03-01 7:45:16 PM  

Bovine Diarrhea Virus: As Keenu Reeves said in Parenthood
"you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father."


Um, butt reaming usually doesn't.....ah, never mind.
 
2021-03-01 7:53:14 PM  

Bovine Diarrhea Virus: As Keenu Reeves said in Parenthood
"you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father."


Or have a movement to have your likeness the new NBA logo.
 
2021-03-01 9:05:24 PM  

mom_dropped_me: Marcus Aurelius: You only gain weight if it's administered rectally.  Not many people know that.

baby diapers get nasty enough. That would be a whole new level


You'd probably have to invent a new bio-hazard classification - baby, beer shiats, and old spilled beer.  You'd need military grade NBC gear to even think about doing a diaper change.
 
2021-03-01 11:09:53 PM  

Marcus Aurelius: You only gain weight if it's administered rectally.  Not many people know that.


I so not know why so many people find this funny it is smart. Also no breathalyzer test will detect it
Weel that is if ya sober nuff to not fall asleep while taking it.
 
2021-03-01 11:13:01 PM  
Thats um normal drunk speak not anal drunk speak
also i read it on the interwebbies from a freind of a freind
/// immediate slashies cause it is "A" anal beer bong not "my" anal beer bong occifer
 
2021-03-01 11:18:34 PM  

PvtStash: Kraftwerk Orange: It works for geese, as well.

[Fark user image 600x400]

We were obviously on close but not quite same wavelengths.

I saw this
[nypost.com image 431x645]

and thought,
baby foie gras, sure why not, seems more acceptable when we do it to our own. ;)


I thought, "what a douchebag".
 
2021-03-01 11:21:51 PM  

Idiot Stick Bearer: Marcus Aurelius: You only gain weight if it's administered rectally.  Not many people know that.

I so not know why so many people find this funny it is smart. Also no breathalyzer test will detect it
Weel that is if ya sober nuff to not fall asleep while taking it.


Are you ok?
 
2021-03-02 12:05:42 AM  

Doctor Poop: Idiot Stick Bearer: Marcus Aurelius: You only gain weight if it's administered rectally.  Not many people know that.

I so not know why so many people find this funny it is smart. Also no breathalyzer test will detect it
Weel that is if ya sober nuff to not fall asleep while taking it.

Are you ok?


Nah i wasnt ok after 2016 and im getting worse
 
2021-03-02 1:23:49 AM  

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: [Fark user image 400x516]


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-03-02 8:22:11 AM  
Subby clearly never read about the time when Encyclopedia Brown met Smelly Nellie.
 
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