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(WPXI.com)   I've never had a golf ball worth risking my life over, but I'm not Florida Man   (wpxi.com) divider line
    More: Florida, Golf, Pinellas County Sheriff's Office, Pinellas County, Florida, Tampa, Florida, Hillsborough County, Florida, golf course, Hermilo Jazmines, golf cart  
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3049 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Mar 2021 at 12:35 AM (6 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



43 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-02-28 8:50:32 PM  
Don't hit balls you can't lose
 
2021-02-28 9:54:32 PM  
If it goes into the water, just let it go, dude.
 
2021-02-28 10:09:21 PM  
Florida.  At least it wasn't a gator that got him.
 
2021-02-28 11:52:19 PM  
if anything that is what i really hate about golf, trying to find my ball when it goes in the rough.  Just $2 i spend more on beer during a round of golf. Not going to spend more that a minute looking for it and just take the penalty
 
2021-03-01 12:38:17 AM  
I would do almost anything to rescue my balls
 
2021-03-01 12:39:01 AM  
"Jazmines' friends said he liked to search for lost balls, deputies said."

Nice convenient reasoning...
 
2021-03-01 12:43:56 AM  
I clicked on this assuming it was a gator and so did you.
 
2021-03-01 12:53:52 AM  
Blood alcohol level is what?
 
2021-03-01 12:54:52 AM  
Bollocks.
 
2021-03-01 12:59:28 AM  
When I was a kid, my grandma would set up playdates with kids/grandkids of her friends then drag me off to some stranger's house where everything was weird.  One time, the kid's favorite thing to do was hit golf balls across a ravine.  Only golf I knew was mini.  I was 8 or 9.  But whatever.  It's his house.  So he showed me how to take a swing with a real club and eventually I got a few over.  Then he said, "Let's go get them."  Dafuq!  Nobody said that was part of the deal.  That's rattlesnake territory and I wasn't paying attention to where the balls were going and then rolling down the hill.  Never went back to that kid's house.  Oh, and I had to help put socks on his grandpa.

Now I'm trying to remember the TV show where there was a whole bit about getting golf balls out of the deep part of a water hazard and the guy didn't know how to hold his breath or something.  That's gonna bug me.
 
2021-03-01 12:59:50 AM  
preview.redd.itView Full Size
 
2021-03-01 1:01:39 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-03-01 1:03:10 AM  

Mock26: "Jazmines' friends said he liked to search for lost balls, deputies said."

Nice convenient reasoning...


If it wasn't for the golf cart and putter near the water I would have assumed he was retrieving all the balls from the bottom of the pond.  Some people (barely) make a living doing that.  They scrounge up hundreds to thousands of balls from the water hazards around the golf course, clean them up, and sell them.

/I too was expecting an alligator to be involved
//Disappointed
///3
 
2021-03-01 1:03:58 AM  

jtown: When I was a kid, my grandma would set up playdates with kids/grandkids of her friends then drag me off to some stranger's house where everything was weird.  One time, the kid's favorite thing to do was hit golf balls across a ravine.  Only golf I knew was mini.  I was 8 or 9.  But whatever.  It's his house.  So he showed me how to take a swing with a real club and eventually I got a few over.  Then he said, "Let's go get them."  Dafuq!  Nobody said that was part of the deal.  That's rattlesnake territory and I wasn't paying attention to where the balls were going and then rolling down the hill.  Never went back to that kid's house.  Oh, and I had to help put socks on his grandpa.

Now I'm trying to remember the TV show where there was a whole bit about getting golf balls out of the deep part of a water hazard and the guy didn't know how to hold his breath or something.  That's gonna bug me.


Oh, right.  Bob's Burgers.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-03-01 1:12:05 AM  
I live basically across the street from a golf course here in Florida, and let me just say that this doesn't happen nearly often enough.

/ fark golfers
// Yes, you too.
/// three
 
2021-03-01 1:13:04 AM  

Mock26: "Jazmines' friends said he liked to search for lost balls, deputies said."

Nice convenient reasoning...


Some people get a thrill out of finding a Titleist in the edge of the pond.  It is like finding buried treasure.

Do it long enough, and you take some accidental dunks.  His friends would have seen him covered in pond water in previous incidents.  It is not unreasonable to believe that at age 74, he just didn't make it out after a hard slide.
 
2021-03-01 1:13:10 AM  

metric: [preview.redd.it image 640x1317]


Heh, so 20 years ago, my grandmother is looking to replace both the toilets in her house.  And she sees that ad.  So I take her down to the hardware store, and she finds it.  When the sales guy asks her what she's looking for in a toilet she says, "I raised a large family, and dammit, I'm tried of kids leaving the toilet clogged for me to plunge.  I don't EVER want to plunge a toilet again!"  So she bought two of that toilet and I helped grandpa install them.

For the first ten years they lived up to their promise.  Grandma didn't even own a plunger during that time.

The last ten years have been less impressive.  But that may just be the aging pipes in a 70 year old house.  We have to have them rotor rootered once or twice a year.

/Prior to that outing, I had not been aware there were "toilet salesmen"
//Nor had I ever had to consider the quandary of what "what are you looking for in a toilet"
///And I just realized that question can be taken a couple different ways...
 
2021-03-01 1:16:44 AM  
Why in God's name do people that don't take the time to learn how to swim go anywhere near the water...

I'm going with a generational stupidity , who has a kid and doesn't teach them how to learn how to swim?

I don't know in a state surrounded by water?  ... Florida.

But in all honesty learn how to swim teach your kids how to swim it almost comes naturally.
Half the people that died from drowning in America every year could swim to shore if we just put a little effort into it,

But hey what the heck another Darwin Awards Trifecta going into play I have a feeling.
 
2021-03-01 1:52:03 AM  
How much does a golf ball cost? Golfers are strange people.
 
2021-03-01 2:19:50 AM  

runwiz: Florida.  At least it wasn't a gator that got him.


Yeah, I was expecting gators.
 
2021-03-01 2:23:56 AM  
Unsurprisingly, there is a golden Trump golf ball you can purchase for far too much money.

Fark user imageView Full Size


Then there was that time Trump's ball ended up in a sand trap:


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-03-01 2:49:23 AM  

My Sober Alt: Unsurprisingly, there is a golden Trump golf ball you can purchase for far too much money.

[Fark user image 600x600]

Then there was that time Trump's ball ended up in a sand trap:


[Fark user image 620x450]


Donald Trump is a known golf cheat. But how he does it is less well known. He actually has his caddy coat his golf balls in olive oil, and shove them up his ass, so when he slices, and the ball goes way off the green, he can just casually stroll up to where the hole is, drop his pants, and crap out a new (but stinky) replacement.
 
2021-03-01 2:58:15 AM  
I'm tempted to check and see if this was the same golf course pond where the 83 year old dude died last week going after his hat, but it's Florida. One golf course pond drowning per week is probably par for the course in Florida.
 
2021-03-01 3:14:57 AM  

headslacker: Why in God's name do people that don't take the time to learn how to swim go anywhere near the water...

I'm going with a generational stupidity , who has a kid and doesn't teach them how to learn how to swim?

I don't know in a state surrounded by water?  ... Florida.

But in all honesty learn how to swim teach your kids how to swim it almost comes naturally.
Half the people that died from drowning in America every year could swim to shore if we just put a little effort into it,

But hey what the heck another Darwin Awards Trifecta going into play I have a feeling.


Or just stood up? Every time I have seen someone in a water hazard the water was mid thigh. If it is too deep you can't retrieve the balls and why do you need a eight foot deep hazard? Three feet is plenty. Water is water to your ball.
 
2021-03-01 3:21:47 AM  
In Florida, it's kind of rare to find a water trap not having a resident gator. We have divers who professionally dive these places and resell the balls and you can make some good money doing so. Smart golfers use colored balls to spot them easily in the roughs. Trap divers can come up with a bucket of balls from one spot.
 
2021-03-01 3:30:35 AM  
Dumbass.
I live in Florida and am surrounded by water and a golf course. I haven't drowned once.
 
2021-03-01 4:02:08 AM  

metric: [preview.redd.it image 640x1317]


That would be a temping buy if I pooed golf balls.

/interestingly, my browser's spellcheck does accept 'pooed' as a word. I did not expect that.
 
2021-03-01 5:32:22 AM  
Was at the scene.
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-03-01 6:23:28 AM  

saturn badger: headslacker: Why in God's name do people that don't take the time to learn how to swim go anywhere near the water...

I'm going with a generational stupidity , who has a kid and doesn't teach them how to learn how to swim?

I don't know in a state surrounded by water?  ... Florida.

But in all honesty learn how to swim teach your kids how to swim it almost comes naturally.
Half the people that died from drowning in America every year could swim to shore if we just put a little effort into it,

But hey what the heck another Darwin Awards Trifecta going into play I have a feeling.

Or just stood up? Every time I have seen someone in a water hazard the water was mid thigh. If it is too deep you can't retrieve the balls and why do you need a eight foot deep hazard? Three feet is plenty. Water is water to your ball.


I'm thinking he had a heart attack while recovering his golf ball and subsequently drowned. Because I don't think they make those water hazards all that deep.
 
2021-03-01 7:22:41 AM  

Rik01: In Florida, it's kind of rare to find a water trap not having a resident gator. We have divers who professionally dive these places and resell the balls and you can make some good money doing so. Smart golfers use colored balls to spot them easily in the roughs. Trap divers can come up with a bucket of balls from one spot.


Yep.i named mine Eddy. You did not want to go into his pond.
 
2021-03-01 8:53:34 AM  
I used to play a public course (in Florida) and there was some grungy dude who would swim the ponds, recover golf balls and sell them to golfers on the course

I can't imagine the diseases the guy contracted from the polluted ponds. Not to mention the gators or the occasional water moccasin
 
2021-03-01 9:03:07 AM  
Eastlake Woodlands has 2 courses, couldn't find out which course it was but I'm suspecting the north course as the south course hole 3 is a canal vs a pond.  Most of the water hazards on these courses are natural and part of the Brooker creek and tarpon watersheds so some could be much deeper than you'd expect.  Also chock full of gators and even some decent fish.

Years back, a homeless lady had made camp in a more wooded secluded area off one of water hazards and gator got her.

Moral of the story is I guess golf is dangerous?
 
2021-03-01 9:09:55 AM  
Well at least he didn't lose a stroke
 
2021-03-01 9:10:45 AM  

169th Cousin: Well at least he didn't lose a stroke


Oh, and RAT FARTS!
 
2021-03-01 9:17:35 AM  

thrasherrr: Mock26: "Jazmines' friends said he liked to search for lost balls, deputies said."

Nice convenient reasoning...

Some people get a thrill out of finding a Titleist in the edge of the pond.  It is like finding buried treasure.

Do it long enough, and you take some accidental dunks.  His friends would have seen him covered in pond water in previous incidents.  It is not unreasonable to believe that at age 74, he just didn't make it out after a hard slide.


Being a truly horrible golfer, I spent a lot of time in places where other truly horrible golfers hit balls that they could not find. Over the years, I have accumulated about 10 gallons of "found balls". Periodically, they get sorted into categories and a few get put into different pockets in the golf bag. I had a pocket for cut balls="water balls", a pocket for dog legs="balls not likely to come back home with me", and a pocket for nearly perfect and balanced="I might need to putt this one at the end of the hole". Anyway, after cleaning, I would check the balance with a cup of water, jet-dry, and a sharpie. Titleist balls fared poorly, so assuming they are balanced from the factory, they can't take much of a pounding.
 
2021-03-01 9:17:49 AM  

Gordon Bennett: metric: [preview.redd.it image 640x1317]

That would be a temping buy if I pooed golf balls.

/interestingly, my browser's spellcheck does accept 'pooed' as a word. I did not expect that.


Yeah, I'd change my diet before I changed my toilet.
 
2021-03-01 9:57:08 AM  

almandot: I clicked on this assuming it was a gator and so did you.


It's Florida, just playing the odds.
 
2021-03-01 11:22:58 AM  

My Sober Alt: Unsurprisingly, there is a golden Trump golf ball you can purchase for far too much money.


I've got a suggestion as to where Donald Trump can stick that ball...
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-03-01 11:28:46 AM  
thumbs-prod.si-cdn.comView Full Size


Mind if I play through?
 
2021-03-01 12:04:47 PM  

damndirtyape: Eastlake Woodlands has 2 courses, couldn't find out which course it was but I'm suspecting the north course as the south course hole 3 is a canal vs a pond.  Most of the water hazards on these courses are natural and part of the Brooker creek and tarpon watersheds so some could be much deeper than you'd expect.  Also chock full of gators and even some decent fish.

Years back, a homeless lady had made camp in a more wooded secluded area off one of water hazards and gator got her.

Moral of the story is I guess golf is dangerous?


Golf in Florida is dangerous. As our most outdoor activities in the state
 
2021-03-01 1:57:53 PM  
Tee off contest shortest drive jumps into one of the small water hazards surrounding the green. Roommate loses, we get to the green and he jumps in. We can't believe he's actually doing it, and he promptly disappears under the water. Just green slime floating where he jumped.
Also, when living in chicago suburbs used to read stories of scuba divers drowning while snagging balls at night. The mud was so slippery they couldn't get out.
Golf course ponds aren't to be trifled with.
 
2021-03-02 1:28:03 PM  

Al Tsheimers: Titleist balls fared poorly, so assuming they are balanced from the factory, they can't take much of a pounding.


The wound Titleists can't take much of a licking from being bladed.  Only a few mishiats ruin them.  Four rounds is enough to make them out of true even if you don't hit them with the edge of an iron.

Two piece balls fare a lot better.  Too bad they play like rocks.

I never was a good golfer. I have hit tens of thousands of balls without ever cutting one.  I always wondered what people are doing to put great arced holes in Surlyn.
 
2021-03-02 2:18:40 PM  

thrasherrr: Al Tsheimers: Titleist balls fared poorly, so assuming they are balanced from the factory, they can't take much of a pounding.

The wound Titleists can't take much of a licking from being bladed.  Only a few mishiats ruin them.  Four rounds is enough to make them out of true even if you don't hit them with the edge of an iron.

Two piece balls fare a lot better.  Too bad they play like rocks.

I never was a good golfer. I have hit tens of thousands of balls without ever cutting one.  I always wondered what people are doing to put great arced holes in Surlyn.


All balls get a good washing and drying. The balls with any visible damage go in the "water balls" bucket. The really good looking ones get dunked and marked to see if they are balanced. Ones that are well balanced go into the "this hole has a very slanted green" bucket. Titlelists never seem to make it this far.
None of this has made my game any better. I can still have a double digit hole every summer. Which is why I find so many balls.
For me, a scratch round means that I end with the same number of balls that I started with. They are rarely the same balls.
Dad can't golf any more, so I haven't played for 10 years. I only went so I could spend time with him.
 
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