Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Nerdist)   A contest is offering $250k to people with a proven superpower. Nice try Senator Kelly, but you won't catch me that easy - SubbyMan   (nerdist.com) divider line
    More: Unlikely, Paranormal, Electricity, Prediction, tech publication, Static electricity, Medium brand, Future, A Story  
•       •       •

1630 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Feb 2021 at 10:37 PM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



77 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2021-02-26 6:18:51 PM  
Is being attractive and having excellent taste a superpower?

Because I've seen a lot of boobs because of it.
 
2021-02-26 6:32:07 PM  
Thing about super powers is, if you have one, someone else has one.  If two people have super powers, then three people have super powers.  That means there's an organization out there looking for people with super powers.  If you go around advertising your super powers, that makes it easy for them to get y
 
2021-02-26 7:06:51 PM  
When presented with a random box of chocolates. I can detect and choose those horrid strawberry or orange cream filled ones. EVERY FARKEN TIME. I tend to just nibble off a corner and put it back in the box.
It's a useless superpower...but there it is.
 
2021-02-26 7:29:46 PM  

optikeye: It's a useless superpower...but there it is.


I can stop hiccupping.  Not completely useless but I doubt it's worth $250k.
 
2021-02-26 7:54:01 PM  
I can clear a 20x20 room with a single fart
 
2021-02-26 8:17:33 PM  

derpes_simplex: I can clear a 20x20 room with a single fart


interesting.  I can fart on command.  Let's split the loot.
 
2021-02-26 8:57:30 PM  

derpes_simplex: I can clear a 20x20 room with a single fart


Depending on the taco stand I visit, I think I could clear a mid-sized arena.
 
2021-02-26 9:33:21 PM  

arrogantbastich: Is being attractive and having excellent taste a superpower?

Because I've seen a lot of boobs because of it.


Is lurking on Fark for nearly two decades a superpower?

Because I've seen a lot of boobs because of it.
 
2021-02-26 10:38:14 PM  
I can make people think I'm a Trumper. Where's my money.
 
2021-02-26 10:38:24 PM  
I make people feel safe.  It's either a superpower or congenital Narya.
 
2021-02-26 10:40:50 PM  
No way. Like, i'd go with the spider man method.

I'd just take pictures of me and write stories from interviews with me, and sell  them.

I mean its a horrible breach of journalistic integrity, but i'm spiderman, so i'm a dick and am just going to constantly cause all my own problems and wonder why people are out to get me.

You didn't see superman beating a scoop out of lex luther. Clark Kent had morals.
 
2021-02-26 10:41:32 PM  
My most crappy super power is remembering the name and face that sort of matches the person I am looking at. It gets a laugh sometimes.
 
2021-02-26 10:41:35 PM  
I'm going tomorrow. I'm really

149360821.v2.pressablecdn.comView Full Size
 
2021-02-26 10:41:39 PM  
I have the ability to say the exactly wrong thing at perfectly the right time.
 
2021-02-26 10:42:19 PM  

Bondith: I make people feel safe.  It's either a superpower or congenital Narya.


I've seen a lot of boobs because of it.
 
2021-02-26 10:42:25 PM  

Sgygus: optikeye: It's a useless superpower...but there it is.

I can stop hiccupping.  Not completely useless but I doubt it's worth $250k.


Yourself or others?
 
2021-02-26 10:42:52 PM  

meh...: arrogantbastich: Is being attractive and having excellent taste a superpower?

Because I've seen a lot of boobs because of it.

Is lurking on Fark for nearly two decades a superpower?

Because I've seen a lot of boobs because of it.


My superpower is being able to not ogle at boobs.  Go ahead, try your best.
 
2021-02-26 10:44:32 PM  
Rudy Giuliani is actually a superhero incognito. Let the his true identity be known, for he is actually Harvey Birdbrain, Attorney at law.
 
2021-02-26 10:45:16 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-02-26 10:46:17 PM  

meh...: arrogantbastich: Is being attractive and having excellent taste a superpower?

Because I've seen a lot of boobs because of it.

Is lurking on Fark for nearly two decades a superpower?


Depends....  You could be immortal, because how does one kill someone who has no life?
 
2021-02-26 10:47:17 PM  
Apparently the person in the article can magically control butt plugs:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-02-26 10:49:02 PM  
I can make traffic lights turn red if I really have to piss. Every. Single. Time.
 
2021-02-26 10:52:45 PM  
I can make women pray with the bottom of their feet!
They just point them straight at heaven and start screaming "OH GAWD OH GAWD OH GAWD" until they're hoarse.

Then they do a magic trick and make me a sandwich!
 
2021-02-26 10:52:49 PM  
Didn't James Randi offer more, and never had to pay it out?
 
2021-02-26 10:54:02 PM  
I can deliver small but painful bursts of electricity to people I come in contact with, causing a brief but annoying pain for both them and myself.  It works best in the winter.
 
2021-02-26 10:57:46 PM  
i used nihilism to beat off depression and suicidal toughs in my 20's
 
2021-02-26 11:01:47 PM  

meh...: arrogantbastich: Is being attractive and having excellent taste a superpower?

Because I've seen a lot of boobs because of it.

Is lurking on Fark for nearly two decades a superpower?

Because I've seen a lot of boobs because of it.


Nah, that makes you a newb.

But, welcome.
 
2021-02-26 11:04:00 PM  
My knees crunch. It is especially funny in a yoga class. Everyone looks around wondering where the noise is coming from. Does that count?
 
2021-02-26 11:06:33 PM  
My superpower is that I can immediately recognize any celebrity doing a voice over, no matter how obscure or D list the celebrity is or how out of context the appearance.

The other day I  wowed everyone in the room when I instantly identified Jack McBrayer (Kenneth from 30 Rock) as doing the voice of a cartoon virus on a Late Show segment.  The thing is, I didnt even know his name. It just came to me as an epiphany.

Like I said, super power.
 
2021-02-26 11:12:01 PM  
I have a mutation called distichiasis that makes me have twice the normal amount of eyelashes (double rows) but Professor X says the world isn't ready for Commander Butterflykisses
 
2021-02-26 11:13:16 PM  

bluewave69: i used nihilism to beat off


i.imgflip.comView Full Size
 
2021-02-26 11:13:26 PM  
I can absorb tremendous amounts of alcohol.
 
2021-02-26 11:14:36 PM  
MY super power is having the ability to not give a fark, and having no filter.
 
2021-02-26 11:14:45 PM  
My superpower is getting ignored by staff in restaurants. If I had boobies, nobody would see them...
 
2021-02-26 11:15:53 PM  
i.insider.comView Full Size
 
2021-02-26 11:16:53 PM  
I can tape all your buns together.
 
2021-02-26 11:18:26 PM  
I can keep my eyes open when I sneeze and mostly roll my eyes back into my head.

Not what you'd call superpowers, more like stupid human tricks
 
2021-02-26 11:20:16 PM  

CruiserTwelve: I can tape all your buns together.


I thought you only did that to "perps".
 
2021-02-26 11:22:39 PM  
My immune system can probably cure me of cancer and even things like COVID.
Of course, it also eats healthy tissue and is trying to cure me of living.
 
2021-02-26 11:25:16 PM  

Theaetetus: CruiserTwelve: I can tape all your buns together.

I thought you only did that to "perps".


Only the ones who aren't white...amirite
 
2021-02-26 11:29:39 PM  
I nominate the republican party:
i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2021-02-26 11:30:55 PM  

daffy: My knees crunch. It is especially funny in a yoga class. Everyone looks around wondering where the noise is coming from. Does that count?


Mine too.

Try again.
 
2021-02-26 11:33:28 PM  

arrogantbastich: Is being attractive and having excellent taste a superpower?

Because I've seen a lot of boobs because of it.


pbs.twimg.comView Full Size
 
2021-02-26 11:42:06 PM  
I have preternatural powers at much more reasonable prices.
 
2021-02-26 11:43:40 PM  
My abilities:

-When grabbing for a towel, I always get the end with the tag.

- No matter where in my television market I am, I can point towards the cluster of TV towers.

- When closing a loaf of bread, I hold the open end, spin it closed with one hand, and the other hand always stops the rotation by landing on the flat bottom of the loaf.

Bow to my loaf pinching powrz!
 
2021-02-26 11:51:12 PM  

gilgigamesh: My superpower is that I can immediately recognize any celebrity doing a voice over, no matter how obscure or D list the celebrity is or how out of context the appearance.

The other day I  wowed everyone in the room when I instantly identified Jack McBrayer (Kenneth from 30 Rock) as doing the voice of a cartoon virus on a Late Show segment.  The thing is, I didnt even know his name. It just came to me as an epiphany.

Like I said, super power.


I did that in the first Rage game, watching my friend play it when he just bought it.

Literally first line in the game, yelled at you from a hundred feet away. Hay, that's farking John Goodman. Him: No way you know that..
 
2021-02-27 12:32:51 AM  

focusthis: Bow to my loaf pinching powrz!


Not if Cruiser tapes your buns together.
 
2021-02-27 12:53:10 AM  

optikeye: When presented with a random box of chocolates. I can detect and choose those horrid strawberry or orange cream filled ones. EVERY FARKEN TIME. I tend to just nibble off a corner and put it back in the box.
It's a useless superpower...but there it is.


The trick to those is; go with the squares first. If small squares are gone go with small circles.  If both are gone, good luck and may your god go with you.
 
2021-02-27 1:01:47 AM  
I have superhuman control over the muscles surrounding my eustachian tubes, and can pop my ears at will without moving anything else. That's... something.
 
2021-02-27 1:08:58 AM  

Theaetetus: I thought you only did that to "perps".


The more you eat the more you fart: Only the ones who aren't white...amirite



Please tell me you guys understood my reference.
 
Displayed 50 of 77 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking





On Twitter



  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.