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    More: Interesting, Dietary fiber, Defecation, Constipation, scientific study, Anal fissure, online survey, common assumption men, Irritable bowel syndrome  
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560 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 27 Jan 2021 at 9:35 AM (4 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



33 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2021-01-27 8:59:51 AM  
DNRTFA

Not easy reading all that small print on the back of a Lysol can?
 
2021-01-27 9:17:09 AM  
Listen, my asshole likes to talk shiat and refuses to shut up at times. I'm sorry if you find his remarks offensive.
 
2021-01-27 9:21:29 AM  
I dump like the wind. I want to spend as little time in the bathroom as possible.

Eat more fiber, men. The toilet isn't THAT comfy
 
2021-01-27 9:31:22 AM  
Dad calls that extended time sitting on the sh*tter as being "on the throne"
 
2021-01-27 9:41:53 AM  

no1curr: Dad calls that extended time sitting on the sh*tter as being "on the throne"



"executive time"
 
2021-01-27 9:58:02 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-01-27 9:58:31 AM  
Cool poop story bro:  Amidst hiking the Appalachian Trail for a few months, with a diet primarily of freeze dried rices of various flavors, I took two days off at at a nice Bed and Breakfast during a cold rainstorm.  There were two horrible guests there who would not shut the fark up about religion, just talking at every other guest in every single circumstance.

So, on day two, the guy tells me that he and his abused wife are driving into town to get an ice cream.  Would I like to go along and resupply for my trip.  I hate the guy, but I would like to, it will speed up my departure the following morning, I can cope with his ramblings for a few minutes.  He inquires about my trail diet, good.  It's not religion.  Then he takes it a step further and says it must play hell with my digestion, and asks where one poops.  I explain the privy system, about going 200 ft off trail, digging a cathole, and the leave no trace concepts involved.  He persists, "don't you get the shiats from that diet?"  So, with a straight face, I state, no, with all the steady exercise and fiber based diet, I'm perfectly regular and every poop is like a perfect soft serve ice cream.

I hope he enjoyed his ice cream.
 
2021-01-27 9:59:13 AM  
Listen Susan it's the only time when i don't have you or my boss or the GD kids breathing down my neck for something and yes is smells but if I don't get 20 minutes to myself I'm going to PAINT THE WALLS OF THIS HOUSE WITH YOUR BLOOD!!!

\we do it for you
\\you are welcome
 
2021-01-27 10:01:39 AM  

NateAsbestos: I dump like the wind. I want to spend as little time in the bathroom as possible.

Eat more fiber, men. The toilet isn't THAT comfy


Fiber for the win.
 
2021-01-27 10:10:34 AM  
WTF is wrong with his toes?
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-01-27 10:17:56 AM  

Ker_Thwap: Cool poop story bro:  Amidst hiking the Appalachian Trail for a few months, with a diet primarily of freeze dried rices of various flavors, I took two days off at at a nice Bed and Breakfast during a cold rainstorm.  There were two horrible guests there who would not shut the fark up about religion, just talking at every other guest in every single circumstance.

So, on day two, the guy tells me that he and his abused wife are driving into town to get an ice cream.  Would I like to go along and resupply for my trip.  I hate the guy, but I would like to, it will speed up my departure the following morning, I can cope with his ramblings for a few minutes.  He inquires about my trail diet, good.  It's not religion.  Then he takes it a step further and says it must play hell with my digestion, and asks where one poops.  I explain the privy system, about going 200 ft off trail, digging a cathole, and the leave no trace concepts involved.  He persists, "don't you get the shiats from that diet?"  So, with a straight face, I state, no, with all the steady exercise and fiber based diet, I'm perfectly regular and every poop is like a perfect soft serve ice cream.

I hope he enjoyed his ice cream.


Hope this is after he told you his favorite flavor is chocolate.
 
2021-01-27 10:18:32 AM  
So am I to understand that all of the time my wife spends "getting ready" she's NOT pooping and is actually doing some other activity that capitalizes the bathroom? dafuq?
 
2021-01-27 10:21:17 AM  
If I get to the part in the book where the criminal gang is about to commence their complex and incredibly intricate plan to break into the heavily secured museum to steal a fabulously valuable artifact, I could be in there for a while.
 
2021-01-27 10:22:43 AM  
Doesn't take me long at all.
 
2021-01-27 10:34:21 AM  

Ass_Master_Flash: WTF is wrong with his toes?
[Fark user image 425x420]


Camera focused on his hand. Depth of field not enough for foot to be in focus
 
2021-01-27 10:41:24 AM  
It takes everyone about the same time to poo.  What is variable is how much time is spent sitting there hoping for more.

/its the highlight of my day most days
 
2021-01-27 11:02:11 AM  
Anyone that spends more than 5 minutes on the toilet needs to reconsider their diet.
 
2021-01-27 11:21:42 AM  
For survey's of this nature they should control for whether or not the guy has his own, private space within the domicile.
 
2021-01-27 11:33:05 AM  
I guess I've lived in an alternative universe. All the women I've been associated with set up farking camp in the bathroom. Teenage girls apparently eat toilet paper as part of the four basic food groups. It takes time to arrange all that paraphernalia all over the vanity, back of the toilet, hanging from walls, and on the floor.
 
2021-01-27 11:42:11 AM  
There's a reason we call it the reading room...

/now if I can just convince the cats that I don't need to be supervised 'every' time I head in there...sigh
 
2021-01-27 11:42:44 AM  

NateAsbestos: I dump like the wind. I want to spend as little time in the bathroom as possible.

Eat more fiber, men. The toilet isn't THAT comfy


Yeah, When I cut carbs in favor of protein I had to add a daily glass of fiber and Miralax, and since then I don't bother to bring anything to read into the can anymore because it doesn't take long enough to bother.
 
2021-01-27 11:49:48 AM  

Recoil Therapy: There's a reason we call it the reading room...

/now if I can just convince the cats that I don't need to be supervised 'every' time I head in there...sigh



you knew the job was dangerous when you took it.
Fark user imageView Full Size


as did I.
 
2021-01-27 11:57:19 AM  

Marcus Aurelius: It takes everyone about the same time to poo.  What is variable is how much time is spent sitting there hoping for more.

/its the highlight of my day most days


And how much time you have to spend wiping.
 
2021-01-27 12:04:49 PM  

Ass_Master_Flash: WTF is wrong with his toes?
[Fark user image image 425x420]


They're bend because the floor is cold and having only the top of the toes and the heels touch the floor reduces contact points.
 
2021-01-27 12:19:10 PM  
The whole "other mammals poop faster" thing is farking stupid.

1. They eat a more regular diet. As a thinking being, I'll take variety tyvm.

2. They don't have toilets. It takes humans only twelve seconds to poop if they ignore it until it comes out. But humans have to time things. Going out on the boat? Maybe push it out sooner than it's easy to.

3. The boss makes a dollar and I make a dime.
 
2021-01-27 12:23:17 PM  

DerAppie: Ass_Master_Flash: WTF is wrong with his toes?
[Fark user image image 425x420]

They're bend because the floor is cold and having only the top of the toes and the heels touch the floor reduces contact points.


Or because he has farked up feet. My toes are far worse.

I don't have black toenails though, so that's something.
 
2021-01-27 1:53:51 PM  

Smackledorfer: DerAppie: Ass_Master_Flash: WTF is wrong with his toes?
[Fark user image image 425x420]

They're bend because the floor is cold and having only the top of the toes and the heels touch the floor reduces contact points.

Or because he has farked up feet. My toes are far worse.

I don't have black toenails though, so that's something.


Are we all just glazing over the fact this dude went commando?
 
2021-01-27 1:57:36 PM  

Grand_Theft_Audio: Smackledorfer: DerAppie: Ass_Master_Flash: WTF is wrong with his toes?
[Fark user image image 425x420]

They're bend because the floor is cold and having only the top of the toes and the heels touch the floor reduces contact points.

Or because he has farked up feet. My toes are far worse.

I don't have black toenails though, so that's something.

Are we all just glazing over the fact this dude went commando?


Also, who took the picture? Both of his hands are visible!

Also is that a public restroom? Barefoot? Good God
 
2021-01-27 5:05:38 PM  
In and out in a jiffy, mostly ghost whips too
 
2021-01-27 5:55:36 PM  

no1curr: Dad calls that extended time sitting on the sh*tter as being "on the throne"


Appointment in Samarra

If not here than there, and it will be a surprise.
 
2021-01-27 11:45:52 PM  
As a kid, we had mostly 1 bathroom homes, so no lingering until high school when I got my own bathroom.  Ditto for time in school. Same for 21 years of Honorable Navy Service: my largest ship had 2 berthing compartments totalling 225 bunks, 14 toilets, 21 sinks & 2 trough urinals. No lingering.

So, off ship in my bachelor home, if I wanted to sit on the toilet until my leg went to sleep, meh. My problem. Once I met Hubby, who grew up in a family of 6 kids, my toilet time was once again timed. As soon as we could, we bought a 2 bath home. In 25 years, our largest house had 5.5 baths (in case his family visited en masse; sometimes he gave up searching for me over 3k+sqft & 4 floors). Now, living by his family (we own 10 of the 12 homes in the culture sack), our retirement home is the typical 3/2/2.

But, I've just had my bladder removed because of cancer & have an ostomy pouch. It needs emptying @ every 45 minutes. (I hate wearing a leg bag & I finally found a girdle wrap that holds, supports & hides my pouch, which dangles below my shirt line like a medieval coun purse and is embarrassing enough to make me grateful the pandemic keeps me indoors!)

Getting used to pooping without peeing is still a deal 3 months later. All my drugs have a side effect of constipation, even the stool softeners, or at least it seems so. Trying to balance them is a master's act in poop juggling. A good, solid, slick turd is rare. Often, it's unbaked brownie dough. Or, it's like trying to pass broken concrete with rebar shards.

So, I use the master split, motel style bath & Hubby uses the guest hall bath. At night, because my stoma pers constantly, I'm tethered to a bed bag & spend the whole night on my back. Hubby gets up every 2 or 3 times & checks to see how full the bag is & empties it into a hand urinal to dump in the toilet, washes it & goes back to bed. I could not ask for a better care-giver. Our Christmas present to each other: twin motorized beds.

I wrote this in the bathroom: 22 minutes. Sigh. I keep reminding myself 8 December 2016 I was given a 8 month prognosis with 2 cancers (bladder & multiple myeloma) including a spinal metastasis on my L2. Thanks to Hubby & the VA, I'm still here. I'm lucky to live in this age & have great insurance & pensions, but most of all my Husband: we've been together 25 years last October. I'm hoping for 30. He's 6 years younger & he won't have any income disruptions if I live until he is 62 in 4.5 years. We're both retired but I earn more & some incomes are age dependent for survivors.

This is something I think about on the toidy.
 
2021-01-28 12:33:14 AM  

Lurk Who's Talking: As a kid, we had mostly 1 bathroom homes, so no lingering until high school when I got my own bathroom.  Ditto for time in school. Same for 21 years of Honorable Navy Service: my largest ship had 2 berthing compartments totalling 225 bunks, 14 toilets, 21 sinks & 2 trough urinals. No lingering.

So, off ship in my bachelor home, if I wanted to sit on the toilet until my leg went to sleep, meh. My problem. Once I met Hubby, who grew up in a family of 6 kids, my toilet time was once again timed. As soon as we could, we bought a 2 bath home. In 25 years, our largest house had 5.5 baths (in case his family visited en masse; sometimes he gave up searching for me over 3k+sqft & 4 floors). Now, living by his family (we own 10 of the 12 homes in the culture sack), our retirement home is the typical 3/2/2.

But, I've just had my bladder removed because of cancer & have an ostomy pouch. It needs emptying @ every 45 minutes. (I hate wearing a leg bag & I finally found a girdle wrap that holds, supports & hides my pouch, which dangles below my shirt line like a medieval coun purse and is embarrassing enough to make me grateful the pandemic keeps me indoors!)

Getting used to pooping without peeing is still a deal 3 months later. All my drugs have a side effect of constipation, even the stool softeners, or at least it seems so. Trying to balance them is a master's act in poop juggling. A good, solid, slick turd is rare. Often, it's unbaked brownie dough. Or, it's like trying to pass broken concrete with rebar shards.

So, I use the master split, motel style bath & Hubby uses the guest hall bath. At night, because my stoma pers constantly, I'm tethered to a bed bag & spend the whole night on my back. Hubby gets up every 2 or 3 times & checks to see how full the bag is & empties it into a hand urinal to dump in the toilet, washes it & goes back to bed. I could not ask for a better care-giver. Our Christmas present to each other: twin motorized beds.

I wrote this in the bathroom: 22 minutes. Sigh. I keep reminding myself 8 December 2016 I was given a 8 month prognosis with 2 cancers (bladder & multiple myeloma) including a spinal metastasis on my L2. Thanks to Hubby & the VA, I'm still here. I'm lucky to live in this age & have great insurance & pensions, but most of all my Husband: we've been together 25 years last October. I'm hoping for 30. He's 6 years younger & he won't have any income disruptions if I live until he is 62 in 4.5 years. We're both retired but I earn more & some incomes are age dependent for survivors.

This is something I think about on the toidy.


That a rough deal, I'm glad you have a dedicated hubby. A good partner always improves the quality of our life.
Ask your doctor if you can take a magnesium supplement. I take it to relax and stop clamping my jaws which causes morning headaches - the side effect is that it really clears the bowels. I know it is relatively safe in most cases, I have an elderly cat with an in operable tumor which will eventually stop material from going through the bowels. He is on two prescriptions and a magnesium supplement twice a day. In his case I believe it is as necessary as his prescriptions. In my case, I eat lots of fiber and drink lots of water so the magnesium adds a bit of urgency to Nature's call. Generally, I take one magnesium citrate 400 mg cap nightly but if that isn't available any magnesium supplement works just as well.
 
2021-01-28 2:54:19 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

Among some, it's called Excremeditation.
- would you like to know more?
 
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