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(Slate)   "My husband leaves all the parenting to me as he only wants to play videogames. This isn't how partnerships are supposed to work, is it? I'm at the end of my rope; how can I get him to take some ownership as a parent?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Want, Idlewild, have full-time jobs, professional opera singers, 18-month-old son, parent of an autistic son, first Harry Potter book, different sources  
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356 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 27 Jan 2021 at 10:20 AM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



24 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-01-27 9:45:41 AM  
Based on what you've shared, it's honestly hard for me to see any real point in staying with this man, or what you might hope for if you do. Even if you lay down an ultimatum, I don't think he's going to change.

Was pretty much exactly what I was going to say after "butt stuff."
 
2021-01-27 9:51:24 AM  
Divorce the manchild and either find someone new (who's a functioning adult) or raise them yourself.

In either case you and the children will be better off.
 
2021-01-27 9:56:47 AM  
First off, good job on marrying a "bro".  Second, good job on bringing kids into the world with said "bro".  Third, GTHO of there.
 
2021-01-27 9:57:33 AM  
Have you considered that maybe the reason he doesn't spend time with you is because you're bad at Counterstrike?

Food for thought. Get gud.
 
2021-01-27 10:33:08 AM  
Offer-up some butt stuff.
 
2021-01-27 10:37:37 AM  
Sorry, guy. You're heading for divorce court. This letter could have been written by a friend of mine's wife. I liked A a lot but I recognized he was a man child. He was a huge collector of action figures and arcade games. Like, he had actual stand up Atari games in his house. Star Wars, Asteroids and Centepede. Definitely set him back a thou. D thought that marrying him and having a kid with him would straighten him out. It didn't. She did all the work, he drank and LARPed. Never grew up. He died in 2018 at age 54. His son has been hospitalized several times for severe depression and alcoholism. Not a pleasant story but marriage is not a reform school and fatherhood doesn't mean the guy will grow up.

Cut your losses and run.
 
2021-01-27 10:54:28 AM  
women marry hoping to change the man, men marry hoping the woman will stay the same and they both end up disappointing the other.

that said this guy is a tool and needs to get kicked to curb.   also, writer, what did you think would happen after he didn't engage with the 1st kid?  this is on you too.
 
2021-01-27 10:56:29 AM  
Taser his balls?
 
2021-01-27 11:17:37 AM  

Astorix: marriage is not a reform school and fatherhood doesn't mean the guy will grow up.


media2.giphy.comView Full Size
 
2021-01-27 11:19:47 AM  
Don't have children with children.
 
2021-01-27 11:20:40 AM  
Get out now.
He's not going to get any better if he hasn't to this point.

I suggest you pursue therapy.
You have taught this man-baby how to treat you.
Picking up after him, allowing all of these ridiculous behaviors...

You work on you.

Leave the loser in the dust.

Take photos of the messes he leaves for you to clean up.
You never know what will sway a judge.
 
2021-01-27 11:25:52 AM  
I don't necessarily think divorce is the answer...
When we first had kids, I was young (24) and became a stay at home dad.
Admittedly I didn't know what I was doing and probably threw a lot of tantrums about things until I finally "got" it.
I love my wife and I loved my kids and I certainly didn't want a divorce.
I just wanted things to be "easy" again.

It was all me, and I had to mature to get it!  But I had to have fights and talk to people to get it through my head!
 
2021-01-27 11:27:49 AM  
You make more at work than him too, right?
 
2021-01-27 11:31:22 AM  

buntz: I don't necessarily think divorce is the answer...
When we first had kids, I was young (24) and became a stay at home dad.
Admittedly I didn't know what I was doing and probably threw a lot of tantrums about things until I finally "got" it.
I love my wife and I loved my kids and I certainly didn't want a divorce.
I just wanted things to be "easy" again.

It was all me, and I had to mature to get it!  But I had to have fights and talk to people to get it through my head!


This is fair.  And as always we're only getting one side of the story.

But people (especially women) need to stop thinking that a marriage/a baby/a house/a presidency will flip some magical switch and turn somebody into something better.  That shiat takes work.  From everybody.  If you couldn't get the work down when you didn't have kids to focus your energy on, what are the odds you can do it now?

Good for you, though.  Sounds like you did the work.
 
2021-01-27 11:32:04 AM  

Keyser_Soze_Death: Offer-up some butt stuff.


Husband needs to be worthy of it first. And from the sound of it, he's not at all.
 
2021-01-27 11:35:54 AM  

SurfaceTension: Keyser_Soze_Death: Offer-up some butt stuff.

Husband needs to be worthy of it first. And from the sound of it, he's not at all.


itelligencegroup.comView Full Size
 
2021-01-27 11:38:26 AM  

UberDave: First off, good job on marrying a "bro".  Second, good job on bringing kids into the world with said "bro".  Third, GTHO of there.


Since when is someone who plays games all day a "bro"?
 
2021-01-27 11:40:40 AM  
Maybe he's depressed and games are how he shuts himself off from dealing with reality.
 
2021-01-27 11:45:42 AM  

Evil Mackerel: Taser his balls?


Taserface Full Scene - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)
Youtube YtAEWQ1z5rI
 
2021-01-27 11:45:56 AM  

Keyser_Soze_Death: SurfaceTension: Keyser_Soze_Death: Offer-up some butt stuff.

Husband needs to be worthy of it first. And from the sound of it, he's not at all.

[itelligencegroup.com image 699x263]


So you're the type of person who needs incentive to act like an adult?
 
2021-01-27 12:15:03 PM  

SurfaceTension: Keyser_Soze_Death: SurfaceTension: Keyser_Soze_Death: Offer-up some butt stuff.

Husband needs to be worthy of it first. And from the sound of it, he's not at all.

[itelligencegroup.com image 699x263]

So you're the type of person who needs incentive to act like an adult?


You seem fun at parties.
 
2021-01-27 12:21:18 PM  
Sounds like a wife swap with the husband in the subsequent Slate thread is in order here.
 
2021-01-27 4:16:28 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-01-28 11:42:56 AM  
Saw this happen to a good friend of mine.

He met the girl when she was 17. They dated, always engaging in his interests but not hers. Then they got married, and she was preggers almost immediately. After the baby was born, all he wanted to do was sit on the back porch and smoke a joint, or watch TV, and let her watch the kid.

Shortly thereafter, she realized she was locked in to being a laundress, cook, and babysitter, while he got to just "chill" however and whenever he wanted.

She divorced him, and the tables turned ironically. She would dump the kid on him all the time and go out clubbing, and sleeping with multiple coworkers of hers, and he got a taste of what it was like to feel like nothing more than a facilitator of someone else's happiness.
 
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