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(Oregon Live)   White elephant to morph into porn palace   (oregonlive.com) divider line
    More: Giggity, Real estate, Property, Playboy Mansion, Portland, Oregon, Portland Streetcar, Blackberry Castle, Adult-film actor Mia Malkova, City of Portland  
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3526 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 25 Jan 2021 at 10:16 PM (4 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



34 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
TWX [TotalFark]
2021-01-25 6:48:58 PM  
*browsing the MLS pictures*

Wow.  It's like Myst being turned into a porn set.

And you know they'll find a way to use those restraints:

Fark user imageView Full Size


Hell, it might look like that scene near the end of Westworld.  The original movie that is.
 
2021-01-25 6:54:04 PM  
Soon it will all be covered in jizz.
 
2021-01-25 6:58:30 PM  
That place will smell terrible when they try to sell it next year.  Loads, snail trails, and santorum everywhere.
 
Xai [TotalFark]
2021-01-25 6:59:10 PM  
What a hideous disjointed monstrosity of a building. It looks like something someone came up with on MS paint and the construction team was like 'well, whatever, we're getting paid either way.'
 
2021-01-25 8:39:05 PM  
White elephant becomes Spearmint Rhino
 
2021-01-25 10:23:46 PM  
My wife's gonna be bummed. This was her "If we win the lottery" dream house.
 
2021-01-25 10:25:50 PM  
The San Francisco Armory looks cooler
 
2021-01-25 10:50:00 PM  
socketsite.comView Full Size
 
2021-01-25 10:56:45 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-01-25 11:30:20 PM  
It's awful, but somehow awful in a really charming way?

Like the way a nice Las Vegas suite is obviously, objectively awful... but somehow grows on you when you stay there, in a way that's weirdly comforting.
 
2021-01-26 12:15:29 AM  
Smart thinking. I see a lot of hardwood and stone flooring. Those can take a pressure wash.
 
2021-01-26 1:52:17 AM  
I don't get the "Let's rent a mansion" aspect of porn.
I'm not there for the decor.
 
2021-01-26 2:20:15 AM  

BullBearMS: [socketsite.com image 850x561]


Yea, I was expecting it to be capital-K Kink, too...

Instead, it's just lowercase kink.

Adult-film actor Mia Malkova and content producer Eli Tucker, along with a silent partner, offered $3.9 million

You're looking for this, aren't you:
timesalert.comView Full Size
/pawg//cute but not my type
 
2021-01-26 2:20:49 AM  

swahnhennessy: I don't get the "Let's rent a mansion" aspect of porn.
I'm not there for the decor.


I have a side hustle doing boudoir photography. Almost anyplace I shoot is either a hotel room or an Airbnb. Every once in a while someone is brave and we'll use an abandoned building or a park. Those are usually the coolest pictures. My shoots in houses all look kind of the same.

Anything that looks different from somebody's normal house is going to be more interesting than shooting in a house. Huge rooms, privacy and tons of natural light make things way easier.  Giant mansions look cooler. Having a place to put huge lights makes production easier. Being able to use longer lenses helps, too.  Yes, it's easy to do a shoot with just an iPhone and a ring light but everyone with an onlyfans knows production is way better with extra hands, light and someone to move the camera.
 
2021-01-26 4:13:39 AM  
Insert butt-implant remarks here....
 
2021-01-26 5:13:17 AM  

bughunter: You're looking for this, aren't you:[timesalert.com image 499x312]/pawg//cute but not my type


"Pawg" is normally slang for "two planets in a thong", but this was a pleasant surprise.
 
2021-01-26 7:56:39 AM  
Will production companies really be willing to schlep their people to Portland for an on-location shoot?  Seems like that's a bit out of the thirty-mile zone.  What will this spot offer to make it worthwhile?
 
2021-01-26 7:57:48 AM  

swahnhennessy: I don't get the "Let's rent a mansion" aspect of porn.
I'm not there for the decor.


You can only watch so many scenes of two people banging in the bedroom or on the living room sofa before it starts getting a little boring.
 
2021-01-26 8:25:47 AM  

Last Man on Earth: Will production companies really be willing to schlep their people to Portland for an on-location shoot?  Seems like that's a bit out of the thirty-mile zone.  What will this spot offer to make it worthwhile?


About 12 years ago I was living in Portland and knew a guy that was a photographer/videographer. His primary gig was wedding and commercial stuff but he did a bunch of side-work shooting porn.  Back then he said there was a lot of that going on and had tons of examples to show me- obviously I had to examine these examples to confirm. And judging by the women that showed up at his bachelor party there we some eager up-and-coming actresses in the area.
 
2021-01-26 8:40:25 AM  

freakingmoron: Last Man on Earth: Will production companies really be willing to schlep their people to Portland for an on-location shoot?  Seems like that's a bit out of the thirty-mile zone.  What will this spot offer to make it worthwhile?

About 12 years ago I was living in Portland and knew a guy that was a photographer/videographer. His primary gig was wedding and commercial stuff but he did a bunch of side-work shooting porn.  Back then he said there was a lot of that going on and had tons of examples to show me- obviously I had to examine these examples to confirm. And judging by the women that showed up at his bachelor party there we some eager up-and-coming actresses in the area.


Fair enough.  If the work is there, by all means.  I guess it'd be a pretty big oversight to drop an investment like this without looking into it first, and they'd certainly know the prospective market better than I would.
 
2021-01-26 9:23:34 AM  

likefunbutnot: swahnhennessy: I don't get the "Let's rent a mansion" aspect of porn.
I'm not there for the decor.

I have a side hustle doing boudoir photography. Almost anyplace I shoot is either a hotel room or an Airbnb. Every once in a while someone is brave and we'll use an abandoned building or a park. Those are usually the coolest pictures. My shoots in houses all look kind of the same.

Anything that looks different from somebody's normal house is going to be more interesting than shooting in a house. Huge rooms, privacy and tons of natural light make things way easier.  Giant mansions look cooler. Having a place to put huge lights makes production easier. Being able to use longer lenses helps, too.  Yes, it's easy to do a shoot with just an iPhone and a ring light but everyone with an onlyfans knows production is way better with extra hands, light and someone to move the camera.


They could rent this out for people in your line of work to add a fantasy setting when they aren't filming. They need some Hogwart's props, an Iron Throne, a few torture devices, St. Andrews cross, and other fandom paraphernalia. Combine Fantasuites with Glamour Shots.
 
2021-01-26 9:59:46 AM  

shabu: likefunbutnot: swahnhennessy: I don't get the "Let's rent a mansion" aspect of porn.
I'm not there for the decor.

I have a side hustle doing boudoir photography. Almost anyplace I shoot is either a hotel room or an Airbnb. Every once in a while someone is brave and we'll use an abandoned building or a park. Those are usually the coolest pictures. My shoots in houses all look kind of the same.

Anything that looks different from somebody's normal house is going to be more interesting than shooting in a house. Huge rooms, privacy and tons of natural light make things way easier.  Giant mansions look cooler. Having a place to put huge lights makes production easier. Being able to use longer lenses helps, too.  Yes, it's easy to do a shoot with just an iPhone and a ring light but everyone with an onlyfans knows production is way better with extra hands, light and someone to move the camera.

They could rent this out for people in your line of work to add a fantasy setting when they aren't filming. They need some Hogwart's props, an Iron Throne, a few torture devices, St. Andrews cross, and other fandom paraphernalia. Combine Fantasuites with Glamour Shots.


Hogwarts props, Iron Throne, torture devices, St Andrew's Cross...someone subscribed to my Gimli/Legolas slash fiction newsletter.
 
2021-01-26 11:07:18 AM  

ReapTheChaos: swahnhennessy: I don't get the "Let's rent a mansion" aspect of porn.
I'm not there for the decor.
You can only watch so many scenes of two people banging in the bedroom or on the living room sofa before it starts getting a little boring.


Fark user imageView Full Size


You guys are precious.
 
2021-01-26 11:27:56 AM  

Xai: What a hideous disjointed monstrosity of a building. It looks like something someone came up with on MS paint and the construction team was like 'well, whatever, we're getting paid either way.'


For a porn set, it only has to "work" in the narrow confines of the camera's field of view.  The wider variety of options, the better.  Might not work as a house, but presumably that isn't why they coughed up $4M.
 
2021-01-26 11:45:04 AM  
Will they film the long awaited "A Talking Cat!?!" sequel there?
 
2021-01-26 12:22:03 PM  
4 million less than asking price.  I guess the owners were just as flexible as Ms Malkova.
 
2021-01-26 12:29:54 PM  

Flappyhead: 4 million less than asking price.  I guess the owners were just as flexible as Ms Malkova.


I mean there's a reason most high end home listings look like they were furnished by an office supply company. The more individual you make your house the less people want it. You couldn't even remodel this monstrosity and it's not like the land has exceptional value.
 
2021-01-26 1:39:54 PM  

drewogatory: You couldn't even remodel this monstrosity


Why couldn't you? You can remodel any house. If they have enough money to buy that house at the price they bought it for I'm sure they have enough money to remodel it as well.
 
2021-01-26 1:55:16 PM  
Well that place is going to see a lot of DP's.  By which I mean director of photography.

You people with your salacious thoughts...
 
2021-01-26 1:59:12 PM  

Bslim: Soon it will all be covered in jizz.


And stone isn't the easiest substance to squeegee things off of
 
2021-01-26 5:46:49 PM  

swahnhennessy: I don't get the "Let's rent a mansion" aspect of porn.
I'm not there for the decor.


do they rent a mansion to make porn?

I just guessed they bribe a real estate agent to borrow a house on the market for a few hours.

the houses don't seem to have much accumulated clutter
 
2021-01-26 5:53:15 PM  

Vlad_the_Inaner: The San Francisco Armory looks cooler


Fun fact: our work Christmas party was there in 2019.
 
2021-01-26 7:26:42 PM  
I look forward to seeing more of this house in the future.
 
2021-01-27 3:22:55 AM  

drewogatory: Flappyhead: 4 million less than asking price.  I guess the owners were just as flexible as Ms Malkova.

I mean there's a reason most high end home listings look like they were furnished by an office supply company. The more individual you make your house the less people want it. You couldn't even remodel this monstrosity and it's not like the land has exceptional value.


Developed Quarter acre plots in that area going for quarter mil near there.  Not sure how big the property is but I'm sure if it's more than an acre it's worth close to a mil.

I ride old germantown road near there when the weather is nice.  Wonder if Ms. malkova is a cyclist in her off hours?
 
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