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417 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 25 Jan 2021 at 9:50 PM (4 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



77 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2021-01-25 6:09:08 PM  
Bullshiat detector
 
2021-01-25 6:15:16 PM  
Who needs a damn bottle opener anyway...

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-01-25 6:28:24 PM  
How to self reflect on your skills and weaknesses.

"You can only read about the Peloponnesian War once."  i.e. once you know the facts of something, the rest is just argument.  Mastering the ability to skim non fiction (books, magazines, newspapers) for new information and argument gets you so much more information in life.

How to vet information.  This class (the name of which Fark will automatically edit) is one place.
 
2021-01-25 6:30:19 PM  
KickToxicPeopleOutOfYourLife.101. The rest is gravy
 
2021-01-25 7:22:27 PM  
I can bake cannabis cookies where the anount of pot in each cookie is the same as a one-hitter bowl.
 
2021-01-25 7:58:49 PM  
Speed reading, it was the most useful college class I ever took.
 
2021-01-25 8:04:44 PM  

arrogantbastich: Bullshiat detector


What are some tells?
 
2021-01-25 8:05:34 PM  

Ishmel: Speed reading, it was the most useful college class I ever took.


I met my wife in a speed reading class in college!
 
2021-01-25 8:07:43 PM  
Planning.

Self reflection and identifying where I can improve my skills.
 
2021-01-25 8:56:01 PM  
I still use "Mancy" for M in the Nato alphabet.
 
2021-01-25 9:03:51 PM  
The military phonetic alphabet.  If you're incredibly tired of "B as in boy, R as in ray..." learn it.  With people who already know it you'll save a ton of time especially if you are like me and have a last name that is spelled in a way Americans don't pronounce correctly.  If they don't know it you can show them why they should.
 
2021-01-25 9:32:16 PM  

Glockenspiel Hero: The military phonetic alphabet.  If you're incredibly tired of "B as in boy, R as in ray..." learn it.  With people who already know it you'll save a ton of time especially if you are like me and have a last name that is spelled in a way Americans don't pronounce correctly.  If they don't know it you can show them why they should.


Alpha
Bravo
Charlie
Delta
Echo
Foxtrot
Golf
Hotel
India
Juliet
Kilo
Lima
Mike
November
Ocelot
Peter
Quick
Romeo
Saturn
Typhoon
Uniform
Violet
Wednesday
Xylophone
Yankee
Zulu.

...and the best secret skill is patience. If someone says they're patient... they're lying.
 
2021-01-25 9:46:15 PM  

phoenix352: arrogantbastich: Bullshiat detector

What are some tells?


Your lips are moving.
 
2021-01-25 10:04:45 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-01-25 10:05:17 PM  
#46 Don't turn off your ad-blocker because someone wants you to.
 
2021-01-25 10:10:21 PM  
The ability to accept something that's happened and move forward from there. A lot of people take my attitude towards bad things that happen as indifference. That's not the case.
 
2021-01-25 10:17:17 PM  

Jedekai: Glockenspiel Hero: The military phonetic alphabet.  If you're incredibly tired of "B as in boy, R as in ray..." learn it.  With people who already know it you'll save a ton of time especially if you are like me and have a last name that is spelled in a way Americans don't pronounce correctly.  If they don't know it you can show them why they should.

Alpha
Bravo
Charlie
Delta
Echo
Foxtrot
Golf
Hotel
India
Juliet
Kilo
Lima
Mike
November
Ocelot
Peter
Quick
Romeo
Saturn
Typhoon
Uniform
Violet
Wednesday
Xylophone
Yankee
Zulu.

...and the best secret skill is patience. If someone says they're patient... they're lying.


That's an odd way to spell:
Oscar
Papa
Quebec
Sierra
Tango
Victor
Whiskey
X-Ray

/I use it all the time with people on the phone
 
2021-01-25 10:21:30 PM  
Basic emergency response/trauma care.  FEMA has a great course.  Fark eats my link, but search for "FEMA you are the help until help arrives"
 
2021-01-25 10:24:27 PM  
A long time ago I thought my skill was getting cats to love me. They just couldn't resist the way I scritched them behind their ears. I could even imitate purring and chirruping. I was human catnip.

So, we go to one of those parties where you go up and put your coats on the bed. The hostess gives us the 2nd door on the left kind of directions. AND don't touch the cat.

Upstairs we put the coats on the bed and out from under the quilt at the foot of the bed comes the cat. A dramatically marked Siamese. Well, I'm a Siamese cat lover from way back. When I was a little kid, we had one that we'd lower from a 2nd floor window in a basket. Like St. Paul escaping from prison in Philippi. So, I scratch the quilt  a  bit to coax the cat toward me. And the cat immediately perked up and started to sidle toward us. Just a little pet on the back ... And it immediately rose up like a boxer at a speed bag to shred my hands into bloody confetti. Or would have if the owners hadn't decided to avoid lawsuits by having the cat completely declawed.  Still, even though all that transpired was around 40 slaps in 8 seconds, the cat proved its point.

Now, my life skill is reading those preview tiles on Netfliix real fast. I can find out there's nothing new worth watching in under a minute.
 
2021-01-25 10:25:22 PM  
semaphore
 
2021-01-25 10:45:36 PM  
I can make any serial port beg for mercy.
 
2021-01-25 10:47:03 PM  
I can study a song I want to Learn and end up playing a completely different brand new song inspired by that song, but I just wrote it, and it sounds nothing like the one I tried to learn.

But I get a song out of it
 
2021-01-25 11:10:21 PM  
Learn how to sharpen your knives, axes, shovels and hoes. Any job you need to do with them will go so much faster and smoother if you start with a sharp tool.
 
2021-01-25 11:19:09 PM  
I can burn fried eggs every time. No matter how much butter, or how low the temp, burned. Thank you. I can also rip open cartons and boxes by any means other than the recommended means. "Open here" means nothing to me and my fumble hands.
 
2021-01-25 11:22:45 PM  

OK So Amuse Me: Learn how to sharpen your knives, axes, shovels and hoes. Any job you need to do with them will go so much faster and smoother if you start with a sharp tool.


yes!
 
2021-01-25 11:23:14 PM  

LadySusan: I can burn fried eggs every time. No matter how much butter, or how low the temp, burned. Thank you. I can also rip open cartons and boxes by any means other than the recommended means. "Open here" means nothing to me and my fumble hands.


I should suggest a chainsaw for your box opening needs :-)
 
2021-01-25 11:26:09 PM  
Identifying, avoiding, and ignoring self important, partisan, elitist douchebags..

And carpentry.
 
2021-01-25 11:30:17 PM  

LadySusan: I can also rip open cartons and boxes by any means other than the recommended means.


I ended up being the "Sleepover Place" because, I guess teen girls find me fun. One of the girls left some snacks she had brought, I didn't know what was in the bag before I opened it. I untied the bag and opened it up. I thought I was seeing trash, but no, it was boxes and bags of candies/snacks but they were just mauled open, most of them through a side, yeah the side. I asked my girl how they managed to hide the Racoon they had stay over... Those packages were just mangled.
 
2021-01-25 11:34:28 PM  

Keyser_Soze_Death: Identifying, avoiding, and ignoring self important, partisan, elitist douchebags..

And carpentry.


But carpentry is so satisfying that one time out of four projects when it all works.
 
2021-01-25 11:43:56 PM  
Oh! Yeah, grab both a Philips and a Straight screwdriver and go through the entire house and tighten all loose screws, door handles, door hinges, light switch covers, and plug-ins. You will be surprised how many need tightening. I do this twice a year.
 
2021-01-25 11:45:05 PM  

RogermcAllen: Jedekai: Glockenspiel Hero: The military phonetic alphabet.  If you're incredibly tired of "B as in boy, R as in ray..." learn it.  With people who already know it you'll save a ton of time especially if you are like me and have a last name that is spelled in a way Americans don't pronounce correctly.  If they don't know it you can show them why they should.

Alpha
Bravo
Charlie
Delta
Echo
Foxtrot
Golf
Hotel
India
Juliet
Kilo
Lima
Mike
November
Ocelot
Peter
Quick
Romeo
Saturn
Typhoon
Uniform
Violet
Wednesday
Xylophone
Yankee
Zulu.

...and the best secret skill is patience. If someone says they're patient... they're lying.

That's an odd way to spell:
Oscar
Papa
Quebec
Sierra
Tango
Victor
Whiskey
X-Ray

/I use it all the time with people on the phone


I know nothing about the military phonetic alphabet, but it seems to help (for me) to use acronyms:

A as in ATM
B as in BRB
C as in CD
D as in DOA
E as in ESPN
etc.

/I can see why this would not have been used in the military, though it may have worked in an Abbott and Costello skit about the military.
 
2021-01-25 11:53:11 PM  

darkhorse23: KickToxicPeopleOutOfYourLife.101. The rest is gravy


Definitely this. Not necessarily 'toxic' but anyone who is negative/critical

Especially don't marry them
 
2021-01-25 11:54:39 PM  
when borrowing a bowl be sure to return it packed

This is the way
 
2021-01-25 11:57:10 PM  

kindms: when borrowing a bowl be sure to return it packed

This is the way


Preferably with chocolate chunk, pecan studded cookies.
 
2021-01-25 11:57:26 PM  
Plug crock pot into a timer.  Set timer.  put in food.  go to work.  Seriously having warm dinner ready helped save money and let me lose 70 lbs so far, cause takeout and delivery are shiat tier.
 
2021-01-26 12:01:51 AM  
Operating an actual camera.

Sure, cell phones are "good enough", but they're not actually good.
 
2021-01-26 12:15:10 AM  
leaving the butter uncovered on the counter.
 
2021-01-26 12:19:17 AM  
Changing a tire.  Breadmaking and don't bother me with no fancy measurements.  Making Turkish coffee.
 
2021-01-26 12:40:10 AM  
Learn to play a musical instrument well. If you get good enough, you will A. always have a way to entertain yourself, B. gain a potential side-gig teaching and C. keep your mind sharp and therefore do a lot to fend off dementia and other cognitive maladies. .
 
2021-01-26 1:13:12 AM  
OK So Amuse Me: Oh! Yeah, grab both a Philips and a Straight screwdriver and go through the entire house and tighten all loose screws, door handles, door hinges, light switch covers, and plug-ins. You will be surprised how many need tightening. I do this twice a year.

Then put WD-40 or some other lubricant on the rest of them, and you'll be set.
 
2021-01-26 1:38:41 AM  
Ability to do your own taxes.
 
2021-01-26 1:40:12 AM  

Glockenspiel Hero: The military phonetic alphabet.  If you're incredibly tired of "B as in boy, R as in ray..." learn it.  With people who already know it you'll save a ton of time especially if you are like me and have a last name that is spelled in a way Americans don't pronounce correctly.  If they don't know it you can show them why they should.


Is it pronounced "hero" or "gyro?"
 
2021-01-26 1:45:01 AM  
I can piss people off without breaking a sweat. What's better is that I can talk my way out of a fistfight.
 
2021-01-26 1:48:54 AM  

phoenix352: Ishmel: Speed reading, it was the most useful college class I ever took.

I met my wife in a speed reading class in college!


Did you two speed-date?
 
2021-01-26 2:07:26 AM  
I can find the clitoris.
 
2021-01-26 3:09:09 AM  

RogermcAllen: Jedekai: Glockenspiel Hero: The military phonetic alphabet.  If you're incredibly tired of "B as in boy, R as in ray..." learn it.  With people who already know it you'll save a ton of time especially if you are like me and have a last name that is spelled in a way Americans don't pronounce correctly.  If they don't know it you can show them why they should.

Alpha
Bravo
Charlie
Delta
Echo
Foxtrot
Golf
Hotel
India
Juliet
Kilo
Lima
Mike
November
Ocelot
Peter
Quick
Romeo
Saturn
Typhoon
Uniform
Violet
Wednesday
Xylophone
Yankee
Zulu.

...and the best secret skill is patience. If someone says they're patient... they're lying.

That's an odd way to spell:
Oscar
Papa
Quebec
Sierra
Tango
Victor
Whiskey
X-Ray

/I use it all the time with people on the phone


You sound like a ham.
 
2021-01-26 3:10:57 AM  

Tasuke: Plug crock pot into a timer.  Set timer.  put in food.  go to work.  Seriously having warm dinner ready helped save money and let me lose 70 lbs so far, cause takeout and delivery are shiat tier.


With all the restaurants raising a ruckus about how their business is more important than my health, I'm not inclined to patronize them, as much as I can avoid it.
 
2021-01-26 3:16:10 AM  

darkhorse23: KickToxicPeopleOutOfYourLife.101. The rest is gravy


Pretty much all I have left is immediate family. It makes things so much simpler.
 
2021-01-26 6:02:20 AM  
Learn to be kind to your family and friends. Get to know your neighbours. Be generous, and look for the best in people. Life will be so much better.
/Seriously. I'm a cynical old man, but this works for me.
//Unless your neighbours and/or family are dicks, because we all have limits.
 
2021-01-26 7:22:24 AM  
Patience Not getting flustered over stuff that doesnt matter in the long run
Im not real good at it but Im better than I was a few years ago
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
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