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(Fark)   Welcome Fark Artists to your Fartist Friday Contest. This week we celebrate National Answer Your Cat's Questions Day with, naturally, a poetry contest. Write a poem in any form about the pressing questions a cat (or any pet) would like answered   (fark.com) divider line
    More: Fartiste, Contests  
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766 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Jan 2021 at 1:04 PM (16 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



Voting Results (Votes)
View Voting Results: Votes

 
2021-01-22 12:35:13 PM  
23 votes:
My bowl has a space
Where the china whiteness blinds
All but my hunger
 
2021-01-22 12:33:57 PM  
19 votes:
You've placed a meal
Before my feet
My nose says dry
This meal's no feast

You fed me salmon
Thrice before
It is the meal
That I adore

Now you bring me
Dried out kibble
To which I certainly
Shall not nibble

While you slurp
Your shrimp top ramen
Where o where
Is my canned salmon
 
2021-01-22 1:24:08 AM  
19 votes:
I'm starving, you biatch
I'll eat anything you have
Except -  not that can
 
2021-01-22 2:37:42 PM  
17 votes:
Kitty's on a bug hunt, kitty's on the prowl,
Racin' cross' the livin' room, let'n out a howl.

Kitty's on a bug hunt, leapin' in the eaves,
Knockin' down the potted plants, happy as you please.

Kitty's on a bug hunt, flushin' out a moth,
Breakin' all the tea cups, workin' up a froth.

Kitty's on a bug hunt, quicker then a sneeze,
Eyes as full as saucers, swipin' at the breeze.

Kitty's on a bug hunt, tearin' cross' the rug,
Spyin' out a katydid, or a Ladybug.

Kitty's on a bug hunt, flyin' through the air,
Shimmy up the curtain rod, tumble down the stair.

Kitty's on a bug hunt, lookin' for a bee,
Shreddin' up Geraniums, fast as you please.

Kitty's on a bug hunt, fallin' in the tub,
Sinkin' in the water, glub, glub, glub!

Kitty's on a bug hunt, knockin' down the lamp,
Boom! Goes the light bulb, dark and damp.

Kitty's on a bug hunt, climbin' up the sill,
Swingin' on the chandelier, kill, kill, kill!

Kitty's on a bug hunt, lookin' in the sky,
Steppin' in your food, while he goosesteps by.

Kitty's on a bug hunt, rippin' up the couch,
Roto rooting furniture, ouch, ouch, ouch!

Kitty's on a bug hunt, caught a little fly,
Pin it by it's wings, and punch it in the eye.

People on a Kitty hunt, grab him by the tail,
Drug him with some Catnip, and throw him into jail.

People on a Kitty hunt, scratches on their back,
The fly got away, when you grabbed at your cat.

Kitty on a bug hunt, people huntin' too,
Round and round in circles, whose hunting who?

Kitty on a bug hunt, people on the fly,
The fly's in the air, and he's in the cat's eye.

The Kitty won't stop, till' he catches his prey,
And the folks wont stop, for the livelong day.

Kitty's on a bug hunt! Kitty's on a bug hunt!
Kitty's on a bug hunt! Me-eooow!
 
2021-01-22 12:31:16 PM  
17 votes:
The Tragedy of Morning: A sonnet by my cat.

To show my love for father's gentle care
a token of my feline heart's esteem
I raise my tail high up in the air
and make sure my butthole's clearly seen

Regardless of his task or duty's call
or whether meeting camera's zooméd crowd
I know the world must hear my bawl
Direct into my father's ear and loud

The sun has shown her rosy cheek to man
And kitties hunger through depthless night
Yet one with thumbs to open up the can
has not begun the sacred fooding rite

So until the humans fulfill their ancient trust
we cry in fear lest we crumble unto dust
 
2021-01-22 12:21:01 PM  
13 votes:
April is the cruellest month, breeding
Catnip out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and hunger, stirring
Dull humans with a spring rain that wets fur.
Winter kept us warm in our box, covering
Yard in forgetful snow, feeding
A little life with dried food.
Summer surprised us, coming over the Katzenbergerfeld
With a shower of rain; we stopped in the colonnade,
And we caught a cardinal, in the Hausgarten,
And drank rainwater, watching red feathers fall.
Bin gar keine deutsch, stamm' aus Boston, echt Paradies.
And when we were kittens, sleeping by the couch,
My cousin's, he took me out on a hunt,
And I was frightened. He said, Felix,
Felix, hold on tight. And out we went.
In the mountains, there you feel free.
I sleep, much of the night, and sleep in the winter.

What are the human hands that clutch, what sweaters unravel
Out of this bureau drawer? Foolish man,
You cannot say, or guess, for you know only
A heap of dirty laundry, where the odors meet,
And the hamper gives no shelter, the spider no relief,
And the dry bowl no sound of water. Only
There is shadow under this red couch,
(Come in under the shadow of this red couch),
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning coming to feed me
Or your shadow at evening rising to pet me;
I will show you fear in a pawful of dust (from under the couch).
 
2021-01-23 2:16:42 PM  
10 votes:
My human sleeps in
My dish is only half full
I will surely die
 
2021-01-23 1:37:53 PM  
10 votes:
Millie's Lament

I once had two more cats as friends
And a much larger place to roam,
And other humans about too,
But now my human lives alone.

Some days my human feeds me late,
Or sleeps just as long as I do.
Some days my human wakes at night,
So I must then wake at night too.

I watch him speak to the small phone,
To someone on the other side.
I do not understand their words
But I watched as my human cried...

Something, it seems, about living,
And how many months someone has left.
I wish I could understand him,
So that I could comfort him best.

The human is sleeping again now,
But this is a task I can bear,
I'll curl in a circle beside him,
So when he awakes, I'll be there.
 
2021-01-22 1:10:45 PM  
10 votes:
You went into that
Room to make a poop again.
But where did it go?
 
2021-01-22 1:02:05 PM  
10 votes:
I am here
And it is there
I sit and push
Without a care

This thing
You prize
Before my
Eyes

Will soon
Be crashing
And I'll
Be dashing

A million
Pieces
Keen as
Peaches

Why do you
Scream
At such
Delightful scene
 
2021-01-22 12:24:23 PM  
10 votes:
Why is Molly

Look at her! She's over there!
She's in a box. What's her problem?!
That's my box! It's so not fair!
Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap!

Look at her! She's walking by me!!
Oh no you didn't. I'll show you
And don't even think about my tree!
Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap!
 
2021-01-22 12:14:11 PM  
10 votes:
If I were a flea
would you still love me
If I were a dog
a frog on a log
a grizzly bear
would you still care
If I were a flea
would you still love me
because I am worried you see
that I might have a flea
on me.
 
2021-01-22 1:17:48 PM  
9 votes:
This dead bird is yours
Tribute for all of the food
Soft wind moves my fur
 
2021-01-22 12:45:57 PM  
9 votes:
Oh boy! You are home!
I love you so very much!
Where is the tuna?
 
2021-01-22 12:15:06 PM  
9 votes:
Oh mighty hooman
Your shoes smell like something died
Whats wrong with your feet?
 
2021-01-22 3:58:32 AM  
9 votes:
I don't give a damn
Just want you to feed me now
Why are you waiting
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
JD [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2021-01-22 12:27:01 PM  
8 votes:
My cat:

I see you bought cheese
Is it cheddar? --- I'll kill you
if it is gouda
 
2021-01-23 2:04:09 PM  
7 votes:

skin rash_oklahoma: My bowl sits empty
My litter box is full
Kathy is at rest

Abide this I will not.

Just yesterday,
Kathy had the gall
To use the can opener
Without so much as a morsel
Offered to me as tribute

This shall not stand.

It is night
Dark and quiet
As Kathy sleeps
Alone and unguarded
My bowl remains
Empty as this One Bedroom Apartment
On a Friday Night
I shall suffer this no more

It is time

I climb atop Kathy
And sit on her chest
Rising in peaceful repose
And I wait for my moment

Kathy yawns

And I perch my asshole
Directly on her mouth.

Such is the price of her neglect.

I await my food in satisfied indifference
As Kathy rises, sputtering
To brush her teeth.


And I ask...
Did you forget something?
 
2021-01-22 1:24:16 PM  
7 votes:
Lament of the (Neutered) Labrador
My ball, my ball. Where is my ball?
But hark! Where are my balls?

(now with voting enabled)
 
2021-01-23 1:30:19 PM  
6 votes:
What is your malfunction, hooman?

My treats you should be resumin'.

You think I'm purring?

I'm rough like Goering.

I'll just be over here groomin'.
 
2021-01-22 12:09:27 PM  
6 votes:
I wanted a rat
You got me a crappy toy
Why do you hate me?
 
2021-01-22 12:13:59 AM  
6 votes:
Are you a moron
This contest is so silly
I don't own a cat
 
2021-01-23 1:10:12 PM  
5 votes:
You brought the tiny one into our lives
And I fought not
Kneading on your bloated baby belly
And sniffing at it in its slepeing cage

You brought the fluffy one into our lives
And I fought not
Though she stole my food
And hogged my bathroom box

You brought the dog into our lives
WTF human
 
2021-01-24 2:50:39 PM  
4 votes:
I want to eat that
That too
Also that
I am a Labrador!
I will eat your table scraps
And your napkin
And the wad of peanut butter
But not the pills inside it!
 
2021-01-24 1:42:47 PM  
4 votes:

EdgeRunner: I want to go outside! Someone open the door!
No, I want to be inside! Please open it once more!
Why did you close the door? I want to go back out!
Why won't you let me in? Why must I scratch and shout?
Open!
Open!
In!
Out!
We know the way this ends!
You'll put in a pet door, and I'll come home with friends.


Now with voting.
 
2021-01-23 4:38:52 PM  
4 votes:
Am I a kitten,
again, purring gently, as
your last dream beckons?
 
2021-01-23 3:28:44 PM  
4 votes:
Glinting orbs, darkness
Prey sighted, body tense... pounce!
Can I eat this foot?
 
2021-01-23 2:37:37 PM  
4 votes:
My butt
My butt smells
Smell my butt
Your butt
Your butt smells
May I smell your butt?
 
2021-01-23 1:14:04 PM  
4 votes:
Why Can't I Come Into the House?

You tell me I'm your best buddy, your closest pal
Quite often you say that I'm your favorite gal.
So why can't I come into the house?

Sure, the garage has lots of room
and I can't tell you why I pissed the broom
but why can't I come into the house?

Yeah, I shed and piss and shred
and sometimes I scratch you on the head
but why can't I come into the house?
 
2021-01-23 1:04:56 PM  
4 votes:
You haven't seen
Haven't seen
I sit and stare
I burn into you
Yet you don't care

You must not know
Must not know
I changed my face
Closer now
Yet you don't care

I call to you
Call to you
You turn to me
Turn to see
Yet you don't care

I scream to you
Scream at you
You move, you nod
You cry aloud
Do you care?

I'm what I wish
Not what you wish
You said you cared
The day we met
I know you care

I may not say
May not say
I remember when
When I needed
And you did care

You touch and speak
Touch and speak
I feel your care
You know I care
I know you care
 
2021-01-23 12:30:32 PM  
4 votes:
Answer me hooman
Why is the fud bowl empty?
Where did the noms go?
 
2021-01-24 2:07:32 PM  
3 votes:
It's midnight.
Maybe one AM.
Don't care, want food.
DID YOU HEAR ME?
Ok, I'll push this stuff off the dresser.

Oh. That kind? Meh. Maybe I'll eat some later.

Anyway, let me curl up next to you where it's nice and warm.
 
HFK [BareFark]
2021-01-23 7:03:51 PM  
3 votes:
Dude,
Where is my food?
 
2021-01-23 3:49:17 PM  
3 votes:
Licking my butthole?
Don't knock it 'til you've tried it
You would if you could
 
2021-01-23 1:43:36 PM  
3 votes:
My name is queen
And my owners think I look like a dream
They go on and on and on all day long
And I wonder with my good looks if I could ever belong
I'm a Siberian husky
But it gets a little musty
Because of there tears or joy
At how beautiful I am
Strangers walk by and say oh how beautiful she is
But I'm content. Smelling stuff and taking a wiz
So here's my question
Or a suggestion
Instead of staring into my beautiful blue eyes
Take this thought on for size
I'm more then beauty
I'm the complete package
And if I cover everything with hair
Why don't y'all start wearing dust jackets?
 
2021-01-24 4:12:11 PM  
2 votes:
Dedicated to my über-spoiled black tomcat:


I'll nibble and purr in your ear...
I'll rough tongue 'crost your nose,
but if you give me Walmart kibble again,
After you go to sleep, I'll eat your toes.

Don't you worry none 'bout those stories,
about cats eating their human slaves
after they die...

You've got bigger things to worry about,
'cuz Uncle Wilford never lied;

Your flesh is the sweetest -
the scrumptuous... est... treatest,
when you find yourself in your forties
and doc teels-ya you've got the diabeetus.
 
2021-01-24 10:42:13 PM  
1 vote:
Wrote this about 10 years ago.


This morning - if I could speak dog

Yes, I realize we are a pack.
I honor that.

And I know this dim,
mist-grey morning is perfect
for chasing deer
who have lost
the lateness of the hour.

Or raccoons,
entranced
by yummy earthworms,
forced out
in soaking rains.

I realize smell
hangs heavier;
lingering on days like this.
And the world as you know it
is perfumed with promise.

Thank you,
for never once considering
leaving me behind;
for your patience
as I putter.

Because we both know that
if I could,
I would shake off
this binding human skin
and run with you.
 
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