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A message from Drew Curtis:  
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Hey everyone, hope your week went well.

The news cycle's been running hot and cold recently, I suspect because everyone knew Wednesday was going to be a little busy.  It remains to be seen how things are going to shake out; at least in the political sphere things seem to be returning to business as usual.

Database issues are stabilizing.  We've added more server support and Mike's been diligently configuring a new architecture for us. We had a ton of traffic yesterday and everything held up great. The next test will be whenever the next national or global crisis hits.  Can't predict when those will happen.

Thursday on TotalFark I posted a link asking for comment on some layout designs for the upcoming Swear Jar.  Want to know more? Sign up for TotalFark and join the conversation.  

We've locked down another Fark Friday Movie Night at 7 p.m. Eastern.  I'm not sure we've picked the movie yet.  I'll post a link on Fark when I know what it is for sure.
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We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
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Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
UberDave agreed with an assessment of the methods used by rioters in the Capitol building
GardenWeasel considered the consequences of chastity cages being hacked by someone demanding ransom
ArkAngel had an idea for how to use a swear word in an X-Men movie
orbister thought that someone on Twitter was wrong about something
markie_farkie knows how to keep an internet-connected chastity cage secure from hackers
Prank Call of Cthulhu knew who could help men whose chastity cages were hacked
HugeMistake figured out why Bruce Willis was causing trouble at Rite Aid
WhiskeySticks explained Saudi Arabia's planned linear city
HighOnCraic confirmed that it wasn't a podium that was stolen from the Capitol
Enigmamf had a couple of things to say about tweet threads

Smart:
styckx had advice on what to say to people who think health care workers are exaggerating or lying about COVID-19
styckx praised the great work and courage of CNN correspondent Sara Sidner
HugeMistake discussed the varying value of money
funkyeuph pointed out the most deceiving thing about state lotteries
Budweiser Baptist let us know another way to help animals in need
phalamir explained the problem with having your thing locked in a thing that's part of the internet of things
Watubi owed Mom a big favor
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat brought up the best thing about working from home
itchyvelour described how bad things are in U.S. hospitals now

CSB Sunday Morning: Culture shock
Smart & Funny: Winterlight stumbled into a home and a job without even being forklift certified

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be.

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: granolasteak shared advice about potentially hateful terms
Funny: 10.0.0.1 explained why one might use nitrogen in welding
Funny: Weatherkiss had somewhere else to be
Funny: pdxbarista's kid was unintentionally hilarious
Funny: Eclectic was left behind
Smart: MethySophocles explained why you shouldn't get off on being withholding
Funny: Earthworm Jim Jones came up with a new game for TotalFarkers

Politics Funny:
Garza and the Supermutants thought that maybe things were turning around
Cake Hunter pointed out someone who apparently cares about the horned Capitol rioter's dietary demands in prison
Lambskincoat was thisclose to sweeping Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez off her feet
snowybunting somehow knew what an ecstatic Trump fan yells
thecactusman17 explained why Trump was wrong when he told Mike Pence, ""You can either go down in history as a patriot, or you can go down in history as a pussy"

Politics Smart:
gilgigamesh will always appreciate a certain type of video (No, not that type. Well, maybe that type, too.)
markie_farkie argued that everyone involved in the coup attempt must face justice
markie_farkie considered Trump's statement about the U.S. military presence in Afghanistan, Iraq and Syria
mrshowrules explained why Trump was unlikely to pardon any insurrectionists
OptionC noted that Trump was a product of one of his own frequent complaints


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Photoshop theme: unlikely actors for a Star Trek starship captain turned out to be such a fun theme that all of the top-voted results came from it. Here are the voting results for this contest. The highest-voted entries were from RedZoneTuba, RedZoneTuba again, retrophil, samsquatch, retrophil again, Yammering_Splat_Vector, hail2daking, cowgirl toffee, Nick Nostril, and clovercat. 
Here are some winners from other Photoshop contests:
cowgirl toffee showed us Pheasadent Trump
bugdozer revealed Donald Trump's next job
Alligator appreciated an older woman
cowgirl toffee showed Trump recruiting more soldiers
RedZoneTuba was dancing on thin ice

Fartist Friday: I blue myself
kimwim made an ombré quilt

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: This week we celebrate National Answer Your Cat's Questions Day with, naturally, a poetry contest. Write a poem in any form about the pressing questions your cat (or any pet) surely has

Farktography: Transformations
This contest ended in a tie between All Latest's aptly-named snowdrops and Morchella's brand-new butterfly

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on last week's Quiz, although no one got into the 1000 club. A pity, too as the Foo Fighters are playing the main stage this weekend. Denjiro came out on top with 974, followed by edmo in second with 924 and scrumpox in third with 920. leafslinger made fourth with 897, and FrancoFile finishes out the top five with 848. 

The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about Japanese farmers who decided to go all in on some creative marketing to keep sales up during the pandemic. Only 16% of quiztakers knew that Wakayama prefecture is Japan's biggest orange producing region, and their sales were way down due to the decrease in fresh fruit and vegetable shopping (people have switched to canned or frozen things to limit their trips to the markets). So, having seen some Internet thingies, the farmers decided to juice most of their product and sell it in bottles with cat pictures on them. Japanese kitties who speak the local language say "Nyaa" rather than "Meow" in English, so they settled on "Nyan Juice" as the name.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was about the NHL's newest addition to the rule book for the new season. 76% of quiztakers knew that they had added a hand signal for "fighting". I'm still a bit unclear if this a penalty indication or simply a way to signal to teams that "it's on" so they'll know to stop batting the puck around and make a space.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was about which company was getting a new chicken sandwich with a bigger piece of chicken, a brioche bun, and thicker pickles. 53% of quiztakers knew that it was the restaurant that suffered the most from Popeyes superior chicken sandwich - KFC. I could be wrong, but I really do not expect to see people fighting each other over the thicker pickle chicken sandwich in the next few months, but then again, I didn't think Popeyes chicken sandwich was worth a street brawl either. Luckily they'll have NHL refs at all locations to let us know.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was about actor Robert Duvall and his sole Academy Award. 92% of quiztakers knew he got the nod for the 1984 film "Tender Mercies" in which he played a recovering alcoholic country music star. Are all country music stars recovering alcoholics or something? This seems to have become an extremely popular genre in the years since.

If you missed out on last week's quiz, you can catch up here. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll do it all again this week.