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(Esquire)   Why go for pricey hair transplants when you can get designer stubble tattoo to cover up your baldness   (esquire.com) divider line
    More: Silly, Baldness, hair transplants, Baldness treatments, bald man's head, male hair loss industry, Androgenic alopecia, Joseph Lanzante, International Society of Hair Restoration Surgery  
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1108 clicks; posted to Business » on 21 Jan 2021 at 1:50 PM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



35 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-01-21 2:02:16 PM  
Totally looks real!

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-01-21 2:05:10 PM  
"You've got to get the lines right," he warns, dipping his bandage-wrapped tattoo gun in a pot of black ink and poking at the tension in the air

Protip: it's a tattoo machine, not a tattoo gun. It's not launching projectiles. Technically it doesn't even inject ink - it uses a solid core needle. It just pokes holes through your epidermis and the ink gets sucked in by capillary action.

[L]ast year, a survey of 10,000 British men found that a majority would rather have a small penis than lose their hair.

Is this a British joke, like "Well, we already have small penises, so not our hair too!"?  Weird cultural priority I guess.
 
2021-01-21 2:12:38 PM  
"Designer Stubble Tattoo" is the name of my disco/death metal Moby cover band.
 
2021-01-21 2:15:21 PM  
As a bald guy I got 2 issues with being bald.  When I sweat, I got no hair to hold it in place, wick it.   I have to wear a hat or my head gets sunburnt.

This solution does neither, so hard pass.
 
2021-01-21 2:16:29 PM  
Here's how a real badass handles baldness:
i.pinimg.comView Full Size
 
2021-01-21 2:17:50 PM  
I wonder how this would help someone with thinning hair and visible pink scalp?  Would they have to shave the whole head to darken the scalp?
 
2021-01-21 2:22:29 PM  

Combustion: Here's how a real badass handles baldness:
[i.pinimg.com image 720x720]


Guy Fieri in an alternate reality where he became a WWF star instead of chef.
 
2021-01-21 2:26:02 PM  

the_rhino: Combustion: Here's how a real badass handles baldness:
[i.pinimg.com image 720x720]

Guy Fieri in an alternate reality where he became a WWF star instead of chef.


Still, the tattooed head is a better look than the douche-spikes. If you're a guy losing your hair, just go Bruce Willis and shave it. Then act like you don't care.
 
2021-01-21 2:42:55 PM  

tobcc: As a bald guy I got 2 issues with being bald.  When I sweat, I got no hair to hold it in place, wick it.   I have to wear a hat or my head gets sunburnt.

This solution does neither, so hard pass.


I shaved my head due to chemo. Didn't want a patchy skull. Now I'm discovering that without hair my glasses and sunglasses stick to various spots above my ears. Luckily, I haven't experienced sunburn yet, but it's crazy what your hair does that you don't realize. No hair in my nose means that the thing runs like a faucet, and without hair, I don't feel it happening. Also, I think that without eyelashes (They're not entirely gone, but probably 30% of what they normally are), instead of eye boogers, I just get this broad area of eye discharge that I have to wash away.

The insane part if that hair and nails are made from the same shiat, but at the same time as my hair won't grow, my farking nails won't stop...
 
2021-01-21 2:44:25 PM  
I've been shaved for almost 20 years and don't miss hair at all. Just shave in the shower every couple of days. In winter I might keep about 1/8" stubble for warmth. It's like velcro for a beanie.

Luckily I have a good shaped skull for it.
 
2021-01-21 2:52:53 PM  

Mikey1969: tobcc: As a bald guy I got 2 issues with being bald.  When I sweat, I got no hair to hold it in place, wick it.   I have to wear a hat or my head gets sunburnt.

This solution does neither, so hard pass.

I shaved my head due to chemo. Didn't want a patchy skull. Now I'm discovering that without hair my glasses and sunglasses stick to various spots above my ears. Luckily, I haven't experienced sunburn yet, but it's crazy what your hair does that you don't realize. No hair in my nose means that the thing runs like a faucet, and without hair, I don't feel it happening. Also, I think that without eyelashes (They're not entirely gone, but probably 30% of what they normally are), instead of eye boogers, I just get this broad area of eye discharge that I have to wash away.

The insane part if that hair and nails are made from the same shiat, but at the same time as my hair won't grow, my farking nails won't stop...


Yeah, this the stuff I thought about immediately. I haven't had any issues yet, but my dad's side of the family balds like crazy. The sunburn in particularly has been a pain for him.

Oddly, the facial hair thing actually seems a bit more sensible from this perspective. Easily add a bit of line definition without taking the time to style it. Still nothing I'd be interested in, but I was a little surprised by it not being as crazy.
 
2021-01-21 2:52:56 PM  
Mickey just reminded me, when my wife went through chemo and lost all her hair she had henna tattoos all over her head. She had a great artist that did all kinds of fancy designs. They lasted about 3 weeks. Honestly it was a pretty sexy look.

Enjoy your fro when it comes back.
 
2021-01-21 3:08:44 PM  
So here's the thing in my mind: It makes you look better and chicks dig you more.  But when they get in for the closeup, how the hell can you keep them from laughing their asses off?
 
2021-01-21 3:14:02 PM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2021-01-21 3:27:11 PM  

JamesSirBensonMum: So here's the thing in my mind: It makes you look better and chicks dig you more.  But when they get in for the closeup, how the hell can you keep them from laughing their asses off?


As Bob Ross will tell you, if you're going to go with stippling, you better have a big brush.
 
2021-01-21 3:30:45 PM  

FormlessOne: JamesSirBensonMum: So here's the thing in my mind: It makes you look better and chicks dig you more.  But when they get in for the closeup, how the hell can you keep them from laughing their asses off?

As Bob Ross will tell you, if you're going to go with stippling, you better have a big brush.


"But baby, it's Van Dyke Brown!!"
 
2021-01-21 3:52:23 PM  

Mikey1969: tobcc: As a bald guy I got 2 issues with being bald.  When I sweat, I got no hair to hold it in place, wick it.   I have to wear a hat or my head gets sunburnt.

This solution does neither, so hard pass.

I shaved my head due to chemo. Didn't want a patchy skull. Now I'm discovering that without hair my glasses and sunglasses stick to various spots above my ears. Luckily, I haven't experienced sunburn yet, but it's crazy what your hair does that you don't realize. No hair in my nose means that the thing runs like a faucet, and without hair, I don't feel it happening. Also, I think that without eyelashes (They're not entirely gone, but probably 30% of what they normally are), instead of eye boogers, I just get this broad area of eye discharge that I have to wash away.

The insane part if that hair and nails are made from the same shiat, but at the same time as my hair won't grow, my farking nails won't stop...


Sorry about the chemo.  Good luck.
 
2021-01-21 4:17:56 PM  
Holy crap.  That article could be summed up in 10 words:  "Get a tattoo on your head that looks like hair."

TL/DR
 
2021-01-21 4:47:39 PM  

born_yesterday: Mikey1969: tobcc: As a bald guy I got 2 issues with being bald.  When I sweat, I got no hair to hold it in place, wick it.   I have to wear a hat or my head gets sunburnt.

This solution does neither, so hard pass.

I shaved my head due to chemo. Didn't want a patchy skull. Now I'm discovering that without hair my glasses and sunglasses stick to various spots above my ears. Luckily, I haven't experienced sunburn yet, but it's crazy what your hair does that you don't realize. No hair in my nose means that the thing runs like a faucet, and without hair, I don't feel it happening. Also, I think that without eyelashes (They're not entirely gone, but probably 30% of what they normally are), instead of eye boogers, I just get this broad area of eye discharge that I have to wash away.

The insane part if that hair and nails are made from the same shiat, but at the same time as my hair won't grow, my farking nails won't stop...

Sorry about the chemo.  Good luck.


Thanks. It's almost over, hopefully. After tomorrow, I only have 2 more sessions.
 
2021-01-21 4:53:30 PM  

Mikey1969: born_yesterday: Mikey1969: tobcc: As a bald guy I got 2 issues with being bald.  When I sweat, I got no hair to hold it in place, wick it.   I have to wear a hat or my head gets sunburnt.

This solution does neither, so hard pass.

I shaved my head due to chemo. Didn't want a patchy skull. Now I'm discovering that without hair my glasses and sunglasses stick to various spots above my ears. Luckily, I haven't experienced sunburn yet, but it's crazy what your hair does that you don't realize. No hair in my nose means that the thing runs like a faucet, and without hair, I don't feel it happening. Also, I think that without eyelashes (They're not entirely gone, but probably 30% of what they normally are), instead of eye boogers, I just get this broad area of eye discharge that I have to wash away.

The insane part if that hair and nails are made from the same shiat, but at the same time as my hair won't grow, my farking nails won't stop...

Sorry about the chemo.  Good luck.

Thanks. It's almost over, hopefully. After tomorrow, I only have 2 more sessions.


Man, fark cancer.
 
2021-01-21 5:41:17 PM  

Jormungandr: Mikey1969: born_yesterday: Mikey1969: tobcc: As a bald guy I got 2 issues with being bald.  When I sweat, I got no hair to hold it in place, wick it.   I have to wear a hat or my head gets sunburnt.

This solution does neither, so hard pass.

I shaved my head due to chemo. Didn't want a patchy skull. Now I'm discovering that without hair my glasses and sunglasses stick to various spots above my ears. Luckily, I haven't experienced sunburn yet, but it's crazy what your hair does that you don't realize. No hair in my nose means that the thing runs like a faucet, and without hair, I don't feel it happening. Also, I think that without eyelashes (They're not entirely gone, but probably 30% of what they normally are), instead of eye boogers, I just get this broad area of eye discharge that I have to wash away.

The insane part if that hair and nails are made from the same shiat, but at the same time as my hair won't grow, my farking nails won't stop...

Sorry about the chemo.  Good luck.

Thanks. It's almost over, hopefully. After tomorrow, I only have 2 more sessions.

Man, fark cancer.


It sure added to the 2020 dumpster fire. Just can't wait until I get my appetite and energy level back. I was already on the skinny side, 5'9" and 145 lbs. Last time I weighed myself, I was at 155 lbs and looked like a concentration camp survivor, minus the tattoo. But I should be able to gain it back, at least enough to stabilize my body, I've always had trouble gaining weight...
 
2021-01-21 6:53:49 PM  
These tattoos will look extra stupid when the rest of your hair turns gray.
 
2021-01-21 7:11:33 PM  

Fear the Clam: These tattoos will look extra stupid when the rest of your hair turns gray.


That's where laser tattoo removal comes in - even better, there's a chance that removal will leave tiny pinprick scars, lighter than your natural skin color, so you'll get light-colored dots. Win-win!
 
2021-01-21 7:19:28 PM  

FormlessOne: Fear the Clam: These tattoos will look extra stupid when the rest of your hair turns gray.

That's where laser tattoo removal comes in - even better, there's a chance that removal will leave tiny pinprick scars, lighter than your natural skin color, so you'll get light-colored dots. Win-win!


And see, that's why I want to get electrolysis hair removal.  Trade up is more painful but permanent.
 
2021-01-21 7:54:19 PM  

Grand_Theft_Audio: FormlessOne: Fear the Clam: These tattoos will look extra stupid when the rest of your hair turns gray.

That's where laser tattoo removal comes in - even better, there's a chance that removal will leave tiny pinprick scars, lighter than your natural skin color, so you'll get light-colored dots. Win-win!

And see, that's why I want to get electrolysis hair removal.  Trade up is more painful but permanent.


I'm with you - and not just my scalp, either. My friggin' ears are horrible. I spend waaaaay too much time plucking, trimming, shaving, etc., and it's driving me around the bend. I'd much rather have someone stick a hot wire in a pore and be done with it, but, alas, it's COVID-19 season and my vanity isn't a reason to endanger my life.

Someday, though...
 
2021-01-21 9:51:22 PM  

Mikey1969: born_yesterday: Mikey1969: tobcc: As a bald guy I got 2 issues with being bald.  When I sweat, I got no hair to hold it in place, wick it.   I have to wear a hat or my head gets sunburnt.

This solution does neither, so hard pass.

I shaved my head due to chemo. Didn't want a patchy skull. Now I'm discovering that without hair my glasses and sunglasses stick to various spots above my ears. Luckily, I haven't experienced sunburn yet, but it's crazy what your hair does that you don't realize. No hair in my nose means that the thing runs like a faucet, and without hair, I don't feel it happening. Also, I think that without eyelashes (They're not entirely gone, but probably 30% of what they normally are), instead of eye boogers, I just get this broad area of eye discharge that I have to wash away.

The insane part if that hair and nails are made from the same shiat, but at the same time as my hair won't grow, my farking nails won't stop...

Sorry about the chemo.  Good luck.

Thanks. It's almost over, hopefully. After tomorrow, I only have 2 more sessions.


you got this.
 
2021-01-21 10:34:33 PM  
Okay that would hurt like hell. No thanks
 
2021-01-22 12:23:24 AM  

Combustion: Here's how a real badass handles baldness:
[i.pinimg.com image 720x720]


Damn, I didn't know Fluffy got all tatted up.
 
2021-01-22 2:46:46 AM  
I don't know why so many guys wrap up their entire self-worth in their hair, especially given that the odds are they're not keeping a full head of hair. Something like 60% of guys have at least some hair loss by 30. It's literally very normal, and should be treated as such.

If you're balding, shave it off if you've got a decent head shape, that's way sexier than trying in vain to counter it or mask it. If you've got a weird shaped noggin' keep it short and whatever you do, don't do a comb-over. Own it, rather than letting it own you.
 
2021-01-22 4:09:05 AM  

ohokyeah: I don't know why so many guys wrap up their entire self-worth in their hair, especially given that the odds are they're not keeping a full head of hair. Something like 60% of guys have at least some hair loss by 30. It's literally very normal, and should be treated as such.

If you're balding, shave it off if you've got a decent head shape, that's way sexier than trying in vain to counter it or mask it. If you've got a weird shaped noggin' keep it short and whatever you do, don't do a comb-over. Own it, rather than letting it own you.


This. Luckily I haven't started going bald yet, but if/when I do I'll have some damn dignity about it.
 
2021-01-22 4:20:05 AM  
Don't most guys continue to get more and more bald as time goes on? And then have more and more grey hair?

I have to believe this is not a good idea
 
2021-01-22 10:24:00 AM  

ohokyeah: I don't know why so many guys wrap up their entire self-worth in their hair, especially given that the odds are they're not keeping a full head of hair. Something like 60% of guys have at least some hair loss by 30. It's literally very normal, and should be treated as such.

If you're balding, shave it off if you've got a decent head shape, that's way sexier than trying in vain to counter it or mask it. If you've got a weird shaped noggin' keep it short and whatever you do, don't do a comb-over. Own it, rather than letting it own you.


Why even shave it off? Why not just stick with the remaining pattern?
 
2021-01-22 2:06:25 PM  
Been shaving my head since 27 years old.  If you think baldness is something to worry about, you've lived a privileged f*cking life so far.  Don't worry; that won't last.
 
2021-01-22 5:52:17 PM  

Yankees Team Gynecologist: ohokyeah: I don't know why so many guys wrap up their entire self-worth in their hair, especially given that the odds are they're not keeping a full head of hair. Something like 60% of guys have at least some hair loss by 30. It's literally very normal, and should be treated as such.

If you're balding, shave it off if you've got a decent head shape, that's way sexier than trying in vain to counter it or mask it. If you've got a weird shaped noggin' keep it short and whatever you do, don't do a comb-over. Own it, rather than letting it own you.

Why even shave it off? Why not just stick with the remaining pattern?


Probably depends upon how severe it is and where it's disappearing from. If it's like Will Arnett, sure, just style it kind of bouffant like, but if it's more like Jason Statham or Bruce Willis, 1/8" max looks best. Shaved looks more masculine, dominant and confident. (Taller too). Shaving it is accepting it, and taking control of it. https://www.livescience.com/23766-sha​v​ed-head-dominant.html
 
2021-01-22 8:33:05 PM  

ohokyeah: Yankees Team Gynecologist: ohokyeah: I don't know why so many guys wrap up their entire self-worth in their hair, especially given that the odds are they're not keeping a full head of hair. Something like 60% of guys have at least some hair loss by 30. It's literally very normal, and should be treated as such.

If you're balding, shave it off if you've got a decent head shape, that's way sexier than trying in vain to counter it or mask it. If you've got a weird shaped noggin' keep it short and whatever you do, don't do a comb-over. Own it, rather than letting it own you.

Why even shave it off? Why not just stick with the remaining pattern?

Probably depends upon how severe it is and where it's disappearing from. If it's like Will Arnett, sure, just style it kind of bouffant like, but if it's more like Jason Statham or Bruce Willis, 1/8" max looks best. Shaved looks more masculine, dominant and confident. (Taller too). Shaving it is accepting it, and taking control of it. https://www.livescience.com/23766-shav​ed-head-dominant.html


But isn't shaving it all kind of a hiding measure too, assuming it would not have been done if the hair were full?

I agree the Statham look is good, but that's because he leaves some.  Rich Eisen also wears it well.  Going cue-ball seems like trying to deny it.
 
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