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(Slate)   "Do I tell my daughter she's actually the result of an affair or do I let her live in ignorance?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Mother, Want, Need, Mother insult, Family, The dozens, 10-year-old wants, If You Have to Ask  
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504 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 20 Jan 2021 at 9:20 AM (6 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



30 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-01-20 8:49:51 AM  
I'm going to get a kick out of these replies...
 
2021-01-20 8:58:07 AM  
wow. Just call her ignorant.
she'll figure it out
 
2021-01-20 9:02:53 AM  
Ignorance is blissful. But at some point in life, she might need to give a doctor an accurate family history.
 
2021-01-20 9:22:09 AM  
About 10 years ago, my wife and her siblings were going through old photographs and someone thought to do the math and determined that their oldest brother was born 7 months, full term, after their parents were married.  They all thought it was hilarious as did their mom upon confrontation and admission -

(Imagine deep East-Texas accents here)
Sister in-law: "Mom, what were ya'll up to?!"
Mother in-law: "Well, we just didn't talk about that kind of thing back then!"
 
2021-01-20 9:33:50 AM  

Gubbo: Ignorance is blissful. But at some point in life, she might need to give a doctor an accurate family history.


This was my first thought, but then I read the article.

The relationship between the kid's mother and (now deceased) father began as an affair while he was married to someone else, who he then divorced before marrying the mom. So she already correctly knows the identity of her father. The mom is just trying to figure out how to tell the daughter the story of how the two of them met in more detail.
 
2021-01-20 9:37:41 AM  

Delta1212: Gubbo: Ignorance is blissful. But at some point in life, she might need to give a doctor an accurate family history.

This was my first thought, but then I read the article.

The relationship between the kid's mother and (now deceased) father began as an affair while he was married to someone else, who he then divorced before marrying the mom. So she already correctly knows the identity of her father. The mom is just trying to figure out how to tell the daughter the story of how the two of them met in more detail.


In that case, I don't care anymore. Tell her, don't tell her. I'd be surprised if she cares one way or the other.
 
2021-01-20 9:39:26 AM  
Tiffany already knows, dude. Now get your shiat and GTFO!
 
2021-01-20 9:40:19 AM  

Delta1212: Gubbo: Ignorance is blissful. But at some point in life, she might need to give a doctor an accurate family history.

This was my first thought, but then I read the article.

The relationship between the kid's mother and (now deceased) father began as an affair while he was married to someone else, who he then divorced before marrying the mom. So she already correctly knows the identity of her father. The mom is just trying to figure out how to tell the daughter the story of how the two of them met in more detail.



For every one of these should-I-tell letters, the first thing to say back is "What is your motivation?  What are YOU, the letter-writer, going to get out of this?  If your predominant motivation is assuaging your own wounded conscience, that's not enough."
 
2021-01-20 9:41:20 AM  
You should probably tell the poor guy you cucked first.
 
2021-01-20 9:43:30 AM  

FrancoFile: Delta1212: Gubbo: Ignorance is blissful. But at some point in life, she might need to give a doctor an accurate family history.

This was my first thought, but then I read the article.

The relationship between the kid's mother and (now deceased) father began as an affair while he was married to someone else, who he then divorced before marrying the mom. So she already correctly knows the identity of her father. The mom is just trying to figure out how to tell the daughter the story of how the two of them met in more detail.


For every one of these should-I-tell letters, the first thing to say back is "What is your motivation?  What are YOU, the letter-writer, going to get out of this?  If your predominant motivation is assuaging your own wounded conscience, that's not enough."


"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
~ Erica Jong

/ Yes, I'm aware of my hypocrisy ;P
 
2021-01-20 9:46:32 AM  

FrancoFile: Delta1212: Gubbo: Ignorance is blissful. But at some point in life, she might need to give a doctor an accurate family history.

This was my first thought, but then I read the article.

The relationship between the kid's mother and (now deceased) father began as an affair while he was married to someone else, who he then divorced before marrying the mom. So she already correctly knows the identity of her father. The mom is just trying to figure out how to tell the daughter the story of how the two of them met in more detail.


For every one of these should-I-tell letters, the first thing to say back is "What is your motivation?  What are YOU, the letter-writer, going to get out of this?  If your predominant motivation is assuaging your own wounded conscience, that's not enough."


This is a big one. Also, for dying declarations, F U, other people have to live with your confession that you are weaseling out of
 
2021-01-20 9:46:54 AM  
Be sure to describe bio-dad's dick to her, and how farked up on coke you were at the time, they'll appreciate such a level of detail. .
 
2021-01-20 9:47:35 AM  

Fano: This is a big one


That's what SHE Said.
 
2021-01-20 9:50:46 AM  
See, you wouldn't have this problem if you'd done butt stuff instead.
 
2021-01-20 9:51:34 AM  
Which means, also talk to your daughter about the importance of butt stuff.
 
2021-01-20 10:14:59 AM  

UberDave: About 10 years ago, my wife and her siblings were going through old photographs and someone thought to do the math and determined that their oldest brother was born 7 months, full term, after their parents were married.  They all thought it was hilarious as did their mom upon confrontation and admission -

(Imagine deep East-Texas accents here)
Sister in-law: "Mom, what were ya'll up to?!"
Mother in-law: "Well, we just didn't talk about that kind of thing back then!"


I do a lot of genealogy & believe me, when you start inputting birthdates & marriage dates you'll notice a lot of births that are "early".
 
2021-01-20 10:20:19 AM  

turbocucumber: Which means, also talk to your daughter about the importance of butt stuff.


And lube.
 
2021-01-20 10:20:42 AM  

FrancoFile: Delta1212: Gubbo: Ignorance is blissful. But at some point in life, she might need to give a doctor an accurate family history.

This was my first thought, but then I read the article.

The relationship between the kid's mother and (now deceased) father began as an affair while he was married to someone else, who he then divorced before marrying the mom. So she already correctly knows the identity of her father. The mom is just trying to figure out how to tell the daughter the story of how the two of them met in more detail.


For every one of these should-I-tell letters, the first thing to say back is "What is your motivation?  What are YOU, the letter-writer, going to get out of this?  If your predominant motivation is assuaging your own wounded conscience, that's not enough."


Confession and absolution are balm to a guilty conscience.

If the girl has paid attention, she already realizes she was born a bastard. The part she may not know is Daddy had been married before. The one thing that didn't come out in the letter is whether she idolizes him. If so, I'd take my time in telling her. If not, go ahead and confess, you homewrecking slut.
 
2021-01-20 10:25:45 AM  
The best way to break it to her is to show her the video of it.
 
2021-01-20 10:29:24 AM  
funny how mom is worried that kiddo will think badly of dad for having an affair but seems unconcerned kiddo will think mom was also a key player in said affair.  my guess is that lack of self reflection shows up in other aspects of her life. for instance her propensity to ask advice of complete stranger on the internet.
 
2021-01-20 10:58:06 AM  
if you tell her, when she misbehaves you can say "you little bastard.." and it isn't really an insult.  just a statement of fact.
 
2021-01-20 11:05:41 AM  
Reading the article, you find out dad died when the kid was six - he had divorced his other wife to marry this younger woman that he got pregnant.   Of course the older relatives all know.  So the woman's question is should she tell her daughter before one of the other relatives tell the kid that she was the result of an accidental pregnancy during an illicit affair.
 
2021-01-20 1:48:07 PM  

UberDave: About 10 years ago, my wife and her siblings were going through old photographs and someone thought to do the math and determined that their oldest brother was born 7 months, full term, after their parents were married.  They all thought it was hilarious as did their mom upon confrontation and admission -

(Imagine deep East-Texas accents here)
Sister in-law: "Mom, what were ya'll up to?!"
Mother in-law: "Well, we just didn't talk about that kind of thing back then!"


It is well known that new bride can do in seven what it takes a matron nine months to do. So eager she is to please her groom.
 
2021-01-20 6:23:20 PM  

nanim: Reading the article, you find out dad died when the kid was six - he had divorced his other wife to marry this younger woman that he got pregnant.   Of course the older relatives all know.  So the woman's question is should she tell her daughter before one of the other relatives tell the kid that she was the result of an accidental pregnancy during an illicit affair.


There's *maybe* 3 of us who RTFA.
 
2021-01-20 7:54:00 PM  
Re: one of the other letters, is there actually a video game for ten year olds where you can buy a hundred dollar character avatar? If so, that's sick.
 
2021-01-20 9:16:22 PM  

Another Government Employee: FrancoFile: Delta1212: Gubbo: Ignorance is blissful. But at some point in life, she might need to give a doctor an accurate family history.

This was my first thought, but then I read the article.

The relationship between the kid's mother and (now deceased) father began as an affair while he was married to someone else, who he then divorced before marrying the mom. So she already correctly knows the identity of her father. The mom is just trying to figure out how to tell the daughter the story of how the two of them met in more detail.


For every one of these should-I-tell letters, the first thing to say back is "What is your motivation?  What are YOU, the letter-writer, going to get out of this?  If your predominant motivation is assuaging your own wounded conscience, that's not enough."

Confession and absolution are balm to a guilty conscience.

If the girl has paid attention, she already realizes she was born a bastard. The part she may not know is Daddy had been married before. The one thing that didn't come out in the letter is whether she idolizes him. If so, I'd take my time in telling her. If not, go ahead and confess, you homewrecking slut.


Maybe she has half-brothers or sisters that she'd want to be part of their lives.

/yes, I've seen Basket Case, why do you ask?
 
2021-01-21 12:11:38 AM  
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2021-01-21 8:18:08 AM  

Cheron: UberDave: About 10 years ago, my wife and her siblings were going through old photographs and someone thought to do the math and determined that their oldest brother was born 7 months, full term, after their parents were married.  They all thought it was hilarious as did their mom upon confrontation and admission -

(Imagine deep East-Texas accents here)
Sister in-law: "Mom, what were ya'll up to?!"
Mother in-law: "Well, we just didn't talk about that kind of thing back then!"

It is well known that new bride can do in seven what it takes a matron nine months to do. So eager she is to please her groom.


However, Brooks1 reminds us that nine women cannot produce a baby in one month, however hard they try.

1Brooks, The Mythical Man-month, p. 17
 
2021-01-21 8:40:00 AM  

ghostfacekillahrabbit: Re: one of the other letters, is there actually a video game for ten year olds where you can buy a hundred dollar character avatar? If so, that's sick.


I saw that letter too, and honestly my answer would be: quit judging and let him! It's his money, and in a few months he'll see something else he wants. "But you spent all your money already." End of conversation. It'll be a relatively harmless way for him to learn to assess his purchases.
Also, pleading your case to your parents to spend your own money is honestly not good for anyone. I still remember the one year I wanted to spend some of my birthday money on a doofy band's CD. My strict parents made me justify it before they deigned to allow me to the store. It's like being judged and censured for your apparently unacceptable tastes-- which is a lot to throw on a 10-year-old. Of course, I long ago lost the CD, but I haven't lost the cringe I felt when I had to beg them to let me spend my own money and argue against their disapproval of me.

If the kid was begging Mom (or any other relative) for the money for an avatar, I would not say to pay for it. But he's not. He already has the money. It was given to him. He will probably regret this. It's much better he experience the sting of "Well that was a stupid thing to buy, and now my money's gone" now, so the lesson sticks from a much earlier age.
 
2021-01-21 7:47:31 PM  

psychosis_inducing: ghostfacekillahrabbit: Re: one of the other letters, is there actually a video game for ten year olds where you can buy a hundred dollar character avatar? If so, that's sick.

I saw that letter too, and honestly my answer would be: quit judging and let him! It's his money, and in a few months he'll see something else he wants. "But you spent all your money already." End of conversation. It'll be a relatively harmless way for him to learn to assess his purchases.
Also, pleading your case to your parents to spend your own money is honestly not good for anyone. I still remember the one year I wanted to spend some of my birthday money on a doofy band's CD. My strict parents made me justify it before they deigned to allow me to the store. It's like being judged and censured for your apparently unacceptable tastes-- which is a lot to throw on a 10-year-old. Of course, I long ago lost the CD, but I haven't lost the cringe I felt when I had to beg them to let me spend my own money and argue against their disapproval of me.

If the kid was begging Mom (or any other relative) for the money for an avatar, I would not say to pay for it. But he's not. He already has the money. It was given to him. He will probably regret this. It's much better he experience the sting of "Well that was a stupid thing to buy, and now my money's gone" now, so the lesson sticks from a much earlier age.


I pretty much agree with everything you said. My gripe would be with the soulless asshole who would offer to sell such a thing to a ten year old, if such an asshole and such a thing actually exist.
 
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