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(Daily Star)   Scientist with 'conclusive proof' says the Loch Ness beast is actually ancient sea turtle that got trapped there during the Ice Age (possible nsfw content on page)   (dailystar.co.uk) divider line
    More: Unlikely, Loch Ness Monster, Professor Henry Bauer's research, enigma of the Loch Ness Monster, aeronautical engineer Tim Dinsdale, Professor Bauer's work, Loch Ness, US boffin, Virginia Polytechnic Institute  
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2672 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Jan 2021 at 11:05 AM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2021-01-19 10:01:00 AM  
We always knew it would be a simple explanation.
 
2021-01-19 11:08:41 AM  
So he has a body then?
cdn1.vox-cdn.comView Full Size
 
2021-01-19 11:10:53 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-01-19 11:11:11 AM  
If you search for images of the LNM, the only one you find is the fake one from 1934. Everything else is an artist interpretation. 12 sightings last year, but no photos.
 
2021-01-19 11:11:18 AM  
And still looking for tree fiddy...
 
2021-01-19 11:11:31 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-01-19 11:12:11 AM  
Mitch McConnell's ancestors? The missing link...
 
2021-01-19 11:13:33 AM  
If they ever discover real proof of the loch ness monster, I doubt we'll have to read about it from a page that is nsfw
 
2021-01-19 11:14:25 AM  
Correct me if I'm wrong but that would require an entire captive population of hundreds in the Loch, and they'd have to lay eggs on shore.  So how not a single verified sighting or photo of some of the slowest, most ungainly creatures on Earth?  Also, I think a "boffin" shouldn't be a 90 year old guy from Virginia Polytech who once taught Chemistry.  Boffins are of noteworthy intellect in my book.
 
2021-01-19 11:17:50 AM  
Must be more of that "settled science" we all know and love. XD
 
2021-01-19 11:18:04 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


Bah!  Tis not but our ol' 'omecoming float.  And stomp Aberdeen, we did!
 
2021-01-19 11:18:54 AM  
A slightly revised version of TFA:

An extraordinarily bigoted loon with no background in biology thinks the Loch Ness monster is real based on a 60-year-old video, and has invented an explanation without supporting evidence.
 
2021-01-19 11:19:24 AM  
pyxis.nymag.comView Full Size
 
2021-01-19 11:19:46 AM  
Thank God, because that's been on my mind for 30 years
 
2021-01-19 11:22:11 AM  

deadsanta: Correct me if I'm wrong but that would require an entire captive population of hundreds in the Loch, and they'd have to lay eggs on shore.  So how not a single verified sighting or photo of some of the slowest, most ungainly creatures on Earth?  Also, I think a "boffin" shouldn't be a 90 year old guy from Virginia Polytech who once taught Chemistry.  Boffins are of noteworthy intellect in my book.


Yes, but there's not many around these days.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-01-19 11:23:30 AM  

EdAmesAndMrs.: Mitch McConnell's ancestors? The missing link...


You know, I think you're on to something.....
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-01-19 11:25:24 AM  
Sir Court Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake, its local residents and all those who seek the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.
 
2021-01-19 11:26:54 AM  
I guess I just assumed that this kind of stuff had faded away.
There seems to be way less public discourse about Nessie, Bigfoot, ghosts, etc., seeing as how we're all walking around with camera's all the time now; it's jarring to see even a tabloid* report on it even today.

*although the Daily Star barely meets the requirements to even be considered a red-top.
 
2021-01-19 11:27:04 AM  
Yeah, well ogopogo is a farking plesiosaur!
 
2021-01-19 11:27:09 AM  
How many "ancient sea turtles" would need to be in this isolated lake to maintain a stable breeding population for 10,000 years since the last ice age? That's the thing that these cryptozoologists never seem to account for. Large, slow growing animals need a breeding population of at least several dozen  and ideally a few hundred. Even more so for mammals (like bigfoot) that do not lay eggs and only produce 1 or 2 offspring per gestation.

So, there are at least several dozen large otherwise extinct sea turtles in this lake and no clear evidence of any of them has ever been found. Sure thing
 
2021-01-19 11:27:46 AM  
"Conclusive proof" doesn't carry the weight it did before November of last year.
 
2021-01-19 11:34:24 AM  

NobleHam: A slightly revised version of TFA:

An extraordinarily bigoted loon with no background in biology thinks the Loch Ness monster is real based on a 60-year-old video, and has invented an explanation without supporting evidence.


Yeeeeeup, a tidy assessment.
 
2021-01-19 11:35:16 AM  

FarkMeAmadeus: How many "ancient sea turtles" would need to be in this isolated lake to maintain a stable breeding population for 10,000 years since the last ice age? That's the thing that these cryptozoologists never seem to account for. Large, slow growing animals need a breeding population of at least several dozen  and ideally a few hundred. Even more so for mammals (like bigfoot) that do not lay eggs and only produce 1 or 2 offspring per gestation.

So, there are at least several dozen large otherwise extinct sea turtles in this lake and no clear evidence of any of them has ever been found. Sure thing


"Jonathan (hatched c. 1832) is a Seychelles giant tortoise (Aldabrachelys gigantea hololissa), a subspecies of the Aldabra giant tortoise (Aldabrachelys gigantea), and the oldest known living terrestrial animal in the world."

Jonathan is 189 years old, man... I mean... we could still have a giant turtle with an insane lifespan. Not according to killjoys like you, of course... with your facts, and scientific reasoning. I prefer the alternate turtle facts.
 
2021-01-19 11:35:18 AM  

FarkMeAmadeus: So, there are at least several dozen large otherwise extinct sea turtles in this lake and no clear evidence of any of them has ever been found. Sure thing


Like the shell of a dead turtle. The legend goes back nearly 1500 years and turtles can live for hundreds of years, but not one shell?  Also, no predators?  Humans are smart enough to have learned to farm them, by now. For that matter, what do these huge turtles eat?
 
2021-01-19 11:35:46 AM  
The concept of trying to "scientifically" explain what is clearly folklore eludes me. I understand being someone who believes in things for which they have no evidence and taking it on faith that there is a giant monster nobody has ever convincingly seen in Loch Ness, but once you go to "here is a rational explanation for something I'm accepting based on no evidence" you lose me, because why would you try and produce a hypothesis which explains something for which there is no real evidence?
 
2021-01-19 11:37:11 AM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size


Of course.  Obviously.
 
2021-01-19 11:37:23 AM  
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.comView Full Size
 
2021-01-19 11:37:51 AM  

SirEattonHogg: [i.imgur.com image 525x407]

Of course.  Obviously.


Dammit.
 
2021-01-19 11:37:56 AM  
One day it will find another of its kind and reproduce.
Until then, it will just keep surviving for thousands of years, I guess.
 
2021-01-19 11:40:04 AM  

nmrsnr: The concept of trying to "scientifically" explain what is clearly folklore eludes me. I understand being someone who believes in things for which they have no evidence and taking it on faith that there is a giant monster nobody has ever convincingly seen in Loch Ness, but once you go to "here is a rational explanation for something I'm accepting based on no evidence" you lose me, because why would you try and produce a hypothesis which explains something for which there is no real evidence?

You're reading from a UK Tabloid.

The people in the article might not even exist.
 
2021-01-19 11:42:03 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-01-19 11:44:21 AM  
It's been known for quite some time it's eels.

No, seriously. They tested the water for different DNA types and the most common was eel

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotlan​d​-highlands-islands-49495145
 
2021-01-19 11:45:51 AM  

TheCableGuy: [Fark user image 425x345]


Don't forget the need to control for miracles

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-01-19 11:51:56 AM  
You can tell the whole article is bull when they describe the guy as a US boffin.  The US doesn't have boffins.
 
2021-01-19 11:53:54 AM  

special20: FarkMeAmadeus: How many "ancient sea turtles" would need to be in this isolated lake to maintain a stable breeding population for 10,000 years since the last ice age? That's the thing that these cryptozoologists never seem to account for. Large, slow growing animals need a breeding population of at least several dozen  and ideally a few hundred. Even more so for mammals (like bigfoot) that do not lay eggs and only produce 1 or 2 offspring per gestation.

So, there are at least several dozen large otherwise extinct sea turtles in this lake and no clear evidence of any of them has ever been found. Sure thing

"Jonathan (hatched c. 1832) is a Seychelles giant tortoise (Aldabrachelys gigantea hololissa), a subspecies of the Aldabra giant tortoise (Aldabrachelys gigantea), and the oldest known living terrestrial animal in the world."

Jonathan is 189 years old, man... I mean... we could still have a giant turtle with an insane lifespan. Not according to killjoys like you, of course... with your facts, and scientific reasoning. I prefer the alternate turtle facts.


well its not a "Lake" its a "Loch" which isn't the same thing as a Lake.

the problem with Loch Ness is that there is no known direct access to the sea from there unless its via some undiscovered subterranian passage.


giant turtle species is actually my running theory for "Champ" the "Lake Champlain Monster".
at one point I suspected what people were seeing were the occasional Beluga whale that go into the lake via the St Laurence seaway...but there is not way a Beluga can travel between the two due what people have done in the area in the past 100 years.

but large turtles make a certain amount of sense in Champlain to possibly explain monster sightings...
long lived, ability to hibernate, and some species have echo location which is something that has been recorded on hydrophones in Champlain and so far no one is certain what is generating the echo locations sounds.

https://www.vice.com/en/article/xyw5y​3​/vermonts-loch-ness-monster-lake-champ​lain-champ
 
2021-01-19 11:56:53 AM  

Cyber Duck: You can tell the whole article is bull when they describe the guy as a US boffin.  The US doesn't have boffins.


sure they do.  There's the atlantic, horned, tufted and Rhinoceros auklet
 
2021-01-19 11:57:45 AM  
Climate change deniers
Youtube LDG_ayxarIY
 
2021-01-19 12:09:30 PM  
The Loch Ness Turtle lifted its head and looked at me.
 
2021-01-19 12:10:37 PM  

Stantz: It's been known for quite some time it's eels.

No, seriously. They tested the water for different DNA types and the most common was eel

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland​-highlands-islands-49495145


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-01-19 12:20:14 PM  

Stratohead: well its not a "Lake" its a "Loch" which isn't the same thing as a Lake.


"Loch" is the Scots and Scots Gaelic word for Loch.

the problem with Loch Ness is that there is no known direct access to the sea from there unless its via some undiscovered subterranian passage.

Loch Ness is connected to the North Sea by the River Ness.
 
2021-01-19 12:21:59 PM  

iron de havilland: "Loch" is the Scots and Scots Gaelic word for Loch.


Last "loch" should be "lake", obvs.
 
2021-01-19 12:29:43 PM  

olapbill: Cyber Duck: You can tell the whole article is bull when they describe the guy as a US boffin.  The US doesn't have boffins.

sure they do.  There's the atlantic, horned, tufted and Rhinoceros auklet


Those are puffins.  I suppose if you were an expert on those you might be referred to as a puffin boffin.  But not in the US
 
2021-01-19 12:29:44 PM  
I can't think of a single actual scientist I've met who would use the term "conclusive proof."
 
2021-01-19 12:30:29 PM  

iron de havilland: iron de havilland: "Loch" is the Scots and Scots Gaelic word for Loch.

Last "loch" should be "lake", obvs.


loch
/läk,läKH/
an arm of the sea, especially when narrow or partially landlocked.
noun: sea loch; plural noun: sea lochs; plural noun: sea loches
 
2021-01-19 12:50:34 PM  

Stratohead: iron de havilland: iron de havilland: "Loch" is the Scots and Scots Gaelic word for Loch.

Last "loch" should be "lake", obvs.

loch
/läk,läKH/
an arm of the sea, especially when narrow or partially landlocked.
noun: sea loch; plural noun: sea lochs; plural noun: sea loches


Yes, that is the definition of a sea loch. Loch Ness is a freshwater loch.
 
2021-01-19 12:57:15 PM  

Farce-Side: Stantz: It's been known for quite some time it's eels.

No, seriously. They tested the water for different DNA types and the most common was eel

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland​-highlands-islands-49495145

[Fark user image 225x225]


Have you had that on standby just in case someone makes an eel reference?

You have, haven't you?
 
2021-01-19 1:01:29 PM  

Stantz: Farce-Side: Stantz: It's been known for quite some time it's eels.

No, seriously. They tested the water for different DNA types and the most common was eel

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland​-highlands-islands-49495145

[Fark user image 225x225]

Have you had that on standby just in case someone makes an eel reference?

You have, haven't you?


It's one of those things that, once you experience it, remains a part of you, always just under the surface.
 
2021-01-19 1:04:42 PM  
Guessing that 'scientist' saw a long-neck turtle photo & jumped to conclusions, not realizing that they're not *that* big:
rivers.dwer.wa.gov.auView Full Size
 
2021-01-19 1:19:49 PM  

iron de havilland: Stratohead: iron de havilland: iron de havilland: "Loch" is the Scots and Scots Gaelic word for Loch.

Last "loch" should be "lake", obvs.

loch
/läk,läKH/
an arm of the sea, especially when narrow or partially landlocked.
noun: sea loch; plural noun: sea lochs; plural noun: sea loches

Yes, that is the definition of a sea loch. Loch Ness is a freshwater loch.


PWNED!!
 
2021-01-19 1:21:02 PM  

nanim: Guessing that 'scientist' saw a long-neck turtle photo & jumped to conclusions, not realizing that they're not *that* big:
[rivers.dwer.wa.gov.au image 500x278]


scientist was obviously male. In male lengths that's at least 100m
 
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