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(Cracked)   How Hollywood misrepresents your job, versus what your job is really like. Give us your version   (cracked.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, Writing, Hollywood scripts, Creative writing, Writer, new Cracked username, Cracked readers, Philosophy of mathematics, Television program  
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2652 clicks; posted to Discussion » and Business » on 17 Jan 2021 at 12:05 AM (6 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2021-01-16 4:13:21 PM  
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2021-01-16 4:17:46 PM  
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2021-01-16 4:24:08 PM  
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2021-01-16 4:26:13 PM  
TV:  Lawyer goes to work wearing a $3,000 suit.  Meets with a client who has been wronged and they decide to sue.  Later that day the case is in trial and it's looking bad until the lawyer pins the bad guy down in cross examination and the bad guy confesses.

Real Life:  Lawyer goes to work wearing chinos and a button down shirt bought at Penney's.  Deals with email for 45 minutes and makes two phone calls.  Considers cleaning up the messy office but decides it can wait for later.  Pores through hundreds of pages that are mostly inconsequential but might have something important buried in them.  Lunch is a BLT from the deli downstairs.  If it's nice out maybe goes on a walk during lunch hour.  Spends the rest of the work day writing a brief that will never be read by anyone but the client, two other lawyers and a judge.
 
2021-01-16 4:29:05 PM  
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2021-01-16 4:33:30 PM  
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2021-01-16 4:47:34 PM  
I think I need to maybe answer this one from home...
 
2021-01-16 4:54:27 PM  
In reality evil super-villains spend too much time arguing about the header font of the web front end to get any "real" villainy stuff done with the death ray.
 
2021-01-16 5:13:28 PM  
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2021-01-16 5:22:36 PM  
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2021-01-16 5:27:57 PM  

PainInTheASP: In reality evil super-villains spend too much time arguing about the header font of the web front end to get any "real" villainy stuff done with the death ray.


CSB: I was at a friend's party once and a long time friend of there's showed up who worked at a well known online business as a computer programmer.  She was a supervisor (above more than one team-lead).  My  friend introduced me and without me saying much of anything, instantly launches into how "awesome" of a programmer she was.  When I ask about the questions they ask during the hiring process (*not* in the context of looking for a job, mind you - clearly expressed), she tells me they ask if people know "for loops" and "conditions".  When I casually ask about their change process, she tells me how they go through half a dozen team meetings or more to change color on a tab-out of a field.  When I ask her about things like MVC, MVVM, WPF, Entity Framework, farking ADO, etc., she acts like I am talking in Klingon.

The thing with the movies is that they show *every* programmer to either be some introverted genius stuck in a hole or some guy/girl who has "it" going on and sits with the top leaders so said leaders can call upon them to do "magic".  And don't forget the nerd glasses.  And many, many programmers think they need to take on that persona
 
2021-01-16 5:32:40 PM  
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2021-01-16 6:13:20 PM  
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2021-01-16 6:41:14 PM  
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2021-01-16 8:26:32 PM  
Hollywood

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Reality

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2021-01-16 9:10:34 PM  
So reality is boring compared to movies and TV? Teh hell you say.
 
2021-01-16 9:43:30 PM  
Never really seen an inbound call center ( well, except for "the devil is a part timer"), but it's pretty boring except for the time that chick got fired and threw her shiat all over the woman's rest room

Yeah, not a metaphor

Of course w Covid they all shut down and now I delever food.

And nobody tries to tip with sex
 
2021-01-16 10:03:05 PM  
Chefs do not have the time to step away from the line-unless they've got a good sous. It's rarely glamorous where you send out amuse bouche to randos and sit and talk to tables, because you are busy putting out fires, quality checking, and yes, even working a station. Or three to give your guys a hand.

You know what I spend a lot of my time doing? Paperwork. Calculating my food cost. Juggling labor. Ordering. Receiving. I get a few chances to check new vendors-and that can be fun, but it's still juggling paperwork as you consider cost and availability. New menus? The call of the creative? MOAR paperwork, and MOAR math. Plus there's the fun if you DON'T have an exec, and putting out fires with the staff. Who are not always the most stable of people.

The goal is to reduce chaos. And you can, for a while, but it's a chaotic industry, crewed by chaotic and talented and trained folks. When you do your job well, hardly anyone notices.
 
2021-01-16 10:05:54 PM  
The purpose of film and television is to tell a story. If realism gets in the way of the story, then realism has to go.
 
2021-01-16 10:20:34 PM  

Gordon Bennett: The purpose of film and television is to tell a story. If realism gets in the way of the story, then realism has to go.


I guarantee you that if TV execs would just follow kitchens day to day or week to week, they would get plenty of great stories and drama and make reality TV come alive. Picture how they did Miami Ink, just following the shop, the artists, their process, and their customers.

You don't need faux drama or contests. Just film the deranged folks in the industry doing their thing, and turning cold merc when the tickets start rolling.

In movies, the story is often bullsh*t because of the lack of realism. Same with fictional TV. HOW does Monica, as a chef, manage to hang out at a coffee shop so often? You can have realism and drama, and the story improves with more realism. Chefs are hard with romance, with the demands on our time. If you own a restaurant, it's MOAR of a time sink. And the sh*tty light ass stories don't reflect the industry or its people.
 
2021-01-16 10:24:53 PM  

hubiestubert: Chefs do not have the time to step away from the line-unless they've got a good sous. It's rarely glamorous where you send out amuse bouche to randos and sit and talk to tables, because you are busy putting out fires, quality checking, and yes, even working a station. Or three to give your guys a hand.

You know what I spend a lot of my time doing? Paperwork. Calculating my food cost. Juggling labor. Ordering. Receiving. I get a few chances to check new vendors-and that can be fun, but it's still juggling paperwork as you consider cost and availability. New menus? The call of the creative? MOAR paperwork, and MOAR math. Plus there's the fun if you DON'T have an exec, and putting out fires with the staff. Who are not always the most stable of people.

The goal is to reduce chaos. And you can, for a while, but it's a chaotic industry, crewed by chaotic and talented and trained folks. When you do your job well, hardly anyone notices.


So "Chef" got that part right.
 
2021-01-16 10:43:51 PM  
People think I wear khakis

I wear stretch jeans, so I can do splits.
 
2021-01-16 10:48:27 PM  

baka-san: hubiestubert: Chefs do not have the time to step away from the line-unless they've got a good sous. It's rarely glamorous where you send out amuse bouche to randos and sit and talk to tables, because you are busy putting out fires, quality checking, and yes, even working a station. Or three to give your guys a hand.

You know what I spend a lot of my time doing? Paperwork. Calculating my food cost. Juggling labor. Ordering. Receiving. I get a few chances to check new vendors-and that can be fun, but it's still juggling paperwork as you consider cost and availability. New menus? The call of the creative? MOAR paperwork, and MOAR math. Plus there's the fun if you DON'T have an exec, and putting out fires with the staff. Who are not always the most stable of people.

The goal is to reduce chaos. And you can, for a while, but it's a chaotic industry, crewed by chaotic and talented and trained folks. When you do your job well, hardly anyone notices.

So "Chef" got that part right.


Chef was a metaphor for the film industry. And yet, not a bad one, and it gave us a reinvigorated Favreau.
 
2021-01-16 11:02:48 PM  
Hollywood: Museum directors are older men in suits or tweed jackets, unlimited fonts of useful/useless knowledge, probably a pipe smoker who relaxes in an office and just grabs artifacts at will.

Reality: Museum directors are any gender and any age, no ties allowed in museums on staff, I don't know dick about the town history because I am too busy putting out figurative fires and dealing with understaffing to do historical research, and I'm decked out in carhartt clothing and janitorial PPE because the custodian quit and I have to do most of that stuff and what the fark is with the no gloves thing in movies because nitrile gloves for cleaning up bloodborne pathogens are also artifact handling gloves you morons.

Holy shiat my hair is falling out from this job.
 
2021-01-16 11:07:11 PM  
I have never, and will never, wear a tweed jacket with leather elbow patches.

/I'm in SoCal...the first thing I was told during my interview was "Lose the tie."
 
2021-01-16 11:21:48 PM  
The worst offense of all occupations would have to be "hacker" or IT guy/girl who is a hacker. But it's a movie/TV show meant to entertain in a limited amount of time, not a CS class.
 
2021-01-16 11:31:04 PM  

NM Volunteer: Hollywood: Museum directors are older men in suits or tweed jackets, unlimited fonts of useful/useless knowledge, probably a pipe smoker who relaxes in an office and just grabs artifacts at will.

Reality: Museum directors are any gender and any age, no ties allowed in museums on staff, I don't know dick about the town history because I am too busy putting out figurative fires and dealing with understaffing to do historical research, and I'm decked out in carhartt clothing and janitorial PPE because the custodian quit and I have to do most of that stuff and what the fark is with the no gloves thing in movies because nitrile gloves for cleaning up bloodborne pathogens are also artifact handling gloves you morons.

Holy shiat my hair is falling out from this job.


LOL. I had not seen this before I posted.

Hope things calm down soon. Had a colleague who was a small town curator in several places and the stress you describe, due largely to underfunding combined with petty local politics (local socialites/donors trying to dictate the subject/content of her exhibitions because vanity), caused her to jump ship and start teaching at community colleges. That's also the reason I veered from museum work to teaching in grad school: no clocking in; I set my schedule (mostly); overtime is not expected (but sometimes necessary nonetheless); I get paid to talk about art; and occasionally I get to climb down from the ivory tower to do a little union thugging when I get bored indoctrinating the pure minds of the young adult children of conservative parents.

An additional benefit of community college teaching, at least here in CA, is that tenure requires no publishing of research...it's all based on teaching and committee work. And the pay can be higher than my Cal St. uni position.
And no PhD required, just a Master's. There are way too many PhDs these days for the number of uni jobs available...something I wish someone had told me in grad school.
 
2021-01-16 11:35:56 PM  
And to be clear, by local socialites, I mean rich board members.
 
2021-01-17 12:15:25 AM  
Bankers in movies: greedy fat bastards cutting out early, laughing in the face of some poor person applying for a loan.

Bankers in real life: between eternal conference calls, going damn near blind staring at spreadsheets all day. Why won't this farking number calculate? Who the fark put it in as text? Jesus christ, do I have to reformat the whole thing?  Jeremy's a farking idiot...farking Jeremy...
 
2021-01-17 12:18:28 AM  
Bartenders: If I ever see one of mine trying to do that Tom Cruise "Cocktail" bullsh*t, they'll be out on their ass before the bottle hits the floor.

/ yes people will come in and ask for a beer and I will ask them to specify.
// and yes, I will serve five other people while they narrow it down
 
2021-01-17 12:30:22 AM  
 Only every scene that bypasses an alarm system.


Think Antman when he climbs up the back of the house to disable the alarm. Never is the number of times a control unit is placed outside of the protected area.
 
2021-01-17 12:32:14 AM  

gunsmack: Bartenders: If I ever see one of mine trying to do that Tom Cruise "Cocktail" bullsh*t, they'll be out on their ass before the bottle hits the floor.


Really. you can go in the back and blow each other after you pour my farking drink.

I think the beer thing is they don't want to look like they're shilling for a particular brand. It's like when they have a can of soda and it almost but not quite looks like a can of CokeTM.
 
2021-01-17 12:32:17 AM  
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2021-01-17 12:33:24 AM  
What Hollywood thinks I do:
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What I really do:
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2021-01-17 12:36:32 AM  

seelorq: NM Volunteer: Hollywood: Museum directors are older men in suits or tweed jackets, unlimited fonts of useful/useless knowledge, probably a pipe smoker who relaxes in an office and just grabs artifacts at will.

Reality: Museum directors are any gender and any age, no ties allowed in museums on staff, I don't know dick about the town history because I am too busy putting out figurative fires and dealing with understaffing to do historical research, and I'm decked out in carhartt clothing and janitorial PPE because the custodian quit and I have to do most of that stuff and what the fark is with the no gloves thing in movies because nitrile gloves for cleaning up bloodborne pathogens are also artifact handling gloves you morons.

Holy shiat my hair is falling out from this job.

LOL. I had not seen this before I posted.

Hope things calm down soon. Had a colleague who was a small town curator in several places and the stress you describe, due largely to underfunding combined with petty local politics (local socialites/donors trying to dictate the subject/content of her exhibitions because vanity), caused her to jump ship and start teaching at community colleges. That's also the reason I veered from museum work to teaching in grad school: no clocking in; I set my schedule (mostly); overtime is not expected (but sometimes necessary nonetheless); I get paid to talk about art; and occasionally I get to climb down from the ivory tower to do a little union thugging when I get bored indoctrinating the pure minds of the young adult children of conservative parents.

An additional benefit of community college teaching, at least here in CA, is that tenure requires no publishing of research...it's all based on teaching and committee work. And the pay can be higher than my Cal St. uni position.
And no PhD required, just a Master's. There are way too many PhDs these days for the number of uni jobs available...something I wish someone had told me in grad school.


It's a municipal museum, so funding is steady but almost non-existent.  We have enough funds to do the basics, but major projects?  A new collections storage building because the tiny one from 1985 was way too small even then?  A fund for NAGPRA compliance and repatriation?  Do a major 50-year overhaul of the exhibits because they haven't been touched for that long?  Nope to all, and since it is government, City Hall really limits my ability to fundraise and work on major projects.  It's not like the non-profit foundation will provide funding or fundraising because they are the socialites (art teachers, actually) who dictate the special exhibits and freak the fark out when I say that the receptions and special events do nothing for the museum and are just transferring tax-payer money to a tiny handful of people via snacks and food, and those people don't even donate.  I get just enough money to keep the lights on, just enough employees to give everybody stress nightmares, and then they wonder why we do nothing and I have been cancelling shiat my predecessor started and have been bringing up compliance and legal issues.  I want to get back to collections management, but that won't happen until I can escape from this museum.
 
2021-01-17 12:47:30 AM  
All Programmers Can Relate
Youtube qol2X_8JF9I
 
2021-01-17 12:54:26 AM  

Mugato: gunsmack: Bartenders: If I ever see one of mine trying to do that Tom Cruise "Cocktail" bullsh*t, they'll be out on their ass before the bottle hits the floor.

Really. you can go in the back and blow each other after you pour my farking drink.

I think the beer thing is they don't want to look like they're shilling for a particular brand. It's like when they have a can of soda and it almost but not quite looks like a can of CokeTM.


People actually come in and ask for "a beer", that's not just Hollywood. People are that stupid. maybe they picked that up from the movies/TV.

/ rolled my eyes hard enough to detach a retina at these folks
 
2021-01-17 1:06:23 AM  

gunsmack: Mugato: gunsmack: Bartenders: If I ever see one of mine trying to do that Tom Cruise "Cocktail" bullsh*t, they'll be out on their ass before the bottle hits the floor.

Really. you can go in the back and blow each other after you pour my farking drink.

I think the beer thing is they don't want to look like they're shilling for a particular brand. It's like when they have a can of soda and it almost but not quite looks like a can of CokeTM.

People actually come in and ask for "a beer", that's not just Hollywood. People are that stupid. maybe they picked that up from the movies/TV.

/ rolled my eyes hard enough to detach a retina at these folks


Difficulty

/it's not that bad
 
2021-01-17 1:35:43 AM  
Now this thing from tfa

s3.crackedcdn.comView Full Size


...doesn't exactly make my heart bleed. You have a hobby that you enjoy, enough spare cash to fund it, and enough vacation time or spare time to pursue it. Have fun, knock yourself out, that's your right. But a forgettable movie was released 25 friggin' years ago and it painted someone who does the same shiat in a bad light? You poor misunderstood baby, you.
 
2021-01-17 1:57:47 AM  
As a retired 20 year military vet I can say without a doubt that about 90% of what they show in TV and movies is absolute bullshiat to one degree or another.
 
2021-01-17 2:19:21 AM  
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sounds about right.
 
2021-01-17 2:53:31 AM  
I started scrolling, thinking to myself that "architect has to be somewhere on this list..."

I scrolled.

And scrolled.

I was giving up hope... but kept scrolling.

#1 is architect. There it is.

/ architect
 
2021-01-17 3:30:42 AM  

phaseolus: Now this thing from tfa

[s3.crackedcdn.com image 427x479]

...doesn't exactly make my heart bleed. You have a hobby that you enjoy, enough spare cash to fund it, and enough vacation time or spare time to pursue it. Have fun, knock yourself out, that's your right. But a forgettable movie was released 25 friggin' years ago and it painted someone who does the same shiat in a bad light? You poor misunderstood baby, you.


Tornado! starring Bruce Campbell is the better tornado chasing movie and its done on less budget and is made for tv.  Manages to do a far better job with realism despite making it seem like anyone can get government funding to go toss things into tornadoes.
 
2021-01-17 4:57:14 AM  

NM Volunteer: It's a mun ...


Holy hell...your heart's in this, so I hope it works out for you...I really do. This sounds like the Nigerian museum I worked with...no budget for anything...the government ministers would rather buy cars and houses than fund museums. People came to work, then just slept at their desks because they had nothing to do. They wanted to work, they were good at it, but their stupid government failed them utterly.

Try this--it helps me because of its utter, ridiculously infectious joy and makes me forget things for a while:
Sona Jobarteh & Band - Kora Music from West Africa
Youtube Ig91Z0-rBfo
 
2021-01-17 5:22:58 AM  

Mugato: gunsmack: Bartenders: If I ever see one of mine trying to do that Tom Cruise "Cocktail" bullsh*t, they'll be out on their ass before the bottle hits the floor.

Really. you can go in the back and blow each other after you pour my farking drink.

I think the beer thing is they don't want to look like they're shilling for a particular brand. It's like when they have a can of soda and it almost but not quite looks like a can of CokeTM.


It's about efficiency in storytelling. Every word of dialogue has to serve a purpose. Nothing extra goes in. The story calls for someone to order a beer in a bar, so they ask for beer. No wasted words. On a similar note, when people are talking on the phone in films and television they rarely say goodbye before hanging up. When they do it's because the characters are usually in love and are both reluctant to end the conversation.
 
2021-01-17 5:39:31 AM  

Dahnkster: [i.kym-cdn.com image 850x637]


If the number of times I had to explain to old ladies why I am wiping their ass from front to back was Bitcoin $$$, I'd have nothing because the old ladies have dementia and want to fight me for cleaning them up.
 
2021-01-17 5:49:03 AM  
Video game dev hasn't really turned up in Hollywood much yet, and a few recent TV depictions have been pretty close. Those 'tighten up the graphics on level three' adverts for that game dev degree were pretty hilariously off though.

I'd say the main popular misconception is that game development is playing games all day. I wish it was, but in reality the coding side is as demanding as any other coding job with similar pressures, the art and animation side is probably higher pressure than doing the same work in vfx and so on. Even in the testing department roles that ostensibly are playing games all day it's actually playing one game, for months, to destruction.

We do sometimes still get people applying for jobs who are surprised that we want at minimum a college level education for a lot of roles, and if you don't have that your portfolio better be pretty damn stacked.

The biggest mistake people make is assuming that enjoying playing video games means you're going to enjoy making them. One absolutely does not imply the other.
 
2021-01-17 6:05:18 AM  

slantsix: I started scrolling, thinking to myself that "architect has to be somewhere on this list..."

I scrolled.

And scrolled.

I was giving up hope... but kept scrolling.

#1 is architect. There it is.

/ architect


Art Vandalay?
 
2021-01-17 6:52:40 AM  
I mean, I've crawled in the duct, now you really can't go anywhere in buildings unless you bring a cutting wheel in with ya.

But still find other...  memorial ways to crawl around a building

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-01-17 7:07:17 AM  
#8: gas station workers

Pretty accurate especially for the overnight shift , tons of stuff to do between customers. Some time ago we had a new hire for the overnights and he obviously had the wrong idea as to having to actually work , I showed him the work list for overnights and he looked at for a good amount of time , made an excuse he needed to go home and eventually called and said he had to stay home for some other BS reason. Never saw him again.
 
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