Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Some Guy)   It's time for another treasured holiday tradition: the annual "what did we get stuck in our orifices this year?" roundup   (defector.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, United States, Object, Consumer Product Safety Commission, cylindrical object, emergency room visits, annual post, things, reports  
•       •       •

5169 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Dec 2020 at 2:38 PM (16 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



99 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2020-12-26 10:54:09 AM  
Sydney Powell assured me hundreds of thousands of votes for DT inserted by Dem poll workers would be on the list.
 
2020-12-26 11:50:45 AM  
SCREWDRIVER IN ANUS, HANDLE FELL OFF

Billy Joel - Just the Way You Are (Official Audio)
Youtube HaA3YZ6QdJU
 
Xai [TotalFark]
2020-12-26 11:58:00 AM  
On the tenth day of Christmas, my lover stuck in thee....
TEN large vibrators,
NINE Eyebrow pencils
EIGHT Balls-a-bouncing
SEVEN Small foam footballs
SIX Magic markers
FIVE VIBRATOR RINGS
Four foam darts
Three Baseballs
Two turtle toys
AND A BATH BOMB IN HER VAGINE.
 
2020-12-26 12:00:22 PM  
"PUT DILDO INTO RECTUM 2 DAYS AGO & WAS PERFORMING DAILY ACTIVITIES WITH IT IN PLACE. WHEN RIDING LAWN MOWER THE DILDO SLID INSIDE RECTUM COMPLETELY"

We've all been there
 
BBH
2020-12-26 12:01:45 PM  
Reminds me of two talk radio hosts asked for Christmas letters which included medical ailments in them. They read the medical parts of the letters on the air. It is amazing what some people included in their letters.
 
2020-12-26 12:17:40 PM  
A Tradition Unlike Any Other.....
 
2020-12-26 12:39:09 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-12-26 1:54:26 PM  

Munden: "PUT DILDO INTO RECTUM 2 DAYS AGO & WAS PERFORMING DAILY ACTIVITIES WITH IT IN PLACE. WHEN RIDING LAWN MOWER THE DILDO SLID INSIDE RECTUM COMPLETELY"

We've all been there



Outcome: RECTUM COMPLETELY
 
2020-12-26 2:40:38 PM  
Appalachian Emergency Room: Christmastime - SNL
Youtube lNZe13qDNpo
 
2020-12-26 2:42:28 PM  

Munden: "PUT DILDO INTO RECTUM 2 DAYS AGO & WAS PERFORMING DAILY ACTIVITIES WITH IT IN PLACE. WHEN RIDING LAWN MOWER THE DILDO SLID INSIDE RECTUM COMPLETELY"

We've all been there


Damn near killed um!
 
2020-12-26 2:43:15 PM  
list fails without craniums
 
2020-12-26 2:45:55 PM  
 
2020-12-26 2:46:00 PM  
That candy cane was used backwards. The shepherds crook can get lodged into colon polyps and become inextricable. But the everlasting peppermint is forever
/jk....ewww
 
2020-12-26 2:47:57 PM  
Without belaboring the details, let's just say it was eight crazy nights.
 
2020-12-26 2:48:05 PM  
"PLAYING WITH PHONE AND FELL ASLEEP WHEN HE WOKE UP HIS STYLUS WAS IN HIS URETHA. INJURY OCCURRED 4 DAYS AGO AND DIDN'T SEEK TREATMENT"

Well, that beats the whole "I WAS GARDENING NAKED AND SLIPPED" excuse for rectal cucumber lodging any day of the week.
 
2020-12-26 2:48:08 PM  

Munden: "PUT DILDO INTO RECTUM 2 DAYS AGO & WAS PERFORMING DAILY ACTIVITIES WITH IT IN PLACE. WHEN RIDING LAWN MOWER THE DILDO SLID INSIDE RECTUM COMPLETELY"

We've all been there


Gonna need some more lawnmower beer.
 
2020-12-26 2:48:16 PM  
Those are repeats or copycats.

Says a friend.
 
2020-12-26 2:51:12 PM  
Fark user image
64.media.tumblr.comView Full Size
 
2020-12-26 2:51:31 PM  
"HAS HAD A MARBLE IN HIS PENIS FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS AND DECIDED HE NEEDS IT REMOVED"

Hey, when you know - you know.
 
2020-12-26 2:52:04 PM  
One of my in-laws is an X-ray tech. Many,many stories of things in the rectum. Most problematic was a light bulb because of the risk of shattering during removal.
 
2020-12-26 2:53:41 PM  
FTFA: "HAS HAD A MARBLE IN HIS PENIS FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS AND DECIDED HE NEEDS IT REMOVED"

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-12-26 2:55:11 PM  

TheDirtyNacho: One of my in-laws is an X-ray tech. Many,many stories of things in the rectum. Most problematic was a light bulb because of the risk of shattering during removal.


Fark user imageView Full Size


\ obilgatory
\\ funniest moment on scrubs?
\\\ Merry belated Christmas fellow Farkers
 
2020-12-26 2:56:53 PM  

SumoJeb: FTFA: "HAS HAD A MARBLE IN HIS PENIS FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS AND DECIDED HE NEEDS IT REMOVED"

[Fark user image 582x428]


CSB: Some folks surgically implant beads or silicone objects in the foreskin, for additional stimulation. Look up "pearling" for more info. I doubt he had a marble lodged in his urethra for four years.

When I say "pull the other one, it's got bells on," I'm not talking about my leg.
 
2020-12-26 2:58:14 PM  
Some helpful tips in there about where to keep the screws when opening up electronic devices.
 
2020-12-26 2:59:27 PM  

talkertopc: Some helpful tips in there about where to keep the screws when opening up electronic devices.


Yeah, but, only one at a time, so, sorry, kids, penile knolling is out.
 
2020-12-26 3:00:40 PM  
A kid swallowed a roll of nickels.  Doctor worked on him for hours, but there was still no change.
 
2020-12-26 3:01:11 PM  

FormlessOne: SumoJeb: FTFA: "HAS HAD A MARBLE IN HIS PENIS FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS AND DECIDED HE NEEDS IT REMOVED"

[Fark user image 582x428]

CSB: Some folks surgically implant beads or silicone objects in the foreskin, for additional stimulation. Look up "pearling" for more info. I doubt he had a marble lodged in his urethra for four years.

When I say "pull the other one, it's got bells on," I'm not talking about my leg.


I should probably point out that the pictures included in that otherwise-innocuous Wikipedia article on pearling may horrify the sensitive, so, consider it NSFW even though Wikipedia sure as hell had no trouble slapping 'em up there.
 
2020-12-26 3:01:38 PM  
"PATIENT WAS INTOXICATED 4 MONTHS AGO PLACED A CRUMBLE OF TIN FOIL INSIDE VAGINA"

media.makeameme.orgView Full Size
 
2020-12-26 3:03:21 PM  
Can we just rename this to the Richard Gere Award?
 
2020-12-26 3:04:25 PM  
Pooparoos?

GIS, expecting weird adult content:

Fark user imageView Full Size


I have more questions, now, than when I started.
 
2020-12-26 3:05:59 PM  
i had a colonoscopy the other day, so that's what was up my ass
 
2020-12-26 3:06:53 PM  
I'm going to have a chat with my kids today.
"You know... you're navigating the world full of wonder and opportunity, you can make the future whatever you want if you put your mind to it and stay focused. But remember, there are a lot of other humans out there that get weird objects stuck in their butts for some reason. Please try to  make better choices in life than those people and you'll be fine."
 
2020-12-26 3:10:43 PM  
There is nothing worse than a bum exam with an ice cold finger.

I'm never going back going back to that dentist.
 
2020-12-26 3:10:58 PM  
A lot less outright fabrication this year. I guess with all the 2020 stress people walking (ok, waddling) into the ER with a remote projectin' from the rectum are just like "fark it. It's a quarantine. I was bored. You understand"
 
2020-12-26 3:12:05 PM  

Munden: "PUT DILDO INTO RECTUM 2 DAYS AGO & WAS PERFORMING DAILY ACTIVITIES WITH IT IN PLACE. WHEN RIDING LAWN MOWER THE DILDO SLID INSIDE RECTUM COMPLETELY"

We've all been there


Damn near killed um.
 
2020-12-26 3:12:22 PM  
Million to one shot, doc
 
2020-12-26 3:16:23 PM  
Hmmm. Vagina gets dildo sizes in "small" and "large", rectum is measured in inches.

/ embarrassing ER visit or not, 10 inches, wow
 
2020-12-26 3:18:56 PM  
PLAYING WITH PHONE AND FELL ASLEEP WHEN HE WOKE UP HIS STYLUS WAS IN HIS URETHA. INJURY OCCURRED 4 DAYS AGO AND DIDN'T SEEK TREATMENT

He didn't seek treatment because he knew what he was doing and embarrassed.
 
2020-12-26 3:19:48 PM  

Flagg99: Can we just rename this to the Richard Gere Award?


Or as we called it in South Florida, the Sally Fitz Award.
 
2020-12-26 3:21:41 PM  
How do you get a rubber band in your ear?
 
2020-12-26 3:24:32 PM  
img-9gag-fun.9cache.comView Full Size
 
2020-12-26 3:25:12 PM  
Used to play in a punk band with an xray tech.  He was always bringing samples from "The Butt Drawer" they kept at the hospital.  The one that really sticks with me is the mayonnaise jar.  It wasn't the small one, either.
 
2020-12-26 3:26:04 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


Fark user imageView Full Size


Ok I can't help it .........but I must not FAP!!!!
 
2020-12-26 3:29:33 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-12-26 3:29:43 PM  

pastramithemosterotic: Million to one shot, doc



Fusilli pasta noticeably absent from the list.
 
2020-12-26 3:30:39 PM  

Xai: On the tenth day of Christmas, my lover stuck in thee....
TEN large vibrators,
NINE Eyebrow pencils
EIGHT Balls-a-bouncing
SEVEN Small foam footballs
SIX Magic markers
FIVE VIBRATOR RINGS
Four foam darts
Three Baseballs Bags of Meth
Two turtle toys
AND A BATH BOMB IN HER VAGINE.


FTFY, it was literally right there in the article.

/ the actual list of things and where they went is very disturbing,
// aaaah what a great tradition.
/// have had friends who work in emergency medical field, so very familiar w/ the "things that should go there," stories.
 
2020-12-26 3:31:35 PM  

Pinner: I'm going to have a chat with my kids today.
"You know... you're navigating the world full of wonder and opportunity, you can make the future whatever you want if you put your mind to it and stay focused. But remember, there are a lot of other humans out there that get weird objects stuck in their butts for some reason. Please try to  make better choices in life than those people and you'll be fine."


Looking back on my awkward and non-awkward sexual learning years (both alone and with SO), I will say this to you:

As mortifying as it would have been, I wish a parental unit (or health class) would have been specific about this kind of stuff, and pointed out a place where properly designed and safe tools could be acquired for this fun, instead of "make a better choice."
\Never got anything stuck\\Always lube\\\Threesies FTW
 
2020-12-26 3:36:58 PM  
Please, if you put anything up your butt, make sure it has a flared base so it doesn't "get lost".  Proper "toys" for this kind of activity are commonly, cheaply, and nearly-anonymously available from a variety of online retailers.  Don't use "common household objects".

The middle of a pandemic is no time to be doing stupid shiat that's going to land you in an understaffed, overworked, overcrowded ER.  Both for your own sake and that of our overloaded medical system and its employees.
 
2020-12-26 3:40:04 PM  

AcneVulgaris: Used to play in a punk band with an xray tech.  He was always bringing samples from "The Butt Drawer" they kept at the hospital.  The one that really sticks with me is the mayonnaise jar.  It wasn't the small one, either.


At least it wasn't Miracle Whip.  You can't get off on that.
 
Xai [TotalFark]
2020-12-26 3:42:28 PM  

Xzano: Xai: On the tenth day of Christmas, my lover stuck in thee....
TEN large vibrators,
NINE Eyebrow pencils
EIGHT Balls-a-bouncing
SEVEN Small foam footballs
SIX Magic markers
FIVE VIBRATOR RINGS
Four foam darts
Three Baseballs Bags of Meth
Two turtle toys
AND A BATH BOMB IN HER VAGINE.

FTFY, it was literally right there in the article.

/ the actual list of things and where they went is very disturbing,
// aaaah what a great tradition.
/// have had friends who work in emergency medical field, so very familiar w/ the "things that should go there," stories.


You know I was thinking that, but it just didn't fit the rhyme.
 
Displayed 50 of 99 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking





On Twitter



  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.