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(Some Guy)   Porch pirate pilfers poop parcel   (narcity.com) divider line
    More: Dumbass, Theft, Larceny, Robbery, Laurie Pringle, Editor's Choice, Dishonesty, Burglary, string of Ontario package thefts  
•       •       •

2913 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Dec 2020 at 12:35 PM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



47 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-12-14 12:13:50 PM  
I mean, it's easy in a situation like this to just turn the other cheek. No one can ever say that this lady didn't give a shiat.
 
2020-12-14 12:37:34 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


Gotta luv it!!!!
 
2020-12-14 12:38:29 PM  
Is glitter bomb guy ever going to do round three?

It would be fun to do a low cost version without the GPS and cameras, just a glitter and stink trap.  Perhaps a liquid stink that really soaks into soft surfaces.
 
2020-12-14 12:39:12 PM  
I don't know if I am just lucky or what, I have made 180 Amazon orders in 2020 and never once did a package got pirated,
 
2020-12-14 12:41:29 PM  

TheSteelCricket: I don't know if I am just lucky or what, I have made 180 Amazon orders in 2020 and never once did a package got pirated,


That probably says more about your porn fetish than anything else
 
2020-12-14 12:42:22 PM  

EvilEgg: Is glitter bomb guy ever going to do round three?

It would be fun to do a low cost version without the GPS and cameras, just a glitter and stink trap.  Perhaps a liquid stink that really soaks into soft surfaces.


I would love to see a spring loaded poop package by the glitter bomb guy. I mean, feces strewn about the thief's car or house. Shoot, I might just pitch that to Fox.....they'll air anything!
 
2020-12-14 12:42:47 PM  

EvilEgg: Is glitter bomb guy ever going to do round three?

It would be fun to do a low cost version without the GPS and cameras, just a glitter and stink trap.  Perhaps a liquid stink that really soaks into soft surfaces.


You mean Mark Rober? Apparently he's going to upload it tomorrow.
 
2020-12-14 12:43:13 PM  
Serves them right.

I'm fortunate enough to live close to family members who almost never leave their house because of Covid, so I just ship everything there
 
2020-12-14 12:44:34 PM  

EvilEgg: Is glitter bomb guy ever going to do round three?


A non-faked one?
 
2020-12-14 12:52:25 PM  

RoboZombie: EvilEgg: Is glitter bomb guy ever going to do round three?

It would be fun to do a low cost version without the GPS and cameras, just a glitter and stink trap.  Perhaps a liquid stink that really soaks into soft surfaces.

I would love to see a spring loaded poop package by the glitter bomb guy. I mean, feces strewn about the thief's car or house. Shoot, I might just pitch that to Fox.....they'll air anything!


I think that would get excellent ratings.  It would be to Catch a Predator for the COVID era.
 
2020-12-14 12:57:10 PM  
Fun, until it is launched through a window by an angry thief with a clothespin on their nose.
 
2020-12-14 12:57:17 PM  

RoboZombie: EvilEgg: Is glitter bomb guy ever going to do round three?

It would be fun to do a low cost version without the GPS and cameras, just a glitter and stink trap.  Perhaps a liquid stink that really soaks into soft surfaces.

I would love to see a spring loaded poop package by the glitter bomb guy. I mean, feces strewn about the thief's car or house. Shoot, I might just pitch that to Fox.....they'll air anything!


It's illegal.  I've investigated this.

:(
 
2020-12-14 12:58:49 PM  
I live in a condo where my front porch is upstairs.  You can't see whether there is a package for me from the street, so I'm somewhat protected from delivery theft by the effort of checking for a target.
 
2020-12-14 12:59:46 PM  

Myria: I live in a condo where my front porch is upstairs.  You can't see whether there is a package for me from the street, so I'm somewhat protected from delivery theft by the effort of checking for a target.


in other words, I'm taking advantage of thieves' laziness.
 
2020-12-14 1:00:46 PM  

maxandgrinch: Fun, until it is launched through a window by an angry thief with a clothespin on their nose.


Pissing off a criminal may sound like fun but they're already a criminal and there's no telling what they might do, especially if they expected to sell your package to buy meth and now they don't have anything to sell, hence no sweet, sweet meth for them.  I mean tweakers are known to be rational and reasonable during withdrawal, right?
 
2020-12-14 1:00:50 PM  

TheSteelCricket: I don't know if I am just lucky or what, I have made 180 Amazon orders in 2020 and never once did a package got pirated,


No More Buttered Scones for Me, Mater
Youtube oy6ph_tSPdU
 
2020-12-14 1:03:32 PM  
when I was young - I remember when a friend of mine used to do something like this.  he'd get bored, so he found this old purse that his mom had, took a rather large dump in it, leave it by the side of the highway, and hide in the woods and wait until somebody came along.  folks would be driving by, see the purse, slam on the brakes, and check it out.  he told us that sometimes they would look in it before sticking their hand in there, and sometimes they wouldn't.  he'd be in the woods watching, cracking up laughing

he got chased several times but always got away...
 
2020-12-14 1:04:02 PM  
At some point, someone will boobytrap a package with a fountain firework & leave it for porch pirates.
//not that I would condone such a thing
//that'd probably light some porch pirate's car on fire.
 
2020-12-14 1:06:16 PM  

ViolentEastCoastCity: RoboZombie: EvilEgg: Is glitter bomb guy ever going to do round three?

It would be fun to do a low cost version without the GPS and cameras, just a glitter and stink trap.  Perhaps a liquid stink that really soaks into soft surfaces.

I would love to see a spring loaded poop package by the glitter bomb guy. I mean, feces strewn about the thief's car or house. Shoot, I might just pitch that to Fox.....they'll air anything!

It's illegal.  I've investigated this.

:(


Who's going to publicly expose themselves as a piece of shiat in order to press charges?
 
2020-12-14 1:09:58 PM  
What about good old fashioned bombs?  What happened to bombs?
 
2020-12-14 1:15:01 PM  

poconojoe: when I was young - I remember when a friend of mine used to do something like this.  he'd get bored, so he found this old purse that his mom had, took a rather large dump in it, leave it by the side of the highway, and hide in the woods and wait until somebody came along.  folks would be driving by, see the purse, slam on the brakes, and check it out.  he told us that sometimes they would look in it before sticking their hand in there, and sometimes they wouldn't.  he'd be in the woods watching, cracking up laughing

he got chased several times but always got away...


And he grew up to be a serial killer, right?
 
2020-12-14 1:16:01 PM  
Personally I don't understand why any company would leave a package on a porch unless asked specifically to do so.  In which case it would be the recipient's fault if stolen.
 
2020-12-14 1:18:41 PM  
TheSteelCricket  poconojoe: when I was young - I remember when a friend of mine used to do something like this.  he'd get bored, so he found this old purse that his mom had, took a rather large dump in it, leave it by the side of the highway, and hide in the woods and wait until somebody came along.  folks would be driving by, see the purse, slam on the brakes, and check it out.  he told us that sometimes they would look in it before sticking their hand in there, and sometimes they wouldn't.  he'd be in the woods watching, cracking up laughing

he got chased several times but always got away...

And he grew up to be a serial killer, right?



No, he grew up to write for the Candid Camera television show.
 
2020-12-14 1:19:25 PM  

Sgt. Expendable: ViolentEastCoastCity: RoboZombie: EvilEgg: Is glitter bomb guy ever going to do round three?

It would be fun to do a low cost version without the GPS and cameras, just a glitter and stink trap.  Perhaps a liquid stink that really soaks into soft surfaces.

I would love to see a spring loaded poop package by the glitter bomb guy. I mean, feces strewn about the thief's car or house. Shoot, I might just pitch that to Fox.....they'll air anything!

It's illegal.  I've investigated this.

:(

Who's going to publicly expose themselves as a piece of shiat in order to press charges?


The same people who break into homes, get hurt, sue, and win.
 
2020-12-14 1:21:00 PM  

davynelson: In which case it would be the recipient's fault if stolen.


Interesting take
 
2020-12-14 1:29:05 PM  
You could say it was a...
<puts on sunglasses>
Fecal Transplant

<pause finger goes up>
<horking sounds>
 
2020-12-14 1:32:22 PM  

TheSteelCricket: I don't know if I am just lucky or what, I have made 180 Amazon orders in 2020 and never once did a package got pirated,


Brit here. In general you guys seem accepting of a rate of parcel theft that would astound us.
 
2020-12-14 1:33:14 PM  
I really would be ok with sting operations involving exploding dye packs.
 
2020-12-14 1:33:53 PM  

davynelson: Personally I don't understand why any company would leave a package on a porch unless asked specifically to do so.  In which case it would be the recipient's fault if stolen.


The shipper is the one that checks the "signature required" box, so it's not the fault of the delivery company. They're just following the instructions of their customer.
 
2020-12-14 1:34:15 PM  
Why always poop.

I think I'd leave an upright jar of piss without a lid in the box.
 
2020-12-14 1:35:04 PM  

ViolentEastCoastCity: Sgt. Expendable: ViolentEastCoastCity: RoboZombie: EvilEgg: Is glitter bomb guy ever going to do round three?

It would be fun to do a low cost version without the GPS and cameras, just a glitter and stink trap.  Perhaps a liquid stink that really soaks into soft surfaces.

I would love to see a spring loaded poop package by the glitter bomb guy. I mean, feces strewn about the thief's car or house. Shoot, I might just pitch that to Fox.....they'll air anything!

It's illegal.  I've investigated this.

:(

Who's going to publicly expose themselves as a piece of shiat in order to press charges?

The same people who break into homes, get hurt, sue, and win.


Has this ever actually happened outside the case in the '50s that centered on lethal booby traps in unoccupied buildings?

Like, I've seen plenty where they sue, but don't recall any where they actually win.
 
2020-12-14 1:37:10 PM  

abhorrent1: davynelson: Personally I don't understand why any company would leave a package on a porch unless asked specifically to do so.  In which case it would be the recipient's fault if stolen.

The shipper is the one that checks the "signature required" box, so it's not the fault of the delivery company. They're just following the instructions of their customer.


Yes, because otherwise the shipping companies always do the right thing. Would you like to see my mom's doorbell cam footage of the delivery guy throwing the package marked GLASS onto the porch?
 
2020-12-14 1:39:09 PM  

Sgt. Expendable: ViolentEastCoastCity: Sgt. Expendable: ViolentEastCoastCity: RoboZombie: EvilEgg: Is glitter bomb guy ever going to do round three?

It would be fun to do a low cost version without the GPS and cameras, just a glitter and stink trap.  Perhaps a liquid stink that really soaks into soft surfaces.

I would love to see a spring loaded poop package by the glitter bomb guy. I mean, feces strewn about the thief's car or house. Shoot, I might just pitch that to Fox.....they'll air anything!

It's illegal.  I've investigated this.

:(

Who's going to publicly expose themselves as a piece of shiat in order to press charges?

The same people who break into homes, get hurt, sue, and win.

Has this ever actually happened outside the case in the '50s that centered on lethal booby traps in unoccupied buildings?

Like, I've seen plenty where they sue, but don't recall any where they actually win.


I think it's more urban legend (the one of the burglar falling though the skylight predates the internet), but I'd like to see if any actually win as well.

Though it's still going to set you back at least $50k for lawyers. Hopefully homeowners insurance picks it up.
 
2020-12-14 1:41:26 PM  

RoboZombie: EvilEgg: Is glitter bomb guy ever going to do round three?

It would be fun to do a low cost version without the GPS and cameras, just a glitter and stink trap.  Perhaps a liquid stink that really soaks into soft surfaces.

I would love to see a spring loaded poop package by the glitter bomb guy. I mean, feces strewn about the thief's car or house. Shoot, I might just pitch that to Fox.....they'll air anything!


I suggest using sars-cov-2 positive poop.  Or, for the gift that keeps giving, norovirus/rotavirus.
 
2020-12-14 2:03:15 PM  

pastramithemosterotic: Serves them right.

I'm fortunate enough to live close to family members who almost never leave their house because of Covid, so I just ship everything there


Same here.  I had to start running stuff to my parent's place because in my building, unless it's Canada Post, the couriers have started to leave the packages piled up in the lobby, even when you have "Signature Required", so anybody can just wander in off the street and grab them (and probably why my new cell phone case showed "Delivered" but wasn't there..pricks).
 
2020-12-14 2:19:05 PM  

Sgt. Expendable: ViolentEastCoastCity: Sgt. Expendable: ViolentEastCoastCity: RoboZombie: EvilEgg: Is glitter bomb guy ever going to do round three?

It would be fun to do a low cost version without the GPS and cameras, just a glitter and stink trap.  Perhaps a liquid stink that really soaks into soft surfaces.

I would love to see a spring loaded poop package by the glitter bomb guy. I mean, feces strewn about the thief's car or house. Shoot, I might just pitch that to Fox.....they'll air anything!

It's illegal.  I've investigated this.

:(

Who's going to publicly expose themselves as a piece of shiat in order to press charges?

The same people who break into homes, get hurt, sue, and win.

Has this ever actually happened outside the case in the '50s that centered on lethal booby traps in unoccupied buildings?

Like, I've seen plenty where they sue, but don't recall any where they actually win.


You'd have to Google it, but there definitely are things like this that happen.  And I know that the booby trapped packages are illegal in MD and I think someone was prosecuted for doing it with cat litter in Maryland.

Like I said, I did research :)
 
2020-12-14 2:25:38 PM  
I had a metal box bench made. It seats two but the lid lifts and, when dropped, locks. The bench itself is bolted into the concrete stoop. It looks like most porch bench seats. When we are expecting packages, we raise the seat. In the seat lid is a sign that says to place package in side, drop lid and it will lock. On the door is another sign that says put packages inside bench seat. Still kind of amazing how many drivers are illiterate. When we can, we include directions when we order, yet about 1/3 of packages are still left elsewhere on the porch. Sometimes I wonder if drivers have accomplices? Yet, we have never had a package stolen. Bit paranoid, I guess. I tried patenting the bench but as rejected as "too common/obvious."
 
2020-12-14 2:28:04 PM  

ImpendingCynic: abhorrent1: davynelson: Personally I don't understand why any company would leave a package on a porch unless asked specifically to do so.  In which case it would be the recipient's fault if stolen.

The shipper is the one that checks the "signature required" box, so it's not the fault of the delivery company. They're just following the instructions of their customer.

Yes, because otherwise the shipping companies always do the right thing. Would you like to see my mom's doorbell cam footage of the delivery guy throwing the package marked GLASS onto the porch?


This.  My wife recently ordered canned cocktails online (spoiler: they were uniformly vile).  Shipper checked the box saying "contains alcohol, adult signature required".  The delivery person just left it on our porch.
 
2020-12-14 2:35:32 PM  

ViolentEastCoastCity: Sgt. Expendable: ViolentEastCoastCity: Sgt. Expendable: ViolentEastCoastCity: RoboZombie: EvilEgg: Is glitter bomb guy ever going to do round three?

It would be fun to do a low cost version without the GPS and cameras, just a glitter and stink trap.  Perhaps a liquid stink that really soaks into soft surfaces.

I would love to see a spring loaded poop package by the glitter bomb guy. I mean, feces strewn about the thief's car or house. Shoot, I might just pitch that to Fox.....they'll air anything!

It's illegal.  I've investigated this.

:(

Who's going to publicly expose themselves as a piece of shiat in order to press charges?

The same people who break into homes, get hurt, sue, and win.

Has this ever actually happened outside the case in the '50s that centered on lethal booby traps in unoccupied buildings?

Like, I've seen plenty where they sue, but don't recall any where they actually win.

You'd have to Google it, but there definitely are things like this that happen.  And I know that the booby trapped packages are illegal in MD and I think someone was prosecuted for doing it with cat litter in Maryland.

Like I said, I did research :)


Then it should be trivial to provide citations for your claim that somebody was "prosecuted for doing it with cat litter in Maryland."

Outside of the Katko case, the only successful stories I've seen about burglars suing homeowners for getting hurt while robbing the house are the fake made up ones.
 
2020-12-14 2:44:30 PM  

TheSteelCricket: poconojoe: when I was young - I remember when a friend of mine used to do something like this.  he'd get bored, so he found this old purse that his mom had, took a rather large dump in it, leave it by the side of the highway, and hide in the woods and wait until somebody came along.  folks would be driving by, see the purse, slam on the brakes, and check it out.  he told us that sometimes they would look in it before sticking their hand in there, and sometimes they wouldn't.  he'd be in the woods watching, cracking up laughing

he got chased several times but always got away...

And he grew up to be a serial killer, right?


sadly he passed from an OD about 15 years ago, but he did have all the makings for a great serial killer
 
2020-12-14 2:55:15 PM  
I propose a TV show, like Candid Camera, where porch pirates are caught and beaten to death.
It would make for good uplifting feelings in these troubled times.
 
2020-12-14 3:11:52 PM  

davynelson: Personally I don't understand why any company would leave a package on a porch unless asked specifically to do so.  In which case it would be the recipient's fault if stolen.


Way back when, years before Amazon came along, that's how the post office worked. If nobody was home to accept a package they left a card in your mailbox and you had to go to the post office to pick it up. You then had to take time out of your day to go pick it up, which usually meant at least 30-45 minutes standing in line. I couldn't imagine how big of a clusterfark that would be in this day and age.
 
2020-12-14 4:00:29 PM  
I feel lucky living in a small(75,000) city in Canada.
The first time I'd heard of "Porch Pirates" was here on Fark a few years ago and I didn't know what that was but I thought it was some kind of urban myth like Trunk Monkey's.

I've never heard of a single instance of it happening here even though I do know Purolator, UPS, etc will leave packages at houses. They always leave a card in the mailbox for apartments.

I'm wondering if LadyJ

Lady J: TheSteelCricket: I don't know if I am just lucky or what, I have made 180 Amazon orders in 2020 and never once did a package got pirated,

Brit here. In general you guys seem accepting of a rate of parcel theft that would astound us.


Might be on to something?
 
2020-12-14 4:23:20 PM  
Leave a few sealed amazon boxes full of garbage on the porch if this is happening a lot.  You get free trash service till you run out of boxes.
 
2020-12-14 4:30:35 PM  

Fishbulb30w: I feel lucky living in a small(75,000) city in Canada.
The first time I'd heard of "Porch Pirates" was here on Fark a few years ago and I didn't know what that was but I thought it was some kind of urban myth like Trunk Monkey's.

I've never heard of a single instance of it happening here even though I do know Purolator, UPS, etc will leave packages at houses. They always leave a card in the mailbox for apartments.

I'm wondering if LadyJ

Lady J: TheSteelCricket: I don't know if I am just lucky or what, I have made 180 Amazon orders in 2020 and never once did a package got pirated,

Brit here. In general you guys seem accepting of a rate of parcel theft that would astound us.

Might be on to something?


There's a few things that Americans accept without breaking stride that would be seen as hugely invasive or government overreach in the UK.

Pre Trump many farkers accepted those things while also telling me how much freer they were than me. Without in any way seeing the disconnect.

Been a while since I've seen that though. I think we've all had some disappointing reality checks, in that area.
 
2020-12-14 4:45:12 PM  

TheSteelCricket: I don't know if I am just lucky or what, I have made 180 Amazon orders in 2020 and never once did a package got pirated,


Obviously you're not ordering boxes of poop.
 
2020-12-14 5:55:08 PM  

Sgt. Expendable: ViolentEastCoastCity: Sgt. Expendable: ViolentEastCoastCity: Sgt. Expendable: ViolentEastCoastCity: RoboZombie: EvilEgg: Is glitter bomb guy ever going to do round three?

It would be fun to do a low cost version without the GPS and cameras, just a glitter and stink trap.  Perhaps a liquid stink that really soaks into soft surfaces.

I would love to see a spring loaded poop package by the glitter bomb guy. I mean, feces strewn about the thief's car or house. Shoot, I might just pitch that to Fox.....they'll air anything!

It's illegal.  I've investigated this.

:(

Who's going to publicly expose themselves as a piece of shiat in order to press charges?

The same people who break into homes, get hurt, sue, and win.

Has this ever actually happened outside the case in the '50s that centered on lethal booby traps in unoccupied buildings?

Like, I've seen plenty where they sue, but don't recall any where they actually win.

You'd have to Google it, but there definitely are things like this that happen.  And I know that the booby trapped packages are illegal in MD and I think someone was prosecuted for doing it with cat litter in Maryland.

Like I said, I did research :)

Then it should be trivial to provide citations for your claim that somebody was "prosecuted for doing it with cat litter in Maryland."

Outside of the Katko case, the only successful stories I've seen about burglars suing homeowners for getting hurt while robbing the house are the fake made up ones.


I did research years ago.  And I'm in the middle of moving, so I'm doubly not doing it now.  If you want to know so bad, look it up yourself.  I'm just chatting and killing time.  Ffs.
 
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