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(YouTube)   It is time for a most cherished, beloved personal holiday tradition: A full and complete transcript of Ralphie's old man swearing at the furnace in "A Christmas Story"   (youtube.com) divider line
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2369 clicks; posted to Main » and Entertainment » on 09 Dec 2020 at 4:26 PM (18 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2020-12-09 4:09:46 PM  
It's time for my most beloved personal holiday tradition: An accurate transcript of Ralphie's old man's cursing at his furnace from "A Christmas Story":

=================

Ralphie's old man: "Hold it! Shhhh..."

(smoke pours from a vent as clanking noises come from the basement)

"Aha! AHA! It's a clinkerrrr! That blasted stupid furnace! Dadgummit!"

(Stomps downstairs; loud crash)

Ralphie's old man: "Ow! Damn skates! A HACK HACK COUGH COUGH! Oh, for cripes' sake -- open up the damper, will ya? Who the hell turned it all the way down? Again?!! Aw, blast it! Poop flirt rattletrap camel flirt! YOU BLONKER! Rattle feet sturcklefrat!"

(additional crashing noises)

Ralphie's old man:"Of a womp sack butt ratter bottom fodder!"

Narrator:"In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obscenity that, as far as we know, is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan."

Ralph's old man:"Smick melly womp walker! Drop dumb fratten house snickle fifer!"

===================

You're welcome.
 
2020-12-09 4:19:25 PM  
Malafinga!
 
2020-12-09 4:38:52 PM  
Why would a transcript need to be on youtube?
 
2020-12-09 4:45:03 PM  
Need proper captioning on the video
 
2020-12-09 4:48:37 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Malafinga!


Isn't it "Notafinga!"
 
2020-12-09 4:49:05 PM  
My father would become so unreasonably unhinged in traffic there were times as a child when I was convinced that he was about to die and I was going to have to drive.
 
2020-12-09 4:49:05 PM  

chitownmike: Why would a transcript need to be on youtube?


For monitization.
 
2020-12-09 4:49:43 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-12-09 4:50:13 PM  
Eh, I was expecting the audio to be dubbed over with real quality cursing.
 
Izo
2020-12-09 4:53:08 PM  
what, exactly, is a clinker?
 
2020-12-09 4:56:24 PM  

Herbie555: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Malafinga!

Isn't it "Notafinga!"


Hell, I don't know

/My memory is old and feeble
 
2020-12-09 4:58:15 PM  

Izo: what, exactly, is a clinker?


Usually an old, broken down mechanical device. Old crappy cars are usually called clinkers.
 
2020-12-09 4:59:37 PM  

Izo: what, exactly, is a clinker?


They're hunks of slag formed by non-combustible stuff in coal. They can hinder air flow in a boiler or furnace and push smoke or carbon monoxide into the house, or damage the boiler with uneven heat, like a hot glass breaking when you put ice in.
 
2020-12-09 5:00:28 PM  

Frothy Panties: Izo: what, exactly, is a clinker?

Usually an old, broken down mechanical device. Old crappy cars are usually called clinkers.


You're thinking of a clunker. Clinkers are impure coal that can damage boilers/furnaces.
 
2020-12-09 5:01:10 PM  

Izo: what, exactly, is a clinker?


Your mom's skankle butter minka nota pipa!
 
2020-12-09 5:03:21 PM  

Enigmamf: chitownmike: Why would a transcript need to be on youtube?

For monitization.


It's a great way to synergize the value-added wow factor.
 
2020-12-09 5:16:53 PM  

dothemath: My father would become so unreasonably unhinged in traffic there were times as a child when I was convinced that he was about to die and I was going to have to drive.


as a lad there were 'circles' on many highways in NJ USA. neither of my parents understood the YIELD portion of circle pausing on Rt.23. my siblings and I would get extra religious (prayer time) in the back seat of Dad's Impala. scarier than any roller coaster i've ever.
 
2020-12-09 5:18:49 PM  

dothemath: My father would become so unreasonably unhinged in traffic there were times as a child when I was convinced that he was about to die and I was going to have to drive.


You probably would have done a better job.
 
2020-12-09 5:23:22 PM  

sinko swimo: dothemath: My father would become so unreasonably unhinged in traffic there were times as a child when I was convinced that he was about to die and I was going to have to drive.

as a lad there were 'circles' on many highways in NJ USA. neither of my parents understood the YIELD portion of circle pausing on Rt.23. my siblings and I would get extra religious (prayer time) in the back seat of Dad's Impala. scarier than any roller coaster i've ever.


I grew up a block off of Rt. 23. Jean Shepherd, the author and narrator of "A Christmas Story", Had a TV show called Shepherd's Pie. One episode was devoted to NJ traffic circles. Another story was all about the Jersey Tailgater.
 
2020-12-09 5:27:09 PM  
My favorite fact about "A Christmas Story" is that the mom went topless in Slapshot. Most awkward/awesome boner ever.
 
2020-12-09 5:30:53 PM  

riffraff: Jean Shepherd, the author and narrator of "A Christmas Story",


...and the "line ends back there" guy at the department store.

blog.timesunion.comView Full Size
 
2020-12-09 5:35:36 PM  

Polartank13: My favorite fact about "A Christmas Story" is that the mom went topless in Slapshot. Most awkward/awesome boner ever.


Citation needed.

//She's also Barry's mom in Close Encounters of the Third Kind.
 
2020-12-09 5:40:33 PM  
Somewhere in that movie my sisters and I heard the dad curse "dag-nabbit-blab".  We may have misheard,  but it cracked us up and to this day is a common utterance in my family when something goes wrong.
 
2020-12-09 5:41:12 PM  

Enigmamf: chitownmike: Why would a transcript need to be on youtube?

For monitization.


for people to argue over

/because its wrong
 
2020-12-09 5:42:44 PM  

Sensei Can You See: Frothy Panties: Izo: what, exactly, is a clinker?

Usually an old, broken down mechanical device. Old crappy cars are usually called clinkers.

You're thinking of a clunker. Clinkers are impure coal that can damage boilers/furnaces.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-12-09 5:48:00 PM  
The 10 seconds preceding that scene is totally my father from my youth. He was and Oldsmobile man and bought a Delta 88 with the LF9 diesel engine. That was an engine that would totally gel up in the depths of winter. A lot of very cold mornings you had to have a heat gun blowing hot air down the throat of the intake manifold to get it to start.
 
2020-12-09 5:58:18 PM  

Eli WhiskeyDik: [Fark user image 480x270] [View Full Size image _x_]


For most of my life I always thought he said "Papa says" in that scene.  It wasn't until they came out with the spin-off series (or part 2?) with Charles Grodin that I realized who the Bumpus' were.
 
2020-12-09 5:59:32 PM  

mrmopar5287: The 10 seconds preceding that scene is totally my father from my youth. He was and Oldsmobile man and bought a Delta 88 with the LF9 diesel engine. That was an engine that would totally gel up in the depths of winter. A lot of very cold mornings you had to have a heat gun blowing hot air down the throat of the intake manifold to get it to start.


my dad had one of those too. what a piece of shiat
 
2020-12-09 6:05:43 PM  
As an aside, anyone remember the "Fuggin' fuggin' fuq....." scene from The Wire with Wendall Pierce and Dominic West? An amazing use of basically only one word as dialogue for a full 5 minutes.
 
2020-12-09 6:09:39 PM  

mrmopar5287: The 10 seconds preceding that scene is totally my father from my youth. He was and Oldsmobile man and bought a Delta 88 with the LF9 diesel engine. That was an engine that would totally gel up in the depths of winter. A lot of very cold mornings you had to have a heat gun blowing hot air down the throat of the intake manifold to get it to start.


Sounds like a nightmare.
 
2020-12-09 6:14:17 PM  

mrmopar5287: The 10 seconds preceding that scene is totally my father from my youth. He was and Oldsmobile man and bought a Delta 88 with the LF9 diesel engine. That was an engine that would totally gel up in the depths of winter. A lot of very cold mornings you had to have a heat gun blowing hot air down the throat of the intake manifold to get it to start.


Q: Do you know what you call a car that isn't even good enough to be a Chrysler?

A: A Plymouth.
 
2020-12-09 6:29:39 PM  

BretMavrik: Sounds like a nightmare.


It largely was. Back then, diesel fuel quality was terrible, but at least you could blend some gasoline into the fuel to keep it from gelling.

Still, the car required all the glow plugs to be functioning for easy starting and even then you better use the block heater. We could plug the heater in easily at home, but my dad worked the night shift at a manufacturing plant so he'd have to park the car out by the lamp post that had a 120v outlet for some of the diesel-powered front-end loaders (for snow removal) to be plugged in. The absolute coldest days were like -20ºF in the mornings and it would be some times that the car just would not start.

I own a 2018 Chevy Cruze with the diesel engine and it's much better. Fairly easy starting right down to -22ºF and I only had a little problem with that temperature because the fuel was beginning to gel. I had bought fuel further south, drove north and parked the car, and the fuel wasn't properly treated for the temperatures. It took a solid 15 seconds of cranking before it fired and was running rough for a couple minutes. I put some extra doses of anti-gel in the tank and the next morning at -10ºF it was fine.
 
2020-12-09 6:31:13 PM  

The knight who says EkiEkiPoontang: Plymouth


I had a Plymouth Neon ACR. That was actually a good car, but I worked on it a lot to make it go fast.
 
2020-12-09 6:31:23 PM  
In a crisis my wife's family say "What mother said when she dropped the blueberry pie"

What she actually said was "shiat-put-shiat-put-piddle-bugger-dam​n", bless her now departed soul
 
2020-12-09 6:47:27 PM  

Herbie555: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Malafinga!

Isn't it "Notafinga!"


Only if you're a mundane noodle.
 
2020-12-09 6:48:33 PM  

riffraff: sinko swimo: dothemath: My father would become so unreasonably unhinged in traffic there were times as a child when I was convinced that he was about to die and I was going to have to drive.

as a lad there were 'circles' on many highways in NJ USA. neither of my parents understood the YIELD portion of circle pausing on Rt.23. my siblings and I would get extra religious (prayer time) in the back seat of Dad's Impala. scarier than any roller coaster i've ever.

I grew up a block off of Rt. 23. Jean Shepherd, the author and narrator of "A Christmas Story", Had a TV show called Shepherd's Pie. One episode was devoted to NJ traffic circles. Another story was all about the Jersey Tailgater.


Jughandles!
 
2020-12-09 6:50:03 PM  

Frothy Panties: Izo: what, exactly, is a clinker?

Usually an old, broken down mechanical device. Old crappy cars are usually called clinkers.


But that's not important right now.

/really? No one?
 
2020-12-09 6:50:34 PM  

JustHereForThePics: Polartank13: My favorite fact about "A Christmas Story" is that the mom went topless in Slapshot. Most awkward/awesome boner ever.

Citation needed.

//She's also Barry's mom in Close Encounters of the Third Kind.


Fell in love with this chick in all her jiggly bralessness in CE3K.

Here's your citation. Get some lube handy first. You'll have to copy and paste.

https://xhamster.com/videos/melinda-di​llon-best-breasts-ever-10255955
 
2020-12-09 7:02:54 PM  

Frothy Panties: Izo: what, exactly, is a clinker?

Usually an old, broken down mechanical device. Old crappy cars are usually called clinkers.


A stone in the coal load.  It don't burn and go up the flue, it clogs it up after a while.
 
2020-12-09 7:12:20 PM  

Enigmamf: chitownmike: Why would a transcript need to be on youtube?

For monitization.


Close.

media.makeameme.orgView Full Size
 
2020-12-09 7:13:47 PM  

Polartank13: My favorite fact about "A Christmas Story" is that the mom went topless in Slapshot. Most awkward/awesome boner ever.


ListeningToTheFarkingSong.gif
 
2020-12-09 7:29:48 PM  
you'll shoot your eye out
 
2020-12-09 7:56:00 PM  
Never noticed the continuity error.  The furnace controls switch between scenes.
 
2020-12-09 8:01:13 PM  

Benjimin_Dover: https://xhamster.com/videos/melinda-d​i​llon-best-breasts-ever-10255955


Oh, the kind that sticks out sideways when she's sitting or standing. Nice.
 
2020-12-09 8:17:58 PM  

kmgenesis23: Enigmamf: chitownmike: Why would a transcript need to be on youtube?

For monitization.

It's a great way to synergize the value-added wow factor.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-12-09 8:30:56 PM  

Sensei Can You See: Frothy Panties: Izo: what, exactly, is a clinker?

Usually an old, broken down mechanical device. Old crappy cars are usually called clinkers.

You're thinking of a clunker. Clinkers are impure coal that can damage boilers/furnaces.


Reminds me of:

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-12-09 9:15:08 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

"Suffering Sturcklefrat!!!"
 
2020-12-09 9:35:32 PM  

Sensei Can You See: It's time for my most beloved personal holiday tradition: An accurate transcript of Ralphie's old man's cursing at his furnace from "A Christmas Story":

=================

Ralphie's old man: "Hold it! Shhhh..."

(smoke pours from a vent as clanking noises come from the basement)

"Aha! AHA! It's a clinkerrrr! That blasted stupid furnace! Dadgummit!"

(Stomps downstairs; loud crash)

Ralphie's old man: "Ow! Damn skates! A HACK HACK COUGH COUGH! Oh, for cripes' sake -- open up the damper, will ya? Who the hell turned it all the way down? Again?!! Aw, blast it! Poop flirt rattletrap camel flirt! YOU BLONKER! Rattle feet sturcklefrat!"

(additional crashing noises)

Ralphie's old man:"Of a womp sack butt ratter bottom fodder!"

Narrator:"In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obscenity that, as far as we know, is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan."

Ralph's old man:"Smick melly womp walker! Drop dumb fratten house snickle fifer!"

===================

You're welcome.


"Fifer" should be spelled "pfeifer"
 
2020-12-09 9:41:00 PM  

mrmopar5287: Benjimin_Dover: https://xhamster.com/videos/melinda-di​llon-best-breasts-ever-10255955

Oh, the kind that sticks out sideways when she's sitting or standing. Nice.


Yes. It does something to me that is hard to describe. Kinda like the feeling you get when you go over a hump in the road in a car and you "lose your stomach" because you weren't paying attention.
 
2020-12-09 10:39:29 PM  

Lochaber_Axe: Eli WhiskeyDik: [Fark user image 480x270] [View Full Size image _x_]

For most of my life I always thought he said "Papa says" in that scene.  It wasn't until they came out with the spin-off series (or part 2?) with Charles Grodin that I realized who the Bumpus' were.


One of my fave Christmas t-shirts, wore it the other day.
Fark user imageView Full Size


/I love when the Bumpass's hounds get the turkey
 
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