Tr0mBoNe: I can only imagine how frightening parties are at The Federalist.

Having been to one, they are a blackhole from which time, joy, and any semblance of a good time cannot escape. No one is happy to be there except to show other people that they showed up and network themselves, selling favors and jobs they can't deliver on and asking for same.

If someone looks happy to be there its because they're wearing their "actual human" mask. It has about a 5 minute lifespan before it has to be recharged for 30 minutes so limit your small talk to about that time frame.

If alcohol is being served, pacing is also very important. You will feel the need to consume as much intoxicant as possible as quickly as possible to numb the soul crushing disgust and dread that someone actually gave these people at least a modicum of authority, or in addition or the alternative that whatever these things are passes as human in some circles. The latter in turn may also bring on powerful bouts of ennui further encouraging the consumption of whatever free or even paid booze may be at hand.

DO NOT GET DRUNK. THIS MAY CAUSE ONE TO ACTUALLY TELL THE TRUTH IN THEIR PRESENCE WHICH THEY WILL FIND INCREDIBLY OFFENSIVE.

If you feel yourself becoming intoxicated, make a polite exit, and hail an Uber for the nearest bar or tavern. DO NOT GO HOME AND DRINK ALONE. You will end up drunk posting to facebook and things will deteriorate from there. You need people around you at this point. You need to have a break up with heavy load of negative emotions have attached themselves to you like oil to a duck after the Exxon Valdez and just like breaking up with real people, its better to do that in public where you won't make a scene and everyone can at least be initially polite about the whole thing.