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(Slate)   "I'm white, and my husband is Hispanic. Our 3 year-old routinely tells me he 'likes' my 'white skin' and said he doesn't like his dad's 'brown skin.' How can we ensure we aren't raising a racist child?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Racism, 2007 singles, Car seat, Anxiety, Mother, All That You Can't Leave Behind, Automobile, delightful 3-year-old  
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231 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 02 Dec 2020 at 1:50 PM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



34 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-12-02 9:41:40 AM  
I feel unsure if I am projecting white guilt onto my kid, who is just going through a mommy phase, or if I am letting him down by not doing enough anti-racist work in my parenting.

The imaginary child in this imaginary story is 3 years old--it still has the occasion to shiat itself because making it to the toilet is too hard.  Slate isn't even trying.
 
2020-12-02 10:00:03 AM  
You are.
Welcome to America
 
2020-12-02 1:36:16 PM  
Kids prefer mum over dad.  News at 11.
 
2020-12-02 1:56:28 PM  
Children have arbitrary thoughts completely unimpeded by morality.

Good lord! We'd better get to paddlin!
 
2020-12-02 1:58:16 PM  
How the fark did that even come up?
 
2020-12-02 2:10:32 PM  

drjekel_mrhyde: How the fark did that even come up?


It didn't, this is fiction.
 
2020-12-02 2:10:58 PM  

LordBeavis: Kids prefer mum over dad.  News at 11.


Yes... and no. So at first they do, then it changes up when they're school age a bit. Younger boys (5-12 or so) tend to move toward dad because he's male role model one. Younger girls tend to move toward mom because she's female role model one. However teen rebellious years are a total nightmare for some parents. The boys openly rebel against fathers, and start preferring mom again. Girls rebel against mothers, preferring dad. Boys can be mean, obstinate, or even get into a minor fight with dad, but girls... Holy shiat girls know exactly what to say to hurt mom. I mean, sure, the boys being obstinate jacka$$es at times wansn't fun. My wife, however, was literally brought to tears by each of our daughters at least twice during those teenage years. From talking to our friends, it seems that pattern seems pretty common.

They got over it, and things got better when the girls grew up. Still, holy shiat, girls really where to stick the verbal knife.
 
2020-12-02 2:11:17 PM  
Yell at him a lot when he does that, and if he persists, beat him senseless.   That's the only way you can guarantee that he won't like white people.
 
2020-12-02 2:14:12 PM  
Put him up for adoption.
 
2020-12-02 2:19:16 PM  

the_rhino: drjekel_mrhyde: How the fark did that even come up?

It didn't, this is fiction.


jonathan frakes telling you you're wrong for 47 seconds
Youtube GM-e46xdcUo
 
2020-12-02 2:20:44 PM  

the_rhino: drjekel_mrhyde: How the fark did that even come up?

It didn't, this is fiction.


Not necessarily.   Young kids say stuff all the time.  I've even had foster kids do it.  in fact, one of them who is big for his age, but slower in mental development, once said to a person with dwarfism "You're short!".  To her credit, she handled it with aplomb and grace, and said "That's right, I was born this way".  I know she was working on getting her teaching degree, and I hope she did.  She'd be an excellent teacher.

The distaffbopper and I handled the fact that our adopted son is a different race than us by simply making sure from a very young age that he was adopted, even before he understood what that meant.  So by the time he noticed he was different, it wasn't an issue.  And course, I gave him the Yoda speech:

Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.

Ie., what counts is the kind of person you are, not the accident of your genetics.   You should never be proud or ashamed at things you have no control over.  You should be proud (or ashamed) of what you've *DONE*.
 
2020-12-02 2:22:39 PM  

dittybopper: that he was adopted


that he KNEW he was adopted.
 
2020-12-02 2:26:32 PM  
I remember when my 3 year-old came up to me.  He was a big, strong 3 year-old.  Huge 3 year-old.  They tell me he was the biggest 3 year-old anyone had ever seen!  And he had tears in his eyes!  He said "Sir, can you please win another arm-wrestling tournament, so that we can get a new semi truck."  We'll see.  We'll see.
 
2020-12-02 2:34:59 PM  
Let's add some red hair and see how you feel about it
 
2020-12-02 2:44:57 PM  

dittybopper: dittybopper: that he was adopted

that he KNEW he was adopted.


youthink.comView Full Size
 
2020-12-02 2:49:58 PM  

Englebert Slaptyback: Put him up for adoption.


and for gods sake mark him down as white
 
2020-12-02 3:00:37 PM  
calm down. saying she likes your white skin more than dad's brown skin carries the same weight for her as liking doggies better than kitties or waffles over pancakes.

what you should worry about is the baggage an overly woke and hysterical mother will inflict on her.
 
2020-12-02 3:03:00 PM  
Sell the child on the black market, won't get many pesos
 
2020-12-02 3:12:44 PM  

dittybopper: the_rhino: drjekel_mrhyde: How the fark did that even come up?

It didn't, this is fiction.

Not necessarily.   Young kids say stuff all the time.  I've even had foster kids do it.  in fact, one of them who is big for his age, but slower in mental development, once said to a person with dwarfism "You're short!".  To her credit, she handled it with aplomb and grace, and said "That's right, I was born this way".  I know she was working on getting her teaching degree, and I hope she did.  She'd be an excellent teacher.

The distaffbopper and I handled the fact that our adopted son is a different race than us by simply making sure from a very young age that he was adopted, even before he understood what that meant.  So by the time he noticed he was different, it wasn't an issue.  And course, I gave him the Yoda speech:

Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.

Ie., what counts is the kind of person you are, not the accident of your genetics.   You should never be proud or ashamed at things you have no control over.  You should be proud (or ashamed) of what you've *DONE*.


My girls were older when we adopted them so it was never a secret. We would have an adoption day party for them every year with a cake and presents. Something to celebrate not something to hide. They are Hispanic and my husband and I are of northern European descent.
 
2020-12-02 3:23:09 PM  
You can't be sure you're not raising a racist child.  But calm down.  This just sounds like an out-of-control Oedipus Complex.
 
2020-12-02 3:58:24 PM  
If you're genuinely concerned that your child is showing racist tendencies, I believe Ibram X. Kendi has at least one book on antiracism that is geared towards children.  I haven't read them specifically, but his book How To Be An Antiracist is excellent.
 
2020-12-02 4:18:24 PM  
spank the racism out of him
 
2020-12-02 4:28:04 PM  

GoldSpider: dittybopper: dittybopper: that he was adopted

that he KNEW he was adopted.

[youthink.com image 400x376]


Actually, this was him on Adoption Day, having his first donut:

Fark user imageView Full Size


He's almost 17 years old now.

If you want the whole saga, read this:

https://www.fark.com/comments/8061751​/​88199043#c88199043

and my subsequent posts in that thread.
 
2020-12-02 4:29:53 PM  
I'm 'white' but my partner is white, and softer, and certainly better equipped with boobs. It's no wonder they prefer her skin, although the ones that inherited my skin do prefer how they tan rather than crisp like their clownish* sibling.

*White skin, red hair, huge feet? They're clowns.
 
2020-12-02 6:30:30 PM  
Keep FOX news turned off.
 
2020-12-02 7:11:20 PM  
So what? I like red hair more than blond hair. But I'm not going to hold it against the blond hair person. Also I like freckles. And big butts. And I'm going to stop now and visit a different website.
 
2020-12-02 8:34:43 PM  

GoldSpider: dittybopper: dittybopper: that he was adopted

that he KNEW he was adopted.

[youthink.com image 400x376]


Just kidding honey! Honest, you weren't adopted, really! Really!
Nobody would take you!
 
2020-12-02 11:37:55 PM  
Want to guess that the kid has already figured out who in the family knows how to cook his favorite snacks?...
 
2020-12-02 11:41:45 PM  

tom baker's scarf: calm down. saying she likes your white skin more than dad's brown skin carries the same weight for her as liking doggies better than kitties or waffles over pancakes.

what you should worry about is the baggage an overly woke and hysterical mother will inflict on her.


So it's a mental illness?
 
2020-12-03 12:04:58 AM  
It's hard to be woke when you still have naptime
 
2020-12-03 12:21:16 AM  

the_rhino: drjekel_mrhyde: How the fark did that even come up?

It didn't, this is fiction.


A few weeks back my 4yo son declared "I'm not an Indian boy, I'm an American boy" based on trying to avoid what he thought was going to be spicy food.
We gently told him daddy eats spice and mommy doesn't always and anyway that wouldn't change that he's both because he came from both of us.

Also, across races and places shadeism is a problem.
 
2020-12-03 12:31:50 AM  

Gramma: dittybopper: the_rhino: drjekel_mrhyde: How the fark did that even come up?

It didn't, this is fiction.

Not necessarily.   Young kids say stuff all the time.  I've even had foster kids do it.  in fact, one of them who is big for his age, but slower in mental development, once said to a person with dwarfism "You're short!".  To her credit, she handled it with aplomb and grace, and said "That's right, I was born this way".  I know she was working on getting her teaching degree, and I hope she did.  She'd be an excellent teacher.

The distaffbopper and I handled the fact that our adopted son is a different race than us by simply making sure from a very young age that he was adopted, even before he understood what that meant.  So by the time he noticed he was different, it wasn't an issue.  And course, I gave him the Yoda speech:

Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.

Ie., what counts is the kind of person you are, not the accident of your genetics.   You should never be proud or ashamed at things you have no control over.  You should be proud (or ashamed) of what you've *DONE*.

My girls were older when we adopted them so it was never a secret. We would have an adoption day party for them every year with a cake and presents. Something to celebrate not something to hide. They are Hispanic and my husband and I are of northern European descent.


I worked with a guy that talked about how bad he felt about being adopted. I told him that I hoped he never let his mother (a single parent) know how he felt. I said that for him to be sad was a poor return for a gift apparently too large for his hands. Because, for starters, as a single parent, she had worked a sort of miracle to be able to adopt him at all, and having achieved that, had chosen him alone, out of others, to be her only child and son.

Moreover, she had raised him, by herself, loving him, clothing him, feeding him, caring for his health and education, and making him, finally, a man.

When I had finished, he just looked at me, in a kind of shock, and I saw tears forming in his eyes. I never heard him mention his adoption again.
 
2020-12-03 3:18:49 AM  
My 5 year old used to say that he was scared of people with dark faces. We would point out the black people he knows who he's not scared of at all but it was no help. I talked to his preschool teacher who's all in on racial equity and she said not to worry about it, lots of kids go through the same thing and as long as we didn't make a big deal out of it and kept making sure he has lots of exposure to kids of other races that he'll get over it. Hmmm...

I'm pretty sure that he got the idea that black people are scary from going to pick up his older brother at school. There are quite a few kids that hang out on the yard after school and most of them are black. They're big, loud and boisterous because they're 6-8th graders not because of the color of their skin but all he sees is black kids being scary. Not sure what to do about that, especially since it'll be his school next year.
 
2020-12-03 9:38:24 AM  

Englebert Slaptyback: Put him up for adopabortion.


FTFY
 
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