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(Cracked)   Helen Hunt won't share a room with a dead guy. Robert Pattinson won't give a handy to a dog. Michelle Pfeiffer doesn't want birds crapping on her tongue. Man, these actors are such divas   (cracked.com) divider line
    More: Stupid, American film actors, Remember Me, Pierce Brosnan, American television actors, American Roman Catholics, Twister, The World Is Not Enough, Robert Pattinson  
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4156 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 01 Dec 2020 at 6:35 PM (6 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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433 [TotalFark]
2020-12-01 4:15:22 PM  
My takeaway from that is that there is a dude out there who trained his dog to get handies on camera.  Oh, and was eager to see Robert Pattinson do it.

Also, there's a dude out there making fake dog penises for use in movies.
 
2020-12-01 6:45:40 PM  
Well, there go the plans for the next phase of the DCEU.
 
2020-12-01 6:51:01 PM  
Two thirds of that headline gave me a weird semi.
 
2020-12-01 6:57:46 PM  
The fact that Lindsay Lohan knew better than to kiss Charlie Sheen means she is smarter than I thought she was.
 
2020-12-01 6:57:58 PM  
Is this someone's resume for their ability to write "clickbait" statements? That was pathetic even for Cracked's non-existent standards.
 
2020-12-01 6:59:16 PM  

433: Also, there's a dude out there making fake dog penises for use in movies.


Those are not made for movies. At least not films that are released theatrically.
 
2020-12-01 7:00:22 PM  
*looks nonplussedly at Denzel*
 
2020-12-01 7:08:50 PM  
The Caviezel quote was especially annoying.
 
2020-12-01 7:12:16 PM  

someonelse: *looks nonplussedly at Denzel*


I wonder if he's hiding a pair of Phil Mickelsons under his tank top or something.
 
2020-12-01 7:13:37 PM  

BadReligion: The fact that Lindsay Lohan knew better than to kiss Charlie Sheen means she is smarter than I thought she was.


Rumor has it his dental health was so poor you could smell his cavities when he breathed in your direction.
 
2020-12-01 7:15:11 PM  
Brosnan would have been infinitely better as Batman than Keaton was.

That is all.
 
2020-12-01 7:29:20 PM  
So much for Twister 2: Let's Twist Again with Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton
 
2020-12-01 7:37:08 PM  

Hendawg: So much for Twister 2: Let's Twist Again with Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton


Well, considering he's dead, I hope not.  Nobody ever likes those CGI actors.

//Still sad he died
 
2020-12-01 7:38:58 PM  
Call me kooky, but most of those things don't seem unreasonable, and a few are complete bullshiat

Mike Myers didn't have a problem with GnR. He just really wanted Bohemian Rhapsody for that scene
 
2020-12-01 7:57:37 PM  

Mega Steve: Call me kooky, but most of those things don't seem unreasonable, and a few are complete bullshiat

Mike Myers didn't have a problem with GnR. He just really wanted Bohemian Rhapsody for that scene


Bohemian Rhapsody made that scene, Not hating on GnR but if they had been chosen it would've been pretty forgettable.  He made a good decision.
 
2020-12-01 7:57:59 PM  

433: My takeaway from that is that there is a dude out there who trained his dog to get handies on camera.  Oh, and was eager to see Robert Pattinson do it.

Also, there's a dude out there making fake dog penises for use in movies.


Guidedogs for the Blind have a kennel where they breed dogs.  All the breeding is done by syringe.  They have an employee who's actual job is to give handies to dogs.

I wonder what her obit will say about it.
 
2020-12-01 8:05:27 PM  

Hendawg: So much for Twister 2: Let's Twist Again with Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton


It was later learned that she was actually pissed off at Bill Pullman, but her agent wasn't really listening.
 
2020-12-01 8:06:12 PM  

jackmalice: 433: My takeaway from that is that there is a dude out there who trained his dog to get handies on camera.  Oh, and was eager to see Robert Pattinson do it.

Also, there's a dude out there making fake dog penises for use in movies.

Guidedogs for the Blind have a kennel where they breed dogs.  All the breeding is done by syringe.  They have an employee who's actual job is to give handies to dogs.

I wonder what her obit will say about it.


Fark user imageView Full Size

Why the feminine pronoun when talking about the person's obituary?

If Pattinson had done that for real, he could have been credited as a dog handler, right?
 
433 [TotalFark]
2020-12-01 8:11:40 PM  

jackmalice: They have an employee who's actual job is to give handies to dogs.


I'll leave this up to you to look for, but in the 60's, scientists were giving LSD to dolphins and jacking them off, and it actually gets worse from there.
 
2020-12-01 8:16:22 PM  

Unikitty: BadReligion: The fact that Lindsay Lohan knew better than to kiss Charlie Sheen means she is smarter than I thought she was.

Rumor has it his dental health was so poor you could smell his cavities when he breathed in your direction.


[Citation Needed]
 
2020-12-01 8:19:27 PM  
Wolverines aren't wolves.
 
2020-12-01 8:19:40 PM  

433: jackmalice: They have an employee who's actual job is to give handies to dogs.

I'll leave this up to you to look for, but in the 60's, scientists were giving LSD to dolphins and jacking them off, and it actually gets worse from there.


And it wasn't even an experiment. Sea World went through a major security upgrade after that.
 
2020-12-01 8:21:14 PM  
Helen Hunt did share a room with Jack Deth though. If you haven't seen Trancers you really should (assuming you have terrible taste in movies, like I do)
 
2020-12-01 8:21:31 PM  

shut_it_down: Wolverines aren't wolves.


There are a lot of actors that should never be on Jeopardy.
Or be allowed to breed.
 
2020-12-01 8:33:12 PM  

stoli n coke: 433: jackmalice: They have an employee who's actual job is to give handies to dogs.

I'll leave this up to you to look for, but in the 60's, scientists were giving LSD to dolphins and jacking them off, and it actually gets worse from there.

And it wasn't even an experiment. Sea World went through a major security upgrade after that.


Water was colder than I thought. Harshed my buzz.
 
2020-12-01 8:33:38 PM  

jackmalice: 433: My takeaway from that is that there is a dude out there who trained his dog to get handies on camera.  Oh, and was eager to see Robert Pattinson do it.

Also, there's a dude out there making fake dog penises for use in movies.

Guidedogs for the Blind have a kennel where they breed dogs.  All the breeding is done by syringe.  They have an employee who's actual job is to give handies to dogs.

I wonder what her obit will say about it.


"She was always there to lend a helping hand".
 
2020-12-01 8:36:09 PM  

Trik: shut_it_down: Wolverines aren't wolves.

There are a lot of actors that should never be on Jeopardy.
Or be allowed to breed.


Or sing in movie musicals.
 
2020-12-01 8:49:52 PM  
Kirk Cameron and Jim Caviezel are true Warriors of the Cross. God bless their untainted souls!

media.tenor.comView Full Size
 
2020-12-01 8:53:35 PM  

Unikitty: BadReligion: The fact that Lindsay Lohan knew better than to kiss Charlie Sheen means she is smarter than I thought she was.

Rumor has it his dental health was so poor you could smell his cavities when he breathed in your direction.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-12-01 9:28:40 PM  
I'd see that movie.
 
2020-12-01 9:41:43 PM  
Chris Pratt refuses to star in movies unless they pay him.
 
2020-12-01 9:42:38 PM  

someonelse: *looks nonplussedly at Denzel*


That word does not mean what you think it means.
 
2020-12-01 9:47:56 PM  

shut_it_down: Wolverines aren't wolves.


I read somewhere that Hugh Jackman had the same confusion when he was offered Wolverine. He supposedly studied wolves in preparation for the role.  I don't know if both stories are apocryphal or if both actors are just idiots who can't use Google.
 
2020-12-01 10:13:53 PM  

Champion of the Sun: someonelse: *looks nonplussedly at Denzel*

I wonder if he's hiding a pair of Phil Mickelsons under his tank top or something.


It isn't completely clear if he was saying that a particular character shouldn't remove his shirt for a scene.

because I am pretty sure he took his shirt off in Glory.
 
2020-12-01 10:27:32 PM  

Free Radical: Brosnan would have been infinitely better as Batman than Keaton was.

That is all.


You are dead to me.

Brosnan was only James Bond because he was Remington Steele.

Keaton was the perfect Batman. Rugged but not pretty when he was Bruce Wayne, and totally kick ass when he was Batman.

Brosnan never acted in a film that could hold a candle to Keaton in Mr. Mom.
 
2020-12-01 10:57:33 PM  
People wondering how they trained a dog to sit there while getting a handy either have way too much or way too little experience in manually stimulating dogs.

Lets hope too little.
 
2020-12-01 11:03:05 PM  

brigid_fitch: shut_it_down: Wolverines aren't wolves.

I read somewhere that Hugh Jackman had the same confusion when he was offered Wolverine. He supposedly studied wolves in preparation for the role.  I don't know if both stories are apocryphal or if both actors are just idiots who can't use Google.


Hugh Jackman: Wolf vs a Wolverine
Youtube 0-3dPya9aiw
 
433 [TotalFark]
2020-12-01 11:05:56 PM  

NathanAllen: People wondering how they trained a dog to sit there while getting a handy and looking good duringeither have way too much or way too little experience in manually stimulating dogs.


Try and get in the mind of the trainer.  What kind of dogs does he like to work with?  Has he obsessed over the perfect Hollywood dog/dog dick?  I have way too many questions and I have never jacked off a dog.  I hope to keep it that way!
 
2020-12-01 11:28:10 PM  

Colour_out_of_Space: Two thirds of that headline gave me a weird semi.


I know.... but that Helen Hunt stuff? No way!
 
2020-12-01 11:52:01 PM  

theflatline: Free Radical: Brosnan would have been infinitely better as Batman than Keaton was.

That is all.

You are dead to me.

Brosnan was only James Bond because he was Remington Steele.

Keaton was the perfect Batman. Rugged but not pretty when he was Bruce Wayne, and totally kick ass when he was Batman.

Brosnan never acted in a film that could hold a candle to Keaton in Mr. Mom.


Yep. Brosnan is too genteel for Batman, too light a touch. Keaton was the best Batman imho.
 
2020-12-01 11:52:22 PM  
All I got from this is that I am patiently waiting for Jessica Alba's grandparents to die.
 
2020-12-02 12:25:07 AM  

Snapper Carr: All I got from this is that I am patiently waiting for Jessica Alba's grandparents to die.


Hope it isn't too much longer.
She's already 39.
 
2020-12-02 12:36:00 AM  

Trik: Snapper Carr: All I got from this is that I am patiently waiting for Jessica Alba's grandparents to die.

Hope it isn't too much longer.
She's already 39.


I'm 51.  She'll still look to me.
 
2020-12-02 12:36:45 AM  

Snapper Carr: Trik: Snapper Carr: All I got from this is that I am patiently waiting for Jessica Alba's grandparents to die.

Hope it isn't too much longer.
She's already 39.

I'm 51.  She'll still look good to me.


Stupid fingers not listening to stupid brain.
 
2020-12-02 1:20:58 AM  

Snapper Carr: All I got from this is that I am patiently waiting for Jessica Alba's grandparents to die.


You could be more sensitive and just wish extreme glaucoma on them instead you go so dark.
 
2020-12-02 1:24:40 AM  

Snapper Carr: Trik: Snapper Carr: All I got from this is that I am patiently waiting for Jessica Alba's grandparents to die.

Hope it isn't too much longer.
She's already 39.

I'm 51.  She'll still look to me.


Agreed!
Her 'Hot Ones' appearance was something else.

Jessica Alba Applies Lip Gloss While Eating Spicy Wings | Hot Ones
Youtube 50U1S_OLEOQ


/got a cold sweat just posting this... Muy caliente!
 
2020-12-02 2:35:59 AM  

Snapper Carr: All I got from this is that I am patiently waiting for Jessica Alba's grandparents to die.


I knows it's not what your looking for, but it's as close as we will get for a while:

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-12-02 2:50:48 AM  
If 2005 internet had written this article, it would just be the addresses and phone numbers of actresses who refused nude scenes.
 
2020-12-02 3:22:35 AM  

shut_it_down: Wolverines aren't wolves.


They aren't football players, either.
 
2020-12-02 4:57:38 AM  

WoodyHayes: shut_it_down: Wolverines aren't wolves.

They aren't football players, either.


They are 'Murican warriors.
 
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