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(Slate)   "I just want to use the bathroom alone but my kids won't let me. How can I have some me time when it's pee time?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward  
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282 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 25 Nov 2020 at 3:01 AM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



35 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-11-25 12:17:28 AM  
Lock them in their cage before hand.
 
2020-11-25 12:24:01 AM  
Use the shower.
 
2020-11-25 12:37:20 AM  
Kick them the fark out like a grown human?  You can't handle that, you farked up on having kids - it's gonna get a lot dumber than that if you cave on basic concepts like privacy
 
2020-11-25 12:54:35 AM  
When I was looking for a house, I only considered houses which had bathrooms with doors. I'm kind of an elitist that way. They work remarkably well.
 
2020-11-25 1:04:37 AM  
Drill, bits, Clorox bottle, hose, closet.
Instal a urinal.
 
2020-11-25 1:28:44 AM  
upload.wikimedia.orgView Full Size
 
2020-11-25 1:55:05 AM  
Pee on them to assert dominance. The rest will take care of itself.
 
2020-11-25 2:53:06 AM  
Hire a nanny. Not a hot nanny or a nanny in the range that you or your wife could prob bang.

Also, hit them occasionally. Not like, hit them because you're mad that your life sucks or that you're lame.

Why am I commenting on this? I don't care about this simp or his problems and I'm not sober enough to think of a plan that's not hilarious. Also fark wouldn't let me if I wanted to because they're joylous humorless loads.

hawaii.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-11-25 2:53:48 AM  

FirstNationalBastard: Pee on them to assert dominance. The rest will take care of itself.


MeerKATS!!
 
2020-11-25 3:17:18 AM  
Lock the door, dumbass.
 
2020-11-25 3:45:21 AM  
The answer of course is butt stuff. As in, start binging on PF Changs and then let Satan out of your ass. They'll leave and not come back.
 
2020-11-25 5:04:51 AM  
Increase your intake of Taco Bell. It will ensure that nobody will want to be in the bathroom with you...
 
2020-11-25 5:06:55 AM  
i0.wp.comView Full Size
 
2020-11-25 5:36:51 AM  
images-na.ssl-images-amazon.comView Full Size


This booked helped, just sayin'
 
2020-11-25 5:49:07 AM  
I used to lock my little one out of the bathroom secure in the knowledge that she would be right on the other side of the door whining the entire time I was in there.
 
2020-11-25 5:58:19 AM  
RTA - It's ok to take a minute to shiat. It's ok to take 10 minutes to shiat. No you don't need an audience.

Your kids will not implode if they're not micro managed every farking moment of their damn lives - you have a safe space where they can't lick the light sockets - use it. Enjoy this time because in about 6 months you'll be dreaming of it when the little farkers are like chimps and in one year where they're like a live nerve of emotions that they can't manage.
 
2020-11-25 7:33:06 AM  
What kind of horrible, rotten, low brow parent doesn't teach their children about privacy? Don't come to me for advice, you're probably too stupid to understand.
 
2020-11-25 7:34:18 AM  

Kat09tails: RTA - It's ok to take a minute to shiat. It's ok to take 10 minutes to shiat. No you don't need an audience.

Your kids will not implode if they're not micro managed every farking moment of their damn lives - you have a safe space where they can't lick the light sockets - use it. Enjoy this time because in about 6 months you'll be dreaming of it when the little farkers are like chimps and in one year where they're like a live nerve of emotions that they can't manage.


More accurate headline: "I just want to use the bathroom alone, but my wife insists I take the kids along"

What the fark is the problem with leaving the kids in their room for 10 minutes? Mom needs to calm the fark down, her snowflakes aren't going to melt that quickly.

Tell her you're shiatting in peace. If she doesn't like it, she can do butt stuff with their dad.

/Warning: this may backfire when she agrees, then leaves the house for two hours and comes home walking funny...
 
2020-11-25 7:47:38 AM  
Eat

More

Asparagus......
 
2020-11-25 7:59:00 AM  
Advice columnist spends a whole paragraph calling letter writer out for saying "ten minutes," a number obviously cited as shorthand for "a small amount of time," by analyzing the steps required to use the bathroom. And then dumps on him some more for not wanting to poop in front of the kids.
 
2020-11-25 8:06:28 AM  
I call bullshiat on the columnist having kids. If he did, he would understand taking 20 minutes to poop.
 
2020-11-25 8:38:48 AM  
I have a sign on my bathroom

"If dad's in the crapper, shut your yapper"
 
2020-11-25 8:47:06 AM  

SirDigbyChickenCaesar: I have a sign on my bathroom

"If dad's in the crapper, shut your yapper"


Knew I favorited you for a reason.
 
2020-11-25 8:49:51 AM  
Real life human centipede.  Problem solved.
 
2020-11-25 8:58:01 AM  

MaxTigar: SirDigbyChickenCaesar: I have a sign on my bathroom

"If dad's in the crapper, shut your yapper"

Knew I favorited you for a reason.


I actually made it for a fark PS contest forever ago and thought it was too funny not to actually use.
 
2020-11-25 8:59:16 AM  

psychosis_inducing: I call bullshiat on the columnist having kids. If he did, he would understand taking 20 minutes to poop.


If the columnist had kids, he would know that if you could poo when you need to poo it would only be a few minutes, but since you have to hold it while you change a diaper, fix a snack, bandage a boo-boo and calm the tot it's an hour later and you kind of have to work up to it again.
 
2020-11-25 9:05:17 AM  
Honestly if they're 14 months old I'd feel better having them where I can see them. Kids that age can get into a shiatload of trouble in 10 minutes. Even if they're in a space you'd consider "safe."
 
2020-11-25 9:30:01 AM  

gopher321: Use the shower.


Heel it down the drain, save toilet paper. Wait, that's poop.
 
2020-11-25 9:56:12 AM  

SirDigbyChickenCaesar: MaxTigar: SirDigbyChickenCaesar: I have a sign on my bathroom

"If dad's in the crapper, shut your yapper"

Knew I favorited you for a reason.

I actually made it for a fark PS contest forever ago and thought it was too funny not to actually use.


It's a shame I can only favorite once.

I will instead both smart and funny that comment.
 
2020-11-25 10:01:54 AM  
I worked in a day care.  I would put all the kids on the couch and started a kitchen timer.  I told them it was a contest and if they all stayed on the couch, we could play hide and seek.  It was their favorite game and I only played it after "potty time" the funniest thing was that the older kids would fight to keep the little kids on the couch.  I would come out and there would be kids bear hugging the little ones to keep them on the couch.

One day I told them we were playing hide and seek and I told them that the only place they could not go was the bathroom.  So we all hid, I stayed in the bathroom and snuck out, and when a kid spotted me, I told them I hid in the chimney and they all believed me.
 
2020-11-25 10:04:41 AM  

capt.snicklefritz: Honestly if they're 14 months old I'd feel better having them where I can see them. Kids that age can get into a shiatload of trouble in 10 minutes. Even if they're in a space you'd consider "safe."


Actually, seconds.   little ones are FAST !
 
2020-11-25 11:19:20 AM  
achildsacademy.comView Full Size
 
2020-11-25 11:26:14 AM  
Take some advice from Andrea Yates.
 
2020-11-25 1:39:26 PM  
moms
if you kids won't leave you alone for five minutes you've been doing something wrong the other 23 hours and 55 minutes.
 
2020-11-26 2:02:29 AM  
They are 14 months old..chill out.
 
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