Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(USA Today)   You mean the story of Thanksgiving might actually be different than what we learned in school? No way   (usatoday.com) divider line
    More: Obvious  
•       •       •

2808 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Nov 2020 at 11:03 AM (9 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



62 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2020-11-23 9:50:21 AM  
Everybody knows the story of radicalized Christians going ashore to rape and pillage, then feasting on Indians because they were out of food already.
 
2020-11-23 9:56:45 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-11-23 10:37:20 AM  
lowres.cartooncollections.comView Full Size
 
2020-11-23 10:50:13 AM  
You means myths might not be true?
 
2020-11-23 11:06:22 AM  
Can we change the name but keep the holiday the same?
 
2020-11-23 11:06:26 AM  
Santa f*cking the Easter Bunny made a turkey.
 
2020-11-23 11:07:13 AM  
I have only 4 words for you, Subby: "Please pass the gravy."
 
2020-11-23 11:08:13 AM  
The story of everything you learned in school is wrong.

The Boston Tea Party was not a tax protest. George Washington did not chop down a cherry tree.
 
2020-11-23 11:08:23 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-11-23 11:09:27 AM  
Addams Family Thanksgiving
Youtube tJE3KDxTbWI
 
2020-11-23 11:10:27 AM  
So the real story is the pilgrims fed 100 uninvited guests?
 
2020-11-23 11:10:38 AM  
You laugh, but as we've recently had a treatise about how the legend is entirely true & shouldn't be questioned by anyone but depraved liberal anti-American scum, there are people in this country who believe that legend verbatim and have connected their patriotism & nationalism to it.
 
2020-11-23 11:10:49 AM  
Thanksgiving was founded when the hapless Lions led by Wayne Fontes were defeated by the Chicago Bears.  Each year we come together to celebrate that day with pork chops, polish sausage, and pierogies.
 
2020-11-23 11:11:14 AM  

ImpendingCynic: The story of everything you learned in school is wrong.

The Boston Tea Party was not a tax protest. George Washington did not chop down a cherry tree.


George Washington's dentist was known among the slaves as "der weisse Engel."
 
2020-11-23 11:12:11 AM  
At this time, I honestly don't GAF. It's a time for my household to spend time together, cook together, watch PT&A together, and (hopefully) relax.
Sucking some higher meaning out of it for race-baiting isn't really needed right now.
 
2020-11-23 11:13:53 AM  
CSB - I have friends from college that live in Switzerland. ~15 years ago they weren't able to make it home to the US for Thanksgiving so decided to host a Thanksgiving dinner there. They tried to explain Thanksgiving to their Swiss friends. When they tried to find info on the interwebs for their friends they kept finding, as they put it, "everything we learned about Thanksgiving in school was bullshiat".

/American History, as taught in high school, is really American Mythology
 
2020-11-23 11:14:01 AM  
The pilgrims were forced to go through a complex series of hallways in order to earn the right to eat. When asked what the walls were made of, they were told maize. And that is the story of how mazes were invented at the first Thanksgiving.
 
2020-11-23 11:15:04 AM  
Blah, blah, blah, white people are assholes, and maybe we will get a new national Holiday because of Trump putting the country dangerously close to Civil War.
 
2020-11-23 11:16:04 AM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2020-11-23 11:17:30 AM  
Why can't we just have a harvest feast without loading it up with whitewashed founder myth nonsense that makes racists feel good about how generous they were before genociding the fark out of the natives.
 
2020-11-23 11:18:51 AM  
And once again, the daytime matchups are terrible.  We get the 3-7 Cowboys vs the 3-7 Redacted, and both of those awful teams can still win the division.
 
2020-11-23 11:18:56 AM  
The sad history of native Americans illustrates the damage that can be done when you don't control your borders.
 
2020-11-23 11:19:55 AM  
Is this the thread we pretend we were only ever told the thanksgiving myth, even in high school? Were you people all home-schooled or something.
 
2020-11-23 11:23:34 AM  
So tired of the Native American thing. Fine, they were here first. Then the white man came. They wanted the land, so they took it. Now, the Native Americans are free to try to take it back anytime they would like.
 
2020-11-23 11:24:12 AM  

40 degree day: Can we change the name but keep the holiday the same?


No.

Change the name but make the food theme rotating. Melting pot country, after all. Chinese one year, Southern cooking another, Indian (as in India) the next, Mexican food another.

Farking please. Please save Thanksgiving in this way.
 
2020-11-23 11:24:59 AM  

Rapmaster2000: And once again, the daytime matchups are terrible.  We get the 3-7 Cowboys vs the 3-7 Redacted, and both of those awful teams can still win the division.


Forget it, Jake, it's NFC East town ...
 
2020-11-23 11:25:25 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-11-23 11:25:34 AM  
I don't know why we don't tell the true story. The colonists were stupid and unprepared for their first winter, the Indians helped them out, and they were slaughtered for their trouble.

It's about the most American story there is.
 
2020-11-23 11:25:39 AM  
snopes.comView Full Size
 
2020-11-23 11:25:41 AM  

fallingcow: 40 degree day: Can we change the name but keep the holiday the same?

No.

Change the name but make the food theme rotating. Melting pot country, after all. Chinese one year, Southern cooking another, Indian (as in India) the next, Mexican food another.

Farking please. Please save Thanksgiving in this way.


That does not sufficiently arouse my woke gland.
 
2020-11-23 11:25:58 AM  
Well, some of the posts here have already answered the question of whether Americans are ready to learn the truth about Thanksgiving. Oh well.
 
2020-11-23 11:27:30 AM  

MythDragon: [snopes.com image 850x480]


That was mighty neighborly of them. Hope they got some compensation. Maybe some blankets or something.
 
2020-11-23 11:27:32 AM  

bfh0417: So tired of the Native American thing. Fine, they were here first. Then the white man came. They wanted the land, so they took it. Now, the Native Americans are free to try to take it back anytime they would like.


No one gives a fark what you're sick of you sniveling reprobate.
 
2020-11-23 11:30:35 AM  
I know, let's take the combined negative psychic energy from 300,000 years of human conflict, exploitation and suffering - everything from world wars, civil wars, genocide, slavery, fixed chili cookoffs, rap beefs, to every single perceived individual slight ever - and synthesize it and infuse it into molded cranberry form and make everyone eat it every Thanksgiving.
 
2020-11-23 11:31:36 AM  

Subtonic: Is this the thread we pretend we were only ever told the thanksgiving myth, even in high school? Were you people all home-schooled or something.


I went to a public high school that only ever taught this myth and didn't teach evolution. I'm glad that you received a better education than some of us.
 
2020-11-23 11:35:16 AM  
Fark you, shut up, nobody cares, pass the gravy.
 
2020-11-23 11:38:55 AM  

macadamnut: [Fark user image 500x683]


It wasn't even like that.
The Pilrgrims got their asses thrown out of Europe because they were farking assholes. They liked to do things like smash stained glass windows and burn down churches because it didn't fit in with their farked up ideas about God.
The Pilgrims suck.
 
2020-11-23 11:43:53 AM  

Pavia_Resistance: Subtonic: Is this the thread we pretend we were only ever told the thanksgiving myth, even in high school? Were you people all home-schooled or something.

I went to a public high school that only ever taught this myth and didn't teach evolution. I'm glad that you received a better education than some of us.


I graduated in 1971 and apparently I received a better education than current College grads today
 
2020-11-23 11:44:30 AM  
Graduated high school in 71
 
2020-11-23 11:45:14 AM  

Pavia_Resistance: Subtonic: Is this the thread we pretend we were only ever told the thanksgiving myth, even in high school? Were you people all home-schooled or something.

I went to a public high school that only ever taught this myth and didn't teach evolution. I'm glad that you received a better education than some of us.


Where was that, Alabama in the 60s?
 
2020-11-23 11:52:32 AM  
How dare you mess with our white people narrative.
 
2020-11-23 11:55:58 AM  

cretinbob: macadamnut: [Fark user image 500x683]

It wasn't even like that.
The Pilrgrims got their asses thrown out of Europe because they were farking assholes. They liked to do things like smash stained glass windows and burn down churches because it didn't fit in with their farked up ideas about God.
The Pilgrims suck.


Sure that wasn't the Puritains?  The ones that took over England, beheaded the King, canceled Christmas, and killed at least 1/3rd of the population of Ireland (not sure actual fraction and it is certainly disputed, but Cromwell certainly killed every Irishman, woman, and child he could find.  If he had 20th tech it would have been a holocaust).

I thought that the Pilgrims left voluntarily, mostly because of religious freedom.  Being the type of extremists who would  get on a tiny boat and sail for months to an unknown land, you could imagine what they thought of religious freedom: they despised it (they certainly had it in the Netherlands).  If their neighbors or especially their family wouldn't follow the "correct" vision of theology, then they didn't want to live there.
 
2020-11-23 11:59:48 AM  
But did the Pilgrims really stop in New England because they ran out of beer?
 
2020-11-23 12:00:12 PM  

Subtonic: Pavia_Resistance: Subtonic: Is this the thread we pretend we were only ever told the thanksgiving myth, even in high school? Were you people all home-schooled or something.

I went to a public high school that only ever taught this myth and didn't teach evolution. I'm glad that you received a better education than some of us.

Where was that, Alabama in the 60s?


Pennsyltucky in the 80s. So, kind of the same.
 
2020-11-23 12:01:09 PM  

40 degree day: Can we change the name but keep the holiday the same?


Well, we could always go back to the name the British actually gave the end of summer feast before someone came up with Thanksgiving: Harvest Home (sometimes called Ingathering). It was an ancient tradition to celebrate a feast and give thanks for a good harvest. It was also the only celebration the Puritans allowed since all others had Papist or pagan origins. They did eliminate references to the corn god and the making and burning of corn dolls ("corn" being the generic term for grain long before they were introduced to maize) but kept the feats and prayers of thanks.
 
2020-11-23 12:06:06 PM  

ImpendingCynic: the Indians helped them out


That elides a bit of the story. According to the article, the Wampanoags were surrounded by other hostile Indians. The calculation was that they needed a pet population of European arms dealers sufficiently cowed by the threat of annihilation-and dependent on the Wampanoags for survival-not to cause trouble.

History is not a good place to go looking for heroes.
 
2020-11-23 12:10:28 PM  
I assume it was some variation of this.

Pilgrims show up, realize that farming is harder than they thought. Seeing that the Native Americans have food they grab their guns and shoot them in the name of Jesus and steal the food. They have a big party and one drunk ass wears a hat he stole from a dead body.
 
2020-11-23 12:20:22 PM  

MythDragon: [snopes.com image 850x480]


That's Canadian.
 
2020-11-23 12:24:47 PM  

Anenu: I assume it was some variation of this.

Pilgrims show up, realize that farming is harder than they thought. Seeing that the Native Americans have food they grab their guns and shoot them in the name of Jesus and steal the food. They have a big party and one drunk ass wears a hat he stole from a dead body.


And your assumption would be wrong.

But why bother finding out for yourself with the entirety of human knowledge at your fingertips when you can just make up your own stories?
 
2020-11-23 12:37:50 PM  
The first national Thanksgiving Day did not invoke the Pilgrims at all. In 1863, President Abraham Lincoln declared a Thanksgiving Day on the last Thursday of November, looking to reconcile a country in the throes of the Civil War.

Wait a second, so this holiday isn't about  about conservative religious zealots who oppressed the native people? Instead it was started by the POTUS who had a war against great Mercian Heroes whose statues were torn down this past year by vile anti-fascists terrorists? If Trump hears this, the holiday is over!
Trump is already willing to stop paying the current military so that military bases named after traitors aren't renamed
 
Displayed 50 of 62 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking





On Twitter



  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.