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(The Atlantic)   Caption this socially distant child and Santa   (cdn.theatlantic.com) divider line
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1131 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Nov 2020 at 12:00 PM (9 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2020-11-22 8:18:11 PM  
Original:
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2020-11-22 8:20:16 PM  
"Are you keeping the elves in masks, and six feet apart, Santa?"
 
2020-11-22 8:44:28 PM  
"Santa now only takes prepackaged cookies and small cartons of milk. Don't disappoint Santa."
 
2020-11-22 8:54:12 PM  
"This is the same face shield I wear at my other job.  You're too young to know what a jizz mopper is, but hey, it pays the bills.  Now what do you want for Christmas?"
 
2020-11-23 11:21:04 AM  
See if your Mommy would like to come up and jingle my bells, little lady.
 
2020-11-23 12:08:36 PM  
I said, "GO GET ME A BEER!!!"  Santa doesn't do shiat without some grease for the wheels, lil' lady!
 
2020-11-23 12:09:58 PM  
"My neighbors say that you're as fake as Covid.  Well, they did say that until they choked to death on their own bodily fluids.  Thanks for the Christmas miracle."
 
2020-11-23 12:10:18 PM  
"Put your farking mask on before I turn on the murder-deer"
 
2020-11-23 12:10:18 PM  
Santa: What would you like for Christmas, little girl?

Little girl: I want my papa to get better and come home from the hospital.
 
2020-11-23 12:12:41 PM  
"I came out of the vault for this?"
 
2020-11-23 12:12:54 PM  
"I see you killed Blitzen. Die the elves stuff him?"
 
2020-11-23 12:18:02 PM  
The North Pole reports zero Covid cases.  The cold kills it off like that.
 
2020-11-23 12:19:51 PM  
Gee Santa.  Looks like a wore the white vest/shawl better.
 
2020-11-23 12:26:02 PM  
Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.  And there's a president who doesn't rage tweet about stolen elections and citizens that don't consider not wearing a mask a freedom.  You see, Virginia, 2020 is a shiatshow.  One of the biggest shiatshows to ever shiat. But there will be a 2021, Virginia and if you have hope and enough vodak, it might not suck as much as 2020.
 
2020-11-23 12:31:25 PM  
For Christmas, I'd like adults to start acting like adults again.
 
2020-11-23 12:36:52 PM  
Santa, let me explain how this is going to work:
1) That reindeer looks like it wants to eat you
2) You are what you eat
3) That reindeer will thus become Santa.

Prepare to die.
 
2020-11-23 12:40:15 PM  
"Wow, you are right, Santa. If I gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into me."
 
2020-11-23 12:46:58 PM  
They gotcha, huh Santa. They finally caught the midnight rider.
 
2020-11-23 12:53:10 PM  
" Hey Santa, you still haven't brought my two front teef, affhole."
 
2020-11-23 1:01:19 PM  
Daddy says if you try to come in the back door again this year, he's blowing your  balls off with the 12 gauge and I will never see mommy again either
 
2020-11-23 1:09:55 PM  
I intend to prepare for your arrival like we always do:  a roaring fire in the fireplace and bear traps on the roof.
 
2020-11-23 3:00:40 PM  
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2020-11-23 3:07:12 PM  
"Quid pro quo, Clarice."
 
2020-11-24 9:03:50 AM  
Santa, all I want for Christmas is for COVID to go away and life to be 100% normal again.
 
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