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(ELLE)   For all the advances in trans rights over the past few decades, 2020 is the deadliest year on record for transgender Americans. Today we remember them   (elle.com) divider line
    More: PSA  
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921 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Nov 2020 at 5:05 PM (12 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2020-11-20 4:09:36 PM  
I've never understood the concept of killing someone because of who they are. Not because they are trying to do harm to you or someone else, not because they post any kind of threat, not as punishment or revenge - simply because you don't think they should exist because of who they are. The way that they were made is somehow an affront to you, and you think it is your right to destroy them.

I can't reason with that kind of thinking. I can't identify with it, I can't empathize - and I consider myself to be a fairly empathetic person. The only thing I can do is demand they resist their irrational urges, and hold them accountable when they fail to do so.

It sucks that it seems to be getting worse and not better. But I choose to believe that the higher number of victims is because there are more people willing to live openly as transgender, as society as a whole has become more acceptant of it. That doesn't make every single instance any less horrible, but it does give me hope. Although this day started from the murder of a trans woman that the police didn't care enough about to investigate, we are today seeing this kind of violence actively investigated and prosecuted. It *is* getting better.
 
2020-11-20 4:49:51 PM  
I'm here in solidarity.
 
2020-11-20 4:52:18 PM  
Every year the list of names gets longer, and every year my heart breaks. We just wrapped up the candlelight vigil at my company, and between the reading of the names and the heartfelt discussion afterwards I am still in tears.

Thank you for admins for greenlighting this. Thank you mods, for what you do to make this a safer community for us.

And thank you every single ally who participated in whatever form in TDOR today, and  *everyone* who is trying to help make it a better world for people like me. <3
 
2020-11-20 5:07:26 PM  
We still got a long way to go.
 
2020-11-20 5:11:03 PM  
At least they now have an ally in the White House.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-11-20 5:14:19 PM  
This is so sad.
 
2020-11-20 5:14:55 PM  

Weatherkiss: We still got a long way to go.


I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.

I vote for leaders who will help.  I try to get genders right.  I try to use my cis privilege for good and not evil.

But how do we really make the world different?  Lots of the people in this list were women of color, and there was a suggestion that they were murdered because some man couldn't just break it off gracefully when she wasn't what he expected.

That means there's a massive cultural change that needs to happen, and I don't know how to do that.
 
2020-11-20 5:17:54 PM  
I don't even know what to say, but seeing what happened this year with literally everything? I realize a lot to people have no ethics.

A lot of people are very mad that LBGTQ people are just, you know, living normally and not in the closet. They have beliefs but not ethics. The religious crew and the macho crew are the worst offenders, though it's impossible to avoid terrible people.
 
2020-11-20 5:19:44 PM  

rosekolodny: Weatherkiss: We still got a long way to go.

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.

I vote for leaders who will help.  I try to get genders right.  I try to use my cis privilege for good and not evil.

But how do we really make the world different?  Lots of the people in this list were women of color, and there was a suggestion that they were murdered because some man couldn't just break it off gracefully when she wasn't what he expected.

That means there's a massive cultural change that needs to happen, and I don't know how to do that.


What I ask most of allies (and I know you already do this) is two things:

1. Speak up for us when we're not in the room and people are trash talking trans folks or laughing behind our backs.

2. When talking about someone who is trans and out, don't make their transness the focus of the conversation when it's not relevant. We're so many things beyond our gender. The fact that we're trans is usually incidental.

Thank you for being here for us. It ALL helps.
 
2020-11-20 5:21:22 PM  
I don't understand.  I may never understand.

I can accept, and empathize, and try to support.
 
2020-11-20 5:23:31 PM  
I can't inagine having that much hate in my heart.
 
2020-11-20 5:25:25 PM  
I support the trans community.
 
2020-11-20 5:26:50 PM  

Karma Chameleon: At least they now have an ally in the White House.

[Fark user image 387x258]


Christian Bear Biden and Anti Abortion Kamala are not the Barbie Ken Droids you are looking for.
 
2020-11-20 5:27:14 PM  
Here's the thing about this. This includes all murders from all causes. It was my understanding that most of these murders were domestic/relationship or drug related.

They say there were 34 transgender murders this year.

Last year there were over 16,000 total murders or manslaughter deaths.

To me, it does't look like transgender murders are disproportionately high.

While any murder is a tragedy, it really looks like this is being misrepresented as something it isn't.
 
2020-11-20 5:28:01 PM  
I don't get it either.

At a high level, I have enough going on in my life that I don't need to worry about what others are doing.  Sure, I can argue with you over a cup of coffee about say CIS girl/women vs transgender girl/women athletes, but I'm not going to get anywhere violent about it.

If a guy hit on me I'd be more shocked than anything (I'm not that easy on the eyes).
 
2020-11-20 5:29:26 PM  

SanityIsAFullTimeJob: Here's the thing about this. This includes all murders from all causes. It was my understanding that most of these murders were domestic/relationship or drug related.

They say there were 34 transgender murders this year.

Last year there were over 16,000 total murders or manslaughter deaths.

To me, it does't look like transgender murders are disproportionately high.

While any murder is a tragedy, it really looks like this is being misrepresented as something it isn't.


And if your sister was murdered tomorrow, she would just be one out of 16,000.

No reason to mourn her, then.
 
2020-11-20 5:30:21 PM  
Cis Farkers will talk about how horrible that people keep murdering trans people.

But they'll say mock women, even cis women, who aren't 100% traditionally feminine, saying "That's a man, baby!"

And they'll turn around and write 50 comments about how trans women shouldn't be allowed to play on women's sports teams.

They don't seem to realize how completely intertwined and inextricable these behaviors are.
 
2020-11-20 5:30:30 PM  

Eclectic: rosekolodny: Weatherkiss: We still got a long way to go.

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.

I vote for leaders who will help.  I try to get genders right.  I try to use my cis privilege for good and not evil.

But how do we really make the world different?  Lots of the people in this list were women of color, and there was a suggestion that they were murdered because some man couldn't just break it off gracefully when she wasn't what he expected.

That means there's a massive cultural change that needs to happen, and I don't know how to do that.

What I ask most of allies (and I know you already do this) is two things:

1. Speak up for us when we're not in the room and people are trash talking trans folks or laughing behind our backs.

2. When talking about someone who is trans and out, don't make their transness the focus of the conversation when it's not relevant. We're so many things beyond our gender. The fact that we're trans is usually incidental.

Thank you for being here for us. It ALL helps.


Thank you for helping us help y'all.
 
2020-11-20 5:30:40 PM  

SanityIsAFullTimeJob: To me, it does't look like transgender murders are disproportionately high.

While any murder is a tragedy, it really looks like this is being misrepresented as something it isn't.


Please, I beg of you, tell to the families of the trans folx who's names we just read off.
 
2020-11-20 5:31:51 PM  
Interestingly, none of the people I've marked as having made problematically transphobic statements have left comments in this thread.  Curious.
 
2020-11-20 5:33:35 PM  

ox45tallboy: I've never understood the concept of killing someone because of who they are. Not because they are trying to do harm to you or someone else, not because they post any kind of threat, not as punishment or revenge - simply because you don't think they should exist because of who they are. The way that they were made is somehow an affront to you, and you think it is your right to destroy them.

I can't reason with that kind of thinking. I can't identify with it, I can't empathize - and I consider myself to be a fairly empathetic person. The only thing I can do is demand they resist their irrational urges, and hold them accountable when they fail to do so.

It sucks that it seems to be getting worse and not better. But I choose to believe that the higher number of victims is because there are more people willing to live openly as transgender, as society as a whole has become more acceptant of it. That doesn't make every single instance any less horrible, but it does give me hope. Although this day started from the murder of a trans woman that the police didn't care enough about to investigate, we are today seeing this kind of violence actively investigated and prosecuted. It *is* getting better.


When you believe that 'what they are' is an abomination before your god, it's very easy to see yourself doing the lords work by cleansing the world of them.
 
2020-11-20 5:35:37 PM  
The US has around 16k murders per year, so that's 0.2%ish of the murders in the US.

A random google search for what percent of the population identifies as Trans comes up with 0.6% of the population as of 2016 according to a study UCLA did.

So... I dunno, I don't wanna be all "trans people are literally only a third as likely to be murdered as the general population" since the numbers come from different sources using different methodologies (or, rather, the study has a methodology while the number in the article is just raw data).  Still, I dunno that I'm really feeling the cis privilege here, man.

// I'm not saying don't be upset about people being murdered, that's a fair thing to be upset about, I just don't know that trying to attack it from the overly-narrow angle of trans people dying specifically is going to help more than it hurts.  Probably need to design around anti-murder measures of a more demographically neutral perspective on that one.
 
2020-11-20 5:35:50 PM  

austerity101: Cis Farkers will talk about how horrible that people keep murdering trans people.

But they'll say mock women, even cis women, who aren't 100% traditionally feminine, saying "That's a man, baby!"

And they'll turn around and write 50 comments about how trans women shouldn't be allowed to play on women's sports teams.

They don't seem to realize how completely intertwined and inextricable these behaviors are.


ITT CIS farkers 'All look alike'

It would appear you're one of them.
 
2020-11-20 5:36:18 PM  

foo monkey: I can't inagine having that much hate in my heart.


Oh, I can.  There are a few people that I haven't tried to kill mostly because I would get caught.  Some people are an offense against basic human decency.  But I'm not noticably a good person by instinct.

In my defense, it isn't strangers just for being themselves.
 
2020-11-20 5:37:15 PM  
Also, for those who are going to argue these death are over-reported, they also *don't* include the names of trans people who were misgendered in death by the media and their own families, and those who took their own lives after being literally bullied to death for being who they are.
 
2020-11-20 5:40:50 PM  

Jim_Callahan: The US has around 16k murders per year, so that's 0.2%ish of the murders in the US.

A random google search for what percent of the population identifies as Trans comes up with 0.6% of the population as of 2016 according to a study UCLA did.

So... I dunno, I don't wanna be all "trans people are literally only a third as likely to be murdered as the general population" since the numbers come from different sources using different methodologies (or, rather, the study has a methodology while the number in the article is just raw data).  Still, I dunno that I'm really feeling the cis privilege here, man.

// I'm not saying don't be upset about people being murdered, that's a fair thing to be upset about, I just don't know that trying to attack it from the overly-narrow angle of trans people dying specifically is going to help more than it hurts.  Probably need to design around anti-murder measures of a more demographically neutral perspective on that one.


Meh.  You're doing the math wrong.

Instead of mathing how likely a murder victim is to be trans, math how likely a trans person is to be a victim of violence including murder.

Then you'll get closer to understanding why trans people are afraid of being hurt.  And why those 34 souls feel like such a loss.
 
2020-11-20 5:41:35 PM  

SMB2811: austerity101: Cis Farkers will talk about how horrible that people keep murdering trans people.

But they'll say mock women, even cis women, who aren't 100% traditionally feminine, saying "That's a man, baby!"

And they'll turn around and write 50 comments about how trans women shouldn't be allowed to play on women's sports teams.

They don't seem to realize how completely intertwined and inextricable these behaviors are.

ITT CIS farkers 'All look alike'

It would appear you're one of them.


Privileged people don't get the luxury of "not all"-ing conversations, because the people they oppress don't have the luxury of taking the time to figure out which of them are One of the Good Ones.  This applies to men, white people, cisgender people, able-bodied people, what have you.  Die mad about it.

I'm cis.  I acknowledge that I have cis privilege and I do my best to be an ally to the trans community.  One of the ways I do that is by not doing the things I mentioned above.  If you don't want to be a transphobic asshole, I suggest you not do them as well.  Your choice.
 
2020-11-20 5:45:12 PM  
I have a friend whose wife won't shop at Target.

Because she might encounter a "man in the bathroom" whatever she thinks that means.

I find that far more intolerable than whether the plumbing matches the view from the curb.

/nonamybizness really
 
2020-11-20 5:48:05 PM  
https://twitter.com/mjs_DC/status/132​9​829140233662469

11th circuit court rules that conversion 'therapy' (torture basically) is ok.

And they think we're the ones that are f*cked up.
 
2020-11-20 5:48:50 PM  

Eclectic: Also, for those who are going to argue these death are over-reported, they also *don't* include the names of trans people who were misgendered in death by the media and their own families, and those who took their own lives after being literally bullied to death for being who they are.


Or people who were denied or given low-quality, improper healthcare by bigoted or predatory medical professionals.
 
2020-11-20 5:50:32 PM  

bughunter: I have a friend whose wife won't shop at Target.

Because she might encounter a "man in the bathroom" whatever she thinks that means.

I find that far more intolerable than whether the plumbing matches the view from the curb.

/nonamybizness really


Do people really think bathrooms are places where you have genitals ricocheting off the mirrors no matter where you go? I mean even if a man did go into the same bathroom as me, I wouldn't really care. It's not like it'd suddenly be socially acceptable to spy on someone while they're using the bathroom.
 
2020-11-20 6:01:05 PM  

rosekolodny: Jim_Callahan: The US has around 16k murders per year, so that's 0.2%ish of the murders in the US.

A random google search for what percent of the population identifies as Trans comes up with 0.6% of the population as of 2016 according to a study UCLA did.

So... I dunno, I don't wanna be all "trans people are literally only a third as likely to be murdered as the general population" since the numbers come from different sources using different methodologies (or, rather, the study has a methodology while the number in the article is just raw data).  Still, I dunno that I'm really feeling the cis privilege here, man.

// I'm not saying don't be upset about people being murdered, that's a fair thing to be upset about, I just don't know that trying to attack it from the overly-narrow angle of trans people dying specifically is going to help more than it hurts.  Probably need to design around anti-murder measures of a more demographically neutral perspective on that one.

Meh.  You're doing the math wrong.

Instead of mathing how likely a murder victim is to be trans, math how likely a trans person is to be a victim of violence including murder.

Then you'll get closer to understanding why trans people are afraid of being hurt.  And why those 34 souls feel like such a loss.


in addition, as the article points out, consider how mis-gendering has historically skewed the numbers. also consider how, historically, people who are sex workers, lbgtq, and/or minorities have been swept under the rug as far as crime statistics go. the number of people killed because of their status as a member of an undervalued group is intrinsically going to be higher than the official count. we cannot ignore this travesty.
 
2020-11-20 6:04:18 PM  

Eclectic: Also, for those who are going to argue these death are over-reported, they also *don't* include the names of trans people who were misgendered in death by the media and their own families, and those who took their own lives after being literally bullied to death for being who they are.


I might add that I know some other marginalized groups see higher rates of drug use, suicide, domestic violence, etc that are caused the marginalization.  Assuming that's true in the trans community (and that seems a fair assumption) deaths from those are deaths caused by them being trans.
 
2020-11-20 6:05:17 PM  
One more reason to say "fark 2020".
 
2020-11-20 6:09:09 PM  

Weatherkiss: bughunter: I have a friend whose wife won't shop at Target.

Because she might encounter a "man in the bathroom" whatever she thinks that means.

I find that far more intolerable than whether the plumbing matches the view from the curb.

/nonamybizness really

Do people really think bathrooms are places where you have genitals ricocheting off the mirrors no matter where you go? I mean even if a man did go into the same bathroom as me, I wouldn't really care. It's not like it'd suddenly be socially acceptable to spy on someone while they're using the bathroom.


Oh, yeah.  In men's rooms, we just whip 'em out and wave 'em around.  There's penises everywhere.
 
2020-11-20 6:11:43 PM  
I support the trans community.
 
2020-11-20 6:17:13 PM  
I've spent my whole life in the closet being afraid of the backlash if I ever came out. The couple times I've tried it hasn't gone well. My family and relatives have made it clear how they feel about trans people. The jokes, the ridicule, the comments from my mother that she'd disown us if we ever even thought about getting our ears pierced or something. Most of the time they're pleasant people to be around but I can't ever forget what they really think about people like me no matter how nice they act the rest of the time. I think what if, and I feel sorrow and rage and bitterness for my life that could have been and wasn't. I wish I was braver and stronger. I wish I had a more supportive family. Sorry to be Jenny Raincloud but it's been on my mind a lot lately. I'm not getting any younger but for the first time in a long time I feel a sense of hope. I have a job lined up(fingers crossed it doesn't fall apart) that would give me a fresh start in life and a chance to pursue my dreams.

Thank you to every trans person that came before me, that was brave and strong and fierce and gave so much just to exist in this world. In putting yourself out there just to be able live your life you helped cut a path for the rest of us and I am grateful for it.
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-11-20 6:18:23 PM  

reyreyrey: Eclectic: Also, for those who are going to argue these death are over-reported, they also *don't* include the names of trans people who were misgendered in death by the media and their own families, and those who took their own lives after being literally bullied to death for being who they are.

Or people who were denied or given low-quality, improper healthcare by bigoted or predatory medical professionals.


There was a story I read once where EMTs in DC refused to treat a trans person. She basically bled out on the sidewalk while they stood around and ridiculed her.
 
2020-11-20 6:24:39 PM  

MechaPyx: reyreyrey: Eclectic: Also, for those who are going to argue these death are over-reported, they also *don't* include the names of trans people who were misgendered in death by the media and their own families, and those who took their own lives after being literally bullied to death for being who they are.

Or people who were denied or given low-quality, improper healthcare by bigoted or predatory medical professionals.

There was a story I read once where EMTs in DC refused to treat a trans person. She basically bled out on the sidewalk while they stood around and ridiculed her.


I've been denied healthcare three separate times for being trans. Thank the gods the worst was when I had a stuck kidney stone and not when I was at risk of bleeding out. It happens far more than people think.
 
2020-11-20 6:24:53 PM  

I May Be Crazy But...: Weatherkiss: bughunter: I have a friend whose wife won't shop at Target.

Because she might encounter a "man in the bathroom" whatever she thinks that means.

I find that far more intolerable than whether the plumbing matches the view from the curb.

/nonamybizness really

Do people really think bathrooms are places where you have genitals ricocheting off the mirrors no matter where you go? I mean even if a man did go into the same bathroom as me, I wouldn't really care. It's not like it'd suddenly be socially acceptable to spy on someone while they're using the bathroom.

Oh, yeah.  In men's rooms, we just whip 'em out and wave 'em around.  There's penises everywhere.


You watch way more interesting porn than I do.
 
2020-11-20 6:28:41 PM  
MechaPyx:

Well if you and I ever cross paths, you're welcome to break bread with me.
 
2020-11-20 6:35:21 PM  
All children... everyone go to their personal sandbox corner!
 
2020-11-20 6:40:48 PM  

MechaPyx: I've spent my whole life in the closet being afraid of the backlash if I ever came out. The couple times I've tried it hasn't gone well. My family and relatives have made it clear how they feel about trans people. The jokes, the ridicule, the comments from my mother that she'd disown us if we ever even thought about getting our ears pierced or something. Most of the time they're pleasant people to be around but I can't ever forget what they really think about people like me no matter how nice they act the rest of the time. I think what if, and I feel sorrow and rage and bitterness for my life that could have been and wasn't. I wish I was braver and stronger. I wish I had a more supportive family. Sorry to be Jenny Raincloud but it's been on my mind a lot lately. I'm not getting any younger but for the first time in a long time I feel a sense of hope. I have a job lined up(fingers crossed it doesn't fall apart) that would give me a fresh start in life and a chance to pursue my dreams.

Thank you to every trans person that came before me, that was brave and strong and fierce and gave so much just to exist in this world. In putting yourself out there just to be able live your life you helped cut a path for the rest of us and I am grateful for it.
[Fark user image image 212x197]


I can definitely relate to what you are feeling, I hope things turn out well on your new path. It gives me hope when I hear people like you talk about their struggles with friends and family, but find a way to move forward with their lives regardless
 
2020-11-20 6:43:40 PM  
All the haters... so, who gave them the right to decide what goes into your pants or dress? Or into your bedroom?

But they want "smaller gummint", but want a religious officer, like a political officer, in ever bedroom.
 
2020-11-20 6:46:25 PM  

rosekolodny: MechaPyx:

Well if you and I ever cross paths, you're welcome to break bread with me.


=)
 
2020-11-20 6:51:04 PM  

MechaPyx: There was a story I read once where EMTs in DC refused to treat a trans person. She basically bled out on the sidewalk while they stood around and ridiculed her.


Tyra Hunter.
 
2020-11-20 6:56:02 PM  

orbister: MechaPyx: There was a story I read once where EMTs in DC refused to treat a trans person. She basically bled out on the sidewalk while they stood around and ridiculed her.

Tyra Hunter.


That's the woman I was thinking of but couldn't recall her name.
 
2020-11-20 7:00:18 PM  

Eclectic: MechaPyx: reyreyrey: Eclectic: Also, for those who are going to argue these death are over-reported, they also *don't* include the names of trans people who were misgendered in death by the media and their own families, and those who took their own lives after being literally bullied to death for being who they are.

Or people who were denied or given low-quality, improper healthcare by bigoted or predatory medical professionals.

There was a story I read once where EMTs in DC refused to treat a trans person. She basically bled out on the sidewalk while they stood around and ridiculed her.

I've been denied healthcare three separate times for being trans. Thank the gods the worst was when I had a stuck kidney stone and not when I was at risk of bleeding out. It happens far more than people think.


It's infuriating and terrifying to think you could be denied care like that and I'm sorry to hear that it's happened to you.
 
2020-11-20 7:07:18 PM  
Eclectic:

Since we're here, would you tell us about the way you and yours marked the day?  How did you honor the memory of these souls?
 
2020-11-20 7:15:03 PM  
I have known a few trans people in my life and now have one in my immediate family. I know this is anecdotal as fark but in my experience they are stronger than most people. it takes a lot of soul searching and courage to make a choice that one knows will have its down sides but you do it anyway because you have to be you. most people just aren't that strong.

not saying closeted people are cowards but just saying I have a lot of respect for people who are out. it is not the path of least resistance. I also imagine it gets really old to be asked about your junk.

anyway, I will shut and simply say RIP to those we lost. you are not forgotten.
 
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