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(The New York Times)   Donald Trump has cancelled his election night celebration at his hotel in Washington and will instead spend it quietly at the White House pushing all the furniture against the doors and handcuffing himself to the staircase   (nytimes.com) divider line
    More: Amusing  
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2501 clicks; posted to Politics » on 30 Oct 2020 at 9:05 AM (17 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

 
2020-10-30 8:00:54 AM  
36 votes:
It's like when you play Risk and you know you're about to lose so you hunker down in Australia and just wait for the end.
 
2020-10-30 9:10:36 AM  
33 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-10-30 8:29:49 AM  
33 votes:
It's his party and he will pout if he wants to.
Pout if he wants to.
Pout if he wants to.
 
2020-10-30 9:08:35 AM  
23 votes:
He's playing you, again.
 
2020-10-30 9:18:15 AM  
20 votes:

gunga galunga: CanisNoir: He's playing you, again.

We're still voting.


Wow, someone dusted off THAT account?
 
2020-10-30 9:11:53 AM  
19 votes:
i.somethingawful.comView Full Size
 
2020-10-30 9:13:30 AM  
14 votes:
There are 2 reasons for this, contained in the same paragraph.

" It would also reinforce questions about whether the hotel would be in violation of Washington coronavirus restrictions limiting gatherings to 50 people. And a party would have to be paid for by the campaign, which is facing a cash crunch in the final weeks of the race. "
 
2020-10-30 9:33:30 AM  
12 votes:
"For the last several days, Mr. Trump, who is deeply superstitious, has tried to recreate as many of the 2016 election conditions around himself as possible."

And if I eat three hamberders in a row without the lettuce falling out, I will win all 50 states and Stormy Daniels will come to her senses and beg for more mushroom...
 
2020-10-30 8:56:33 AM  
8 votes:
It's good that his handlers have finally gotten through. Now if they'd just leave a pistol on the nightstand we could all get back to trying to dig ourselves out of this mess.
 
2020-10-30 9:24:04 AM  
7 votes:

CanisNoir: He's playing you, again.


He's crafty that way, clever like a pigeon on a chessboard.
 
2020-10-30 9:10:28 AM  
7 votes:
It was unclear why the plans had changed. But the prospect of the president appearing on the night of the election at the hotel was certain to reinforce concerns about Mr. Trump mingling the office with his business.

It would also reinforce questions about whether the hotel would be in violation of Washington coronavirus restrictions limiting gatherings to 50 people. And a party would have to be paid for by the campaign, which is facing a cash crunch in the final weeks of the race.


So what's the real reason? These are all too sensible and exactly what a responsible person would do, so we know they aren't what is guiding Trump's decision.

He believes he's going to lose and as humiliating as that would be, the only way to make it worse is to plan a big party for himself where nobody will bother showing up.

thumbs.gfycat.comView Full Size
 
2020-10-30 9:39:51 AM  
6 votes:
Does the Secret Service detail even carry child-sized handcuffs?
 
2020-10-30 9:30:52 AM  
6 votes:
Squatter's Rights?
 
2020-10-30 9:19:54 AM  
6 votes:

bostonguy: It's like when you play Risk and you know you're about to lose so you hunker down in Australia and just wait for the end.


I remember that very scenario 58 years ago when my big Brother had conquered the entire globe except for my 5 little blue blocks on Australia or Indonesia or Papua New Guinea. We would roll and roll the dice and my 7 year old self would keep coming up winning to live and fight one more day. Losing was inevitable, but I still remember the joy of watching my despotic brother meltdown as the dice clearly favored me.

Even my brothers friends started viewing me as some kind of hero.
 
2020-10-30 9:09:27 AM  
6 votes:
FTA:

"Mr. Trump's approach to politics has always been to treat it as something of a mystical proposition, governed by otherworldly forces in a world in which things generally work out in his favor. The voting results after a campaign in which Mr. Trump has been judged harshly by voters for his performance during the coronavirus pandemic could tell him a very different story."

I was gonna say Let's get Will Wheaton to narrate that audiobook, but even better -- get Barack Obama to do it.
 
2020-10-30 9:08:39 AM  
6 votes:
You know who else had a bunker....
 
2020-10-30 9:58:12 AM  
5 votes:

UNC_Samurai: gunga galunga: CanisNoir: He's playing you, again.

We're still voting.

Wow, someone dusted off THAT account?


It's been showing up from time to time recently. Now I'm just waiting for GatoNegro to reappear.
 
2020-10-30 9:10:41 AM  
5 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-10-30 12:25:11 PM  
3 votes:

1funguy: hubiestubert: It's good that his handlers have finally gotten through. Now if they'd just leave a pistol on the nightstand we could all get back to trying to dig ourselves out of this mess.

That is creatively ugly, but not as ugly as the person who has to work 2 jobs and has no healthcare being forced to handle biohazard without proper PPE or training being assigned to clean the scene up so the press can say "the president died in his sleep".
They will have to put coil springs on the gurney and lower him to a waiting flatbed trailer below his room to haul him off.
I'm sure his corpulence will not have to wait in a refrigerated trailer, and if they place a shunt in his gunt and copper tube it through his casket to the surface, they can light the methane and he will have his own Eternal Flame.


Username delivers!
 
2020-10-30 12:07:42 PM  
3 votes:

Fear the Clam: Rann Xerox: Arachnophobe: Does the Secret Service detail even carry child-sized handcuffs?

Dental floss will work, too.

No, dental floss only scares Rudy Giuliani.


I thought it was cats he's afraid of.

Fark user imageView Full Size

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-10-30 11:36:48 AM  
3 votes:

youngandstupid: Norwegian Squirrel: Two words: Budd Dwyer

From your lips to god's ears.


From your lips to the Oval Office ceiling.
 
2020-10-30 9:56:37 AM  
3 votes:
I wonder if he'll give himself his deposit back.
 
2020-10-30 9:41:46 AM  
3 votes:

Arachnophobe: Does the Secret Service detail even carry child-sized handcuffs?


Dental floss will work, too.
 
2020-10-30 9:11:25 AM  
3 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-10-30 12:04:57 PM  
2 votes:

Rann Xerox: Arachnophobe: Does the Secret Service detail even carry child-sized handcuffs?

Dental floss will work, too.


No, dental floss only scares Rudy Giuliani.
 
2020-10-30 11:02:21 AM  
2 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-10-30 9:48:48 AM  
2 votes:
Two words: Budd Dwyer
 
2020-10-30 9:26:46 AM  
2 votes:
We all know this is just 4D chess because Trump is such a humble and honest guy, who doesn't seek the spotlight for its own sake, right?

*starts crying profusely* YOU TRIGGERED SNOWFLAKE?
 
2020-10-30 9:24:02 AM  
2 votes:

Farkin_Crazy: Hahahaha.

He had been fundraising from big donors on the idea that one name would be drawn and they and a guest would be flown to DC, put up at no cost at the hotel, and given VIP access for the night.

Yeah, that ain't gonna happen. So, he grifted all you stupid mothefarkers one last time before he leaves office.

Fuggin' morans.


I've gotten about 50 of those emails in just the last few days. "Emergency fundraising opportunity" and such.
Haven't had the heart to tell them that if they're relying on funds to win the election after half the votes are in, they're shiat outta luck.
And if they're counting on me to bail them out, they've a better shot at getting paid by sending an invoice to the Trump Organization.
 
2020-10-30 9:22:46 AM  
2 votes:

Dinodork: You know who else had a bunker....


So many cyanide capsules, so little time.
 
2020-10-30 9:14:07 AM  
2 votes:
I bet that's the one bill he's paid tho.
 
2020-10-30 9:10:10 AM  
2 votes:
So his ego is of greater need than the cash he would have made from the rubes that night
 
2020-10-30 8:00:03 AM  
2 votes:
This asshole would not cancel his kids execution if he thought it would get him good exposure and adulation. He knows it's going to be a shiatstorm and he can't do anything about it.

This will be most enjoyable to watch unfold. I can't wait to see the non-concession tweet.
 
2020-10-30 2:25:26 PM  
1 vote:

carkiller: [Fark user image 425x224] [View Full Size image _x_]


Pavlov's boner.
 
2020-10-30 12:12:09 PM  
1 vote:

hubiestubert: It's good that his handlers have finally gotten through. Now if they'd just leave a pistol on the nightstand we could all get back to trying to dig ourselves out of this mess.


That is creatively ugly, but not as ugly as the person who has to work 2 jobs and has no healthcare being forced to handle biohazard without proper PPE or training being assigned to clean the scene up so the press can say "the president died in his sleep".
They will have to put coil springs on the gurney and lower him to a waiting flatbed trailer below his room to haul him off.
I'm sure his corpulence will not have to wait in a refrigerated trailer, and if they place a shunt in his gunt and copper tube it through his casket to the surface, they can light the methane and he will have his own Eternal Flame.
 
2020-10-30 11:30:35 AM  
1 vote:

Arachnophobe: Does the Secret Service detail even carry child-sized handcuffs?


They could use those Chinese fingercuffs to really piss him off. He's probably to stupid to figure out how to get out of them.
 
2020-10-30 11:12:31 AM  
1 vote:
"It has nothing to do with a certain occupant of the White House doesn't feel like moving and has to be fumigated out of there," she said.
 
2020-10-30 10:43:50 AM  
1 vote:

A Cave Geek: doctorguilty: This would be the only time I'd pay good money to see Dolt45 do anything.
And by "good money" I mean $5.
Yeah, I'd pay five dollars to see him cry like a girl.

Altimus Prime: A Cave Geek: I wonder how fast the money will dry up for him after he leaves office.  How fast will the 'free ride' come to an end?  How will he deal with his sudden poverty?  How epic will the GOP melt-down be?

[memepedia.ru image 850x452]

[cdn.theatlantic.com image 500x500]


That picture should be Trump's official presidential portrait.
 
2020-10-30 10:28:51 AM  
1 vote:
rolladuck:I've gotten about 50 of those emails in just the last few days. "Emergency fundraising opportunity" and such.

"WE'VE LOST OUR LEASE! EVERY GRIFT MUST GO!!!"
 
2020-10-30 10:18:30 AM  
1 vote:

doctorguilty: This would be the only time I'd pay good money to see Dolt45 do anything.
And by "good money" I mean $5.
Yeah, I'd pay five dollars to see him cry like a girl.


Altimus Prime: A Cave Geek: I wonder how fast the money will dry up for him after he leaves office.  How fast will the 'free ride' come to an end?  How will he deal with his sudden poverty?  How epic will the GOP melt-down be?

[memepedia.ru image 850x452]


cdn.theatlantic.comView Full Size
 
2020-10-30 9:54:39 AM  
1 vote:
As long as there is a TV camera there so he can make his concession speech.
 
2020-10-30 9:41:10 AM  
1 vote:
I hope he's still on steroids if and when he loses
 
2020-10-30 9:33:21 AM  
1 vote:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-10-30 9:19:22 AM  
1 vote:

gunga galunga: CanisNoir: He's playing you, again.

We're still voting.


But CN doesn't have to bother, the Shiatgibbon's got it in the bag!
 
2020-10-30 9:14:30 AM  
1 vote:
Or it's to be in the WH so he can call the military against the "insurrection" of someone beating him.
 
2020-10-30 9:13:49 AM  
1 vote:
Wrong. He will handcuff himself to one of his golf courses.
 
2020-10-30 9:10:46 AM  
1 vote:
Too cheap to pay for other people to have a good time when he's going to lose.
 
2020-10-30 7:47:03 AM  
1 vote:
HaHa
 
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