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(Metro)   "My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, but the sex is routine; how do I spice it up?"   (metro.co.uk) divider line
    More: Awkward  
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275 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 30 Oct 2020 at 9:05 AM (12 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

 
2020-10-30 12:37:56 PM  
14 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-10-30 9:08:00 AM  
12 votes:
Have kids!  That always helps a flagging sex drive.
 
2020-10-30 10:53:10 AM  
11 votes:

Jake Havechek: Anal.


The letter doesn't go into detail.

Maybe this is their standard practice, and the letter is simply about banal anal.
 
2020-10-30 12:09:51 PM  
7 votes:

Ker_Thwap: "Derek looks a little disappointed but always respects when I'm just not in the mood."

This is how it starts.  Next up, Derek learns that certain courtship rituals must be observed first.  Flowers, the living room needs to be vacuumed, the dishes cleaned, the lawn mowed, would it kill you to just show some more initiative to get that raise at work Derek?  Success is sexy!  Jump through the hoops Derek, no... still not in the mood, jump through some more hoops!  Pretty soon Derek gets sick of jumping through hoops, and says why bother.  Derek is eventually offered "birthday sex" the saddest of the pity sex categories.  Derek is broken and declines the pity sex.

Welcome to long term commitment folks.


You have my sympathy Derek.
 
2020-10-30 12:33:54 PM  
6 votes:

akya: Jake Havechek: Anal.

The letter doesn't go into detail.

Maybe this is their standard practice, and the letter is simply about banal anal.


Banal Anal is the name of my mediocre Butthole Surfers cover band.
 
2020-10-30 11:46:54 AM  
6 votes:
"Derek looks a little disappointed but always respects when I'm just not in the mood."

This is how it starts.  Next up, Derek learns that certain courtship rituals must be observed first.  Flowers, the living room needs to be vacuumed, the dishes cleaned, the lawn mowed, would it kill you to just show some more initiative to get that raise at work Derek?  Success is sexy!  Jump through the hoops Derek, no... still not in the mood, jump through some more hoops!  Pretty soon Derek gets sick of jumping through hoops, and says why bother.  Derek is eventually offered "birthday sex" the saddest of the pity sex categories.  Derek is broken and declines the pity sex.

Welcome to long term commitment folks.
 
2020-10-30 11:51:42 AM  
4 votes:

Ker_Thwap: "Derek looks a little disappointed but always respects when I'm just not in the mood."

This is how it starts.  Next up, Derek learns that certain courtship rituals must be observed first.  Flowers, the living room needs to be vacuumed, the dishes cleaned, the lawn mowed, would it kill you to just show some more initiative to get that raise at work Derek?  Success is sexy!  Jump through the hoops Derek, no... still not in the mood, jump through some more hoops!  Pretty soon Derek gets sick of jumping through hoops, and says why bother.  Derek is eventually offered "birthday sex" the saddest of the pity sex categories.  Derek is broken and declines the pity sex.

Welcome to long term commitment folks.


Wow.  Too close, man.  Too close.
 
2020-10-30 10:25:09 AM  
4 votes:

Gramma: Have kids!  That always helps a flagging sex drive.


Have 3 in relatively close succession to one another. The sex will be infrequent enough to feel special every time.
 
2020-10-30 9:48:06 AM  
4 votes:

Extra Virgin Geek Olive Oil: Get a massage table.

Then add restraints.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-10-30 9:31:41 AM  
4 votes:
Get a massage table.

Then add restraints.
 
d23 [OhFark]
2020-10-30 9:18:19 AM  
3 votes:
What is sex?
 
2020-10-30 8:44:51 AM  
3 votes:
Put lipstick on your nipples.
 
2020-10-30 7:38:55 AM  
3 votes:
Does Gwyneth Paltrow sell chili powder?
 
2020-10-30 3:15:26 PM  
2 votes:
fyi: The end of the article: ''  Derek always says that my orgasm is more important to him but it just feels unfinished without his climax, too... He switched to a different antidepressant a few weeks ago and it's been great''
 
2020-10-30 11:45:39 AM  
2 votes:
I can tell you but first you're going to need a bottle of Crisco, some handcuffs, and a duck.
 
2020-10-30 11:25:04 AM  
2 votes:
Has someone said butt stuff yet?
 
2020-10-30 8:14:07 AM  
2 votes:
Pray for anal rain.
 
2020-10-30 8:01:36 AM  
2 votes:
Fark his dad. Duh.
 
2020-10-30 10:57:17 AM  
1 vote:
A couple of drops of Tabasco in the lube should do it.
 
2020-10-30 9:23:23 AM  
1 vote:
images-na.ssl-images-amazon.comView Full Size
 
2020-10-30 9:16:59 AM  
1 vote:
Butt stuff with his dad.
 
2020-10-30 8:44:10 AM  
1 vote:
Butt stuff.
 
2020-10-30 7:45:26 AM  
1 vote:
Anal.
 
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