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(Metro)   "My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, but the sex is routine; how do I spice it up?"   (metro.co.uk) divider line
    More: Awkward  
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263 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 30 Oct 2020 at 9:05 AM (3 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



29 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-10-30 7:38:55 AM  
Does Gwyneth Paltrow sell chili powder?
 
2020-10-30 7:45:26 AM  
Anal.
 
2020-10-30 8:01:36 AM  
Fark his dad. Duh.
 
2020-10-30 8:14:07 AM  
Pray for anal rain.
 
2020-10-30 8:44:10 AM  
Butt stuff.
 
2020-10-30 8:44:51 AM  
Put lipstick on your nipples.
 
2020-10-30 9:08:00 AM  
Have kids!  That always helps a flagging sex drive.
 
2020-10-30 9:16:59 AM  
Butt stuff with his dad.
 
d23 [OhFark]
2020-10-30 9:18:19 AM  
What is sex?
 
2020-10-30 9:23:23 AM  
images-na.ssl-images-amazon.comView Full Size
 
2020-10-30 9:31:41 AM  
Get a massage table.

Then add restraints.
 
2020-10-30 9:48:06 AM  

Extra Virgin Geek Olive Oil: Get a massage table.

Then add restraints.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-10-30 10:25:09 AM  

Gramma: Have kids!  That always helps a flagging sex drive.


Have 3 in relatively close succession to one another. The sex will be infrequent enough to feel special every time.
 
2020-10-30 10:53:10 AM  

Jake Havechek: Anal.


The letter doesn't go into detail.

Maybe this is their standard practice, and the letter is simply about banal anal.
 
2020-10-30 10:57:17 AM  
A couple of drops of Tabasco in the lube should do it.
 
2020-10-30 11:12:17 AM  
Initiate stuff?
 
2020-10-30 11:25:04 AM  
Has someone said butt stuff yet?
 
2020-10-30 11:45:39 AM  
I can tell you but first you're going to need a bottle of Crisco, some handcuffs, and a duck.
 
2020-10-30 11:46:54 AM  
"Derek looks a little disappointed but always respects when I'm just not in the mood."

This is how it starts.  Next up, Derek learns that certain courtship rituals must be observed first.  Flowers, the living room needs to be vacuumed, the dishes cleaned, the lawn mowed, would it kill you to just show some more initiative to get that raise at work Derek?  Success is sexy!  Jump through the hoops Derek, no... still not in the mood, jump through some more hoops!  Pretty soon Derek gets sick of jumping through hoops, and says why bother.  Derek is eventually offered "birthday sex" the saddest of the pity sex categories.  Derek is broken and declines the pity sex.

Welcome to long term commitment folks.
 
2020-10-30 11:51:42 AM  

Ker_Thwap: "Derek looks a little disappointed but always respects when I'm just not in the mood."

This is how it starts.  Next up, Derek learns that certain courtship rituals must be observed first.  Flowers, the living room needs to be vacuumed, the dishes cleaned, the lawn mowed, would it kill you to just show some more initiative to get that raise at work Derek?  Success is sexy!  Jump through the hoops Derek, no... still not in the mood, jump through some more hoops!  Pretty soon Derek gets sick of jumping through hoops, and says why bother.  Derek is eventually offered "birthday sex" the saddest of the pity sex categories.  Derek is broken and declines the pity sex.

Welcome to long term commitment folks.


Wow.  Too close, man.  Too close.
 
2020-10-30 12:09:51 PM  

Ker_Thwap: "Derek looks a little disappointed but always respects when I'm just not in the mood."

This is how it starts.  Next up, Derek learns that certain courtship rituals must be observed first.  Flowers, the living room needs to be vacuumed, the dishes cleaned, the lawn mowed, would it kill you to just show some more initiative to get that raise at work Derek?  Success is sexy!  Jump through the hoops Derek, no... still not in the mood, jump through some more hoops!  Pretty soon Derek gets sick of jumping through hoops, and says why bother.  Derek is eventually offered "birthday sex" the saddest of the pity sex categories.  Derek is broken and declines the pity sex.

Welcome to long term commitment folks.


You have my sympathy Derek.
 
2020-10-30 12:16:26 PM  
Watch some porn together and try what turns you both on.
 
2020-10-30 12:20:30 PM  

Raug the Dwarf: Ker_Thwap: "Derek looks a little disappointed but always respects when I'm just not in the mood."

This is how it starts.  Next up, Derek learns that certain courtship rituals must be observed first.  Flowers, the living room needs to be vacuumed, the dishes cleaned, the lawn mowed, would it kill you to just show some more initiative to get that raise at work Derek?  Success is sexy!  Jump through the hoops Derek, no... still not in the mood, jump through some more hoops!  Pretty soon Derek gets sick of jumping through hoops, and says why bother.  Derek is eventually offered "birthday sex" the saddest of the pity sex categories.  Derek is broken and declines the pity sex.

Welcome to long term commitment folks.

Wow.  Too close, man.  Too close.


Ouch.
 
2020-10-30 12:33:05 PM  

akya: Jake Havechek: Anal.

The letter doesn't go into detail.

Maybe this is their standard practice, and the letter is simply about banal anal.


It might always be on a boat.  Canal banal anal.
 
2020-10-30 12:33:54 PM  

akya: Jake Havechek: Anal.

The letter doesn't go into detail.

Maybe this is their standard practice, and the letter is simply about banal anal.


Banal Anal is the name of my mediocre Butthole Surfers cover band.
 
2020-10-30 12:37:56 PM  
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2020-10-30 3:15:26 PM  
fyi: The end of the article: ''  Derek always says that my orgasm is more important to him but it just feels unfinished without his climax, too... He switched to a different antidepressant a few weeks ago and it's been great''
 
2020-10-30 11:06:39 PM  
I hear cocaine is nice for the sexy times.
 
2020-10-31 5:12:22 PM  
Get a girlfriend? Or boyfriend? YMMV.
 
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