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(YouTube) Video This is what should happen to people who hand out Jack Chick religious tracts instead of candy on Halloween   ( divider line
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534 clicks; posted to Food » on 29 Oct 2020 at 10:05 PM (18 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook

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2020-10-30 10:55:09 AM  
6 votes:
My brother would take the Chick tracts and cut them up, put them in a paper lunch bag with dog poop and then go back to the Chick tract houses the next night, place the bag on the porch and light it on fire.  The homeowners would come out and try to stomp out the fire.

Good times.
2020-10-29 7:33:13 PM  
6 votes:
First time I ever saw a Chick Tract was when I was a little kid and this weird hippie who lived across the street and drove a pink VW Beetle (which was originally red but the paint had become so sun faded it turned a salmon colour) gave me a bag of Chick Tracts and told me to share them with my friends.

I thought they were satire and found them hilarious. In fact, I kept them hidden from my parents because I thought they were mockeries of Christian fundamentalism. Needless to say I soon found out that nope, that crazy shiat is what they actually believe.
amb [TotalFark]
2020-10-30 1:37:16 AM  
4 votes:
I always hated the strange treats or Chick tracts. You tried to remember those houses and avoid them the next year. I don't know which was the worst treat, Chick Tracts, a toothbrush, or raisins. Maybe the homemade treats. We threw those away.

I did have a couple awesome Halloweens as an adult. We lived in a very family friendly neighborhood in NH. One year, Costco had a $5.00 off 30 packs of full size bars. So we devided to be the house that gave out full sized bars that year. Ended up buying over 200 candy bars. I think we only spent around $60. So trick or treating starts. In this neighborhood, most of the adults would hang out on the front porch and pass out the treats. Usually having a beer or two with your neighbor.  First kids come up to the house and say "trick or treat". I bring out a giant bowl filled with the candy bars. The kids eyes practically bugged out. Lots of thank yous, then they ran to the street yelling, "best house ever!"

We ran out of the full size bars. When it was looking low, my wife ran over to Target and bought some regular size treats.  We opened those, but only had a few more kids after the big bars ran out. So much fun. My neighbors son, who was 5 or 6 at the time, came back two more times. Crazy night, but really a nice neighborhood. We got along well with most of our neighbors. The next year, I got transferred to a different office. Ended up moving to New York. We tried it there. We lived in a pretty nice neighborhood, but the neighbors pretty much kept to themselves. Ended up not even going through the first box. I think the kids didn't come around there because the houses were all further apart. A lot of walking for fewer houses. My coworkers loved it. I took about half the leftover candy to work. We stopped doing the full size after that. Town where I live now has a Halloween parade. Kids load up on candy there and don't trick or treat as much. We still get a bag, but maybe will see 20 kids tops.

This year, not sure about it. Parade is cancelled. Was cancelled last year due to a windstorm. My daughter is going to trick or treat in our house. We'll go to different rooms and she can knock on the doors. We'll give her different candy from each room.
2020-10-29 10:49:04 PM  
4 votes:
I forget the name of it, but the worst Chick Tract I remember reading was one about a horribly abused little boy. His father beats him and sends him out to the rain to beg for money for daddy to buy booze with. There is no dialogue in the strip for once. When the boy returns empty-handed, the father beats him to the point of death then throws him out in the rain. The boy finds a tract that says, simply, "Somebody Loves You." We see his face light up with joy, ♥ and such, and then he dies in a gutter in an alley, and an angel comes and takes his soul to Jesus who accepts him.

Except we never saw him Accept Jesus Christ as Personal Savior. The tract he found, at least the part we saw him read, said nothing about that. He died without accepting Christ, so by Chick's own religious doctrine, after that short and horrible life, he went to Hell and will spend eternity in the Lake of Fire. The ending contradicts just about every other Chick Tract.
2020-10-30 2:57:39 PM  
3 votes:
I remember the house that gave out toothbrushes. Most kids got to avoid it. But the homeowner was my mom's best friend, and she would CALL to make sure I'd stopped by. I was literally the only kid REQUIRED to stop at the buzzkill house.
2020-10-30 10:40:59 AM  
3 votes:

skyotter: People who put up Halloween lights don't give out cheap candy.

I usually do, but here's why.

I decorate my house, put up lights, have spiders and skeletons hanging on everything...but then I'm rarely actually home for Halloween night because a friend of mine always has a great Halloween block party going on that night.  I don't want to miss that, so I just put a big bowl of cheap-ass Jolly Ranchers or some shiat out there with the good old "Take One Please" sign.  I know kids will pour the whole bowl if it's something good, so if I put shiatty candy out there, they might not care as much and I'm not spending that much money on it if they do.

That party isn't happening this year because of Covid, so instead, i'll be sitting outside in my driveway with a beer handing out candy before they even have to come to the door.  Got Reese Cups to make up for past sins.
2020-10-29 10:16:02 PM  
3 votes:
People who put up Halloween lights don't give out cheap candy.
2020-10-29 5:03:14 PM  
3 votes:
2020-10-30 9:37:48 AM  
2 votes:
Let's not forget the Moose-lims worshiping the Moon god, one of my favorites.
An anonymous zealot used to put chick tracts in the religious books at my library. I always considered it the "backup plan" for people too stupid to study religious philosophy.

Got a 600 page historical book on comparative religion or dense tome on the problem of evil - but can't make too much of all that scribblin' &  book larnin'? Have a chick tract.
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