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(Medium)   Home for sale: two bedrooms, two baths, the spirits of 13 dead witches from the satanic panic of 1582, spectacular views   (medium.com) divider line
    More: Creepy  
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3123 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Oct 2020 at 1:53 AM (4 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



48 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-10-27 9:55:45 PM  
Wait, go back one.
 
2020-10-27 10:19:53 PM  
Every old house in England is haunted.  It's a feature.
 
2020-10-28 2:28:34 AM  
Maybe thats just me but theres money to be made there.

Buy house, turn it into a real haunted house and you'll never run out of suckers to pay for a visit.
 
2020-10-28 2:31:38 AM  

lolmao500: Maybe thats just me but theres money to be made there.

Buy house, turn it into a real haunted house and you'll never run out of suckers to pay for a visit.


This.  You can never go far wrong taking advantage of the gullible.

/this way to the egress
 
2020-10-28 2:35:07 AM  
If ghosts existed, scientists would have found ghost particles by now.
 
2020-10-28 2:35:22 AM  
images-na.ssl-images-amazon.comView Full Size


I've seen this movie, it doesn't end well.
 
2020-10-28 2:38:59 AM  
Looks like they were doing renovations back in october 2014 (from google street)
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-10-28 2:43:08 AM  

lolmao500: Looks like they were doing renovations back in october 2014 (from google street)
[Fark user image 850x589]


Oh wait thats the wrong house.

Gee I wonder why the pictures of the house are in black and white in the article... oh right because orange is less scary.
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-10-28 2:48:38 AM  

lolmao500: If ghosts existed, scientists would have found ghost particles by now.


Well if God existed...wait.
 
2020-10-28 2:57:46 AM  
In 1645, a failing solicitor named Matthew Hopkins appointed himself England's 'Witchfinder General.' Based in Manningtree, a five-minute gallop from St. Osyth, Hopkins killed an estimated 230 women.

Thats some incel/serial killer shiat.
 
2020-10-28 3:07:34 AM  
If even half of this is true, its some scary shiat.

And it would make a great movie/documentary.

I cant believe nobody has installed cameras in all rooms of the house and lived there for like a year. If this is real, you could have tangible proof of paranormal activity and get a freaking nobel prize or something.
 
2020-10-28 3:18:24 AM  
After some legal delays, the new owner of the Cage plans to move in by December. Mitchell felt it was her duty to warn her. The buyer is a divorcée who hoped to make a new start in St Osyth. The woman had no time for stories of the supernatural, Mitchell said.

"She doesn't believe in ghosts at all."


That's because ghosts aren't friggin' real. The fact that the previous owner compared the house to the one in Amityville sums the whole thing up, because that haunting is just as fake as this one.

Also, it's clear she was doing her best to profit off of her story by this bit:

Then, last year, Mitchell found a new realtor who staged the property with broomsticks and books about the unexplained. On January 7, 2020, she accepted an offer of £224,000 ($300,000). The sale made international news [...]

I'm sure she would've preferred a shiatty book deal instead of a Medium blog post, but grats on selling for 300k anyway.
 
2020-10-28 3:25:04 AM  
Oh please.  She's got some tourist trap angle she's trying to play here.  She's the ghost of grifters past.
 
2020-10-28 3:25:21 AM  

lolmao500: If even half of this is true, its some scary shiat.

And it would make a great movie/documentary.

I cant believe nobody has installed cameras in all rooms of the house and lived there for like a year. If this is real, you could have tangible proof of paranormal activity and get a freaking nobel prize or something.


Yep. I concur.

She saw objects fly around the kitchen. She was punched, bitten, and thrown to the floor. Mysterious figures floated through her home and attacked her guests.

Oh COME ON. It's a Halloween story. If that happened even once, verifiably...well that answers that question! I'd do some serious research on it, even if I had to drag physicists and neurologists there by their toenails to help me. I've seen all kinds of shiat in the sky, heard noises, whatever...but I could always explain it all pretty reasonably.

That said, Vanessa Mitchell is the hotness and I would not kick her out of bed for eating an eye of newt and toe of frog, but I'd be happy to be her broom.

/ba-dum
 
2020-10-28 3:43:10 AM  
"Kirtly saw a soda can slide across the kitchen table on its own."
Oh.My.God. Proof!!
 
2020-10-28 3:46:30 AM  

Eravior: lolmao500: If ghosts existed, scientists would have found ghost particles by now.

Well if God existed...wait.


You know that xrays existed before we discovered them, right?
The difference is that I see this perfect world (scientifically) as proof, while you think you are really, really, really, really lucky.
 
2020-10-28 3:53:09 AM  

lolmao500: lolmao500: Looks like they were doing renovations back in october 2014 (from google street)
[Fark user image 850x589]

Oh wait thats the wrong house.

Gee I wonder why the pictures of the house are in black and white in the article... oh right because orange is less scary.
[Fark user image 786x641]


Orange is a Halloween color though, and it's only a few days away, so... OOGA BOOGA!

Chaide: That's because ghosts aren't friggin' real.


Of course not, but people still go to Florida to visit an anthropomorphic mouse and his wife, and their dog too. It's entertainment. People like haunted houses. Don't lose your head. :)
 
2020-10-28 4:20:30 AM  

Resident Muslim: Eravior: lolmao500: If ghosts existed, scientists would have found ghost particles by now.

Well if God existed...wait.

You know that xrays existed before we discovered them, right?
The difference is that I see this perfect world (scientifically) as proof, while you think you are really, really, really, really lucky.


This is a fun book.
 
2020-10-28 5:10:43 AM  
So... her bread and butter before buying the house was selling timeshares. After that, she made 6-7 grand a month selling caravans. The article goes to great lengths explaining what a great salesperson she is.

And I'm supposed to take it at face value? I mean sure, maybe if this was 20+ years ago, before almost everyone in the first world literally had a video camera on them at all times, you could maybe entertain the idea. But if she was pulling 7 grand in 2007, I'm sure she had a cell phone. Probably could've put up a few cameras as well. Not even a mention of trying it and having the cameras fail because of "spooky ghosts doing spooky stuff".

I'm gonna have to err on the side of Bovine excrement.
 
2020-10-28 5:11:03 AM  
 She's hot. Not just "British hot" but normal hot.

miro.medium.comView Full Size
 
2020-10-28 5:34:13 AM  

lolmao500: lolmao500: Looks like they were doing renovations back in october 2014 (from google street)
[Fark user image 850x589]

Oh wait thats the wrong house.

Gee I wonder why the pictures of the house are in black and white in the article... oh right because orange is less scary.
[Fark user image 786x641]


That all depends on how Nov. 3rd goes...

/drink
 
2020-10-28 5:38:59 AM  

dickfreckle: She's hot. Not just "British hot" but normal hot.

[miro.medium.com image 850x593]


I'd poke around her haunted cottage.
 
2020-10-28 6:13:17 AM  
I like the old time myths and legends, but otherwise reads more like ' Castle Crapula."
 
2020-10-28 6:17:37 AM  

dickfreckle: She's hot. Not just "British hot" but normal hot.

[miro.medium.com image 850x593]


But if she actually believes the story she's trying to sell, than she's also crazy.
Don't stick your dick in there.
 
2020-10-28 6:19:07 AM  

Bennie Crabtree: Resident Muslim: Eravior: lolmao500: If ghosts existed, scientists would have found ghost particles by now.

Well if God existed...wait.

You know that xrays existed before we discovered them, right?
The difference is that I see this perfect world (scientifically) as proof, while you think you are really, really, really, really lucky.

This is a fun book.


Thanks.
I think in a couple of months, once I'm back in my groove it will be a nice read.
Seems to have strong reviews as well.
 
2020-10-28 6:22:33 AM  

lolmao500: In 1645, a failing solicitor named Matthew Hopkins appointed himself England's 'Witchfinder General.' Based in Manningtree, a five-minute gallop from St. Osyth, Hopkins killed an estimated 230 women.

Thats some incel/serial killer shiat.


Sounds like he was potty trained too early.
 
2020-10-28 6:28:17 AM  

dickfreckle: She's hot. Not just "British hot" but normal hot.

[miro.medium.com image 850x593]


Isn't it nice to know, right up front and in the news, just exactly how much crazy you can expect in a relationship?

It doesn't mean it is an automatic "no", of course, but it is nice to be able to plan things like having extra bandages on hand, install a lock on the knife drawer, no bourbon after 6...
 
2020-10-28 6:32:23 AM  

Resident Muslim: Eravior: lolmao500: If ghosts existed, scientists would have found ghost particles by now.

Well if God existed...wait.

You know that xrays existed before we discovered them, right?
The difference is that I see this perfect world (scientifically) as proof, while you think you are really, really, really, really lucky.


In 2012, several decades after being proposed, the Higgs Boson was finally discovered. It's also known as the "God particle."
 
2020-10-28 7:58:40 AM  

Walker: Wait, go back one.


Yeah, 2 baths in a small English house? That's unusual.
 
2020-10-28 8:08:06 AM  

Mollari: lolmao500: Maybe thats just me but theres money to be made there.

Buy house, turn it into a real haunted house and you'll never run out of suckers to pay for a visit.

This.  You can never go far wrong taking advantage of the gullible.

/this way to the egress


It takes a while to get to it in TFA, but that's what this article basically is.

"I was able to get my hands on the house deed records that go back many generations," she later wrote in a memoir, Spirits of the Cage.
 
2020-10-28 8:19:54 AM  
Makes me think of the latest Oglaf comic (which is actually SFW!): https://www.oglaf.com/open-hou​se/
 
2020-10-28 8:22:58 AM  

dickfreckle: She's hot. Not just "British hot" but normal hot.


Fark user imageView Full Size


She has more of that 'high school friend's mom you would like to bang' look to her.
And you'd have a good shot at it.
 
2020-10-28 8:30:30 AM  
Careful.. I saw a guide on this once...

media.tenor.comView Full Size


Send the rabbit in first.
 
2020-10-28 8:44:46 AM  

Vern: So... her bread and butter before buying the house was selling timeshares. After that, she made 6-7 grand a month selling caravans. The article goes to great lengths explaining what a great salesperson she is.

And I'm supposed to take it at face value? I mean sure, maybe if this was 20+ years ago, before almost everyone in the first world literally had a video camera on them at all times, you could maybe entertain the idea. But if she was pulling 7 grand in 2007, I'm sure she had a cell phone. Probably could've put up a few cameras as well. Not even a mention of trying it and having the cameras fail because of "spooky ghosts doing spooky stuff".

I'm gonna have to err on the side of Bovine excrement.


You know, we look upon things like this (witch panics, etc.) as something that happened in our past.  After all, witches aren't real in the sense that they can't actually cast magic spells, etc.  I mean, if they could, I wouldn't be married to the distaffbopper, but to some freaky woman who was in one of my college classes.

But we shouldn't be too proud of ourselves because we fall for exactly the same kinds of things.  Remember the satanic ritual child abuse panic of the 1980's and 1990's?

And it's not just that.   We have "moral panics" all the time.  Hell, Fark *EXPLOITS* that.   Fark is built on moral panics.   If we didn't have moral panics to discuss, Fark would have less than half the content it has now.  Maybe even less.   The politics tab would suffer particularly badly.   It's pretty much all witch-hunting there.

So we aren't really any better than our ancestors in falling for that kind of claptrap.   The specifics of the claptrap have changed, as have the punishments, but human nature itself hasn't.
 
2020-10-28 8:45:31 AM  

Nimbull: Careful.. I saw a guide on this once...

[media.tenor.com image 220x214] [View Full Size image _x_]

Send the rabbit in first.


Either way, I'd hit it.
 
2020-10-28 8:57:12 AM  
scontent-sjc3-1.xx.fbcdn.netView Full Size
 
2020-10-28 9:13:36 AM  
FTFA - "Mitchell had returned to St. Osyth after 12 years working in the cutthroat timeshare business, selling vacation homes in Tenerife and Scotland"

Yeah, lady...those weren't ghosts of witches. It was your conscience finally kicking in. Sucks, don't it?
 
2020-10-28 10:42:01 AM  

Windle Poons: FTFA - "Mitchell had returned to St. Osyth after 12 years working in the cutthroat timeshare business, selling vacation homes in Tenerife and Scotland"

Yeah, lady...those weren't ghosts of witches. It was your conscience finally kicking in. Sucks, don't it?


Nah, she's just found a more lucrative way to sell bullshiat to rubes.
 
2020-10-28 11:04:06 AM  
Meanwhile, the department of public works won't do a damn thing about all the psychedelic witches entombed in the roads.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-10-28 11:44:34 AM  
Come on man.  We already know who the buyer is going to be.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-10-28 11:50:06 AM  
"Fraser compared it to 112 Ocean Avenue in New York - the demonic family home in the Amityville Horror."

Which the authors admitted several years later was entirely made up over a bottle of Jack Daniel's.  So it sounds like it was exactly like the "Amityville Horror".
 
2020-10-28 12:20:32 PM  
th.bing.comView Full Size

Might not be all bad.
 
2020-10-28 1:21:29 PM  

FarkinNortherner: Windle Poons: FTFA - "Mitchell had returned to St. Osyth after 12 years working in the cutthroat timeshare business, selling vacation homes in Tenerife and Scotland"

Yeah, lady...those weren't ghosts of witches. It was your conscience finally kicking in. Sucks, don't it?

Nah, she's just found a more lucrative way to sell bullshiat to rubes.


This is why I think "Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!" should be part of the curriculum of every elementary school.

The message of that series is "There is no such thing as monsters, animated mummies, ghosts, witches, zombies, vampires, werewolves, etc., and any one trying to convince you otherwise is doing so for some financial reason".
 
2020-10-28 1:45:49 PM  

1funguy: dickfreckle: She's hot. Not just "British hot" but normal hot.

[miro.medium.com image 850x593]

Isn't it nice to know, right up front and in the news, just exactly how much crazy you can expect in a relationship?

It doesn't mean it is an automatic "no", of course, but it is nice to be able to plan things like having extra bandages on hand, install a lock on the knife drawer, no bourbon after 6...


The bit about the drink glasses by her bed when it was just her and her child living there maybe said more than she meant to let on.
 
2020-10-28 1:57:05 PM  

Nimbull: Careful.. I saw a guide on this once...

[media.tenor.com image 220x214] [View Full Size image _x_]

Send the rabbit in first.


Eh, she marries an abusive Cuban bandleader anyway.
 
2020-10-28 1:59:14 PM  
Of course it's a disturbed property, it's in Essex.
 
2020-10-28 2:37:14 PM  
I see, unique marketing campaign to raise the sale price.
 
2020-10-28 3:46:51 PM  
Someone paid $300k for that shiathole? And I thought I lived in an expensive real estate market.
 
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