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(Slate)   "I've been sleeping with one of my friends for years; he just got married. His wife doesn't know; I'm wondering if I should let her know he slept with me while they were dating as I stopped when they got engaged. He's still having affairs. What do?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward  
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459 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 26 Oct 2020 at 8:53 AM (4 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



19 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-10-26 9:01:26 AM  
Why does no one feel guilt until someone else has something to lose?
 
2020-10-26 9:01:55 AM  
Should I try to ruin other people's lives for no discernable reason?
 
2020-10-26 9:08:02 AM  
FTA: I can't advise you to speak to Jake's wife about your relationship with him, since your motives seem straightforwardly punitive. You don't want good things for her, you don't care about her, and you would only say something now to hurt her. The kindest thing you can do is leave her, and Jake, alone. Instead, spend some of this time and energy with a therapist figuring out what you want from your personal life in the next eight years-something that looks utterly different from the last eight.


Damn. Didn't expect them to give solid advice without dancing around it like a fairy ... it's Slate, after all. But that is solid.
 
2020-10-26 9:08:28 AM  
Go find another fark-buddy.
 
2020-10-26 9:09:57 AM  
Sure, fark up his marriage. He'll continue being your friend, no worries.
 
2020-10-26 9:14:09 AM  
I'm surprised you didn't weave that into your best man speech.
 
2020-10-26 9:19:19 AM  

gopher321: Sure, fark up his marriage. He'll continue being your friend, no worries.


He seems to be just as shiatty of a person as she is. They both deserve to be unhappy.
 
2020-10-26 9:24:42 AM  
mind your own business. oh, do butt stuff
 
2020-10-26 10:40:11 AM  
He's been with his girlfriend for six years (I know). I liked our arrangement because it truly was no strings attached.

Only to him. And now you don''t like it. Fark off. He's going to hurt his wife too, but you don't need to add to it.
 
2020-10-26 10:45:54 AM  
There are always strings. Always.
 
2020-10-26 10:54:16 AM  

MoriartyLives: Why does no one feel guilt until someone else has something to lose?


Interesting isn't it. I'm sure she's very concerned, very concerned for the wife.
 
2020-10-26 11:35:11 AM  

Tr0mBoNe: There are always strings. Always.


That's why I never believed that in "friends with benefits" crap. No, all that is, is both of you trying to have it both ways. Somebody is going to get hurt, just like in a real (dishonest) relationship, no matter what you call it.
 
2020-10-26 11:41:04 AM  
1) Looking For The Next Best Thing: STFU and MYOB.

2) I Hate My Sister, She's Such A Biatch: I somehow doubt your parents are unaware of the tension that exists between you and her.  Having said that, based on current disease trends, I say stay the fark home regardless of other circumstances.

3) Welcome Back My Friends To The Show That Never Ends: I will state using "kids" or "children" is preferable.  Having said that, STFU and GTHOI.
 
2020-10-26 12:49:22 PM  
Looking For The Next Best Thing: STFU and MYOB.

If everyone followed this incredibly sage advice we would all be much better off.
 
2020-10-26 12:49:33 PM  
Dear "More Advice From How to Do It"

Your husband is gay.

/nttawwt
 
2020-10-26 1:03:47 PM  

MoriartyLives: Why does no one feel guilt until someone else has something to lose?


Its not guilt she's feeling, it's jealousy. If she cant have him, nobody can, so she must find a good reason to do something rooted in her jealousy.

What often hurts deeply about friends with benefits is that yes, you're marginally acceptable enough to be a human tissue fark-toy in the dark of the bedroom late at night, but NO you will never be good enough for a meaningful relationship and marriage.

Obviously, the guy was ready for marriage, but with someone worth marrying, not with a fark toy. Ouch. In case anybody out there is deluding themselves, it is exceedingly rare to meet a married couple that says "We were friends with benefits for a couple of years and decided to enter a committed relationship"

Thing is, I actually support her telling the new wife. Not for her reasons of jealousy, but because I think the new wife deserves to know about this and make her own judgement call. He also seems to be cheating on him in marriage too  I would want to know all this if I were the new wife, many people would.
 
2020-10-26 1:51:54 PM  

cryinoutloud: Tr0mBoNe: There are always strings. Always.

That's why I never believed that in "friends with benefits" crap.



I thought FWB was just slang for coke whore .
 
2020-10-26 3:25:11 PM  
This explains it all.

The other Woman-Caro Emerald (Lyrics in Description)
Youtube BHZJbNJoVDY
 
2020-10-27 1:32:20 AM  

ChibiDebuHage: MoriartyLives: Why does no one feel guilt until someone else has something to lose?

Its not guilt she's feeling, it's jealousy. If she cant have him, nobody can, so she must find a good reason to do something rooted in her jealousy.

What often hurts deeply about friends with benefits is that yes, you're marginally acceptable enough to be a human tissue fark-toy in the dark of the bedroom late at night, but NO you will never be good enough for a meaningful relationship and marriage.

Obviously, the guy was ready for marriage, but with someone worth marrying, not with a fark toy. Ouch. In case anybody out there is deluding themselves, it is exceedingly rare to meet a married couple that says "We were friends with benefits for a couple of years and decided to enter a committed relationship"

Thing is, I actually support her telling the new wife. Not for her reasons of jealousy, but because I think the new wife deserves to know about this and make her own judgement call. He also seems to be cheating on him in marriage too  I would want to know all this if I were the new wife, many people would.


I'll give her some credit for calling it off eventually. Whether that was out of guilt or just finally realising she wasn't going to get any further, I don't know.

I once knew a woman in a similar position who kept her fwb offer going even after the marriage. I had to completely cut ties with her as I couldn't be friends with someone who not only has no respect for the new wife, but values themselves so incredibly poorly that they are willing to let themselves be treated like that. Of course the husband was a dirtbag also, it takes two to tango.

I agree you cannot expect anyone to offer you a higher price than you have put on yourself. If you are willing to be a human sex doll because you figure that is the best you can get, don't be disgruntled when you are discarded like a used sex doll. You set that bar for yourself.

The trouble with the fwb deal is it is rather rare that two people are equally uninvested.

The wife is the person I feel sorry for, I hope she does divorce him and does get half his stuff.
 
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