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(Bored Panda)   Poorly explain what you do for a living. Click the linkie for some damn good examples   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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760 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 23 Oct 2020 at 10:27 PM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook

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2020-10-23 7:48:05 PM  
I ask you questions and the draw pictures with the answers.
2020-10-23 7:58:38 PM  
I put things in brackets to make selling cars easier.
2020-10-23 8:39:51 PM  
I wake up at 3:00 in the morning when people call to tell me that the computers aren't finding their stuff for them.
2020-10-23 8:40:38 PM  
I make air cold.  No, colder than that.  Colder than that too.  Seriously, I mean really farking cold.  Once it's cold enough, I pretend I'm making bourbon.  Then some of the product is loaded into a truck, and sent to meet the T-1000, maybe.
2020-10-23 8:49:43 PM  
I take stuff from under the ground and bake it so people can eat.
2020-10-23 8:57:36 PM  
I am a freelance English repairman.
2020-10-23 8:58:20 PM  
I show doctors where to find the shortcut for medical records I don't understand
2020-10-23 9:10:31 PM  
I sit at my desk and assign meaningless tasks that I arbitrarily assigned letters to just for the fun of it.
2020-10-23 9:17:55 PM  
I type.
2020-10-23 9:18:45 PM  
I work behind the scenes for some of the dumbest people on earth making the biggest financial decision of their lives. And I maybe have a slight drinking problem, as is traditional in my industry.
2020-10-23 9:23:21 PM  
I make stuff that gets put in other stuff.
2020-10-23 9:51:18 PM  
I'm the least important part of a justly despised industry (air travel).
or, I translate chefs to bookkeepers.
2020-10-23 9:52:43 PM  
I create machines that torture electrons.
2020-10-23 9:54:19 PM  
I write books that no one reads about dead people no one remembers, and I teach languages that no one speaks.

I am a koan too boring to contemplate. And that's okay.

/some people remember semper ubi sub ubi, at least, so I am fulfilled.
2020-10-23 9:58:03 PM  
I tell people that the things they made to go on moving things weren't made correctly
2020-10-23 10:17:53 PM  
I lie and then people pay me for lying to them
2020-10-23 10:19:46 PM  
When I make new things, I try to be psychic as to what will actually be needed.

When I fix old things, I try to be psychic as to how someone will break it again.
2020-10-23 10:25:45 PM  
I sit around and wait for less meticulous people to give me their money, but sometimes they get lucky in the short term and I give them my money.
2020-10-23 10:31:08 PM  
I make people hate 2020 a little less.
2020-10-23 10:36:26 PM  
For the last five years, I fixed sticks with strings that threw pointy things. I also taught people how to throw the pointy things with the sticks and strings.
Now I just drink and know things.
2020-10-23 10:36:37 PM  

Ow! That was my feelings!: I make people hate 2020 a little less.

A HERO Farkers!
2020-10-23 10:36:49 PM  
I'm a drug pusher.
2020-10-23 10:45:39 PM  
I  profit from the misery of people.
2020-10-23 10:45:52 PM  
I get to break high priced computer thingies and, on occasion, fix them.  The fun part: I don't have to pay for the stuff I break.
2020-10-23 10:48:33 PM  
I explain to normal, healthy young adults that the logarithm of negative one is pi times the square root of negative one --- and if they twist their minds enough that this is intuitively obvious, they can get a big bag of money.
2020-10-23 10:54:22 PM  
I make things that tell you how much animals do things (all the things).
2020-10-23 11:03:12 PM  

gadian: I  profit from the misery of people.

Ice cream man?
2020-10-23 11:03:49 PM  
I spend weeks making a manager look good until they decide that I need to make somebody else look good--but not quite as good as I made them look. But then the project is cancelled and I have no concrete evidence that I have done anything for the past six months and I have to document--via a report no one actually reads--how much work I have not done.
2020-10-23 11:06:15 PM  
I schlep dead people.
2020-10-23 11:19:56 PM  
I move electrons around and somehow it makes customers happy and they buy more shiat from our company.
2020-10-23 11:26:21 PM  
People tell me their problems and a solution they want, I create the solution for them exactly how they ask, then they look at it and tell me what they actually wanted.
2020-10-23 11:26:35 PM  

hoyt clagwell: I'm a drug pusher.

And I am a drug runner.

/but that's actually how I always describe the job
//it's legal
///unless you factor in the way I drive
2020-10-23 11:27:41 PM  
I make the voices in my head comply with the rules of grammar, syntax, and plot, then sell the results for profit.
2020-10-23 11:29:50 PM  
I make pictures of things so that other people can make the things. Then I put the things together. By doing this, it teaches people who will go kill other people something. I do NOT teach people to kill other people.
2020-10-23 11:31:43 PM  

gadian: I  profit from the misery of people.

Divorce Lawyers, Funeral Directors & Jailors
Youtube j_OqVA8_VCc
2020-10-23 11:34:57 PM  
I build computers that figure out why it hurts when you poop.
2020-10-23 11:35:41 PM  
I encourage unacceptable behavior (part-time)
2020-10-23 11:37:39 PM  
I scrape a plastic thing back and forth making people happy.
2020-10-23 11:39:57 PM  
I inject you with radioactive sh*t to see if your stuff is doing the stuff it's supposed to do.
2020-10-23 11:42:33 PM  
I stare at colored dots on an LCD.  I push plastic rectangular keys in response to the colored dots.  The dots change.  I push more keys in a pattern so that the dots change in a way that works better for the people who are in charge.  This eventually results in the company making money?  And me getting a paycheck?  @#%&, I don't know how it all works from end to end.

OTOH, pretty soon, I should be able to clean up a .py file where some luser decided that "6 spaces per indent is the indent level we use!!1!" was a good idea.  Farking idiots.  Python deciding whitespace was syntactically significant was a bad idea, not establishing any real standards was bad idea^2.
2020-10-23 11:45:43 PM  
I'm a non nuclear Homer Simpson.
2020-10-23 11:54:17 PM  
I'm like a plumber, only instead of water, the pipes are full of Netflix and porn.
2020-10-23 11:55:04 PM  
I enable dysfunction.

/but I do it very well.
2020-10-24 12:03:21 AM  
Glorified janitor. cleans up after the elephants.
2020-10-24 12:13:51 AM  
I poorly explain to you how some of the things you should use for a living should work.

I do this by listening to other folks poorly explain what they did for a living, then combing through what they allegedly did and trying it out - sometimes to see how it works, sometimes to see how it breaks - before attempting to explain the complexities of what I've just seen to a sixth-grader, using languages and tools meant for a machine.
2020-10-24 12:16:28 AM  
I smear clay and pigments on sandpaper then sell it to people.
2020-10-24 12:23:47 AM  
I cook food for drunk people.

/No, it's not a chain place.
2020-10-24 12:36:05 AM  
I try to teach professors to do new things.  Sometimes I succeed.
2020-10-24 12:56:59 AM  

Mztlplx: I am a freelance English repairman.

I never, new their was a career in that.
2020-10-24 12:58:23 AM  

I should be in the kitchen: I work behind the scenes for some of the dumbest people on earth making the biggest financial decision of their lives. And I maybe have a slight drinking problem, as is traditional in my industry.

I had you farked for the mortgage industry prior. Spot on assessment.

I read a bunch of laws, turn them into a policy, turn that into a summary, then turn a summary into an elevator speech. If you don't listen to the speech, I call you again.
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