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(Metro)   "I grieved my last relationship while I was still in it; I've moved on, so why can't he?"   (metro.co.uk) divider line
    More: Awkward  
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386 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 22 Oct 2020 at 1:05 PM (4 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



14 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2020-10-22 9:26:02 AM  
He can't get any?
 
2020-10-22 10:25:28 AM  
"My long-term relationship ended in June and although the last few years were difficult because we owned a business, it ended amicably and we're friends.

I'm now in a new relationship with a man who also experienced a breakup this year. My friends worry I've moved on too quickly but I grieved for my last relationship while I was in it.

My new boyfriend is mostly a breath of fresh air but I do worry about some things. He gets angry about his ex and the end of their relationship and we don't spend much time with his friends."


------------


Oooooh, I get it now: You dumped your boyfriend, whereas he got dumped by a girlfriend he was emotionally invested in, and you don't understand the difference.

/ Yes, it sounds like he's talking about her way more than is appropriate
 
2020-10-22 11:04:38 AM  
Sometimes it's the other way around. I've seen it twice in the last seven years where the wife dumps the husband (because he's fat, insolent, generally "dull" these days), they divorce, and with a year or so the man is happily married to a different woman, whereas the first wife is flailing around the dating scene, complaining and griping on Facebook about how awful dating is these days. Purely anecdotal, in my case, of course. Sometimes moving on is the best outcome, other times, maybe not so much.
 
2020-10-22 12:02:23 PM  

beezeltown: Sometimes it's the other way around. I've seen it twice in the last seven years where the wife dumps the husband (because he's fat, insolent, generally "dull" these days), they divorce, and with a year or so the man is happily married to a different woman, whereas the first wife is flailing around the dating scene, complaining and griping on Facebook about how awful dating is these days. Purely anecdotal, in my case, of course. Sometimes moving on is the best outcome, other times, maybe not so much.


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2020-10-22 12:46:07 PM  
Obviously, it's a bad idea to talk in generalities, but in general (heh) I've found that men take longer to get over breakups and divorces.

Women will cry their eyes out, eat ice cream and chocolate, commiserate with friends, maybe have a few one-night stands, and get all the emotions out in the comparative short-term. They go through the grieving process more quickly.

Men, however, take longer partly because we are trained from youth not to show and deal with emotions. So we keep everything bottled up inside. As a result of not dealing with the emotions, we take longer to go through the grieving process.

My biggest breakup happened when I was 23. She broke up with me (because she wanted kids and I did not). She recovered pretty quickly, but i spent many weeks being depressed, listening to the Moody Blues, and drinking beer with my roommate at home after work.

Of course, every individual is different. For some people, the opposite may be true. But this is just an observation on (heterosexual) men and women in general.
 
2020-10-22 2:16:59 PM  
For him....

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2020-10-22 2:24:22 PM  
Grieving the loss of romantic relationship, like any other grieving takes time. Too many variables about the relationship itself to predict or analyze how long it takes until he/she exits the other side.
 
2020-10-22 2:26:39 PM  

bostonguy: Obviously, it's a bad idea to talk in generalities, but in general (heh) I've found that men take longer to get over breakups and divorces.

Women will cry their eyes out, eat ice cream and chocolate, commiserate with friends, maybe have a few one-night stands, and get all the emotions out in the comparative short-term. They go through the grieving process more quickly.

Men, however, take longer partly because we are trained from youth not to show and deal with emotions. So we keep everything bottled up inside. As a result of not dealing with the emotions, we take longer to go through the grieving process.

My biggest breakup happened when I was 23. She broke up with me (because she wanted kids and I did not). She recovered pretty quickly, but i spent many weeks being depressed, listening to the Moody Blues, and drinking beer with my roommate at home after work.

Of course, every individual is different. For some people, the opposite may be true. But this is just an observation on (heterosexual) men and women in general.


In your particular case, it could be she had already prepared herself mentally for ending things, maybe for some time, while maybe you didn't know it was coming. Basically the same situation as in the article, it's easier to move on when you are the one who ended things.
 
2020-10-22 2:36:44 PM  
You knew it was over for a while.
He didn't find out until you left.
 
2020-10-22 2:37:30 PM  
The woman in TFA isn't talking about her EX's inability to get over THEIR relationship, she's talking about her NEW BOYFRIEND's inability to get over HIS previous relationship.  And the fact that he's not over his ex is causing strain on THEIR relationship.

So now she's in a fairly shiatty situation because she's got this new guy, whom she genuinely likes, but he didn't take the time+effort to make sure he was in good working order before getting back out on the dating scene.  So the choice becomes whether or not to take on the burden of cleaning up this guy's messes.  If it doesn't go well, that's a breeding ground for resentment.

I wouldn't really fault her if she just bailed on the new guy.  His problems are his own, and he should get them sorted on his own.
 
2020-10-22 2:46:43 PM  
Because she's still holding a box of his stuff hostage.
 
2020-10-22 2:48:34 PM  

Keyser_Soze_Death: Because she's still holding a box of his stuff hostage.


Divorce without kids always takes 2 years.. right?

She's still got shiat in the house and refuses to come get it. 

*grumble grumble grumble*
 
2020-10-22 5:30:23 PM  

thehobbes: Keyser_Soze_Death: Because she's still holding a box of his stuff hostage.

Divorce without kids always takes 2 years.. right?

She's still got shiat in the house and refuses to come get it. 

*grumble grumble grumble*


Ship it to her, and it's over.
 
2020-10-22 6:05:10 PM  

lindalouwho: thehobbes: Keyser_Soze_Death: Because she's still holding a box of his stuff hostage.

Divorce without kids always takes 2 years.. right?

She's still got shiat in the house and refuses to come get it. 

*grumble grumble grumble*

Ship it to her, and it's over.


Got other plans. Just waiting for lawyer approval.

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