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(Slate)   "Dear Prudence: My friend says faking an orgasm is just like sexual abuse. Is she right?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Fake orgasm, Orgasm, Q.Vintage car responsibility, bereaved feel, good time, letter writer finds ways, difficult time, letter writer  
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385 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 30 Sep 2020 at 2:46 AM (3 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



17 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2020-09-29 11:33:39 PM  
If the sexual "abuse" she's referring to means the abuse is against yourself for not telling your partner what it is they can do to help you actually orgasm than yes. Of course it can take time to build up trust to divulge what that may be, and also a level of comfort. But I don't think anyone is hurting in this situation besides the person not being honest about what would actually make them orgasm.

Short term faking may make it more comfortable or exciting right now but do yourself a favor ASAP and let your partner in on what rocks your world.
 
2020-09-30 4:17:46 AM  
"Just like sexual abuse", really?  Are they relocating priests because they faked orgasms?

Seriously, everyone has done this and there are plenty of good reasons.  I'm a guy and I've faked orgasms.  The woman who wrote the letter has to until she trusts someone.  Totally get it.  Worry less about every jerk who judges people over any little thing.  The time you spent emailing Slate could've been spent rubbing one out.

/just like the time I spent typing this comment.  Dammit
 
2020-09-30 5:36:12 AM  

Naido: "Just like sexual abuse", really?  Are they relocating priests because they faked orgasms?

Seriously, everyone has done this and there are plenty of good reasons.  I'm a guy and I've faked orgasms.  The woman who wrote the letter has to until she trusts someone.  Totally get it.  Worry less about every jerk who judges people over any little thing.  The time you spent emailing Slate could've been spent rubbing one out.

/just like the time I spent typing this comment.  Dammit


.....Were your partners coma patients? Because no one would ever believe a guy would fire off a dry shot unless they have serious medical issues. Male biology doesnt work that way. Honestly, how stupid were they to believe you?
 
2020-09-30 6:48:29 AM  

lifeslammer: Naido: "Just like sexual abuse", really?  Are they relocating priests because they faked orgasms?

Seriously, everyone has done this and there are plenty of good reasons.  I'm a guy and I've faked orgasms.  The woman who wrote the letter has to until she trusts someone.  Totally get it.  Worry less about every jerk who judges people over any little thing.  The time you spent emailing Slate could've been spent rubbing one out.

/just like the time I spent typing this comment.  Dammit

.....Were your partners coma patients? Because no one would ever believe a guy would fire off a dry shot unless they have serious medical issues. Male biology doesnt work that way. Honestly, how stupid were they to believe you?


One of the funnier FM radio phone-ins I ever heard was about the guy who got caught faking, he was throwing the condom in the bin in the bathroom and he was caught trying to pour a dash of shampoo into it before he threw it in the rubbish to make it look like he hadn't faked.
 
2020-09-30 6:51:57 AM  
I have fired off one or two dry shots over the decades. Still an orgasm, though.
 
2020-09-30 8:44:36 AM  
Just when they think you are about to have an orgasm, disengage. Thenrecite the following in a "last five seconds of a car dealer commercial fine print" cadence:

"I REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT AN ORGASM IS NOT PHYSIOLOGICALLY POSSIBLE FOR ME AT THIS TIME. I BRING THIS TO YOUR ATTENTION OUT OF RESPECT FOR YOU DESERVING TOTAL HONESTY FROM ME, AND TO AFFIRM THAT I SUPPORT YOUR QUEST FOR A SATISFYING SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP. AND I HOPE THAT THIS UNFORTUNATE DISAPPOINTMENT DOES NOT DISCOURAGE YOU FROM ENJOYING SEXUAL ENJOYMENT IN MEANS THAT YOU FIND SUITABLE. ONCE AGAIN, WE REGRET BRINGING THIS EPISODE OF SEXUAL ACTIVITY TO AN UNTIMELY END, AND APOLOGIZE FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE THAT YOU HAVE TO ENDURE AS A RESULT. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PARTICIPATION."
 
2020-09-30 8:52:28 AM  
If you have to 'fake it' you're not in a real relationship - you've got to be able to talk to your partner about even uncomfortable things.
 
2020-09-30 9:57:53 AM  

nanim: If you have to 'fake it' you're not in a real relationship - you've got to be able to talk to your partner about even uncomfortable things.


Depends on the reason and frequency.

I've faked it once in a blue moon because my antidepressants were being a bear, I could tell she was starting to get sore, and it was best to conclude things for her sake. I didn't feel the need to volunteer the information but I wouldn't lie about it if asked.

I know she's faked it for me on occasion. It's a shame I couldn't give her the real thing but I get it and I wasn't offended.

I think in those instances it was the polite and courteous thing to do for a partner. We still have our fireworks moments but sometimes you get duds - it happens.
 
2020-09-30 10:13:54 AM  
Once in a while is understandable, but every time?  It's like you're partner saying "Honey you look great!" all the time before you go out in public while she/he knows you've ripped the ass out of your pants.

Part of what makes it good is knowing she's having a great time too; if she isn't into it I'd rather rub one out.
 
2020-09-30 10:25:42 AM  
Just like sexual abuse.

The same way an ostrich is like linquini w/ clam sauce.
 
2020-09-30 11:03:57 AM  
Old joke:

How does a real man know when a woman has an orgasm?

A: Real men don't care!


/so sorry
 
2020-09-30 11:36:33 AM  
1) The Bed Is On Fire With Passionate Love.  The Neighbors Complain About The Noises Above: You have done nothing wrong.  Your friend may believe this but it's not your problem. GTHOI.

2) He Went To Jared: I don't know how hard it is to fake a profile on these modern dating apps.  But given that some folks apparently don't like Jared, I wouldn't dismiss it.  But you didn't see it, so let's not spread rumors.  STFU and MYOB.

3) Now Baby Who Would Really Love This Car But Me?: I kid you not, I sold my project car on Friday that'd been in my garage for 20 years waiting for time and money to be available simultaneously.  I didn't have enough money to pay someone to do it.  Sounds like you might and if you still like the car, do it.  If you have lost interest entirely, the honorable thing to do is ask Larry if he would want to take the project up again before you donate.

4) What's New Pussycat?: It does not sound like a happy situation. DTMFA.

5) Remember After The Fire, After All The Rain, I Will Be The Flame: RE Husband:  DTMFA.  Not that it'll work out with your old flame, but your husband?  He can FRO.

6) And Now The Young Monsieur And Madame Have Rung The Chapel Bell: If dad did say "once I made the vow to put my husband above all others I would understand." then he can FRO and should stay home.

7) He Went To Jared II: What you have is a rumor, you don't know he's cheating, you have someone who told you they are on a dating app.  The original letter writer has insufficient data.  So STFU.

8) No, This Is Abuse: GTFO and just don't look back.

9) Who Would Really Love This Car But Me II: I promise you that in any large enough bit of civilization, there's someone there who can manage the restoration if the money is there.  It took a long time for me to understand my project had become an albatross around my neck.  The tone in the original letter makes it sound like this is a weight.  Now I may be wrong which is why I suggested paying to have it done.  But if there's no passion for it, then the right thing is to pass the project along, but giving Larry the opportunity to pick it up again.

10) Laid II: Yep. Original letter writer's friend's opinion don't mean shiat.
 
2020-09-30 4:00:50 PM  
Of course she's not right.

She's female.
 
2020-09-30 6:48:40 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-09-30 9:43:10 PM  

RogueWallEnthusiast: Once in a while is understandable, but every time?  It's like you're partner saying "Honey you look great!" all the time before you go out in public while she/he knows you've ripped the ass out of your pants.

Part of what makes it good is knowing she's having a great time too; if she isn't into it I'd rather rub one out.


*your

/Wall E, you dumbass
 
2020-10-01 4:58:18 AM  

Calypsocookie: If the sexual "abuse" she's referring to means the abuse is against yourself for not telling your partner what it is they can do to help you actually orgasm than yes. Of course it can take time to build up trust to divulge what that may be, and also a level of comfort. But I don't think anyone is hurting in this situation besides the person not being honest about what would actually make them orgasm.

Short term faking may make it more comfortable or exciting right now but do yourself a favor ASAP and let your partner in on what rocks your world.


The recipient of the fakery is absolutely damaged by it, unless it's just an occasional thing when the woman wants to satisfy him and she just can't get there or whatever.

Yes, the woman is hurting herself by faking them, but if she ultimately wants someone who gets her off, it is a major violation to keep mr. wrong around for a long time. Maybe some women really don't care if they orgasm and then it might be ok if they faked it. I guess? But I doubt many are that way.

I've been in relationships where my girlfriend just kept dating me for lack of anything better coming along, and it's farking horrible. As I fail to meet people and approach 40, I really wish I could have had a few of the years where I was in college, or working a job where you meet people, back. I wasn't what they wanted, and my life was of so little importance to them that they kept things going past the best if used by date and then some.

Would I have met a potential wife in those years? Who can say. But I sure as shiat didn't meet that special someone while dating someone who was faking relationship interest. Or if I did, I'm not a cheater so nothing happened.

If nothing else I could have enjoyed my twenties more than foolishly staying with someone who didn't ultimately want to be with me.

/And yes, I was taking care of them financially too, why do you ask?
 
2020-10-01 5:27:08 AM  
Pro- tip. Men do not care if a woman fakes it. As long we finish, we're good.
 
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